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Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.

Ba Dave


If any demonstrator ever lays down in front of my car, it'll be the last car he ever lays down in front of.

Barry Dave


Vice-President Hubert Humphrey's loquacity is legendary, and Barry Goldwater notes that "Hubert has been clocked at 275 words a minute with gusts up to 340." On the campaign trail during 1964, Republican nominee Barry Goldwater stated, "The imme

Barry Dave


"Taxes should hurt. I just mailed my own tax return last night and I am prepared to say `ouch!' as loud as anyone."

Barry Dave


If you want to get rich from writing, write the sort of thing that's read by persons who move their lips when the're reading to themselves.

Barry Dave


I have ways of making money that you know nothing of.

Barry Dave


Eighteen goddess-like daughters are not equal to one son with a hump.

Barry Dave


"I have to convince you, or at least snow you ..."

Barry Dave


Save a little money each month and at the end of the year you'll be surprised at how little you have.

Barry Dave


A snake lurks in the grass.

Barry Dave


I needed the good will of the legislature of four states. I formed the legislative bodies with my own money. I found that it was cheaper that way.

Barry Dave


If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.

Barry Dave


The man who runs may fight again.

Barry Dave


I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

Barry Dave


If we see the light at the end of the tunnel, it's the light of an oncoming train.

Barry Dave


San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was.

Barry Dave


A lot of people I know believe in positive thinking, and so do I. I believe everything positively stinks.

Barry Dave


Plato, by the way, wanted to banish all poets from his proposed Utopia because they were liars. The truth was that Plato knew philosophers couldn't compete successfully with poets.

Barry Dave


I played lead guitar in a band called The Federal Duck, which is the kind of name that was popular in the '60s as a result of controlled substances being in widespread use. Back then, there were no restrictions, in terms of talent, on who could make

Barry Dave


You get what you pay for.

Barry Dave


Better tried by twelve than carried by six.

Barry Dave


I often quote myself; it adds spice to my conversation.

Barry Dave


A hundred years from now it is very likely that [of Twain's works] "The Jumping Frog" alone will be remembered.

Barry Dave


The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun.

Barry Dave


Let me assure you that to us here at First National, you're not just a number. Youre two numbers, a dash, three more numbers, another dash and another number.

Barry Dave


There is no character, howsoever good and fine, but it can be destroyed by ridicule, howsoever poor and witless. Observe the ass, for instance: his character is about perfect, he is the choicest spirit among all the humbler animals, yet see what rid

Barry Dave


They have been at a great feast of languages, and stolen the scraps.

Barry Dave


All I kin say is when you finds yo'self wanderin' in a peach orchard, ya don't go lookin' for rutabagas.

Barry Dave


"They make a desert and call it peace."

Barry Dave


If you don't strike oil in twenty minutes, stop boring.

Barry Dave


Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Barry Dave


Ten persons who speak make more noise than ten thousand who are silent.

Barry Dave


The introduction of a new kind of music must be shunned as imperiling the whole state, for styles of music are never disturbed without affecting the most important political institutions. ... The new style, gradually gaining a lodgement, quitely ins

Barry Dave


When neither their poverty nor their honor is touched, the majority of men live content.

Barry Dave


Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other.

Barry Dave


Brahma said: Well, after hearing ten thousand explanations, a fool is no wiser. But an intelligent man needs only two thousand five hundred.

Barry Dave


We cannot put the face of a person on a stamp unless said person is deceased. My suggestion, therefore, is that you drop dead.

Barry Dave


The sooner you make your first 5000 mistakes, the sooner you will be able to correct them.

Barry Dave


A kind of Batman of contemporary letters.

Barry Dave


If a man has a strong faith he can indulge in the luxury of skepticism.

Barry Dave


It has long been an axiom of mine that the little things are infinitely the most important.

Barry Dave


You always introduce the younger person to the older person, using the wording: "Miss Brown, I'd like to introduce you to an older person" (unless her name is not "Miss Brown"). If you do not know a person's age, ask for a driver's license and a ma

Barry Dave


What you don't know won't help you much either.

Barry Dave


And ever has it been known that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.

Barry Dave


I dread success. To have succeeded is to have finished one's business on earth, like the male spider, who is killed by the female the moment he has succeeded in his courtship. I like a state of continual becoming, with a goal in front and not behin

Barry Dave


Remembering is for those who have forgotten.

Barry Dave


Perfection is reached, not when there is no longer anything to add, but when there is no longer anything to take away.

Barry Dave


Democracy is the worst form of government except all those other forms that have been tried from time to time.

Barry Dave


The Army has carried the American ... ideal to its logical conclusion. Not only do they prohibit discrimination on the grounds of race, creed and color, but also on ability.

Barry Dave


Let me take you a button-hole lower.

Barry Dave


Good salesmen and good repairmen will never go hungry.

Butler Dave


The Worst Car Hire Service When David Schwartz left university in 1972, he set up Rent-a-wreck as a joke. Being a natural prankster, he acquired a fleet of beat-up shabby, wreckages waiting for the scrap heap in California. He put on a cap and lo

Dave


Unprovided with original learning, unformed in the habits of thinking, unskilled in the arts of composition, I resolved to write a book.

Dave Barry


He draweth out the thread of his verbosity finer than the staple of his argument.

Johnson Dave


Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made.

Millman Dave


The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner.

Parnas Dave


If it were thought that anything I wrote was influenced by Robert Frost, I would take that particular work of mine, shred it, and flush it down the toilet, hoping not to clog the pipes. A more sententious, holding- forth old bore who expected every

Thomas Dave


America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a chair.

de Dave Johnson on





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Go out and tell a lie that will make the whole family proud of you.
Cadmus

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