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You get what you pay for.

Ba Dave


If you have to ask what jazz is, you'll never know.

Barry Dave


Catharsis is something I associate with pornography and crossword puzzles.

Barry Dave


There is no fool to the old fool.

Barry Dave


Truth never comes into the world but like a bastard, to the ignominy of him that brought her birth.

Barry Dave


No one born with a mouth and a need is "innocent".

Barry Dave


Music in the soul can be heard by the universe.

Barry Dave


If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

Barry Dave


To generalize is to be an idiot.

Barry Dave


Or you or I must yield up his life to Ahrimanes. I would rather it were you. I should have no hesitation in sacrificing my own life to spare yours, but we take stock next week, and it would not be fair on the company.

Barry Dave


Language is a virus from another planet.

Barry Dave


Seize the day, put no trust in the morrow!

Barry Dave


I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches.

Barry Dave


In a hierarchy every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence ... in time every post tends to be occupied by an employee who is incompetent to carry out its duties ... Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their

Barry Dave


God is really only another artist. He invented the giraffe, the elephant and the cat. He has no real style, He just goes on trying other things.

Barry Dave


There are ten or twenty basic truths, and life is the process of discovering them over and over and over.

Barry Dave


But you shall not escape my iambics.

Barry Dave


Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves.

Barry Dave


Arrakis teaches the attitude of the knife - chopping off what's incomplete and saying: "Now it's complete because it's ended here."

Barry Dave


'Naomi, sex at noon taxes.' I moan. Never odd or even. A man, a plan, a canal, Panama. Madam, I'm Adam. Sit on a potato pan, Otis. Sit on Otis.

Barry Dave


One learns to itch where one can scratch.

Barry Dave


You always introduce the younger person to the older person, using the wording: "Miss Brown, I'd like to introduce you to an older person" (unless her name is not "Miss Brown"). If you do not know a person's age, ask for a driver's license and a ma

Barry Dave


The world has many unintentionally cruel mechanisms that are not designed for people who walk on their hands.

Barry Dave


He was a fiddler, and consequently a rogue.

Barry Dave


Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest r

Barry Dave


We Americans, we're a simple people... but piss us off, and we'll bomb your cities.

Barry Dave


People in general do not willingly read if they have anything else to amuse them.

Barry Dave


[He] took me into his library and showed me his books, of which he had a complete set.

Barry Dave


Authors (and perhaps columnists) eventually rise to the top of whatever depths they were once able to plumb.

Barry Dave


Credit ... is the only enduring testimonial to man's confidence in man.

Barry Dave


If there were a school for, say, sheet metal workers, that after three years left its graduates as unprepared for their careers as does law school, it would be closed down in a minute, and no doubt by lawyers.

Barry Dave


The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves.

Barry Dave


You climb to reach the summit, but once there, discover that all roads lead down.

Barry Dave


There is no comfort without pain; thus we define salvation through suffering.

Barry Dave


... before I could come to any conclusion it occurred to me that my speech or my silence, indeed any action of mine, would be a mere futility. What did it matter what anyone knew or ignored? What did it matter who was manager? One gets sometimes s

Barry Dave


A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.

Barry Dave


I will make you shorter by the head.

Barry Dave


Whenever anyone says, "theoretically," they really mean, "not really."

Barry Dave


Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.

Barry Dave


Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there.

Barry Dave


I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.

Barry Dave


Our business in life is not to succeed but to continue to fail in high spirits.

Barry Dave


The more laws and order are made prominent, the more thieves and robbers there will be.

Barry Dave


The trouble with superheros is what to do between phone booths.

Barry Dave


Love the sea? I dote upon it

Barry Dave


I believe that the moment is near when by a procedure of active paranoiac thought, it will be possible to systematize confusion and contribute to the total discrediting of the world of reality.

Barry Dave


The superfluous is very necessary.

Barry Dave


Mate, this parrot wouldn't VOOM if you put four million volts through it!

Barry Dave


Where there is much light there is also much shadow.

Barry Dave


Wishing without work is like fishing without bait.

Barry Dave


I've got all the money I'll ever need if I die by 4 o'clock.

Butler Dave


As well look for a needle in a bottle of hay.

Dave


A team effort is a lot of people doing what I say.

Dave Barry


The executioner is, I hear, very expert, and my neck is very slender.

Johnson Dave


Work is of two kinds: first, altering the position of matter at or near the earth's surface relative to other matter; second, telling other people to do so.

Millman Dave


She ran the gamut of emotions from 'A' to 'B'.

Parnas Dave


The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance. He of all men should behave as though the law compelled him. But it is the universal weakness of mankind that what we are given to administer we presently imagine we own.

Thomas Dave


Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to speak it to?

de Dave Johnson on





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There is no character, howsoever good and fine, but it can be destroyed by ridicule, howsoever poor and witless. Observe the ass, for instance: his character is about perfect, he is the choicest spirit among all the humbler animals, yet see what rid
Twain Mark

deep thoughts of brillyant genius of human history
Dave
 
 
 
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