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I can't understand why a person will take a year or two to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.

Ba Dave


Once harm has been done, even a fool understands it.

Barry Dave


On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does.

Barry Dave


Practical people would be more practical if they would take a little more time for dreaming.

Barry Dave


The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.

Barry Dave


God helps them that help themselves.

Barry Dave


The Bible says that woman was the last thing God made. Evidently He made her on Saturday night. She reveals his fatigue.

Barry Dave


When I saw a sign on the freeway that said, "Los Angeles 445 miles," I said to myself, "I've got to get out of this lane."

Barry Dave


A good reputation is more valuable than money.

Barry Dave


An ounce of hypocrisy is worth a pound of ambition.

Barry Dave


If what they've been doing hasn't solved the problem, tell them to do something else.

Barry Dave


Fanaticism consists of redoubling your effort when you have forgotten your aim.

Barry Dave


Come home America.

Barry Dave


There is hopeful symbolism in the fact that flags do not wave in a vacuum.

Barry Dave


I hold it, that a little rebellion, now and then, is a good thing...

Barry Dave


Barry Dave


The possession of a book becomes a substitute for reading it.

Barry Dave


"Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet. As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney. Do you have a car or a job? Do you ever

Barry Dave


Well, the handwriting is on the floor.

Barry Dave


The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.

Barry Dave


Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.

Barry Dave


Like ya know? Rock 'N Roll is an esoteric language that unlocks the creativity chambers in people's brains, and like totally activates their essential hipness, which of course is like totally necessary for saving the earth, like because the first th

Barry Dave


Instead of loving your enemies, treat your friends a little better.

Barry Dave


The streets are safe in Philadelphia, it's only the people who make them unsafe.

Barry Dave


Perhaps no person can be a poet, or even enjoy poetry without a certain unsoundness of mind.

Barry Dave


All kings is mostly rapscallions.

Barry Dave


When alerted to an intrusion by tinkling glass or otherwise, 1) Calm yourself 2) Identify the intruder 3) If hostile, kill him. Step number 3 is of particular importance. If you leave the guy alive out of misguided softheartedness, he will repay y

Barry Dave


And they mainly want to teach them not to question, not to imagine, but to be obedient and behave well so that they can hold them forever as children to their bosom as the second millennium lurches toward its panicky close.

Barry Dave


Two wrongs are only the beginning.

Barry Dave


He played the king as if afraid someone else would play the ace.

Barry Dave


Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune.

Barry Dave


In a hierarchy every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence ... in time every post tends to be occupied by an employee who is incompetent to carry out its duties ... Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their

Barry Dave


REPORTER: Senator, are you for or against the MX missile system? SENATOR: Bob, the MX missile system reminds me of an old saying that the country folk in my state like to say. It goes like this: "You can carry a pig for six miles, but if you set i

Barry Dave


Consider well the proportions of things. It is better to be a young June-bug than an old bird of paradise.

Barry Dave


A copy of the universe is not what is required of art; one of the damned things is ample.

Barry Dave


Whoever has lived long enough to find out what life is, knows how deep a debt of gratitude we owe to Adam, the first great benefactor of our race. He brought death into the world.

Barry Dave


Porsche: there simply is no substitute.

Barry Dave


Concerning the war in Vietnam, Senator George Aiken of Vermount noted in January, 1966, "I'm not very keen for doves or hawks. I think we need more owls."

Barry Dave


Examinations are formidable even to the best prepared, for even the greatest fool may ask more the the wisest man can answer.

Barry Dave


Murray and Esther, a middle-aged Jewish couple, are touring Chile. Murray just got a new camera and is constantly snapping pictures. One day, without knowing it, he photographs a top-secret military installation. In an instant, armed troops surroun

Barry Dave


Man must shape his tools lest they shape him.

Barry Dave


No small art is it to sleep: it is necessary for that purpose to keep awake all day.

Barry Dave


The horizon of many people is a circle with a radius of zero. They call this their point of view.

Barry Dave


"No job too big; no fee too big!"

Barry Dave


If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep.

Barry Dave


Virtue is not left to stand alone. He who practices it will have neighbors.

Barry Dave


Inglish Spocken Hier: some mangled translations Sign on a cabin door of a Soviet Black Sea cruise liner: Helpsavering apparata in emergings behold many whistles! Associate the stringing apparata about the bosums and meet behind, flee then t

Barry Dave


A woman who is unfaithful deserves to be shot.

Barry Dave


The man who raises a fist has run out of ideas.

Barry Dave


There is no fool to the old fool.

Barry Dave


The whole world is a scab. The point is to pick it constructively.

Butler Dave


What a strange game. The only winning move is not to play.

Dave


The root of all superstition is that men observe when a thing hits, but not when it misses.

Dave Barry


A new taste had been acquired and a new appetite began to grow. The time had long since arrived to crush the technical intelligentsia, which had come to regard itself as too irreplaceable and had not gotten used to catching instructions on the wing.

Johnson Dave


Never appeal to a man's "better nature." He may not have one. Invoking his self-interest gives you more leverage.

Millman Dave


There is no act of treachery or mean-ness of which a political party is not capable; for in politics there is no honour.

Parnas Dave


"Queensboro president Donald Mannis, charged with receiving bribes in exchange for city contracts, resigned on Tuesday. Mannis feels he must devote more time to impending litigation, some of which might emanate from a recent statement he made compar

Thomas Dave


Even the clearest and most perfect circumstantial evidence is likely to be at fault, after all, and therefore ought to be received with great caution. Take the case of any pencil, sharpened by any woman; if you have witnesses, you will find she did

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