"You would do well not to imagine profundity," he said. "Anything that seems of momentous occasion should be dwelt upon as though it were of slight note. Conversely, trivialities must be attended to with the greatest of care. Because death is moment

Show business is just like high school, except you get paid.

Plumbing is one of the easier of do-it-yourself activities, requiring only a few simple tools and a willingness to stick your arm into a clogged toilet. In fact, you can solve many home plumbing problems, such as annoying faucet drip, merely by tur

"Hey, Sam, how about a loan?" "Whattaya need?" "Oh, about $500." "Whattaya got for collateral?" "Whattaya need?" "How about an eye?"

We are what we pretend to be.

"You can't survive by sucking the juice from a wet mitten."

Knowledge is power.

No excellent soul is exempt from a mixture of madness.

It is when I struggle to be brief that I become obscure.

The human animal differs from the lesser primates in his passion for lists of "Ten Best".

Hotels are tired of getting ripped off. I checked into a hotel and they had towels from my house.

The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet.

An older student came to Otis and said, "I have been to see a great number of teachers and I have given up a great number of pleasures. I have fasted, been celibate and stayed awake nights seeking enlightenment. I have given up everything I was aske

With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law; and every time they make a law it's a joke.

A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.

Good salesmen and good repairmen will never go hungry.

Another day, another dollar.

Zero Mostel: That's it baby! When you got it, flaunt it! Flaunt it!

But you shall not escape my iambics.

The road to ruin is always in good repair, and the travellers pay the expense of it.

... Our second completely true news item was sent to me by Mr. H. Boyce Connell Jr. of Atlanta, Ga., where he is involved in a law firm. One thing I like about the South is, folks there care about tradition. If somebody gets handed a name like "H.

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

Everyone is in the best seat.

Fortune Documents the Great Legal Decisions: We think that we may take judicial notice of the fact that the term "bitch" may imply some feeling of endearment when applied to a female of the canine species but that it is seldom, if ever, so used whe

Were there no women, men might live like gods.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, scratch where it itches.

Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed.

One learns to itch where one can scratch.

Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other.

I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men

We're constantly being bombarded by insulting and humiliating music, which people are making for you the way they make those Wonder Bread products. Just as food can be bad for your system, music can be bad for your spirtual and emotional feelings. I

Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.

I always wake up at the crack of ice.

"Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what *___can* you believe?!"

In every hierarchy the cream rises until it sours.

The greatest productive force is human selfishness.

Live fast, die young, and leave a good looking corpse.

Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes, and not rather a new wearer of clothes.

There are two kinds of pedestrians... the quick and the dead.

Of all possible committee reactions to any given agenda item, the reaction that will occur is the one which will liberate the greatest amount of hot air.

I believe that the moment is near when by a procedure of active paranoiac thought, it will be possible to systematize confusion and contribute to the total discrediting of the world of reality.

The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance. He of all men should behave as though the law compelled him. But it is the universal weakness of mankind that what we are given to administer we presently imagine we own.

Comparing information and knowledge is like asking whether the fatness of a pig is more or less green than the designated hitter rule."

If you want divine justice, die.

The optimist thinks that this is the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist knows it.

If you know the answer to a question, don't ask.

Gauls! We have nothing to fear; except perhaps that the sky may fall on our heads tomorrow. But as we all know, tomorrow never comes!!

The problem with any unwritten law is that you don't know where to go to erase it.

Let sleeping dogs lie.

Bullwinkle: You just leave that to my pal. He's the brains of the outfit. General: What does that make YOU? Bullwinkle: What else? An executive.