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What we need in this country, instead of Daylight Savings Time, which nobody really understands anyway, is a new concept called Weekday Morning Time, whereby at 7 a.m. every weekday we go into a space-launch-style "hold" for two to three hours, durin

Agnew Spiro


Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest r

Agnew Spiro


The surest protection against temptation is cowardice.

Englan Mark Twain on New


If Beethoven's Seventh Symphony is not by some means abridged, it will soon fall into disuse.

Mex Jack Handley The New


Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

Mex Jack Handley The New


One good turn asketh another.

New York Times


My tears stuck in their little ducts, refusing to be jerked.

Newman Alfred E.


Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.

Newman Alfred E.


The danger is not that a particular class is unfit to govern. Every class is unfit to govern.

Newman Edward Kasner





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"Benson, you are so free of the ravages of intelligence"
Bandits Time

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