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A liberal is a person whose interests aren't at stake at the moment.

Ba Dave


Repartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late.

Barry Dave


Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.

Barry Dave


Indiana is a state dedicated to basketball. Basketball, soybeans, hogs and basketball. Berkeley, needless to say, is not nearly as athletic. Berkeley is dedicated to coffee, angst, potholes and coffee.

Barry Dave


There is much Obi-Wan did not tell you.

Barry Dave


If men are not afraid to die, it is of no avail to threaten them with death. If men live in constant fear of dying, And if breaking the law means a man will be killed, Who will dare to break the law? There is always an official executioner. If

Barry Dave


Human resources are human first, and resources second.

Barry Dave


I never made a mistake in my life. I thought I did once, but I was wrong.

Barry Dave


The only winner in the War of 1812 was Tchaikovsky.

Barry Dave


You can't run away forever, But there's nothing wrong with getting a good head start.

Barry Dave


Freedom is slavery. Ignorance is strength. War is peace.

Barry Dave


The plot was designed in a light vein that somehow became varicose.

Barry Dave


All other things being equal, a bald man cannot be elected President of the United States.

Barry Dave


American business long ago gave up on demanding that prospective employees be honest and hardworking. It has even stopped hoping for employees who are educated enough that they can tell the difference between the men's room and the women's room with

Barry Dave


It is a wise father that knows his own child.

Barry Dave


For the first time we have a weapon that nobody has used for thirty years. This gives me great hope for the human race.

Barry Dave


Ninety percent of everything is crap.

Barry Dave


In the first place, God made idiots; this was for practice; then he made school boards.

Barry Dave


With all the talent around, it's sort of amazing that a woman could be up here with us.

Barry Dave


Nothing recedes like success.

Barry Dave


I wish a robot would get elected president. That way, when he came to town, we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad.

Barry Dave


I heard a definition of an intellectual, that I thought was very interesting: a man who takes more words than are necessary to tell more than he knows.

Barry Dave


Everlasting peace will come to the world when the last man has slain the last but one.

Barry Dave


Nothing, nothing, nothing, no error, no crime is so absolutely repugnant to God as everything which is official; and why? because the official is so impersonal and therefore the deepest insult which can be offered to a personality.

Barry Dave


What you want, what you're hanging around in the world waiting for, is for something to occur to you.

Barry Dave


A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

Barry Dave


I go the way that Providence dictates.

Barry Dave


You should never wear your best trousers when you go out to fight for freedom and liberty.

Barry Dave


Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs repainting.

Barry Dave


Look, we trade every day out there with hustlers, deal-makers, shysters, con-men. That's the way businesses get started. That's the way this country was built.

Barry Dave


I think... I think it's in my basement... Let me go upstairs and check.

Barry Dave


Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.

Barry Dave


The confusion of a staff member is measured by the length of his memos.

Barry Dave


Yet creeds mean very little, Coth answered the dark god, still speaking almost gently. The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true.

Barry Dave


After his Ignoble Disgrace, Satan was being expelled from Heaven. As he passed through the Gates, he paused a moment in thought, and turned to God and said, "A new creature called Man, I hear, is soon to be created." "This is true," He replied.

Barry Dave


Working with Julie Andrews is like getting hit over the head with a valentine.

Barry Dave


XXVI: If a sufficient number of management layers are superimposed on each other, it can be assured that disaster is not left to chance. XXVII: Rank does not intimidate hardware. Neither does the lack of rank. XXVIII: It is better to be the r

Barry Dave


Likewise, the national appetizer, brine-cured herring with raw onions, wins few friends, Germans excepted.

Barry Dave


Let sleeping dogs lie.

Barry Dave


A straw vote only shows which way the hot air blows.

Barry Dave


The idea there was that consumers would bring their broken electronic devices, such as television sets and VCR's, to the destruction centers, where trained personnel would whack them (the devices) with sledgehammers. With their devices thus permanent

Barry Dave


The government of the United States is not in any sense founded on the Christian Religion.

Barry Dave


Too often I find that the volume of paper expands to fill the available briefcases.

Barry Dave


You roll my log, and I will roll yours.

Barry Dave


Art is a lie which makes us realize the truth.

Barry Dave


How apt the poor are to be proud.

Barry Dave


The seven deadly sins ... Food, clothing, firing, rent, taxes, respectability and children. Nothing can lift those seven milestones from man's neck but money; and the spirit cannot soar until the milestones are lifted.

Barry Dave


Adde parvum parvo manus acervus erit. [Add little to little and there will be a big pile.]

Barry Dave


Theology is an attempt to explain a subject by men who do not understand it. The intent is not to tell the truth but to satisfy the questioner.

Barry Dave


"Taxes should hurt. I just mailed my own tax return last night and I am prepared to say `ouch!' as loud as anyone."

Barry Dave


Call on God, but row away from the rocks.

Dave Barry





Random Quote


You see, I consider that a man's brain originally is like a little empty attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose. A fool takes in all the lumber of every sort he comes across, so that the knowledge which might be useful to
Doyle Sir Arthur Conan

deep thoughts of brillyant genius of human history
Ba Dave
 
 
 
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