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The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly greater than that of any other animals. Some of their most esteemed inventions have no other apparent purpose, for example, the dinner party of more than two, the epic poem, and the

Ba Dave


"Whom are you?" said he, for he had been to night school.

Barry Dave


Mother is far too clever to understand anything she does not like.

Barry Dave


There is much Obi-Wan did not tell you.

Barry Dave


The Soviet pre-eminence in chess can be traced to the average Russian's readiness to brood obsessively over anything, even the arrangement of some pieces of wood. Indeed, the Russians' predisposition for quiet reflection followed by sudden preventi

Barry Dave


There's no such thing as a free lunch.

Barry Dave


Neckties strangle clear thinking.

Barry Dave


Three o'clock in the afternoon is always just a little too late or a little too early for anything you want to do.

Barry Dave


A good scapegoat is hard to find. A guilty conscience is the mother of invention.

Barry Dave


There must be more to life than having everything.

Barry Dave


Trust in Allah, but tie your camel.

Barry Dave


If it were thought that anything I wrote was influenced by Robert Frost, I would take that particular work of mine, shred it, and flush it down the toilet, hoping not to clog the pipes. A more sententious, holding- forth old bore who expected every

Barry Dave


Whenever the literary German dives into a sentence, that is the last you are going to see of him until he emerges on the other side of his Atlantic with his verb in his mouth.

Barry Dave


One man's Mede is another man's Persian.

Barry Dave


The only "ism" Hollywood believes in is plagiarism.

Barry Dave


Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest r

Barry Dave


A witty saying proves nothing.

Barry Dave


You always introduce the younger person to the older person, using the wording: "Miss Brown, I'd like to introduce you to an older person" (unless her name is not "Miss Brown"). If you do not know a person's age, ask for a driver's license and a ma

Barry Dave


This is the first age that's paid much attention to the future, which is a little ironic since we may not have one.

Barry Dave


A full belly makes a dull brain.

Barry Dave


When the speaker and he to whom he is speaks do not understand, that is metaphysics.

Barry Dave


It shall be unlawful for any suspicious person to be within the municipality.

Barry Dave


All phone calls are obscene.

Barry Dave


Writing is turning one's worst moments into money.

Barry Dave


Somehow I reached excess without ever noticing when I was passing through satisfaction.

Barry Dave


God is the tangential point between zero and infinity.

Barry Dave


However, on religious issues there can be little or no compromise. There is no position on which people are so immovable as their religious beliefs. There is no more powerful ally one can claim in a debate than Jesus Christ, or God, or Allah, or wha

Barry Dave


Seeing that death, a necessary end, Will come when it will come.

Barry Dave


There is no doubt that my lawyer is honest. For example, when he filed his income tax return last year, he declared half of his salary as 'unearned income.'

Barry Dave


One of my less pleasant chores when I was young was to read the Bible from one end to the other. Reading the Bible straight through is at least 70 percent discipline, like learning Latin. But the good parts are, of course, simply amazing. God is a

Barry Dave


God gave man two ears and one tongue so that we listen twice as much as we speak.

Barry Dave


Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

Barry Dave


The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug.

Barry Dave


...He who laughs does not believe in what he laughs at, but neither does he hate it. Therefore, laughing at evil means not preparing oneself to combat it, and laughing at good means denying the power through which good is self-propagating.

Barry Dave


Hell is empty and all the devils are here.

Barry Dave


It is sweet to let the mind unbend on occasion.

Barry Dave


It has long been noticed that juries are pitiless for robbery and full of indulgence for infanticide. A question of interest, my dear Sir! The jury is afraid of being robbed and has passed the age when it could be a victim of infanticide.

Barry Dave


Time is the most valuable thing a man can spend.

Barry Dave


Modern art is what happens when painters stop looking at girls and persuade themselves that they have a better idea.

Barry Dave


A prediction is worth twenty explanations.

Barry Dave


In the olden days in England, you could be hung for stealing a sheep or a loaf of bread. However, if a sheep stole a loaf of bread and gave it to you, you would only be tried for receiving, a crime punishable by forty lashes with the cat or the dog,

Barry Dave


I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly dreaming I am a man.

Barry Dave


I just asked myself... what would John DeLorean do?

Barry Dave


If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.

Barry Dave


For the fashion of Minas Tirith was such that it was built on seven levels, each delved into a hill, and about each was set a wall, and in each wall was a gate.

Barry Dave


... A solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.

Barry Dave


The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and to watch someone else doing it wrong, without commenting.

Barry Dave


O, it is excellent To have a giant's strength; but it is tyrannous To use it like a giant.

Barry Dave


After all, all he did was string together a lot of old, well-known quotations.

Barry Dave


In the first place, God made idiots; this was for practice; then he made school boards.

Barry Dave


A priest asked: What is Fate, Master? And the Master answered: It is that which gives a beast of burden its reason for existence. It is that which men in former times had to bear upon their backs. It is that which has caused nations to build bywa

Dave Barry





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Don't put too fine a point to your wit for fear it should get blunted.
Cervantes Miguel de

deep thoughts of brillyant genius of human history
Ba Dave
 
 
 
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