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A woman who is unfaithful deserves to be shot.

Barry Dave


She was good at playing abstract confusion in the same way a midget is good at being short.

Barry Dave


For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I do.

Barry Dave


I'd be a poorer man if I'd never seen an eagle fly.

Barry Dave


I hate dying.

Barry Dave


The American system of ours, call it Americanism, call it Capitalism, call it what you like, gives each and every one of us a great opportunity if we only seize it with both hands and make the most of it.

Barry Dave


One friend in a lifetime is much; two are many; three are hardly possible. Friendship needs a certain parallelism of life, a community of thought, a rivalry of aim.

Barry Dave


It's easier to be a liberal a long way from home.

Barry Dave


After his Ignoble Disgrace, Satan was being expelled from Heaven. As he passed through the Gates, he paused a moment in thought, and turned to God and said, "A new creature called Man, I hear, is soon to be created." "This is true," He replied.

Barry Dave


Shame is an improper emotion invented by pietists to oppress the human race.

Barry Dave


When you have an efficient government, you have a dictatorship.

Barry Dave


Silence is the element in which great things fashion themselves.

Barry Dave


Paradise is exactly like where you are right now ... only much, much better.

Barry Dave


"I may appear to be just sitting here like a bucket of tapioca, but don't let appearances fool you. I'm approaching old age ... at the speed of light."

Barry Dave


"I'm in Pittsburgh. Why am I here?"

Barry Dave


If you want divine justice, die.

Barry Dave


When I saw a sign on the freeway that said, "Los Angeles 445 miles," I said to myself, "I've got to get out of this lane."

Barry Dave


Doctors and lawyers must go to school for years and years, often with little sleep and with great sacrifice to their first wives.

Barry Dave


Most people can't understand how others can blow their noses differently than they do.

Barry Dave


You can have peace. Or you can have freedom. Don't ever count on having both at once.

Barry Dave


By nature, men are nearly alike; by practice, they get to be wide apart.

Barry Dave


A team effort is a lot of people doing what I say.

Barry Dave


I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.

Barry Dave


Let me take you a button-hole lower.

Barry Dave


Arguments are extremely vulgar, for everyone in good society holds exactly the same opinion.

Barry Dave


It is only by risking our persons from one hour to another that we live at all. And often enough our faith beforehand in an uncertified result is the only thing that makes the result come true.

Barry Dave


America is a melting pot. You know, where those on the bottom get burned, and the scum rises to the top.

Barry Dave


The 'A' is for content, the 'minus' is for not typing it. Don't ever do this to my eyes again.

Barry Dave


It takes all kinds to fill the freeways.

Barry Dave


"Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under Communism, it's just the opposite."

Barry Dave


What a bonanza! An unknown beginner to be directed by Lubitsch, in a script by Wilder and Brackett, and to play with Paramount's two superstars, Gary Cooper and Claudette Colbert, and to be beaten up by both of them!

Barry Dave


Democracy is a form of government that substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few.

Barry Dave


Plumbing is one of the easier of do-it-yourself activities, requiring only a few simple tools and a willingness to stick your arm into a clogged toilet. In fact, you can solve many home plumbing problems, such as annoying faucet drip, merely by tur

Barry Dave


If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.

Barry Dave


The liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them.

Barry Dave


Don't everyone thank me at once!

Barry Dave


I do not know myself and God forbid that I should.

Barry Dave


I understand why you're confused. You're thinking too much.

Barry Dave


Life being what it is, one dreams of revenge.

Barry Dave


Nothing will dispel enthusiasm like a small admission fee.

Barry Dave


The very ink with which all history is written is merely fluid prejudice.

Barry Dave


What does it take for Americans to do great things; to go to the moon, to win wars, to dig canals linking oceans, to build railroads across a continent? In independent thought about this question, Neil Armstrong and I concluded that it takes a coinci

Barry Dave


"To YOU I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition."

Barry Dave


But you shall not escape my iambics.

Barry Dave


of our air pollution stems from hydrocarbons released by vegetation, so let's not go overboard in setting and enforcing tough emissions standards from man-made sources."

Barry Dave


My method is to take the utmost trouble to find the right thing to say. And then say it with the utmost levity.

Barry Dave


Cops never say good-bye. They're always hoping to see you again in the line-up.

Barry Dave


The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions.

Barry Dave


It is through symbols that man consciously or unconsciously lives, works and has his being.

Barry Dave


To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.

Dave Barry





Random Quote


The horizon of many people is a circle with a radius of zero. They call this their point of view.
Einstein Albert

deep thoughts of brillyant genius of human history
Barry Dave
 
 
 
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