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So you think that money is the root of all evil. Have you ever asked what is the root of money?

Barry Dave


We're living in a golden age. All you need is gold.

Barry Dave


"She said, `I know you ... you cannot sing'. I said, `That's nothing, you should hear me play piano.'"

Barry Dave


Life is too short to be taken seriously.

Barry Dave


When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life.

Barry Dave


Never tell people how to do things. Tell them WHAT to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity.

Barry Dave


We're fantastically incredibly sorry for all these extremely unreasonable things we did. I can only plead that my simple, barely-sentient friend and myself are underprivileged, deprived and also college students.

Barry Dave


To know Edina is to reject it.

Barry Dave


The means-and-ends moralists, or non-doers, always end up on their ends without any means.

Barry Dave


A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.

Barry Dave


You can tell the ideals of a nation by its advertisements.

Barry Dave


When you make your mark in the world, watch out for guys with erasers.

Barry Dave


Brahma said: Well, after hearing ten thousand explanations, a fool is no wiser. But an intelligent man needs only two thousand five hundred.

Barry Dave


Getting kicked out of the American Bar Association is liked getting kicked out of the Book-of-the-Month Club.

Barry Dave


Once harm has been done, even a fool understands it.

Barry Dave


Perhaps, after all, America never has been discovered. I myself would say that it had merely been detected.

Barry Dave


The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.

Barry Dave


If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.

Barry Dave


If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.

Barry Dave


The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow; there is no humor in Heaven.

Barry Dave


Why be a man when you can be a success?

Barry Dave


Better late than never.

Barry Dave


Bingo, gas station, hamburger with a side order of airplane noise, and you'll be Gary, Indiana.

Barry Dave


You can't expect a boy to be vicious till he's been to a good school.

Barry Dave


She ran the gamut of emotions from 'A' to 'B'.

Barry Dave


We Americans, we're a simple people... but piss us off, and we'll bomb your cities.

Barry Dave


Work Hard. Rock Hard. Eat Hard. Sleep Hard. Grow Big. Wear Glasses If You Need 'Em.

Barry Dave


We were young and our happiness dazzled us with its strength. But there was also a terrible betrayal that lay within me like a Merle Haggard song at a French restaurant. [...] I could not tell the girl about the woman of the tollway, of her milk w

Barry Dave


In my experience, if you have to keep the lavatory door shut by extending your left leg, it's modern architecture.

Barry Dave


The only promotion rules I can think of are that a sense of shame is to be avoided at all costs and there is never any reason for a hustler to be less cunning than more virtuous men. Oh yes ... whenever you think you've got something really great, a

Barry Dave


Waste not fresh tears over old griefs.

Barry Dave


God helps them that help themselves.

Barry Dave


All hope abandon, ye who enter here!

Barry Dave


Barry Dave


Learning without thought is labor lost; thought without learning is perilous.

Barry Dave


Mate, this parrot wouldn't VOOM if you put four million volts through it!

Barry Dave


I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.

Barry Dave


Nothing endures but change.

Barry Dave


Plumbing is one of the easier of do-it-yourself activities, requiring only a few simple tools and a willingness to stick your arm into a clogged toilet. In fact, you can solve many home plumbing problems, such as annoying faucet drip, merely by tur

Barry Dave


By protracting life, we do not deduct one jot from the duration of death.

Barry Dave


Do not seek death; death will find you. But seek the road which makes death a fulfillment.

Barry Dave


Mandrell: "You know what I think?" Doctor: "Ah, ah that's a catch question. With a brain your size you don't think, right?"

Barry Dave


If I had done everything I'm credited with, I'd be speaking to you from a laboratory jar at Harvard.

Barry Dave


God instructs the heart, not by ideas, but by pains and contradictions.

Barry Dave


Education is learning what you didn't even know you didn't know.

Barry Dave


Do not use that foreign word "ideals". We have that excellent native word "lies".

Barry Dave


A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.

Barry Dave


Have the courage to take your own thoughts seriously, for they will shape you.

Barry Dave


The only problem with seeing too much is that it makes you insane.

Barry Dave


One learns to itch where one can scratch.

Dave Barry





Random Quote


The Bible is not my Book and Christianity is not my religion. I could never give assent to the long complicated statements of Christian dogma.
Lincoln Abraham

deep thoughts of brillyant genius of human history
Barry Dave
 
 
 
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