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We cannot do everything at once, but we can do something at once.

Barry Dave


Crito, I owe a cock to Asclepius; will you remember to pay the debt?

Barry Dave


The end of the human race will be that it will eventually die of civilization.

Barry Dave


You have to run as fast as you can just to stay where you are. If you want to get anywhere, you'll have to run much faster.

Barry Dave


They can't stop us... we're on a mission from God!

Barry Dave


Save a little money each month and at the end of the year you'll be surprised at how little you have.

Barry Dave


The trouble with opportunity is that it always comes disguised as hard work.

Barry Dave


Wagner's music is better than it sounds.

Barry Dave


If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

Barry Dave


The two party system ... is a triumph of the dialectic. It showed that two could be one and one could be two and had probably been fabricated by Hegel for the American market on a subcontract from General Dynamics.

Barry Dave


One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar.

Barry Dave


The true way goes over a rope which is not stretched at any great height but just above the ground. It seems more designed to make people stumble than to be walked upon.

Barry Dave


Three minutes' thought would suffice to find this out; but thought is irksome and three minutes is a long time.

Barry Dave


Plots are like girdles. Hidden, they hold your interest; revealed, they're of no interest except to fetishists. Like girdles, they attempt to contain an uncontainable experience.

Barry Dave


Visits always give pleasure: if not on arrival, then on the departure.

Barry Dave


Monterey... is decidedly the pleasantest and most civilized-looking place in California ... [it] is also a great place for cock-fighting, gambling of all sorts, fandangos, and various kinds of amusements and knavery.

Barry Dave


A place for everything and everything in its place.

Barry Dave


Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.

Barry Dave


My rackets are run on strictly American lines, and they're going to stay that way.

Barry Dave


The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself.

Barry Dave


Faith is under the left nipple.

Barry Dave


Talkers are no good doers.

Barry Dave


"Not only is God dead, but just try to find a plumber on weekends."

Barry Dave


To accuse others for one's own misfortunes is a sign of want of education. To accuse oneself shows that one's education has begun. To accuse neither oneself nor others shows that one's education is complete.

Barry Dave


"That boy's about as sharp as a pound of wet liver"

Barry Dave


The politician is someone who deals in man's problems of adjustment. To ask a politician to lead us is to ask the tail of a dog to lead the dog.

Barry Dave


Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.

Barry Dave


"You mean, if you allow the master to be uncivil, to treat you any old way he likes, and to insult your dignity, then he may deem you fit to hear his view of things?" "Quite the contrary. You must defend your integrity, assuming you have integrit

Barry Dave


I am convinced that the truest act of courage is to sacrifice ourselves for others in a totally nonviolent struggle for justice. To be a man is to suffer for others.

Barry Dave


Prosperity makes friends, adversity tries them.

Barry Dave


The older I grow, the less important the comma becomes. Let the reader catch his own breath.

Barry Dave


In my experience, if you have to keep the lavatory door shut by extending your left leg, it's modern architecture.

Barry Dave


A conservative is a man who believes that nothing should be done for the first time.

Barry Dave


Most people can't understand how others can blow their noses differently than they do.

Barry Dave


Success is the sole earthly judge of right and wrong.

Barry Dave


It's very glamorous to raise millions of dollars, until it's time for the venture capitalist to suck your eyeballs out.

Barry Dave


The lunatic, the lover, and the poet, Are of imagination all compact...

Barry Dave


Telling the truth to people who misunderstand you is generally promoting a falsehood, isn't it?

Barry Dave


The Worst Jury A murder trial at Manitoba in February 1978 was well advanced, when one juror revealed that he was completely deaf and did not have the remotest clue what was happening. The judge, Mr. Justice Solomon, asked him if he had heard any

Barry Dave


The reason we need the MX missile system is that the missiles we currently have in the ground are the Minuteman model, which is very old. The Defense Department can't even remember where half of them are. Insects have built nests in them. People hav

Barry Dave


It's hard to drive at the limit, but it's harder to know where the limits are.

Barry Dave


More people are flattered into virtue than bullied out of vice.

Barry Dave


Certain passages in several laws have always defied interpretation and the most inexplicable must be a matter of opinion. A judge of the Court of Session of Scotland has sent the editors of this book his candidate which reads, "In the Nuts (unground

Barry Dave


In every country and every age, the priest has been hostile to Liberty.

Barry Dave


There is no character, howsoever good and fine, but it can be destroyed by ridicule, howsoever poor and witless. Observe the ass, for instance: his character is about perfect, he is the choicest spirit among all the humbler animals, yet see what rid

Barry Dave


There is nothing wrong with Southern California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.

Barry Dave


Prediction is very difficult, especially of the future.

Barry Dave


"We should declare war on North Vietnam. We could pave the whole country and put parking strips on it, and still be home by Christmas."

Barry Dave


There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.

Barry Dave


We ARE as gods and might as well get good at it.

Dave Barry





Random Quote


I don't give a shit what happens. I want you all to stonewall it. Let them plead the Fifth Amendment, cover up, or anything else if it'll save the plan.
Nixon Richard

deep thoughts of brillyant genius of human history
Dave Barry
 
 
 
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