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When you die, you lose a very important part of your life.

Barry Dave


"MacDonald has the gift on compressing the largest amount of words into the smallest amount of thoughts."

Barry Dave


You can never do just one thing.

Barry Dave


Beauty is one of the rare things which does not lead to doubt of God.

Barry Dave


[Americans] are a race of convicts and ought to be thankful for anything we allow them short of hanging.

Barry Dave


Recently deceased blues guitarist Stevie Ray Vaughan "comes to" after his death. He sees Jimi Hendrix sitting next to him, tuning his guitar. "Holy cow," he thinks to himself, "this guy is my idol." Over at the microphone, about to sing, are Jim Mo

Barry Dave


God instructs the heart, not by ideas, but by pains and contradictions.

Barry Dave


Three minutes' thought would suffice to find this out; but thought is irksome and three minutes is a long time.

Barry Dave


Politics, like religion, hold up the torches of matrydom to the reformers of error.

Barry Dave


You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake.

Barry Dave


Diary of a Young Girl LITE(tm)

Barry Dave


The big cities of America are becoming Third World countries.

Barry Dave


If any man wishes to be humbled and mortified, let him become president of Harvard.

Barry Dave


If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

Barry Dave


She ran the gamut of emotions from 'A' to 'B'.

Barry Dave


Superstition, idolatry, and hypocrisy have ample wages, but truth goes a-begging.

Barry Dave


The English instinctively admire any man who has no talent and is modest about it.

Barry Dave


Anything anybody can say about America is true.

Barry Dave


"What the hell are you getting so upset about? I thought you didn't believe in God." "I don't," she sobbed, bursting violently into tears, "but the God I don't believe in is a good God, a just God, a merciful God. He's not the mean and stupid Go

Barry Dave


When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

Barry Dave


The trouble is, there is an endless supply of White Men, but there has always been a limited number of Human Beings.

Barry Dave


It doesn't matter whether you win or lose

Barry Dave


It's from Casablanca. I've been waiting all my life to use that line.

Barry Dave


Even the clearest and most perfect circumstantial evidence is likely to be at fault, after all, and therefore ought to be received with great caution. Take the case of any pencil, sharpened by any woman; if you have witnesses, you will find she did

Barry Dave


Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs repainting.

Barry Dave


Grig (the navigator): ... so you see, it's just the two of us against the entire space armada. Alex (the gunner): What?!? Grig: I've always wanted to fight a desperate battle against overwhelming odds. Alex: It'll be a slaughter! Grig: That'

Barry Dave


To listen to some devout people, one would imagine that God never laughs.

Barry Dave


This night methinks is but the daylight sick.

Barry Dave


There is no fool to the old fool.

Barry Dave


The real purpose of books is to trap the mind into doing its own thinking.

Barry Dave


Darth Vader! Only you would be so bold!

Barry Dave


When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.

Barry Dave


God is really only another artist. He invented the giraffe, the elephant and the cat. He has no real style, He just goes on trying other things.

Barry Dave


Please try to limit the amount of "this room doesn't have any bazingas" until you are told that those rooms are "punched out." Once punched out, we have a right to complain about atrocities, missing bazingas, and such.

Barry Dave


"...The name of the song is called 'Haddocks' Eyes'!" "Oh, that's the name of the song, is it?" Alice said, trying to feel interested. "No, you don't understand," the Knight said, looking a little vexed. "That's what the name is called. The nam

Barry Dave


Live fast, die young, and leave a good looking corpse.

Barry Dave


They can't stop us... we're on a mission from God!

Barry Dave


Fame is a vapor; popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion.

Barry Dave


For thee the wonder-working earth puts forth sweet flowers.

Barry Dave


The only "ism" Hollywood believes in is plagiarism.

Barry Dave


Knowledge is power.

Barry Dave


Is uniformity attainable? Millions of innocent men, women, and children, since the introduction of Christianity, have been burnt, tortured, fined, imprisoned; yet we have not advanced one inch towards uniformity. What has been the effect of coercio

Barry Dave


There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.

Barry Dave


There are many of us in this old world of ours who hold that things break about even for all of us. I have observed, for example, that we all get about the same amount of ice. The rich get it in the summer and the poor get it in the winter.

Barry Dave


You don't have to think too hard when you talk to teachers.

Barry Dave


Nice guys finish last.

Barry Dave


Luck can't last a lifetime, unless you die young.

Barry Dave


What one believes to be true either is true or becomes true.

Barry Dave


There never was a good war or a bad peace.

Barry Dave


Take your work seriously but never take yourself seriously; and do not take what happens either to yourself or your work seriously.

Dave Barry





Random Quote


There are people who find it odd to eat four or five Chinese meals in a row; in China, I often remind them, there are a billion or so people who find nothing odd about it.
Trillin Calvin

deep thoughts of brillyant genius of human history
Dave Barry
 
 
 
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