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Only that in you which is me can hear what I'm saying.

Englan Mark Twain on New


A good name lost is seldom regained. When character is gone, all is gone, and one of the richest jewels of life is lost forever.

Li Mark Twain


I consider a new device or technology to have been culturally accepted when it has been used to commit a murder.

Mark Twain


The Worst Jury A murder trial at Manitoba in February 1978 was well advanced, when one juror revealed that he was completely deaf and did not have the remotest clue what was happening. The judge, Mr. Justice Solomon, asked him if he had heard any

Mark Twain


All is well that ends well.

Mark Twain


There's no such thing as an original sin.

Mark Twain


Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.

Mark Twain


Then, gently touching my face, she hesitated for a moment as her incredible eyes poured forth into mine love, joy, pain, tragedy, acceptance, and peace. "'Bye for now," she said warmly.

Mark Twain


Briefly stated, the findings are that when presented with an array of data or a sequence of events in which they are instructed to discover an underlying order, subjects show strong tendencies to perceive order and causality in random arrays, to perc

Mark Twain


Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must be first overcome.

Mark Twain


The only certainty is that nothing is certain.

Mark Twain


Diary of a Young Girl LITE(tm)

Mark Twain


Those who do things in a noble spirit of self-sacrifice are to be avoided at all costs.

Twain Mark


If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average.

Twain Mark


They can't stop us... we're on a mission from God!

Twain Mark


"I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path."

Twain Mark


Human resources are human first, and resources second.

Twain Mark


Words have a longer life than deeds.

Twain Mark


All phone calls are obscene.

Twain Mark


Haste makes waste.

Twain Mark


Money can't buy happiness, but it can make you awfully comfortable while you're being miserable.

Twain Mark


A place for everything and everything in its place.

Twain Mark


No man is an Iland, intire of it selfe; every man is a peece of the Continent, a part of the maine; if a Clod bee washed away by the Sea, Europe is the lesse, as well as if a Promontorie were, as well as if a Mannor of thy friends or of thine owne we

Twain Mark


If a man stay away from his wife for seven years, the law presumes the separation to have killed him; yet according to our daily experience, it might well prolong his life.

Twain Mark


The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and to watch someone else doing it wrong, without commenting.

Twain Mark


It is Mr. Mellon's credo that $200,000,000 can do no wrong. Our offense consists in doubting it.

Twain Mark


Just close your eyes, tap your heels together three times, and think to yourself, `There's no place like home.'

Twain Mark


"Well," Brahma said, "even after ten thousand explanations, a fool is no wiser, but an intelligent man requires only two thousand five hundred."

Twain Mark


Don't guess

Twain Mark


In the highest society, as well as in the lowest, woman is merely an instrument of pleasure.

Twain Mark


Ignorance is never out of style. It was in fashion yesterday, it is the rage today, and it will set the pace tomorrow.

Twain Mark


Love may laugh at locksmiths, but he has a profound respect for money bags.

Twain Mark


Use what talents you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best.

Twain Mark


Set the cart before the horse.

Twain Mark


British education is probably the best in the world, if you can survive it. If you can't there is nothing left for you but the diplomatic corps.

Twain Mark


Someday we'll look back on this moment and plow into a parked car.

Twain Mark


Remember that there is an outside world to see and enjoy.

Twain Mark


In a hierarchy every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence ... in time every post tends to be occupied by an employee who is incompetent to carry out its duties ... Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their

Twain Mark


The ratio of literacy to illiteracy is a constant, but nowadays the illiterates can read.

Twain Mark


Pereant, inquit, qui ante nos nostra dixerunt. [Confound those who have said our remarks before us.] or [May they perish who have expressed our bright ideas before us.]

Twain Mark


I just asked myself... what would John DeLorean do?

Twain Mark


Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.

Twain Mark


One picture is worth more than ten thousand words.

Twain Mark


This novel is not to be tossed lightly aside, but to be hurled with great force.

Twain Mark


Ten years of rejection slips is nature's way of telling you to stop writing.

Twain Mark


Every man thinks God is on his side. The rich and powerful know that he is.

Twain Mark


The only "ism" Hollywood believes in is plagiarism.

Twain Mark


That's no moon...

Twain Mark


There's such a thing as too much point on a pencil.

Twain Mark


The human animal differs from the lesser primates in his passion for lists of "Ten Best".

Twain Mark


Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of government, therefore,

Twain Mark


The absurd is the essential concept and the first truth.

Twain Mark


IF I HAD A MINE SHAFT, I don't think I would just abandon it. There's got to be a better way.

Twain Mark


Force has no place where there is need of skill.

Twain Mark


After the game the king and the pawn go in the same box.

Twain Mark


There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.

Twain Mark


If you would know the value of money, go try to borrow some.

Twain Mark


No evil can happen to a good man.

Twain Mark


Solipsists of the World... you are already united.

Twain Mark


"I am not sure what this is, but an `F' would only dignify it."

Twain Mark


If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

Twain Mark


"Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet. As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney. Do you have a car or a job? Do you ever

Twain Mark


Some men are heterosexual, and some are bisexual, and some men don't think about sex at all... they become lawyers.

Twain Mark


Women of genius commonly have masculine faces, figures and manners. In transplanting brains to an alien soil God leaves a little of the original earth clinging to the roots.

Twain Mark


When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.

Twain Mark


I didn't believe in reincarnation in any of my other lives. I don't see why I should have to believe in it in this one.

Twain Mark


The Worst Car Hire Service When David Schwartz left university in 1972, he set up Rent-a-wreck as a joke. Being a natural prankster, he acquired a fleet of beat-up shabby, wreckages waiting for the scrap heap in California. He put on a cap and lo

Twain Mark


It is better to have loved and lost

Twain Mark


Ah, but a man's grasp should exceed his reach, Or what's a heaven for ?

Twain Mark


When alerted to an intrusion by tinkling glass or otherwise, 1) Calm yourself 2) Identify the intruder 3) If hostile, kill him. Step number 3 is of particular importance. If you leave the guy alive out of misguided softheartedness, he will repay y

Twain Mark


The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

Twain Mark


Television is now so desperately hungry for material that it is scraping the top of the barrel.

Twain Mark


The superior man understands what is right; the inferior man understands what will sell.

Twain Mark


There are ten or twenty basic truths, and life is the process of discovering them over and over and over.

Twain Mark


The error of youth is to believe that intelligence is a substitute for experience, while the error of age is to believe experience is a substitute for intelligence.

Twain Mark


The means-and-ends moralists, or non-doers, always end up on their ends without any means.

Twain Mark


Seize the day, put no trust in the morrow!

Twain Mark


Sensible and responsible women do not want to vote.

Twain Mark


To lead people, you must follow behind.

Twain Mark


Why are you doing this to me? Because knowledge is torture, and there must be awareness before there is change.

Twain Mark


It is when I struggle to be brief that I become obscure.

Twain Mark


The chief cause of problems is solutions.

Twain Mark


Star Wars is adolescent nonsense; Close Encounters is obscurantist drivel; Star Trek can turn your brains to puree of bat guano; and the greatest science fiction series of all time is Doctor Who! And I'll take you all on, one-by-one or all in a bunc

Twain Mark


"I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment."

Twain Mark


Man must shape his tools lest they shape him.

Twain Mark


Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women it is merely a good excuse not to play football.

Twain Mark


To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.

Twain Mark


It is wise to keep in mind that neither success nor failure is ever final.

Twain Mark


The older I grow, the less important the comma becomes. Let the reader catch his own breath.

Twain Mark


I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.

Twain Mark


"I have to convince you, or at least snow you ..."

Twain Mark


The [Ford Foundation] is a large body of money completely surrounded by people who want some.

Twain Mark


Feminists say 60 percent of the country's wealth is in the hands of women. They're letting men hold the other 40 percent because their handbags are full.

Twain Mark


A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature replaces it with.

Twain Mark


Perfection is reached, not when there is no longer anything to add, but when there is no longer anything to take away.

Twain Mark





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Why am I so soft in the middle when the rest of my life is so hard?
Simon Paul

deep thoughts of brillyant genius of human history
Mark Twain
 
 
 
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