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Englan Mark Twain on New


He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man.

Li Mark Twain


It is better to live rich than to die rich.

Mark Twain


Satire is what closes Saturday night.

Mark Twain


The individual choice of garnishment of a burger can be an important point to the consumer in this day when individualism is an increasingly important thing to people.

Mark Twain


What soon grows old? Gratitude.

Mark Twain


Call on God, but row away from the rocks.

Mark Twain


Sweet April showers do spring May flowers.

Mark Twain


A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature replaces it with.

Mark Twain


There is a secret person undamaged within every individual.

Mark Twain


Given a choice between grief and nothing, I'd choose grief.

Mark Twain


I've got a very bad feeling about this.

Mark Twain


A dream will always triumph over reality, once it is given the chance.

Twain Mark


Rembrandt is not to be compared in the painting of character with our extraordinarily gifted English artist, Mr. Rippingille.

Twain Mark


I'd be a poorer man if I'd never seen an eagle fly.

Twain Mark


The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.

Twain Mark


A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students.

Twain Mark


He who knows, does not speak. He who speaks, does not know.

Twain Mark


We should realize that a city is better off with bad laws, so long as they remain fixed, then with good laws that are constantly being altered, that the lack of learning combined with sound common sense is more helpful than the kind of cleverness th

Twain Mark


Everything takes longer, costs more, and is less useful.

Twain Mark


Governor Tarkin. I should have expected to find you holding Vader's leash. I thought I recognized your foul stench when I was brought on board.

Twain Mark


The means-and-ends moralists, or non-doers, always end up on their ends without any means.

Twain Mark


Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made.

Twain Mark


Public use of any portable music system is a virtually guaranteed indicator of sociopathic tendencies.

Twain Mark


I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

Twain Mark


Waste not fresh tears over old griefs.

Twain Mark


Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know.

Twain Mark


The ratio of literacy to illiteracy is a constant, but nowadays the illiterates can read.

Twain Mark


You or I must yield up his life to Ahrimanes. I would rather it were you. I should have no hesitation in sacrificing my own life to spare yours, but we take stock next week, and it would not be fair on the company.

Twain Mark


Your wig steers the gig.

Twain Mark


Patience is the best remedy for every trouble.

Twain Mark


Exceptions prove the rule, and wreck the budget.

Twain Mark


The man who has never been flogged has never been taught.

Twain Mark


If there is a sin against life, it consists perhaps not so much in despairing of life as in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable grandeur of this life.

Twain Mark


Catharsis is something I associate with pornography and crossword puzzles.

Twain Mark


If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.

Twain Mark


That's no moon...

Twain Mark


The truth is rarely pure, and never simple.

Twain Mark


Competence, like truth, beauty, and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder.

Twain Mark


If God is One, what is bad?

Twain Mark


I was part of that strange race of people aptly described as spending their lives doing things they detest to make money they don't want to buy things they don't need to impress people they dislike.

Twain Mark


In dwelling, be close to the land. In meditation, delve deep into the heart. In dealing with others, be gentle and kind. In speech, be true. In work, be competent. In action, be careful of your timing.

Twain Mark


Furious activity is no substitute for understanding.

Twain Mark


There is no comfort without pain; thus we define salvation through suffering.

Twain Mark


We have lingered long enough on the shores of the Cosmic Ocean.

Twain Mark


I accept chaos. I am not sure whether it accepts me. I know some people are terrified of the bomb. But then some people are terrified to be seen carrying a modern screen magazine. Experience teaches us that silence terrifies people the most.

Twain Mark


Mandrell: "You know what I think?" Doctor: "Ah, ah that's a catch question. With a brain your size you don't think, right?"

Twain Mark


It seems to me that nearly every woman I know wants a man who knows how to love with authority. Women are simple souls who like simple things, and one of the simplest is one of the simplest to give. ... Our family airedale will come clear across t

Twain Mark


A woman who is guided by the head and not by the heart is a social pestilence: she has all the defects of the passionate and affectionate woman, with none of her compensations; she is without pity, without love, without virtue, without sex.

Twain Mark


Housework can kill you if done right.

Twain Mark


My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind.

Twain Mark


A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours.

Twain Mark


The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because it isn't here.

Twain Mark


If someone had told me I would be Pope one day, I would have studied harder.

Twain Mark


Examinations are formidable even to the best prepared, for even the greatest fool may ask more the the wisest man can answer.

Twain Mark


Progress might have been all right once, but it's gone on too long.

Twain Mark


What passes for optimism is most often the effect of an intellectual error.

Twain Mark


Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.

Twain Mark


It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both incisive and probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper.

Twain Mark


Ah, but a man's grasp should exceed his reach, Or what's a heaven for ?

Twain Mark


Think lucky. If you fall in a pond, check your pockets for fish.

Twain Mark


Women are nothing but machines for producing children.

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A memorandum is written not to inform the reader, but to protect the writer.

Twain Mark


The Worst Jury A murder trial at Manitoba in February 1978 was well advanced, when one juror revealed that he was completely deaf and did not have the remotest clue what was happening. The judge, Mr. Justice Solomon, asked him if he had heard any

Twain Mark


Perfection is reached, not when there is no longer anything to add, but when there is no longer anything to take away.

Twain Mark


It is ridiculous to call this an industry. This is not. This is rat eat rat, dog eat dog. I'll kill 'em, and I'm going to kill 'em before they kill me. You're talking about the American way of survival of the fittest.

Twain Mark


Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.

Twain Mark


If happiness is in your destiny, you need not be in a hurry.

Twain Mark


I just got off the phone with Sonny Barger [President of the Hell's Angels]. He wants me to appear as a character witness for him at his murder trial and said he'd be glad to appear as a character witness on my behalf if I ever needed one. Needless

Twain Mark


It is up to us to produce better-quality movies.

Twain Mark


I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men

Twain Mark


To restore a sense of reality, I think Walt Disney should have a Hardluckland.

Twain Mark


What a bonanza! An unknown beginner to be directed by Lubitsch, in a script by Wilder and Brackett, and to play with Paramount's two superstars, Gary Cooper and Claudette Colbert, and to be beaten up by both of them!

Twain Mark


I played lead guitar in a band called The Federal Duck, which is the kind of name that was popular in the '60s as a result of controlled substances being in widespread use. Back then, there were no restrictions, in terms of talent, on who could make

Twain Mark


Fortune Documents the Great Legal Decisions: We think that we may take judicial notice of the fact that the term "bitch" may imply some feeling of endearment when applied to a female of the canine species but that it is seldom, if ever, so used whe

Twain Mark


The whole earth is in jail and we're plotting this incredible jailbreak.

Twain Mark


Whenever anyone says, "theoretically," they really mean, "not really."

Twain Mark


When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.

Twain Mark


I went into the business for the money, and the art grew out of it. If people are disillusioned by that remark, I can't help it. It's the truth.

Twain Mark


You can get much further with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

Twain Mark


NEW YORK

Twain Mark


The superior man understands what is right; the inferior man understands what will sell.

Twain Mark


The Hollywood tradition I like best is called "sucking up to the stars."

Twain Mark


We can embody the truth, but we cannot know it.

Twain Mark


A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.

Twain Mark


If while you are in school, there is a shortage of qualified personnel in a particular field, then by the time you graduate with the necessary qualifications, that field's employment market is glutted.

Twain Mark


Who does not trust enough will not be trusted.

Twain Mark


It is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end.

Twain Mark


Knowledge is power.

Twain Mark


There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.

Twain Mark


Nothing endures but change.

Twain Mark


Playing an unamplified electric guitar is like strumming on a picnic table.

Twain Mark


God was satisfied with his own work, and that is fatal.

Twain Mark


Live fast, die young, and leave a good looking corpse.

Twain Mark


America, I'm putting my queer shoulder to the wheel.

Twain Mark





Random Quote


It was the Law of the Sea, they said. Civilization ends at the waterline. Beyond that, we all enter the food chain, and not always right at the top.
Thompson Hunter S.

deep thoughts of brillyant genius of human history
Mark Twain
 
 
 
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