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There is nothing new except what has been forgotten.

Englan Mark Twain on New


I heard a definition of an intellectual, that I thought was very interesting: a man who takes more words than are necessary to tell more than he knows.

Li Mark Twain


[He] took me into his library and showed me his books, of which he had a complete set.

Mark Twain


WE'RE GOING TO THROW THE MX AWAY AFTER WE BUILD IT. The MX is really [Don't tell anybody!] just a "bargaining chip" in the nuclear-arms- reduction talks with the Russians. See, we have a problem with the Russians. They look at our leaders and they

Mark Twain


Scratch the average female and you'll find a purring bundle... at the ready to love and honor, bake a torte and still produce quintuplets.

Mark Twain


The only reward of virtue is virtue.

Mark Twain


God help those who do not help themselves.

Mark Twain


He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man.

Mark Twain


Don't talk to me about naval tradition. It's nothing but rum, sodomy and the lash.

Mark Twain


Nice guys finish last, but we get to sleep in.

Mark Twain


How apt the poor are to be proud.

Mark Twain


God shows his contempt for wealth by the kind of person he selects to receive it.

Mark Twain


The greatest dangers to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by men of zeal, well-meaning but without understanding.

Twain Mark


Practical people would be more practical if they would take a little more time for dreaming.

Twain Mark


The true way goes over a rope which is not stretched at any great height but just above the ground. It seems more designed to make people stumble than to be walked upon.

Twain Mark


Nothing succeeds like the appearance of success.

Twain Mark


Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.

Twain Mark


It is convenient that there be gods, and, as it is convenient, let us believe there are.

Twain Mark


It is now 10 p.m. Do you know where Henry Kissinger is?

Twain Mark


My daddy's brains was so scrambled he thought he was Jesus. They put him in a nut house for 5 years and when he got out, he didn't think he was Jesus, he thought he was *God*! ... Which made me Jesus.

Twain Mark


A continuing flow of paper is sufficient to continue the flow of paper.

Twain Mark


The health of a democratic society may be measured by the quality of functions performed by private citizens.

Twain Mark


It may be better to be a live jackal than a dead lion, but it is better still to be a live lion. And usually easier.

Twain Mark


Indomitable in retreat; invincible in advance; insufferable in victory.

Twain Mark


Calvin Coolidge looks as if he had been weaned on a pickle.

Twain Mark


Bingo, gas station, hamburger with a side order of airplane noise, and you'll be Gary, Indiana.

Twain Mark


"Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet. As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney. Do you have a car or a job? Do you ever

Twain Mark


Those who educate children well are more to be honored than parents, for these only gave life, those the art of living well.

Twain Mark


Watch your mouth, kid, or you'll find yourself floating home.

Twain Mark


Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

Twain Mark


Twain Mark


We are upping our standards ... so up yours.

Twain Mark


We Americans, we're a simple people... but piss us off, and we'll bomb your cities.

Twain Mark


[Maturity consists in the discovery that] there comes a critical moment where everything is reversed, after which the point becomes to understand more and more that there is something which cannot be understood.

Twain Mark


Gay shlafen: Yiddish for "go to sleep". Now doesn't "gay shlafen" have a softer, more soothing sound than the harsh, staccato "go to sleep"? Listen to the difference: "Go to sleep, you little wretch!" ... "Gay shlafen, darling." Obvious, isn't

Twain Mark


You need only reflect that one of the best ways to get yourself a reputation as a dangerous citizen these days is to go about repeating the very phrases which our founding fathers used in the struggle for independence.

Twain Mark


I trust the first lion he meets will do his duty.

Twain Mark


Seeing that death, a necessary end, Will come when it will come.

Twain Mark


The road to Hades is easy to travel.

Twain Mark


Intellect annuls Fate. So far as a man thinks, he is free.

Twain Mark


I dote on his very absence.

Twain Mark


One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say.

Twain Mark


We should keep the Panama Canal. After all, we stole it fair and square.

Twain Mark


No man's ambition has a right to stand in the way of performing a simple act of justice.

Twain Mark


Eggheads unite! You have nothing to lose but your yolks.

Twain Mark


One big pile is better than two little piles.

Twain Mark


The old complaint that mass culture is designed for eleven-year-olds is of course a shameful canard. The key age has traditionally been more like fourteen.

Twain Mark


It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years.

Twain Mark


He has not acquired a fortune; the fortune has acquired him.

Twain Mark


The typewriting machine, when played with expression, is no more annoying than the piano when played by a sister or near relation.

Twain Mark


Every cloud engenders not a storm.

Twain Mark


Dignity is like a flag. It flaps in a storm.

Twain Mark


Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it depends on what you put into it.

Twain Mark


The polite thing to do has always been to address people as they wish to be addressed, to treat them in a way they think dignified. But it is equally important to accept and tolerate different standards of courtesy, not expecting everyone else to ad

Twain Mark


The man-hating woman, like the cold woman, is largely imaginary. She is simply a woman who has done her best to snare a man and has failed.

Twain Mark


"Cable is not a luxury, since many areas have poor TV reception."

Twain Mark


Don't steal; thou'lt never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat.

Twain Mark


Nonsense and beauty have close connections.

Twain Mark


Water, taken in moderation cannot hurt anybody.

Twain Mark


There is no proverb that is not true.

Twain Mark


A national debt, if it is not excessive, will be to us a national blessing.

Twain Mark


I would have made a good pope.

Twain Mark


One, with God, is always a majority, but many a martyr has been burned at the stake while the votes were being counted.

Twain Mark


Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.

Twain Mark


Some men are heterosexual, and some are bisexual, and some men don't think about sex at all... they become lawyers.

Twain Mark


I had another dream the other day about music critics. They were small and rodent-like with padlocked ears, as if they had stepped out of a painting by Goya.

Twain Mark


The reason we need the MX missile system is that the missiles we currently have in the ground are the Minuteman model, which is very old. The Defense Department can't even remember where half of them are. Insects have built nests in them. People hav

Twain Mark


[Americans] are a race of convicts and ought to be thankful for anything we allow them short of hanging.

Twain Mark


In every hierarchy the cream rises until it sours.

Twain Mark


Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.

Twain Mark


Don't go to bed with no price on your head.

Twain Mark


Lo! Men have become the tool of their tools.

Twain Mark


University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.

Twain Mark


It is imperative when flying coach that you restrain any tendency toward the vividly imaginative. For although it may momentarily appear to be the case, it is not at all likely that the cabin is entirely inhabited by crying babies smoking inexpensiv

Twain Mark


A fake fortuneteller can be tolerated. But an authentic soothsayer should be shot on sight. Cassandra did not get half the kicking around she deserved.

Twain Mark


It's not enough to be Hungarian; you must have talent too.

Twain Mark


The thought of being President frightens me and I do not think I want the job.

Twain Mark


Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Twain Mark


The 'A' is for content, the 'minus' is for not typing it. Don't ever do this to my eyes again.

Twain Mark


The philosopher's treatment of a question is like the treatment of an illness.

Twain Mark


Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm.

Twain Mark


The Least Successful Equal Pay Advertisement In 1976 the European Economic Community pointed out to the Irish Government that it had not yet implemented the agreed sex equality legislation. The Dublin Government immediately advertised for an equal

Twain Mark


It's very glamorous to raise millions of dollars, until it's time for the venture capitalist to suck your eyeballs out.

Twain Mark


Writing is easy; all you do is sit staring at the blank sheet of paper until drops of blood form on your forehead.

Twain Mark


And they mainly want to teach them not to question, not to imagine, but to be obedient and behave well so that they can hold them forever as children to their bosom as the second millennium lurches toward its panicky close.

Twain Mark


Inglish Spocken Hier: some mangled translations Sign on a cathedral in Spain: It is forbidden to enter a woman, even a foreigner if dressed as a man. Above the enterance to a Cairo bar: Unaccompanied ladies not admitted unless with husb

Twain Mark


I try to keep an open mind, but not so open that my brains fall out.

Twain Mark


The average Ph.D thesis is nothing but the transference of bones from one graveyard to another.

Twain Mark


I don't give a shit what happens. I want you all to stonewall it. Let them plead the Fifth Amendment, cover up, or anything else if it'll save the plan.

Twain Mark


The Bible says that woman was the last thing God made. Evidently He made her on Saturday night. She reveals his fatigue.

Twain Mark


The ideal voice for radio may be defined as showing no substance, no sex, no owner, and a message of importance for every housewife.

Twain Mark


My experience with government is when things are non-controversial, beautifully co-ordinated and all the rest, it must be that not much is going on.

Twain Mark


When neither their poverty nor their honor is touched, the majority of men live content.

Twain Mark


The control of the production of wealth is the control of human life itself.

Twain Mark


The conservation movement is a breeding ground of Communists and other subversives. We intend to clean them out, even if it means rounding up every bird watcher in the country.

Twain Mark





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All kings is mostly rapscallions.
Twain Mark

deep thoughts of brillyant genius of human history
Mark Twain
 
 
 
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