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"There is no Father Christmas. It's just a marketing ploy to make low income parents' lives a misery." "... I want you to picture the trusting face of a child, streaked with tears because of what you just said." "I want you to picture the face of

Shakespeare


The lovely woman-child Kaa was mercilessly chained to the cruel post of the warrior-chief Beast, with his barbarian tribe now stacking wood at her nubile feet, when the strong clear voice of the poetic and heroic Handsomas roared, 'Flick your Bic, cr

Shakespeare


The rights and interests of the laboring man will be protected and cared for not by our labor agitators, but by the Christian men to whom God in his infinite wisdom has given control of property interests of the country, and upon the successful manag

Shakespeare


Being a miner, as soon as you're too old and tired and sick and stupid to do your job properly, you have to go, where the very opposite applies with the judges.

Shakespeare


Better tried by twelve than carried by six.

Shakespeare


If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.

Shakespeare


It has long been noticed that juries are pitiless for robbery and full of indulgence for infanticide. A question of interest, my dear Sir! The jury is afraid of being robbed and has passed the age when it could be a victim of infanticide.

Shakespeare William


Like, if I'm not for me, then fer shure, like who will be? And if, y'know, if I'm not like fer anyone else, then hey, I mean, what am I? And if not now, like I dunno, maybe like when? And if not Who, then I dunno, maybe like the Rolling Stones?

Shakespeare Wm.


I knew her before she was a virgin.

Shakespeare Wm.


[Maturity consists in the discovery that] there comes a critical moment where everything is reversed, after which the point becomes to understand more and more that there is something which cannot be understood.

Shakespeare


Life is too short to be taken seriously.

Shakespeare


Now, you might ask, "How do I get one of those complete home tool sets for under $4?" An excellent question. Go to one of those really cheap discount stores where they sell plastic furniture in colors visible from the planet Neptune and where they

Shakespeare


I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know.

Shakespeare


America has been discovered before, but it has always been hushed up.

Shakespeare


Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.

Shakespeare


"I'm dying," he croaked. "My experiment was a success," the chemist retorted . "You can't really train a beagle," he dogmatized. "That's no beagle, it's a mongrel," she muttered. "The fire is going out," he bellowed. "Bad marksmanship," the h

Shakespeare


I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark.

Shakespeare


The naked truth of it is, I have no shirt.

Shakespeare


Who goeth a-borrowing goeth a-sorrowing.

Shakespeare


Believe everything you hear about the world; nothing is too impossibly bad.

Shakespeare


[He] took me into his library and showed me his books, of which he had a complete set.

Shakespeare


The human animal differs from the lesser primates in his passion for lists of "Ten Best".

Shakespeare


The optimist thinks that this is the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist knows it.

Shakespeare


Out of sight is out of mind.

Shakespeare William


I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.

Shakespeare William


General notions are generally wrong.

Shakespeare William


There is much Obi-Wan did not tell you.

Shakespeare William


Receiving a million dollars tax free will make you feel better than being flat broke and having a stomach ache.

Shakespeare William


There's no such thing as a free lunch.

Shakespeare William


The most common given name in the world is Mohammad; the most common family name in the world is Chang. Can you imagine the enormous number of people in the world named Mohammad Chang?

Shakespeare William


He was a fiddler, and consequently a rogue.

Shakespeare William


"What the hell are you getting so upset about? I thought you didn't believe in God." "I don't," she sobbed, bursting violently into tears, "but the God I don't believe in is a good God, a just God, a merciful God. He's not the mean and stupid Go

Shakespeare William


New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move.

Shakespeare William


[Americans] are a race of convicts and ought to be thankful for anything we allow them short of hanging.

Shakespeare William


The goys have proven the following theorem...

Shakespeare William


A journey of a thousand miles starts under one's feet.

Shakespeare William


I played lead guitar in a band called The Federal Duck, which is the kind of name that was popular in the '60s as a result of controlled substances being in widespread use. Back then, there were no restrictions, in terms of talent, on who could make

Shakespeare William


Whatever it is, I fear Greeks even when they bring gifts.

Shakespeare William


Its name is Public Opinion. It is held in reverence. It settles everything. Some think it is the voice of God.

Shakespeare William


I never made a mistake in my life. I thought I did once, but I was wrong.

Shakespeare William


Innovation is hard to schedule.

Shakespeare Wm.


What we need in this country, instead of Daylight Savings Time, which nobody really understands anyway, is a new concept called Weekday Morning Time, whereby at 7 a.m. every weekday we go into a space-launch-style "hold" for two to three hours, durin

William Shakespeare


April 1 This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.

William Shakespeare


Traveling through hyperspace isn't like dusting crops, boy.

William Shakespeare


If you hype something and it succeeds, you're a genius

William Shakespeare


Eggheads unite! You have nothing to lose but your yolks.

William Shakespeare





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It's easier to be a liberal a long way from home.
Price Don

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Shakespeare
 
 
 
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