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Between 1950 and 1952, a bored weatherman, stationed north of Hudson Bay, left a monument that neither government nor time can eradicate. Using a bulldozer abandoned by the Air Force, he spent two years and great effort pushing boulders into a single

Englan Mark Twain on New


Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember, it didn't help the rabbit.

Li Mark Twain


Then a man said: Speak to us of Expectations. He then said: If a man does not see or hear the waters of the Jordan, then he should not taste the pomegranate or ply his wares in an open market. If a man would not labour in the salt and rock quarri

Mark Twain


A place for everything and everything in its place.

Mark Twain


"The jig's up, Elman." "Which jig?"

Mark Twain


Our policy is, when in doubt, do the right thing.

Mark Twain


If a guru falls in the forest with no one to hear him, was he really a guru at all?

Mark Twain


Someday, Weederman, we'll look back on all this and laugh... It will probably be one of those deep, eerie ones that slowly builds to a blood-curdling maniacal scream... but still it will be a laugh.

Mark Twain


True to our past we work with an inherited, observed, and accepted vision of personal futility, and of the beauty of the world.

Mark Twain


I just got off the phone with Sonny Barger [President of the Hell's Angels]. He wants me to appear as a character witness for him at his murder trial and said he'd be glad to appear as a character witness on my behalf if I ever needed one. Needless

Mark Twain


It's always darkest just before the lights go out.

Mark Twain


Life sucks, but death doesn't put out at all.

Mark Twain


The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions.

Twain Mark


When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt.

Twain Mark


What we need in this country, instead of Daylight Savings Time, which nobody really understands anyway, is a new concept called Weekday Morning Time, whereby at 7 a.m. every weekday we go into a space-launch-style "hold" for two to three hours, durin

Twain Mark


There is a natural hootchy-kootchy to a goldfish.

Twain Mark


The most delightful day after the one on which you buy a cottage in the country is the one on which you resell it.

Twain Mark


The intelligence of any discussion diminishes with the square of the number of participants.

Twain Mark


When you die, you lose a very important part of your life.

Twain Mark


A committee takes root and grows, it flowers, wilts and dies, scattering the seed from which other committees will bloom.

Twain Mark


Reality is bad enough, why should I tell the truth?

Twain Mark


Littering is dumb.

Twain Mark


Innovation is hard to schedule.

Twain Mark


What fools these mortals be.

Twain Mark


Execute every act of thy life as though it were thy last.

Twain Mark


The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.

Twain Mark


If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

Twain Mark


An office party is not, as is sometimes supposed the Managing Director's chance to kiss the tea-girl. It is the tea-girl's chance to kiss the Managing Director (however bizarre an ambition this may seem to anyone who has seen the Managing Director f

Twain Mark


There is nothing so easy but that it becomes difficult when you do it reluctantly.

Twain Mark


The proof of the pudding is in the eating.

Twain Mark


The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet.

Twain Mark


God is the tangential point between zero and infinity.

Twain Mark


The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because it isn't here.

Twain Mark


Everything takes longer, costs more, and is less useful.

Twain Mark


A memorandum is written not to inform the reader, but to protect the writer.

Twain Mark


Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.

Twain Mark


Work Hard. Rock Hard. Eat Hard. Sleep Hard. Grow Big. Wear Glasses If You Need 'Em.

Twain Mark


It has long been noticed that juries are pitiless for robbery and full of indulgence for infanticide. A question of interest, my dear Sir! The jury is afraid of being robbed and has passed the age when it could be a victim of infanticide.

Twain Mark


... before I could come to any conclusion it occurred to me that my speech or my silence, indeed any action of mine, would be a mere futility. What did it matter what anyone knew or ignored? What did it matter who was manager? One gets sometimes s

Twain Mark


Remember that there is an outside world to see and enjoy.

Twain Mark


The only happiness lies in reason; all the rest of the world is dismal. The highest reason, however, I see in the work of the artist, and he may experience it as such. Happiness lies in the swiftness of feeling and thinking: all the rest of the worl

Twain Mark


One learns to itch where one can scratch.

Twain Mark


Nothing is more admirable than the fortitude with which millionaires tolerate the disadvantages of their wealth.

Twain Mark


Ain't no right way to do a wrong thing.

Twain Mark


Flame on!

Twain Mark


You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it true. You may have to work for it, however.

Twain Mark


Treat your friend as if he might become an enemy.

Twain Mark


What you want, what you're hanging around in the world waiting for, is for something to occur to you.

Twain Mark


Money can't buy happiness, but it can make you awfully comfortable while you're being miserable.

Twain Mark


Either I'm dead or my watch has stopped.

Twain Mark


The salary of the chief executive of the large corporation is not a market award for achievement. It is frequently in the nature of a warm personal gesture by the individual to himself.

Twain Mark


Being a woman is a terribly difficult trade, since it consists principally of dealings with men.

Twain Mark


Men of lofty genius when they are doing the least work are most active.

Twain Mark


A good reputation is more valuable than money.

Twain Mark


Dignity is like a flag. It flaps in a storm.

Twain Mark


He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.

Twain Mark


One hundred women are not worth a single testicle.

Twain Mark


The Worst Car Hire Service When David Schwartz left university in 1972, he set up Rent-a-wreck as a joke. Being a natural prankster, he acquired a fleet of beat-up shabby, wreckages waiting for the scrap heap in California. He put on a cap and lo

Twain Mark


Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. My advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

Twain Mark


We are not a loved organization, but we are a respected one.

Twain Mark


Genius is pain.

Twain Mark


Adde parvum parvo manus acervus erit. [Add little to little and there will be a big pile.]

Twain Mark


It is the quality rather than the quantity that matters.

Twain Mark


Forgive and forget.

Twain Mark


The optimist thinks that this is the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist knows it.

Twain Mark


Well begun is half done.

Twain Mark


The rights and interests of the laboring man will be protected and cared for not by our labor agitators, but by the Christian men to whom God in his infinite wisdom has given control of property interests of the country, and upon the successful manag

Twain Mark


A little inaccuracy saves a world of explanation.

Twain Mark


Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed.

Twain Mark


Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs repainting.

Twain Mark


Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem more afraid of life than death.

Twain Mark


A businessman is a hybrid of a dancer and a calculator.

Twain Mark


Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.

Twain Mark


Every young man should have a hobby: learning how to handle money is the best one.

Twain Mark


I go on working for the same reason a hen goes on laying eggs.

Twain Mark


Plus ,ca change, plus c'est la m^eme chose. [The more things change, the more they remain the same.]

Twain Mark


It is not doing the thing we like to do, but liking the thing we have to do, that makes life blessed.

Twain Mark


Too much of everything is just enough.

Twain Mark


"The chain which can be yanked is not the eternal chain."

Twain Mark


The course of true anything never does run smooth.

Twain Mark


What excuses stand in your way? How can you eliminate them?

Twain Mark


What one fool can do, another can.

Twain Mark


It's not so hard to lift yourself by your bootstraps once you're off the ground.

Twain Mark


Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

Twain Mark


One man's brain plus one other will produce one half as many ideas as one man would have produced alone. These two plus two more will produce half again as many ideas. These four plus four more begin to represent a creative meeting, and the ratio c

Twain Mark


A society in which women are taught anything but the management of a family, the care of men, and the creation of the future generation is a society which is on its way out.

Twain Mark


Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.

Twain Mark


The early bird who catches the worm works for someone who comes in late and owns the worm farm.

Twain Mark


No bird soars too high if he soars with his own wings.

Twain Mark


The chief cause of problems is solutions.

Twain Mark


Know what I hate most? Rhetorical questions.

Twain Mark


A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature replaces it with.

Twain Mark


The sky is blue so we know where to stop mowing.

Twain Mark


What we wish, that we readily believe.

Twain Mark


If the ends don't justify the means, then what does?

Twain Mark





Random Quote


America ... just a nation of two hundred million used car salesman with all the money we need to buy guns and no qualms about killing anybody else in the world who tries to make us uncomfortable.
Hunter S. Thompson

deep thoughts of brillyant genius of human history
Twain Mark
 
 
 
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