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If I cannot bend Heaven, I shall move Hell.

Englan Mark Twain on New


Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember, it didn't help the rabbit.

Li Mark Twain


Competence, like truth, beauty, and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder.

Mark Twain


The chief cause of problems is solutions.

Mark Twain


Catharsis is something I associate with pornography and crossword puzzles.

Mark Twain


Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in.

Mark Twain


We are what we pretend to be.

Mark Twain


Money doesn't talk, it swears.

Mark Twain


Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket.

Mark Twain


The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.

Mark Twain


I just need enough to tide me over until I need more.

Mark Twain


"Well," Brahma said, "even after ten thousand explanations, a fool is no wiser, but an intelligent man requires only two thousand five hundred."

Mark Twain


If the path be beautiful, let us not ask where it leads.

Twain Mark


Necessity hath no law.

Twain Mark


The first myth of management is that it exists. The second myth of management is that success equals skill.

Twain Mark


May you live in uninteresting times.

Twain Mark


Don't get mad, get even.

Twain Mark


A snake lurks in the grass.

Twain Mark


Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there.

Twain Mark


Term, holidays, term, holidays, till we leave school, and then work, work, work till we die.

Twain Mark


Business will be either better or worse.

Twain Mark


Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny.

Twain Mark


Everything is possible. Pass the word.

Twain Mark


A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

Twain Mark


I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

Twain Mark


A society in which women are taught anything but the management of a family, the care of men, and the creation of the future generation is a society which is on its way out.

Twain Mark


Between 1950 and 1952, a bored weatherman, stationed north of Hudson Bay, left a monument that neither government nor time can eradicate. Using a bulldozer abandoned by the Air Force, he spent two years and great effort pushing boulders into a single

Twain Mark


"Every morning, I get up and look through the 'Forbes' list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work"

Twain Mark


The fact that it works is immaterial.

Twain Mark


Imagine what we can imagine!

Twain Mark


The means-and-ends moralists, or non-doers, always end up on their ends without any means.

Twain Mark


The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and to watch someone else doing it wrong, without commenting.

Twain Mark


Well, he thought, since neither Aristotelian Logic nor the disciplines of Science seemed to offer much hope, it's time to go beyond them... Drawing a few deep even breaths, he entered a mental state practiced only by Masters of the Universal Way of

Twain Mark


An ounce of hypocrisy is worth a pound of ambition.

Twain Mark


Nice guys finish last, but we get to sleep in.

Twain Mark


It is through symbols that man consciously or unconsciously lives, works and has his being.

Twain Mark


The superfluous is very necessary.

Twain Mark


None love the bearer of bad news.

Twain Mark


Never buy what you do not want because it is cheap; it will be dear to you.

Twain Mark


Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it depends on what you put into it.

Twain Mark


... [concerning quotation marks] even if we *___did* quote anybody in this business, it probably would be gibberish.

Twain Mark


With her body, woman is more sincere than man; but with her mind she lies. And when she lies, she does not believe herself.

Twain Mark


The true way goes over a rope which is not stretched at any great height but just above the ground. It seems more designed to make people stumble than to be walked upon.

Twain Mark


Mundus vult decipi decipiatur ergo.

Twain Mark


The ideal voice for radio may be defined as showing no substance, no sex, no owner, and a message of importance for every housewife.

Twain Mark


What you don't know won't help you much either.

Twain Mark


If men are not afraid to die, it is of no avail to threaten them with death. If men live in constant fear of dying, And if breaking the law means a man will be killed, Who will dare to break the law? There is always an official executioner. If

Twain Mark


Better tried by twelve than carried by six.

Twain Mark


Now, you might ask, "How do I get one of those complete home tool sets for under $4?" An excellent question. Go to one of those really cheap discount stores where they sell plastic furniture in colors visible from the planet Neptune and where they

Twain Mark


The more laws and order are made prominent, the more thieves and robbers there will be.

Twain Mark


Solipsists of the World... you are already united.

Twain Mark


Don't go to bed with no price on your head.

Twain Mark


A word to the wise is enough.

Twain Mark


Ninety percent of the time things turn out worse than you thought they would. The other ten percent of the time you had no right to expect that much.

Twain Mark


The confusion of a staff member is measured by the length of his memos.

Twain Mark


"Life is too important to take seriously."

Twain Mark


"What's the use of a good quotation if you can't change it?"

Twain Mark


A woman who is guided by the head and not by the heart is a social pestilence: she has all the defects of the passionate and affectionate woman, with none of her compensations; she is without pity, without love, without virtue, without sex.

Twain Mark


If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.

Twain Mark


One man's Mede is another man's Persian.

Twain Mark


Nothing matters very much, and few things matter at all.

Twain Mark


Chance is perhaps the work of God when He did not want to sign.

Twain Mark


If you're like most homeowners, you're afraid that many repairs around your home are too difficult to tackle. So, when your furnace explodes, you call in a so-called professional to fix it. The "professional" arrives in a truck with lettering on t

Twain Mark


To generalize is to be an idiot.

Twain Mark


I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly dreaming I am a man.

Twain Mark


Every man thinks God is on his side. The rich and powerful know that he is.

Twain Mark


The cart has no place where a fifth wheel could be used.

Twain Mark


It's hard to drive at the limit, but it's harder to know where the limits are.

Twain Mark


Alas, I am dying beyond my means.

Twain Mark


Destiny is a good thing to accept when it's going your way. When it isn't, don't call it destiny; call it injustice, treachery, or simple bad luck.

Twain Mark


If God is One, what is bad?

Twain Mark


To have died once is enough.

Twain Mark


Work is of two kinds: first, altering the position of matter at or near the earth's surface relative to other matter; second, telling other people to do so.

Twain Mark


Progress was all right. Only it went on too long.

Twain Mark


It is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end.

Twain Mark


A commune is where people join together to share their lack of wealth.

Twain Mark


Ninety percent of everything is crap.

Twain Mark


Charity begins at home.

Twain Mark


The future not being born, my friend, we will abstain from baptizing it.

Twain Mark


I have ways of making money that you know nothing of.

Twain Mark


Progress might have been all right once, but it's gone on too long.

Twain Mark


There is a secret person undamaged within every individual.

Twain Mark


Luck, that's when preparation and opportunity meet.

Twain Mark


Let us not look back in anger or forward in fear, but around us in awareness.

Twain Mark


Plastic... Aluminum... These are the inheritors of the Universe! Flesh and Blood have had their day... and that day is past!

Twain Mark


Ain't no right way to do a wrong thing.

Twain Mark


Optimism is the content of small men in high places.

Twain Mark


This is an especially good time for you vacationers who plan to fly, because the Reagan administration, as part of the same policy under which it recently sold Yellowstone National Park to Wayne Newton, has "deregulated" the airline industry. What t

Twain Mark


Life being what it is, one dreams of revenge.

Twain Mark


Life is too short to be taken seriously.

Twain Mark


Remember that there is an outside world to see and enjoy.

Twain Mark


All of the true things I am about to tell you are shameless lies.

Twain Mark


Having the fewest wants, I am nearest to the gods.

Twain Mark


Time goes, you say? Ah no! Time stays, *we* go.

Twain Mark


Let sleeping dogs lie.

Twain Mark





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It is Mr. Mellon's credo that $200,000,000 can do no wrong. Our offense consists in doubting it.
Jackson Justice Robert H.

deep thoughts of brillyant genius of human history
Twain Mark
 
 
 
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