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Humanity has advanced, when it has advanced, not because it has been sober, responsible, and cautious, but because it has been playful, rebellious, and immature.

Allen Woody


To say you got a vote of confidence would be to say you needed a vote of confidence.

Allen Woody


If a man stay away from his wife for seven years, the law presumes the separation to have killed him; yet according to our daily experience, it might well prolong his life.

Allen Woody


The Puritan hated bear-baiting, not because it gave pain to the bear, but because it gave pleasure to the spectators.

Allen Woody


It destroys one's nerves to be amiable every day to the same human being.

Allen Woody


He liked fishing a little too much, and he believed that work was something a man did when he had to. He had always been able to get along well enough without it, especially for the last couple of years.

Allen Woody


If you have to ask what jazz is, you'll never know.

Allen Woody


Human resources are human first, and resources second.

Allen Woody


"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!"

Allen Woody


There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

Allen Woody


I never trust a man unless I've got his pecker in my pocket.

Allen Woody


Once, I read that a man be never stronger than when he truly realizes how weak he is.

Allen Woody


I'd just as soon kiss a Wookie.

Allen Woody


No matter whether th' constitution follows th' flag or not, th' supreme court follows th' iliction returns.

Allen Woody


When alerted to an intrusion by tinkling glass or otherwise, 1) Calm yourself 2) Identify the intruder 3) If hostile, kill him. Step number 3 is of particular importance. If you leave the guy alive out of misguided softheartedness, he will repay y

Allen Woody


I am, in point of fact, a particularly haughty and exclusive person, of pre-Adamite ancestral descent. You will understand this when I tell you that I can trace my ancestry back to a protoplasmal primordial atomic globule. Consequently, my family p

Allen Woody


You first have to decide whether to use the short or the long form. The short form is what the Internal Revenue Service calls "simplified", which means it is designed for people who need the help of a Sears tax-preparation expert to distinguish betwe

Allen Woody


It is a lesson which all history teaches wise men, to put trust in ideas, and not in circumstances.

Woody Allen


My brain is my second favorite organ.

Woody Allen


Men ought to know that from the brain and from the brain only arise our pleasures, joys, laughter, and jests as well as our sorrows, pains, griefs and tears. ... It is the same thing which makes us mad or delirious, inspires us with dread and fear,

Woody Allen





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The very first essential for success is a perpetually constant and regular employment of violence.
Adolph Hitler

deep thoughts of brillyant genius of human history
Woody Allen
 
 
 
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