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One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.

Abigail Van Buren

Plots are like girdles. Hidden, they hold your interest; revealed, they're of no interest except to fetishists. Like girdles, they attempt to contain an uncontainable experience.

About Edmond

VI: A hungry dog hunts best. A hungrier dog hunts even better. VII: Decreased business base increases overhead. So does increased business base. VIII: The most unsuccessful four years in the education of a cost-estimator is fifth grade ari

About Edmond

If a man loses his reverence for any part of life, he will lose his reverence for all of life.

About Edmond

"I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment."

Abrams Gen. C.

The danger is not that a particular class is unfit to govern. Every class is unfit to govern.

Acheson Dean

You can have peace. Or you can have freedom. Don't ever count on having both at once.

Acton Lord

There is no proverb that is not true.

Acton Lord

Two heads are better than one.

Adams D.

Playing an unamplified electric guitar is like strumming on a picnic table.

Adams Franklin

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Adams Franklin

The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.

Adams Franklin

Save the Whales

Adams Henry

On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does.

Adams Henry Brook

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forego their use.

Adams John

The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that carries any reward.

Adams John Quincy

Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.

Adams Samuel

The mark of the immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while the mark of a mature man is that he wants to live humbly for one.

Adams Douglas

I have ways of making money that you know nothing of.


It was the next morning that the armies of Twodor marched east laden with long lances, sharp swords, and death-dealing hangovers. The thousands were led by Arrowroot, who sat limply in his sidesaddle, nursing a whopper. Goodgulf, Gimlet, and the r

Ade George

I just got off the phone with Sonny Barger [President of the Hell's Angels]. He wants me to appear as a character witness for him at his murder trial and said he'd be glad to appear as a character witness on my behalf if I ever needed one. Needless

Adenauer Dr. Konrad

Business will be either better or worse.

Adenauer Konrad

There is no cure for birth and death other than to enjoy the interval.

Adler Alfred

Tempt not a desperate man.

Adler Alfred

"I don't know whether God exists or not, but it makes no difference to me." "It's not like He's passing out free money or anything."

Adler Renata

Our swords shall play the orators for us.

Adler Bill

The optimum committee has no members.

Adler Bill

None love the bearer of bad news.

Adler Bill

Nothing succeeds like the appearance of success.

Adler Bill

So so is good, very good, very excellent good: and yet it is not; it is but so so.

Adolf Hitler

Haste makes waste.

Adolph Hitler

But if you wish at once to do nothing and to be respectable nowdays, the best pretext is to be at work on some profound study.

Adolph Hitler

"Given the choice between accomplishing something and just lying around, I'd rather lie around. No contest."

Advanced R. Bach

Mandrell: "You know what I think?" Doctor: "Ah, ah that's a catch question. With a brain your size you don't think, right?"

Adventurer The

Star Wars is adolescent nonsense; Close Encounters is obscurantist drivel; Star Trek can turn your brains to puree of bat guano; and the greatest science fiction series of all time is Doctor Who! And I'll take you all on, one-by-one or all in a bunc


I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.


The true Southern watermelon is a boon apart, and not to be mentioned with commoner things. It is chief of the world's luxuries, king by the grace of God over all the fruits of the earth. When one has tasted it, he knows what the angels eat. It wa


If you live in a country run by committee, be on the committee.


Wagner's music is better than it sounds.

Afer Terentius

... why should you waste a single moment of *your* life seeming to be something you don't want to be? Lord, that's so simple. If you hate your job, quit it. If your friends are tedious, go out and find new friends. You are queer, you lucky fool, a

Agnew Spiro

A yawn is a silent shout.

Agnew Spiro

She ran the gamut of emotions from 'A' to 'B'.

Aiken Howard

With women, I've got a long bamboo pole with a leather loop on the end of it. I slip the loop around their necks so they can't get away or come too close. Like catching snakes.

Ajaye Franklyn

"Rights" is a fictional abstraction. No one has "Rights", neither machines nor flesh-and-blood. Persons... have opportunities, not rights, which they use or do not use.

Ajaye Franklyn

You're all clear now, kid. Now blow this thing so we can all go home.

Ajaye Franklyn

The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence... sort of like the Post Office with tanks.

Al Capone

The time spent on any item of the agenda [of a finance committee] will be in inverse proportion to the sum involved.

Al Capone

British education is probably the best in the world, if you can survive it. If you can't there is nothing left for you but the diplomatic corps.

Aldo Leopold

The final delusion is the belief that one has lost all delusions.


A violent man will die a violent death.


Credit ... is the only enduring testimonial to man's confidence in man.

Alexander Thea

There is no ox so dumb as the orthodox.

Alexander. N.

We're constantly being bombarded by insulting and humiliating music, which people are making for you the way they make those Wonder Bread products. Just as food can be bad for your system, music can be bad for your spirtual and emotional feelings. I

Alexandre Arnoux

I would like to electrocute everyone who uses the word 'fair' in connection with income tax policies.


The genius of our ruling class is that it has kept a majority of the people from ever questioning the inequity of a system where most people drudge along paying heavy taxes for which they get nothing in return.

Ali Muhammad

Tertullian was born in Carthage somewhere about 160 A.D. He was a pagan, and he abandoned himself to the lascivious life of his city until about his 35th year, when he became a Christian. [...] To him is ascribed the sublime confession: Credo quia

Alice Walker

You have to run as fast as you can just to stay where you are. If you want to get anywhere, you'll have to run much faster.

Alighieri Dante

Never buy from a rich salesman.

Alinsky Saul

It took a while to surface, but it appears that a long-distance credit card may have saved a U.S. Army unit from heavy casualties during the Grenada military rescue/invasion. Major General David Nichols, Air Force ... said the Army unit was in a hous

Alinsky Saul

No man's ambition has a right to stand in the way of performing a simple act of justice.

Alinsky Saul

A snake lurks in the grass.

Alito Noelie

In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

Allan Virginia

Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.

Allen Fred

The more the merrier.

Allen Fred

Men freely believe that what they wish to desire.

Allen Fred

I have had my television aerials removed. It's the moral equivalent of a prostate operation.

Allen Fred

I trust the first lion he meets will do his duty.

Allen Fred

Intellect annuls Fate. So far as a man thinks, he is free.

Allen Henry

I used to be disgusted, now I find I'm just amused.

Allen Hubert

Slaves are generally expected to sing as well as to work ... I did not, when a slave, understand the deep meanings of those rude, and apparently incoherent songs. I was myself within the circle, so that I neither saw nor heard as those without might

Allen Woody

I played lead guitar in a band called The Federal Duck, which is the kind of name that was popular in the '60s as a result of controlled substances being in widespread use. Back then, there were no restrictions, in terms of talent, on who could make

Allen Woody

To think contrary to one's era is heroism. But to speak against it is madness.

Allen Woody

He that bringeth a present, findeth the door open.

Allen Woody

Dying is easy. Comedy is difficult.

Allen Woody

Satire is tragedy plus time.

Allen Woody

It is through symbols that man consciously or unconsciously lives, works and has his being.

Allen Woody

Someday we'll look back on this moment and plow into a parked car.

Allen Woody

Man must shape his tools lest they shape him.

Allen Woody

The question is, why are politicians so eager to be president? What is it about the job that makes it worth revealing, on national television, that you have the ethical standards of a slime-coated piece of industrial waste?

Allen Woody

The time was the 19th of May, 1780. The place was Hartford, Connecticut. The day has gone down in New England history as a terrible foretaste of Judgement Day. For at noon the skies turned from blue to grey and by mid-afternoon had blackened over s

Allen Woody

Well, he thought, since neither Aristotelian Logic nor the disciplines of Science seemed to offer much hope, it's time to go beyond them... Drawing a few deep even breaths, he entered a mental state practiced only by Masters of the Universal Way of

Allen Woody

The lovely woman-child Kaa was mercilessly chained to the cruel post of the warrior-chief Beast, with his barbarian tribe now stacking wood at her nubile feet, when the strong clear voice of the poetic and heroic Handsomas roared, 'Flick your Bic, cr

Allen Woody

I have defined the hundred per cent American as ninety-nine per cent an idiot.

Allen Woody

The man who runs may fight again.

Allen Smith

The only promotion rules I can think of are that a sense of shame is to be avoided at all costs and there is never any reason for a hustler to be less cunning than more virtuous men. Oh yes ... whenever you think you've got something really great, a

Allen Woody

You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake.

Allen Woody

Persistence in one opinion has never been considered a merit in political leaders.

Allen Woody

Furious activity is no substitute for understanding.

Alo Vincent

The man who has never been flogged has never been taught.

Alphonse Karr

The only reward of virtue is virtue.

Alsop Joseph

For certain people, after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex.

Altgeld John

It is better to live rich than to die rich.

Altman Robert

Acting is not very hard. The most important things are to be able to laugh and cry. If I have to cry, I think of my sex life. And if I have to laugh, well, I think of my sex life.

Ambrose St.

Living in New York City gives people real incentives to want things that nobody else wants.

Ambrose Bierce

It's all right letting yourself go as long as you can let yourself back.

Ambrose Bierce

I always had a repulsive need to be something more than human.

Ambrose Bierce

There are ten or twenty basic truths, and life is the process of discovering them over and over and over.

Ambrose Bierce

Interesting poll results reported in today's New York Post: people on the street in midtown Manhattan were asked whether they approved of the US invasion of Grenada. Fifty-three percent said yes; 39 percent said no; and 8 percent said "Gimme a quart

Ambrose Bierce

The public is an old woman. Let her maunder and mumble.

Ambrose Bierce

An honest tale speeds best being plainly told.


Let sleeping dogs lie.

Anastasia Albert

While there's life, there's hope.

Anderson Laurie

Language is a virus from another planet.

Anderson Laurie

We cannot do everything at once, but we can do something at once.

Anderson Laurie

The tree in which the sap is stagnant remains fruitless.

Andre Maurois

[The French Riviera is] a sunny place for shady people.

Anne Frank

Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse.

Anouilh Jean

The good Christian should beware of mathematicians and all those who make empty prophecies. The danger already exists that mathematicians have made a covenant with the devil to darken the spirit and confine man in the bonds of Hell.

Anouilh Jean

Dear Ann Landers: My husband watches the TV preachers every Sunday. He claims one minister said there are 350 different sins. My husband wants to know if you can get the list. He thinks he is missing something.

Anthony Piers

"If a camel flies, no one laughs if it doesn't get very far."

Anthony Susan B.

...He who laughs does not believe in what he laughs at, but neither does he hate it. Therefore, laughing at evil means not preparing oneself to combat it, and laughing at good means denying the power through which good is self-propagating.

Antoinette Marie

There's nothing remarkable about it. All one has to do is hit the right keys at the right time and the instrument plays itself.

Appleby Sir Humphrey

Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

Arendt Hannah

That's where the money was.


Turn the other cheek.


There is no sin but ignorance.


"World conquerors sometimes become fools, but fools never become world conquerors."


In Pierre Trudeau, Canada has finally produced a Prime Minister worthy of assassination.


Life is the childhood of our immortality.


Put a rogue in the limelight and he will act like an honest man.


Perhaps, after all, America never has been discovered. I myself would say that it had merely been detected.


I owe the government $3400 in taxes. So I sent them two hammers and a toilet seat.


A morgue is a morgue is a morgue. They can paint the walls with aggressively cheerful primary colors and splashy bold graphics, but it's still a holding place for the dead until they can be parted out to organ banks. Not that I would have cared nor


Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it depends on what you put into it.


A Galileo could no more be elected president of the United States than he could be elected Pope of Rome. Both high posts are reserved for men favored by God with an extraordinary genius for swathing the bitter facts of life in bandages of self-illus

Arlen Michael

Why does a hearse horse snicker, hauling a lawyer away?

Armour Richard

Just once I would like to persuade the audience not to wear any article of blue denim. If only they could see themselves in a pair of brown corduroys like mine instead of this awful, boring blue denim. I don't enjoy the sky or sea as much as I used

Armstrong Louis

I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men

Arthur Naiman

Politics is the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn't happen.

Arthur Naiman

Dianetics is a milestone for man comparable to his discovery of fire and superior to his invention of the wheel and the arch.

Arthur Naiman

I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.

Arthur Sullivan

Nothing matters very much, and few things matter at all.

Ashley-Pitt Alan

[He] took me into his library and showed me his books, of which he had a complete set.

Ashley-Pitt Alan

By perseverance the snail reached the Ark.

Asimov Isaac

Do not use that foreign word "ideals". We have that excellent native word "lies".

Asimov Isaac

Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

Aspin Les D.

Briefly stated, the findings are that when presented with an array of data or a sequence of events in which they are instructed to discover an underlying order, subjects show strong tendencies to perceive order and causality in random arrays, to perc

Asterix Adventures of

I am a man: nothing human is alien to me.

Attorney General William

Fame lost its appeal for me when I went into a public restroom and an autograph seeker handed me a pen and paper under the stall door.

Atwood Margaret

New Jersey is not the armpit of the nation; it's the asshole of the universe.

Auden W.H.

For there are moments when one can neither think nor feel. And if one can neither think nor feel, she thought, where is one?


The Hollywood tradition I like best is called "sucking up to the stars."

Augustine Norman

April 1 This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.

Augustine Norman

Lay off the muses, it's a very tough dollar.

Augustine Norman

The philosopher's treatment of a question is like the treatment of an illness.

Augustine Norman

The assertion that "all men are created equal" was of no practical use in effecting our separation from Great Britain and it was placed in the Declaration not for that, but for future use.

Augustine Norman

I paid a visit to my local precinct in Greenwich Village and asked a sergeant to show me some rape statistics. He politely obliged. That month there had been thirty-five rape complaints, an advance of ten over the same month for the previous year.

Augustine Norman

Think sideways!

Augustine Norman

America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a chair.

Augustine Saint

"... all the modern inconveniences ..."

Augustine St.

I will make you shorter by the head.

Augustine St.

To do two things at once is to do neither.

Augustine St.

Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.

Augustine St.

Why be a man when you can be a success?

Aurelius Marcus

Be careful of reading health books, you might die of a misprint.

Aurelius Sextus

All phone calls are obscene.

Aurobindo Sri

An atom-blaster is a good weapon, but it can point both ways.

Aurobindo Sri

True leadership is the art of changing a group from what it is to what it ought to be.

Austen J.

There is perhaps in every thing of any consequence, secret history, which it would be amusing to know, could we have it authentically communicated.


Circumstances rule men; men do not rule circumstances.

Ayres C.E.

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The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it.
Hoffman Abbie

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