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When in doubt, mumble; when in trouble, delegate; when in charge, ponder.

Abigail Van Buren

The human animal differs from the lesser primates in his passion for lists of "Ten Best".

About Edmond

Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.

About Edmond

The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.

About Edmond

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

Abrams Gen. C.

I am America's child, a spastic slogging on demented limbs drooling I'll trade my PhD for a telephone voice.

Acheson Dean

Its name is Public Opinion. It is held in reverence. It settles everything. Some think it is the voice of God.

Acton Lord

You mentioned your name as if I should recognize it, but beyond the obvious facts that you are a bachelor, a solicitor, a freemason, and an asthmatic, I know nothing whatever about you.

Acton Lord

The average Ph.D thesis is nothing but the transference of bones from one graveyard to another.

Adams D.

Better late than never.

Adams Franklin

This is the sort of English up with which I will not put.

Adams Franklin

I am not a politician and my other habits are also good.

Adams Franklin

The major sin is the sin of being born.

Adams Henry

I was in this prematurely air conditioned supermarket and there were all these aisles and there were these bathing caps you could buy that had these kind of Fourth of July plumes on them that were red and yellow and blue and I wasn't tempted to buy

Adams Henry Brook

Eeny, Meeny, Jelly Beanie, the spirits are about to speak!

Adams John

The only excuse for God is that he doesn't exist.

Adams John Quincy

Women are nothing but machines for producing children.

Adams Samuel

I reverently believe that the maker who made us all makes everything in New England, but the weather. I don't know who makes that, but I think it must be raw apprentices in the weather-clerks factory who experiment and learn how, in New England, fo

Adams Douglas

The course of true anything never does run smooth.


In dwelling, be close to the land. In meditation, delve deep into the heart. In dealing with others, be gentle and kind. In speech, be true. In work, be competent. In action, be careful of your timing.

Ade George

The only winner in the War of 1812 was Tchaikovsky.

Adenauer Dr. Konrad

An Englishman never enjoys himself, except for a noble purpose.

Adenauer Konrad

It is either through the influence of narcotic potions, of which all primitive peoples and races speak in hymns, or through the powerful approach of spring, penetrating with joy all of nature, that those Dionysian stirrings arise, which in their int

Adler Alfred

The 'A' is for content, the 'minus' is for not typing it. Don't ever do this to my eyes again.

Adler Alfred

Good salesmen and good repairmen will never go hungry.

Adler Renata

I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future. The Spirits of all Three shall strive within me. I will not shut out the lessons that they teach. Oh, tell me that I may s

Adler Bill

Pilfering Treasury property is paticularly dangerous: big thieves are ruthless in punishing little thieves.

Adler Bill

Imagine there's no heaven... it's easy if you try.

Adler Bill

There's nothing to writing. All you do is sit at a typewriter and open a vein.

Adler Bill

One good turn deserves another.

Adolf Hitler

Two can Live as Cheaply as One for Half as Long.

Adolph Hitler

Rascal, am I? Take THAT!

Adolph Hitler

We know next to nothing about virtually everything. It is not necessary to know the origin of the universe; it is necessary to want to know. Civilization depends not on any particular knowledge, but on the disposition to crave knowledge.

Advanced R. Bach

Political speeches are like steer horns. A point here, a point there, and a lot of bull inbetween.

Adventurer The

We are not a loved organization, but we are a respected one.


The lunatic, the lover, and the poet, Are of imagination all compact...


The future not being born, my friend, we will abstain from baptizing it.


The trouble with this country is that there are too many politicians who believe, with a conviction based on experience, that you can fool all of the people all of the time.


If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average.

Afer Terentius

You roll my log, and I will roll yours.

Agnew Spiro

To restore a sense of reality, I think Walt Disney should have a Hardluckland.

Agnew Spiro

The absurd is the essential concept and the first truth.

Aiken Howard

A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students.

Ajaye Franklyn

People who develop the habit of thinking of themselves as world citizens are fulfilling the first requirement of sanity in our time.

Ajaye Franklyn

You can never do just one thing.

Ajaye Franklyn

"Remember, if it's being done correctly, here or abroad, it's ___not the U.S. Army doing it!"

Al Capone

Lay off the muses, it's a very tough dollar.

Al Capone

There is no act of treachery or mean-ness of which a political party is not capable; for in politics there is no honour.

Aldo Leopold

"The Right Honorable Gentleman is indebted to his memory for his jests and to his imagination for his facts."


The scum also rises.


Who's scruffy-looking?

Alexander Thea

It is said an Eastern monarch once charged his wise men to invent him a sentence to be ever in view, and which should be true and appropriate in all times and situations. They presented him the words: "And this, too, shall pass away."

Alexander. N.

He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened.

Alexandre Arnoux

I need another lawyer like I need another hole in my head.


Being a miner, as soon as you're too old and tired and sick and stupid to do your job properly, you have to go, where the very opposite applies with the judges.

Ali Muhammad

My only love sprung from my only hate! Too early seen unknown, and known too late!

Alice Walker

Where you stand depends on where you sit.

Alighieri Dante

In India, "cold weather" is merely a conventional phrase and has come into use through the necessity of having some way to distinguish between weather which will melt a brass door-knob and weather which will only make it mushy.

Alinsky Saul

Doctors and lawyers must go to school for years and years, often with little sleep and with great sacrifice to their first wives.

Alinsky Saul

Concerning the war in Vietnam, Senator George Aiken of Vermount noted in January, 1966, "I'm not very keen for doves or hawks. I think we need more owls."

Alinsky Saul

A sect or party is an elegant incognito devised to save a man from the vexation of thinking.

Alito Noelie

Nothing succeeds like excess.

Allan Virginia

When the speaker and he to whom he is speaks do not understand, that is metaphysics.

Allen Fred

In "King Henry VI, Part II," Shakespeare has Dick Butcher suggest to his fellow anti-establishment rabble-rousers, "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." That action may be extreme but a similar sentiment was expressed by Thomas K. Co

Allen Fred

Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.

Allen Fred

For thee the wonder-working earth puts forth sweet flowers.

Allen Fred

One man's brain plus one other will produce one half as many ideas as one man would have produced alone. These two plus two more will produce half again as many ideas. These four plus four more begin to represent a creative meeting, and the ratio c

Allen Fred

But you shall not escape my iambics.

Allen Henry

If someone had told me I would be Pope one day, I would have studied harder.

Allen Hubert

If a man has a strong faith he can indulge in the luxury of skepticism.

Allen Woody

What does education often do? It makes a straight cut ditch of a free meandering brook.

Allen Woody

[Americans] are a race of convicts and ought to be thankful for anything we allow them short of hanging.

Allen Woody

We're fantastically incredibly sorry for all these extremely unreasonable things we did. I can only plead that my simple, barely-sentient friend and myself are underprivileged, deprived and also college students.

Allen Woody

All of us should treasure his Oriental wisdom and his preaching of a Zen-like detachment, as exemplified by his constant reminder to clerks, tellers, or others who grew excited by his presence in their banks: "Just lie down on the floor and keep calm

Allen Woody

In my experience, if you have to keep the lavatory door shut by extending your left leg, it's modern architecture.

Allen Woody

Eggheads unite! You have nothing to lose but your yolks.

Allen Woody

To teach is to learn twice.

Allen Woody

Certain passages in several laws have always defied interpretation and the most inexplicable must be a matter of opinion. A judge of the Court of Session of Scotland has sent the editors of this book his candidate which reads, "In the Nuts (unground

Allen Woody

Do not use that foreign word "ideals". We have that excellent native word "lies".

Allen Woody

Competitive fury is not always anger. It is the true missionary's courage and zeal in facing the possibility that one's best may not be enough.

Allen Woody

Great acts are made up of small deeds.

Allen Woody

Nothing succeeds like the appearance of success.

Allen Woody

We have art that we do not die of the truth.

Allen Woody

He who fears the unknown may one day flee from his own backside.

Allen Smith

Heaven and earth were created all together in the same instant, on October 23rd, 4004 B.C. at nine o'clock in the morning.

Allen Woody

Some scholars are like donkeys, they merely carry a lot of books.

Allen Woody

Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain't that a big enough majority in any town?

Allen Woody

Education is the process of casting false pearls before real swine.

Alo Vincent

I need another lawyer like I need another hole in my head.

Alphonse Karr

Just remember, wherever you go, there you are.

Alsop Joseph

Circumstances rule men; men do not rule circumstances.

Altgeld John

The error of youth is to believe that intelligence is a substitute for experience, while the error of age is to believe experience is a substitute for intelligence.

Altman Robert

Dignity is like a flag. It flaps in a storm.

Ambrose St.

Is uniformity attainable? Millions of innocent men, women, and children, since the introduction of Christianity, have been burnt, tortured, fined, imprisoned; yet we have not advanced one inch towards uniformity. What has been the effect of coercio

Ambrose Bierce

Three things have been difficult to tame: The oceans, fools, and women. We may soon be able to tame the ocean. Fools and women will take a little longer.

Ambrose Bierce

If happiness is in your destiny, you need not be in a hurry.

Ambrose Bierce

Life is the childhood of our immortality.

Ambrose Bierce

Many of the characters are fools and they are always playing tricks on me and treating me badly.

Ambrose Bierce

If you want to know what god thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

Ambrose Bierce

"We should declare war on North Vietnam. We could pave the whole country and put parking strips on it, and still be home by Christmas."


If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.

Anastasia Albert

I went into a bar feeling a little depressed, the bartender said, "What'll you have, Bud"? I said," I don't know, surprise me". So he showed me a nude picture of my wife.

Anderson Laurie

My father was a creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, it seems, begins where yours left off.

Anderson Laurie

Delay not, Caesar. Read it instantly.

Anderson Laurie

"Jesus saves...but Gretzky gets the rebound!"

Andre Maurois

Education is what survives when what has been learnt has been forgotten.

Anne Frank

Men of lofty genius when they are doing the least work are most active.

Anouilh Jean

The Least Successful Equal Pay Advertisement In 1976 the European Economic Community pointed out to the Irish Government that it had not yet implemented the agreed sex equality legislation. The Dublin Government immediately advertised for an equal

Anouilh Jean

Crito, I owe a cock to Asclepius; will you remember to pay the debt?

Anthony Piers

Texas is Hell on woman and horses.

Anthony Susan B.

It's easier to take it apart than to put it back together.

Antoinette Marie

All the taxes paid over a lifetime by the average American are spent by the government in less than a second.

Appleby Sir Humphrey

He who renders warfare fatal to all engaged in it will be the greatest benefactor the world has yet known.

Arendt Hannah

The only "ism" Hollywood believes in is plagiarism.


The distinction between Freedom and Liberty is not accurately known; naturalists have been unable to find a living specimen of either.


It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.


The old complaint that mass culture is designed for eleven-year-olds is of course a shameful canard. The key age has traditionally been more like fourteen.


When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.


Diplomacy is to do and say, the nastiest thing in the nicest way.


Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.


Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.


If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.


Save a little money each month and at the end of the year you'll be surprised at how little you have.


Go not to the elves for counsel, for they will say both yes and no.


Thou hast seen nothing yet.

Arlen Michael

What one believes to be true either is true or becomes true.

Armour Richard

It is only by risking our persons from one hour to another that we live at all. And often enough our faith beforehand in an uncertified result is the only thing that makes the result come true.

Armstrong Louis

I see a good deal of talk from Washington about lowering taxes. I hope they do get 'em lowered down enough so people can afford to pay 'em.

Arthur Naiman

By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve.

Arthur Naiman

Never trust an automatic pistol or a D.A.'s deal.

Arthur Naiman

Zero Mostel: That's it baby! When you got it, flaunt it! Flaunt it!

Arthur Sullivan

For if there is a sin against life, it consists perhaps not so much in despairing of life as in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable grandeur of this life.

Ashley-Pitt Alan

A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

Ashley-Pitt Alan

If Karl, instead of writing a lot about Capital, had made a lot of Capital, it would have been much better.

Asimov Isaac

Armenians and Azerbaijanis in Stepanakert, capital of the Nagorno-Karabakh autonomous region, rioted over much needed spelling reform in the Soviet Union.

Asimov Isaac

Every man thinks God is on his side. The rich and powerful know that he is.

Aspin Les D.

An ounce of mother is worth a ton of priest.

Asterix Adventures of

It is so stupid of modern civilisation to have given up believing in the devil when he is the only explanation of it.

Attorney General William

My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed.

Atwood Margaret

Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you.

Auden W.H.

There is no character, howsoever good and fine, but it can be destroyed by ridicule, howsoever poor and witless. Observe the ass, for instance: his character is about perfect, he is the choicest spirit among all the humbler animals, yet see what rid


If Jesus Christ were to come today, people would not even crucify him. They would ask him to dinner, and hear what he had to say, and make fun of it.

Augustine Norman

A kind of Batman of contemporary letters.

Augustine Norman

The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.

Augustine Norman

Something's rotten in the state of Denmark.

Augustine Norman

My father was a saint, I'm not.

Augustine Norman

They use different words for things in America. For instance they say elevator and we say lift. They say drapes and we say curtains. They say president and we say brain damaged git.

Augustine Norman

Somehow I reached excess without ever noticing when I was passing through satisfaction.

Augustine Norman

Politics is not the art of the possible. It consists in choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable.

Augustine Saint

... why should you waste a single moment of *your* life seeming to be something you don't want to be? Lord, that's so simple. If you hate your job, quit it. If your friends are tedious, go out and find new friends. You are queer, you lucky fool, a

Augustine St.

A drama critic is a person who surprises a playwright by informing him what he meant.

Augustine St.

A classic is something that everyone wants to have read and nobody wants to read.

Augustine St.

In every hierarchy the cream rises until it sours.

Augustine St.

Fame lost its appeal for me when I went into a public restroom and an autograph seeker handed me a pen and paper under the stall door.

Aurelius Marcus

I just need enough to tide me over until I need more.

Aurelius Sextus

"And Bezel saideth unto Sham: `Sham,' he saideth, `Thou shalt goest unto the town of Begorrah, and there thou shalt fetcheth unto thine bosom 35 talents, and also shalt thou fetcheth a like number of cubits, provideth that they are nice and fresh.'"

Aurobindo Sri

"No job too big; no fee too big!"

Aurobindo Sri

It follows that any commander in chief who undertakes to carry out a plan which he considers defective is at fault; he must put forth his reasons, insist of the plan being changed, and finally tender his resignation rather than be the instrument of h

Austen J.

No is no negative in a woman's mouth.


Those who profess to favor freedom, and yet deprecate agitation, are men who want rain without thunder and lightning. They want the ocean without the roar of its many waters.

Ayres C.E.

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If there really was a Jewish conspiracy to run the world, my rabbi would have let me in on it by now. I contribute enough to the shule.
Goodman Saul

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