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You must know that a man can have only one invulnerable loyalty, loyalty to his own concept of the obligations of manhood. All other loyalties are merely deputies of that one.

Ca Mona

It's amazing how nice people are to you when they know you're going away.


"There was an interesting development in the CBS-Westmoreland trial: both sides agreed that after the trial, Andy Rooney would be allowed to talk to the jury for three minutes about little things that annoyed him during the trial."

Caen Herb

The last vestiges of the old Republic have been swept away.

Caen Herb

Too much of everything is just enough.

Caesar Augustus

San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was.

Caesar Augustus

You mentioned your name as if I should recognize it, but beyond the obvious facts that you are a bachelor, a solicitor, a freemason, and an asthmatic, I know nothing whatever about you.

Caesar Gaius Julius

Justice is incidental to law and order.

Caesar Gaius Julius

What one believes to be true either is true or becomes true.

Caesar Gaius Julius

"For three days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off."

Caesar Julius

He who attacks the fundamentals of the American broadcasting industry attacks democracy itself.

Caesar Sid

Illusion is the first of all pleasures.

Cage John

Sorry 'bout that sweat, honey. That's just holy water.

Cage John

The Russians have put a small ball up in the air. That does not raise my apprehensions one iota.


Canada Post doesn't really charge 32 cents for a stamp. It's 2 cents for postage and 30 cents for storage.

Cam Kurt Vonnegut

Rome was not built in one day.

Cameron Simon

The avocation of assessing the failures of better men can be turned into a comfortable livelihood, providing you back it up with a Ph.D.

Cami Pat Calafia

Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.

Camp Henry N.

Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.


Democracy is good. I say this because other systems are worse.

Camus A.

Lord, defend me from my friends; I can account for my enemies.

Camus Albert

If a man has talent and cannot use it, he has failed.

Camus Albert

The primary theme of SoupCon is communication. The acronym "LEO" represents the secondary theme: Law Enforcement Officials The overall theme of SoupCon shall be: Avoiding Communication with Law Enforcement Officials

Camus Albert

If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.

Camus Albert

We're fantastically incredibly sorry for all these extremely unreasonable things we did. I can only plead that my simple, barely-sentient friend and myself are underprivileged, deprived and also college students.

Camus Albert

It is all right to hold a conversation, but you should let go of it now and then.

Capone Al

Envy is a pain of mind that successful men cause their neighbors.

Capone Al

To add insult to injury.

Capone Al

Nobody knows what goes between his cold toes and his warm ears.

Capp Andy

Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.

Captain Ahab

XLI: The more one produces, the less one gets. XLII: Simple systems are not feasible because they require infinite testing. XLIII: Hardware works best when it matters the least. XLIV: Aircraft flight in the 21st century will always be in a we

Cardozo Benjamin

... [after the announcement of Vanguard] ... Secretary of Defense Charles Wilson (the same "Engine Charlie" who once told the Senate, "[F]or years I've thought that what was good for our country was good for General Motors, and vice versa," probably

Carlevale Edmund

Have a place for everything and keep the thing somewhere else; this is not advice, it is merely custom.

Carlin George

I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.


Indomitable in retreat; invincible in advance; insufferable in victory.

Carlyle Thomas

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?

Carlyle Thomas

"It don't matter, Sail, ... Could be worse. The fam'ly might be donatin' the proceeds to the Cath'lic Church, or the Mormons or somethin'. One cult's the same another."

Carlyle Thomas

Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket.

Carlyle Thomas

Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.

Carnegie Andrew

Dianetics is a milestone for man comparable to his discovery of fire and superior to his invention of the wheel and the arch.

Carpenter Elizabeth

By the middle 1880's, practically all the roads except those in the South, were of the present standard gauge. The southern roads were still five feet between rails. It was decided to change the gauge of all southern roads to standard, in one day

Carroll Lewis

He knows not how to know who knows not also how to unknow.

Carroll Lewis

You get what you pay for.

Carroll Lewis

IV. The time required for an object to fall twenty stories is greater than or equal to the time it takes for whoever knocked it off the ledge to spiral down twenty flights to attempt to capture it unbroken. Such an object is inevitably price

Carroll Lewis

If you cannot in the long run tell everyone what you have been doing, your doing was worthless.

Carroll Lewis

Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages.

Carson Johnny

When you make your mark in the world, watch out for guys with erasers.

Carson Johnny

When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt.

Carson Johnny

Our parents were of Midwestern stock and very strict. They didn't want us to grow up to be spoiled and rich. If we left our tennis racquets in the rain, we were punished.

Carson Johnny

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

Carter Jimmy

You have not converted a man because you have silenced him.

Carus Titus Lucretius

One picture is worth more than ten thousand words.

Carus Titus Lucretius

I paid a visit to my local precinct in Greenwich Village and asked a sergeant to show me some rape statistics. He politely obliged. That month there had been thirty-five rape complaints, an advance of ten over the same month for the previous year.

Carus Titus Lucretius

What, after all, is a halo? It's only one more thing to keep clean.

Carus Titus Lucretius

Last guys don't finish nice.

Cassidy Butch

A game can by God repent or we'll punish it. That's how they did it in Salem in the seventeenth century, and that's how we'll do it now.

Castro Fidel

The college graduate is presented with a sheepskin to cover his intellectual nakedness.

Catalog Whole Earth

The world wants to be deceived.

Catflap Filthy Rich and

Never take a resume seriously. Resumes only make money for the people who write the resumes. No resume ever tells an employer how many times a job applicant has had the clap. Why, indeed, would anyone hire a person based on a resume written by a

Catlin Wynn

Freedom is slavery. Ignorance is strength. War is peace.


Every man who has reached even his intellectual teens begins to suspect that life is no farce; that it is not genteel comedy even; that it flowers and fructifies on the contrary out of the profoundest tragic depths of the essential death in which its

Cato Marcus Procius

You can always pick up your needle and move to another groove.

Catullus Gaius Valerius

If a man stay away from his wife for seven years, the law presumes the separation to have killed him; yet according to our daily experience, it might well prolong his life.

Catullus Gaius Valerius

I'd be a poorer man if I'd never seen an eagle fly.

Catullus Gaius Valerius

I don't make the rules, Gil, I only play the game.

Caussade De

If what they've been doing hasn't solved the problem, tell them to do something else.

Cavour Camillo Di

The hater of property and of government takes care to have his warranty deed recorded, and the book written against fame and learning has the author's name on the title page.

Celine Louis-Ferdinand

Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you.


Living in New York City gives people real incentives to want things that nobody else wants.


I have gained this by philosophy: that I do without being commanded what others do only from fear of the law.


NAPOLEON: What shall we do with this soldier, Giuseppe? Everything he says is wrong. GIUSEPPE: Make him a general, Excellency, and then everything he says will be right.


Think sideways!

Cervantes Miguel de

Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is really quite as satisfying as an income tax refund.

Cervantes Miguel de

The distinction between true and false appears to become increasingly blurred by... the pollution of the language.

Cervantes Miguel de

Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in.

Cervantes Miguel de

American cars are made shoddily... Cars made overseas are far superior.

Cervantes Miguel de

Just weigh your own hurt against the hurt of all the others, and then do what's best.

Cervantes Miguel de

Money can't buy happiness, but it can make you awfully comfortable while you're being miserable.

Cervantes Miguel de

Mothers all want their sons to grow up to be President, but they don't want them to become politicians in the process.

Cervantes Miguel de

Nothing is more admirable than the fortitude with which millionaires tolerate the disadvantages of their wealth.

Cervantes Miguel de

The infliction of cruelty with a good conscience is a delight to moralists. That is why they invented hell.

Cervantes Miguel de

If you catch a man, throw him back.

Cervantes Miguel de

... why should you waste a single moment of *your* life seeming to be something you don't want to be? Lord, that's so simple. If you hate your job, quit it. If your friends are tedious, go out and find new friends. You are queer, you lucky fool, a

Ch St. John

One thing I have no worry about is whether God exists. But it has occurred to me that God has Alzheimer's and has forgotten we exist.

Chadwick Hal

The confusion of a staff member is measured by the length of his memos.

Chamfort Nicolas

"Hey, Sam, how about a loan?" "Whattaya need?" "Oh, about $500." "Whattaya got for collateral?" "Whattaya need?" "How about an eye?"

Chandler Raymond

Let me assure you that to us here at First National, you're not just a number. Youre two numbers, a dash, three more numbers, another dash and another number.

Chandler Raymond

The doctrine of human equality reposes on this: that there is no man really clever who has not found that he is stupid.

Chandler Raymond

It is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end.

Chandler Raymond

Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing - and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even.

Channing William Ellery

God has intended the great to be great and the little to be little... The trade unions, under the European system, destroy liberty [...] I do not mean to say that a dollar a day is enough to support a workingman... not enough to support a man and fiv

Chapelain Maurice

When a place gets crowded enough to require ID's, social collapse is not far away. It is time to go elsewhere. The best thing about space travel is that it made it possible to go elsewhere.

Chaplin Charlie

The IRS spends God knows how much of your tax money on these toll-free information hot lines staffed by IRS employees, whose idea of a dynamite tax tip is that you should print neatly. If you ask them a real tax question, such as how you can cheat,

Chapman George

Inglish Spocken Hier: some mangled translations Sign on a cabin door of a Soviet Black Sea cruise liner: Helpsavering apparata in emergings behold many whistles! Associate the stringing apparata about the bosums and meet behind, flee then t

Charles Chincholles

I am an optimist. It does not seem too much use being anything else.

Charles Darling

If happiness is in your destiny, you need not be in a hurry.

Charles Darling

... Our second completely true news item was sent to me by Mr. H. Boyce Connell Jr. of Atlanta, Ga., where he is involved in a law firm. One thing I like about the South is, folks there care about tradition. If somebody gets handed a name like "H.

Charles Dickens

Between 1950 and 1952, a bored weatherman, stationed north of Hudson Bay, left a monument that neither government nor time can eradicate. Using a bulldozer abandoned by the Air Force, he spent two years and great effort pushing boulders into a single

Charles Dickens

Mr. Salter's side of the conversation was limited to expressions of assent. When Lord Copper was right he said "Definitely, Lord Copper"; when he was wrong, "Up to a point." "Let me see, what's the name of the place I mean? Capital of Japan? Yokoh

Charles Dickens

Maryel brought her bat into Exit once and started whacking people on the dance floor. Now everyone's doing it. It's called grand slam dancing.

Charles Ives

When we are planning for posterity, we ought to remember that virtue is not hereditary.

Charles Schulz

If you want to get rich from writing, write the sort of thing that's read by persons who move their lips when the're reading to themselves.

Charlie Crazy

Who can take the demands of the SDS seriously?


I hate small towns because once you've seen the cannon in the park there's nothing else to do.


A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a horse!

Chavez Cesar

Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing.

Chaykin Howard

Divorce is a game played by lawyers.


Today's thrilling story has been brought to you by Mushies, the great new cereal that gets soggy even without milk or cream. Join us soon for more spectacular adventure starring... Tippy, the Wonder Dog!

Cheever John

Where it is a duty to worship the sun it is pretty sure to be a crime to examine the laws of heat.

Chesterson Gilbert K.

The trouble with the rat-race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

Chesterton G. K.

Don't guess

Chesterton G.K.

You can destroy your now by worrying about tomorrow.

Chesterton G.K.

The time was the 19th of May, 1780. The place was Hartford, Connecticut. The day has gone down in New England history as a terrible foretaste of Judgement Day. For at noon the skies turned from blue to grey and by mid-afternoon had blackened over s

Chesterton G.K.

There's small choice in rotten apples.

Chesterton G.K.

Nothing succeeds like success.

Chesterton G.K.

The seven deadly sins ... Food, clothing, firing, rent, taxes, respectability and children. Nothing can lift those seven milestones from man's neck but money; and the spirit cannot soar until the milestones are lifted.

Chesterton G.K.

Woman is generally so bad that the difference between a good and a bad woman scarcely exists.

Chesterton G.K.

There is a certain impertinence in allowing oneself to be burned for an opinion.

Chevalier Maurice

Every why hath a wherefore.

Chevins Anthony

We have lingered long enough on the shores of the Cosmic Ocean.

Chichester Reverend

Do not use that foreign word "ideals". We have that excellent native word "lies".

Chill The Big

If you just try long enough and hard enough, you can always manage to boot yourself in the posterior.


The best portion of a good man's life, his little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and love.

Chris Robert

I can't seem to bring myself to say, "Well, I guess I'll be toddling along." It isn't that I can't toddle. It's that I can't guess I'll toddle.

Christ Jesus

My method is to take the utmost trouble to find the right thing to say. And then say it with the utmost levity.


A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.


You're always thinking you're gonna be the one that makes 'em act different.

Chuck Jones

What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?


I don't mind what Congress does, as long as they don't do it in the streets and frighten the horses.

Churchill W.

There is no fool to the old fool.

Churchill Winston

The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and to watch someone else doing it wrong, without commenting.

Churchill Winston

It is Mr. Mellon's credo that $200,000,000 can do no wrong. Our offense consists in doubting it.

Churchill Winston

You need only reflect that one of the best ways to get yourself a reputation as a dangerous citizen these days is to go about repeating the very phrases which our founding fathers used in the struggle for independence.

Churchill Winston

If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.

Churchill Winston

Life is one long struggle in the dark.

Churchill Winston

Gratitude and treachery are merely the two extremities of the same procession. You have seen all of it that is worth staying for when the band and the gaudy officials have gone by.

Churchill Winston

A myth is a religion in which no-one any longer believes.

Churchill Winston

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

Churchill Winston

A lie is an abomination unto the Lord and a very present help in time of trouble.

Churchill Winston

A woman's a woman until the day she dies, but a man's only a man as long as he can.

Churchill Winston

Audacity, and again, audacity, and always audacity.

Churchill Winston

The most costly of all follies is to believe passionately in the palpably not true. It is the chief occupation of mankind.

Churchill Winston

The government [is] extremely fond of amassing great quantities of statistics. These are raised to the nth degree, the cube roots are extracted, and the results are arranged into elaborate and impressive displays. What must be kept ever in mind, how

Churchill Winston

Life is a hospital in which every patient is possessed by the desire to change his bed.

Churchill Winston

Mike: "The Fourth Dimension is a shambles?" Bernie: "Nobody ever empties the ashtrays. People are SO inconsiderate."

Churchill W.

If ever the pleasure of one has to be bought by the pain of the other, there better be no trade. A trade by which one gains and the other loses is a fraud.

Churchill W.

An older student came to Otis and said, "I have been to see a great number of teachers and I have given up a great number of pleasures. I have fasted, been celibate and stayed awake nights seeking enlightenment. I have given up everything I was aske

Churchill Winston

The first myth of management is that it exists. The second myth of management is that success equals skill.

Churchill Winston

A new taste had been acquired and a new appetite began to grow. The time had long since arrived to crush the technical intelligentsia, which had come to regard itself as too irreplaceable and had not gotten used to catching instructions on the wing.

Churchill Winston

It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both incisive and probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper.

Churchill Winston

If the Nazis had television with satellite technology, we'd all be goose-stepping. Americans are just as suggestible.

Ciardi John

I understand why you're confused. You're thinking too much.

Ciardi John

Money can't buy love, but it improves your bargaining position.

Ciardi John

In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls.

Cicero Marcus Tullius

I've got Hubert's pecker in my pocket.

Cicero Marcus Tullius

God gave man two ears and one tongue so that we listen twice as much as we speak.

Claghorn Senator

A good scapegoat is hard to find. A guilty conscience is the mother of invention.

Clapton Eric

"You little (such a one who, while wearing a copper nose ring, stands in a footbath atop Mount Raruaruaha during a heavy thunderstorm and shouts that Alohura, Goddess of Lightning, has the facial features of a diseased uloruaha root)!"

Clarence Darrow to William

There is no ox so dumb as the orthodox.

Clark Alex

An honest politician is one who when he is bought will stay bought.

Clark Blake

The `loner' may be respected, but he is always resented by his colleagues, for he seems to be passing a critical judgment on them, when he may be simply making a limiting statement about himself.

Clark Ramsey

Here's to women. Would that we could fall into her arms without falling into her hands.

Clarke Arthur

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.

Clarke Arthur C.

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.

Clarke Arthur C.

What does it take for Americans to do great things; to go to the moon, to win wars, to dig canals linking oceans, to build railroads across a continent? In independent thought about this question, Neil Armstrong and I concluded that it takes a coinci

Cleaver Eldridge

Hope not, lest ye be disappointed.


One, with God, is always a majority, but many a martyr has been burned at the stake while the votes were being counted.

Clement Hal

When one burns one's bridges, what a very nice fire it makes.

Cleyre Voltarine de

It is the business of little minds to shrink.

Clifton Fadiman

The optimum committee has no members.

Clopton R.

If the church put in half the time on covetousness that it does on lust, this would be a better world.

Clough Arthur

What is involved in such [close] relationships is a form of emotional chemistry, so far unexplained by any school of psychiatry I am aware of, that conditions nothing so simple as a choice between the poles of attraction and repulsion. You can meet

Cocteau Jean

By perseverance the snail reached the Ark.

Cocteau Jean

Likewise, the national appetizer, brine-cured herring with raw onions, wins few friends, Germans excepted.

Cohan George M.

While we are sleeping, two-thirds of the world is plotting to do us in.

Cohan George M.

A liberal is a person whose interests aren't at stake at the moment.

Cohen Mickey

Friendships last when each friend thinks he has a slight superiority over the other.

Cohen Leonard

If you cannot convince them, confuse them.

Cointment Joe

This generation doesn't have emotional baggage. We have emotional moving vans.

Coke Sir Edward

Would ye both eat your cake and have your cake?

Col Lew

"I'm dying," he croaked. "My experiment was a success," the chemist retorted . "You can't really train a beagle," he dogmatized. "That's no beagle, it's a mongrel," she muttered. "The fire is going out," he bellowed. "Bad marksmanship," the h

Colby Frank Moore

If Jesus Christ came to this town, people would say, great guy; terrible carpenter.

Colby F.M.

The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture, finished, and put inside boxes.


Suffering alone exists, none who suffer; The deed there is, but no doer thereof; Nirvana is, but no one is seeking it; The Path there is, but none who travel it.

Colton C.C.

When you have an efficient government, you have a dictatorship.

Comics Green Lantern

I don't know who my grandfather was; I am much more concerned to know what his grandson will be.


We seldom repent talking too little, but very often talking too much.


I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.


When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to


But the greatest Electrical Pioneer of them all was Thomas Edison, who was a brilliant inventor despite the fact that he had little formal education and lived in New Jersey. Edison's first major invention in 1877, was the phonograph, which could soo


When the President does it, that means it is not illegal.


So little time, so little to do.


Don't shout for help at night. You might wake your neighbors.


Come home America.


How is the world ruled, and how do wars start? Diplomats tell lies to journalists, and they believe what they read.


I try not to break the rules but merely to test their elasticity.

Conrad Joseph

Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd.

Conrad Joseph

Shall we make a new rule of life from tonight: always to try to be a little kinder than is necessary?

Coo Alistair

Use an accordion. Go to jail.

Cooke Alistair

Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich.

Cooke Alistair

Young men think old men are fools; but old men know young men are fools.

Coolidge Calvin

Hell is empty and all the devils are here.

Coolidge Calvin

I had never been too political, but I knew how white people treated black people and it was hard for me to come back to the bullshit white people put a black person through in this country. To realize you don't have any power to make things differen

Coolidge Calvin

I see where we are starting to pay some attention to our neigbors to the south. We could never understand why Mexico wasn't just crazy about us; for we have always had their good will, and oil and minerals, at heart.

Coolidge Calvin

Every man is as God made him, ay, and often worse.

Coolidge Calvin

Awash with unfocused desire, Everett twisted the lobe of his one remaining ear and felt the presence of somebody else behind him, which caused terror to push through his nervous system like a flash flood roaring down the mid-fork of the Feather River

Coolidge Calvin

You can tell the ideals of a nation by its advertisements.

Coolidge Calvin

The average Ph.D thesis is nothing but the transference of bones from one graveyard to another.

Cooper A.

What one fool can do, another can.

Cooper Jeff

You just wait, I'll sin till I blow up!

Corwin Prince of

As flies to wanton boys are we to the gods; they kill us for their sport.

Costello E.

Mirrors should reflect a little before throwing back images.

Costello Elvis

Don't get the idea that I'm one of those goddamn radicals. Don't get the idea that I'm knocking the American system.

Costello Elvis

Democracy is the worst form of government except all those other forms that have been tried from time to time.

Costello Elvis

Save the Whales

Coult Alan

And what accomplished villains these old engineers were! What diabolical ways to sabotage they found! Nikolai Karlovich von Meck, of the People's Comissariat of Railroads ... would hold forth for hours on end about the economic problems involved in

Couple The Odd

Let's remind ourselves that last year's fresh idea is today's cliche.

Cousins Norman

The mirror sees the man as beautiful, the mirror loves the man; another mirror sees the man as frightful and hates him; and it is always the same being who produces the impressions.

Cousins Norman

Three minutes' thought would suffice to find this out; but thought is irksome and three minutes is a long time.

Coward Noel

America, I'm putting my queer shoulder to the wheel.

Cowboy The

She is not refined. She is not unrefined. She keeps a parrot.

Crane Dr. Frank

Only that in you which is me can hear what I'm saying.

Crane Frank

There are two ways of disliking art. One is to dislike it. The other is to like it rationally.

Crane Stephen

The major sin is the sin of being born.

Crane Stephen

Moneyliness is next to Godliness.

Credo The Webb Wilder

Americans' greatest fear is that America will turn out to have been a phenomenon, not a civilization.

Crisp Quentin

Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them.

Crisp Quentin

I have always noticed that whenever a radical takes to Imperialism, he catches it in a very acute form.

Crisp Quentin

Execute every act of thy life as though it were thy last.

Croll John

In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary patriotism is defined as the last resort of the scoundrel. With all due respect to an enlightened but inferior lexicographer I beg to submit that it is the first.

Cromwell Oliver

It is so stupid of modern civilisation to have given up believing in the devil when he is the only explanation of it.

Crosby Norm

Indeed, the first noble truth of Buddhism, usually translated as `all life is suffering,' is more accurately rendered `life is filled with a sense of pervasive unsatisfactoriness.'

Crowe Joe

I sometimes think that God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.

Crumb R.

To be great is to be misunderstood.

Cuomo Mario

Force has no place where there is need of skill.

Curtis Charles

I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches.

Cynic Diogenes the

Dying is easy. Comedy is difficult.

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As to the Adjective: when in doubt, strike it out.
Mark Twain

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