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Being a woman is a terribly difficult trade, since it consists principally of dealings with men.

Ca Mona

Beauty is one of the rare things which does not lead to doubt of God.


I'm always looking for a new idea that will be more productive than its cost.

Caen Herb

An ounce of hypocrisy is worth a pound of ambition.

Caen Herb

"Every morning, I get up and look through the 'Forbes' list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work"

Caesar Augustus

Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest way of selling goods, particularly if the goods are worthless.

Caesar Augustus

Never buy from a rich salesman.

Caesar Gaius Julius

A committee takes root and grows, it flowers, wilts and dies, scattering the seed from which other committees will bloom.

Caesar Gaius Julius

A good scapegoat is hard to find. A guilty conscience is the mother of invention.

Caesar Gaius Julius

All of the true things I am about to tell you are shameless lies.

Caesar Julius

A full belly makes a dull brain.

Caesar Sid

It's easier to take it apart than to put it back together.

Cage John

All men know the utility of useful things; but they do not know the utility of futility.

Cage John

If you hype something and it succeeds, you're a genius


Good salesmen and good repairmen will never go hungry.

Cam Kurt Vonnegut

Never promise more than you can perform.

Cameron Simon

I just asked myself... what would John DeLorean do?

Cami Pat Calafia

Life is like a 10 speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use.

Camp Henry N.

If there is no wind, row.


Home is where the hurt is.

Camus A.

The farther you go, the less you know.

Camus Albert

If I love you, what business is it of yours?

Camus Albert

Every man who has reached even his intellectual teens begins to suspect that life is no farce; that it is not genteel comedy even; that it flowers and fructifies on the contrary out of the profoundest tragic depths of the essential death in which its

Camus Albert

The course of true anything never does run smooth.

Camus Albert

Nullum magnum ingenium sine mixtura dementiae fuit. [There is no great genius without some touch of madness.]

Camus Albert

It is not enough that I should succeed. Others must fail.

Capone Al

"Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him."

Capone Al

In the highest society, as well as in the lowest, woman is merely an instrument of pleasure.

Capone Al

Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made.

Capp Andy

Wishing without work is like fishing without bait.

Captain Ahab

Nothing succeeds like the appearance of success.

Cardozo Benjamin

Bullwinkle: You just leave that to my pal. He's the brains of the outfit. General: What does that make YOU? Bullwinkle: What else? An executive.

Carlevale Edmund

The pollution's at that awkward stage. Too thick to navigate and too thin to cultivate.

Carlin George

If you want divine justice, die.


He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened.

Carlyle Thomas

Too much of everything is just enough.

Carlyle Thomas

It doesn't matter whether you win or lose

Carlyle Thomas

The meek shall inherit the earth, but *not* its mineral rights.

Carlyle Thomas

Let sleeping dogs lie.

Carnegie Andrew

... Our second completely true news item was sent to me by Mr. H. Boyce Connell Jr. of Atlanta, Ga., where he is involved in a law firm. One thing I like about the South is, folks there care about tradition. If somebody gets handed a name like "H.

Carpenter Elizabeth

To lead people, you must follow behind.

Carroll Lewis

He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man.

Carroll Lewis

If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.

Carroll Lewis

In case of fire, stand in the hall and shout "Fire!"

Carroll Lewis

Whatever occurs from love is always beyond good and evil.

Carroll Lewis

It is wise to keep in mind that neither success nor failure is ever final.

Carson Johnny

Know what I hate most? Rhetorical questions.

Carson Johnny

If a thing's worth doing, it is worth doing badly.

Carson Johnny

Flame on!

Carson Johnny

The faster I go, the behinder I get.

Carter Jimmy

The salary of the chief executive of the large corporation is not a market award for achievement. It is frequently in the nature of a warm personal gesture by the individual to himself.

Carus Titus Lucretius

To generalize is to be an idiot.

Carus Titus Lucretius

"I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment."

Carus Titus Lucretius

Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.

Carus Titus Lucretius

Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse.

Cassidy Butch

The state of innocence contains the germs of all future sin.

Castro Fidel

Well, the handwriting is on the floor.

Catalog Whole Earth

Nothing succeeds like excess.

Catflap Filthy Rich and

Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember, it didn't help the rabbit.

Catlin Wynn

Nothing recedes like success.


"If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination."

Cato Marcus Procius

When you make your mark in the world, watch out for guys with erasers.

Catullus Gaius Valerius

Waste not fresh tears over old griefs.

Catullus Gaius Valerius

Innovation is hard to schedule.

Catullus Gaius Valerius

In "King Henry VI, Part II," Shakespeare has Dick Butcher suggest to his fellow anti-establishment rabble-rousers, "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." That action may be extreme but a similar sentiment was expressed by Thomas K. Co

Caussade De

The superior man understands what is right; the inferior man understands what will sell.

Cavour Camillo Di

The greatest productive force is human selfishness.

Celine Louis-Ferdinand

A beginning is the time for taking the most delicate care that balances are correct.


Objectivity is to a newspaper what virtue is to a woman.


I was part of that strange race of people aptly described as spending their lives doing things they detest to make money they don't want to buy things they don't need to impress people they dislike.


For every bloke who makes his mark, there's half a dozen waiting to rub it out.


The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.

Cervantes Miguel de

An older student came to Otis and said, "I have been to see a great number of teachers and I have given up a great number of pleasures. I have fasted, been celibate and stayed awake nights seeking enlightenment. I have given up everything I was aske

Cervantes Miguel de

It was the next morning that the armies of Twodor marched east laden with long lances, sharp swords, and death-dealing hangovers. The thousands were led by Arrowroot, who sat limply in his sidesaddle, nursing a whopper. Goodgulf, Gimlet, and the r

Cervantes Miguel de

Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.

Cervantes Miguel de

You or I must yield up his life to Ahrimanes. I would rather it were you. I should have no hesitation in sacrificing my own life to spare yours, but we take stock next week, and it would not be fair on the company.

Cervantes Miguel de

Execute every act of thy life as though it were thy last.

Cervantes Miguel de

Facts, apart from their relationships, are like labels on empty bottles.

Cervantes Miguel de

He who knows, does not speak. He who speaks, does not know.

Cervantes Miguel de

An aphorism is never exactly true; it is either a half-truth or one-and-a-half truths.

Cervantes Miguel de

One hundred women are not worth a single testicle.

Cervantes Miguel de

Please try to limit the amount of "this room doesn't have any bazingas" until you are told that those rooms are "punched out." Once punched out, we have a right to complain about atrocities, missing bazingas, and such.

Cervantes Miguel de

No man is an Iland, intire of it selfe; every man is a peece of the Continent, a part of the maine; if a Clod bee washed away by the Sea, Europe is the lesse, as well as if a Promontorie were, as well as if a Mannor of thy friends or of thine owne we

Ch St. John

Well begun is half done.

Chadwick Hal

He who has the courage to laugh is almost as much a master of the world as he who is ready to die.

Chamfort Nicolas

Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you.

Chandler Raymond

Practice yourself what you preach.

Chandler Raymond

How can you prove whether at this moment we are sleeping, and all our thoughts are a dream; or whether we are awake, and talking to one another in the waking state?

Chandler Raymond

I owe the public nothing.

Chandler Raymond

Scratch the average female and you'll find a purring bundle... at the ready to love and honor, bake a torte and still produce quintuplets.

Channing William Ellery

Genius is pain.

Chapelain Maurice

The proof of the pudding is in the eating.

Chaplin Charlie

None love the bearer of bad news.

Chapman George

Mum's the word.

Charles Chincholles

I know not how I came into this, shall I call it a dying life or a living death?

Charles Darling

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment.

Charles Darling

The [Ford Foundation] is a large body of money completely surrounded by people who want some.

Charles Dickens

Once harm has been done, even a fool understands it.

Charles Dickens

Save the Whales

Charles Dickens

Destiny is a good thing to accept when it's going your way. When it isn't, don't call it destiny; call it injustice, treachery, or simple bad luck.

Charles Ives

According to my best recollection, I don't remember.

Charles Schulz

Three minutes' thought would suffice to find this out; but thought is irksome and three minutes is a long time.

Charlie Crazy

It is better to live rich than to die rich.


Money can't buy love, but it improves your bargaining position.


Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness.

Chavez Cesar

A priest asked: What is Fate, Master? And the Master answered: It is that which gives a beast of burden its reason for existence. It is that which men in former times had to bear upon their backs. It is that which has caused nations to build bywa

Chaykin Howard

But the greatest Electrical Pioneer of them all was Thomas Edison, who was a brilliant inventor despite the fact that he had little formal education and lived in New Jersey. Edison's first major invention in 1877, was the phonograph, which could soo


Save a little money each month and at the end of the year you'll be surprised at how little you have.

Cheever John

I'm going to raise an issue and stick it in your ear.

Chesterson Gilbert K.

If happiness is in your destiny, you need not be in a hurry.

Chesterton G. K.

I didn't believe in reincarnation in any of my other lives. I don't see why I should have to believe in it in this one.

Chesterton G.K.

Someday, Weederman, we'll look back on all this and laugh... It will probably be one of those deep, eerie ones that slowly builds to a blood-curdling maniacal scream... but still it will be a laugh.

Chesterton G.K.

Superstition, idolatry, and hypocrisy have ample wages, but truth goes a-begging.

Chesterton G.K.

Not to laugh, not to lament, not to curse, but to understand.

Chesterton G.K.

Circumstances rule men; men do not rule circumstances.

Chesterton G.K.

Have you ever stopped to think what it would be like to have a woman President? "I can't deal with the Russians today. Not now. I've got my period."

Chesterton G.K.

To every Ph.D. there is an equal and opposite Ph.D.

Chesterton G.K.

What soon grows old? Gratitude.

Chevalier Maurice

If little green men land in your back yard, hide any little green women you've got in the house.

Chevins Anthony

He that composes himself is wiser than he that composes a book.

Chichester Reverend

I just got off the phone with Sonny Barger [President of the Hell's Angels]. He wants me to appear as a character witness for him at his murder trial and said he'd be glad to appear as a character witness on my behalf if I ever needed one. Needless

Chill The Big

Credit ... is the only enduring testimonial to man's confidence in man.


I need another lawyer like I need another hole in my head.

Chris Robert

What!? Me worry?

Christ Jesus

What does not destroy me, makes me stronger.


The longest part of the journey is said to be the passing of the gate.


...He who laughs does not believe in what he laughs at, but neither does he hate it. Therefore, laughing at evil means not preparing oneself to combat it, and laughing at good means denying the power through which good is self-propagating.

Chuck Jones

The price of success in philosophy is triviality.


When you die, you lose a very important part of your life.

Churchill W.

[Maturity consists in the discovery that] there comes a critical moment where everything is reversed, after which the point becomes to understand more and more that there is something which cannot be understood.

Churchill Winston

The means-and-ends moralists, or non-doers, always end up on their ends without any means.

Churchill Winston

Competence, like truth, beauty, and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder.

Churchill Winston

Fear is the greatest salesman.

Churchill Winston

Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

Churchill Winston

Experience is a good teacher, but she sends in terrific bills.

Churchill Winston

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car.

Churchill Winston

It seems to me that nearly every woman I know wants a man who knows how to love with authority. Women are simple souls who like simple things, and one of the simplest is one of the simplest to give. ... Our family airedale will come clear across t

Churchill Winston

The optimist thinks that this is the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist knows it.

Churchill Winston

In breeding cattle you need one bull for every twenty-five cows, unless the cows are known sluts.

Churchill Winston

You have all eternity to be cautious in when you're dead.

Churchill Winston

A man's house is his castle.

Churchill Winston

You climb to reach the summit, but once there, discover that all roads lead down.

Churchill Winston

Nitwit ideas are for emergencies. You use them when you've got nothing else to try. If they work, they go in the Book. Otherwise you follow the Book, which is largely a collection of nitwit ideas that worked.

Churchill Winston

Catharsis is something I associate with pornography and crossword puzzles.

Churchill Winston

When in doubt, use brute force.

Churchill W.

Receiving a million dollars tax free will make you feel better than being flat broke and having a stomach ache.

Churchill W.

"The chain which can be yanked is not the eternal chain."

Churchill Winston

Porsche: there simply is no substitute.

Churchill Winston

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.

Churchill Winston

Our business in life is not to succeed but to continue to fail in high spirits.

Churchill Winston

Plastic... Aluminum... These are the inheritors of the Universe! Flesh and Blood have had their day... and that day is past!

Ciardi John

A sad spectacle. If they be inhabited, what a scope for misery and folly. If they be not inhabited, what a waste of space.

Ciardi John

Long were the days of pain I have spent within its walls, and long were the nights of aloneness; and who can depart from his pain and his aloneness without regret?

Ciardi John

Kindness is the beginning of cruelty.

Cicero Marcus Tullius

Forgive and forget.

Cicero Marcus Tullius

Set the cart before the horse.

Claghorn Senator

No excellent soul is exempt from a mixture of madness.

Clapton Eric

Don't get mad, get even.

Clarence Darrow to William

There's no such thing as a free lunch.

Clark Alex

Some men are heterosexual, and some are bisexual, and some men don't think about sex at all... they become lawyers.

Clark Blake

What fools these mortals be.

Clark Ramsey

I just need enough to tide me over until I need more.

Clarke Arthur

You can observe a lot just by watching.

Clarke Arthur C.

It is Mr. Mellon's credo that $200,000,000 can do no wrong. Our offense consists in doubting it.

Clarke Arthur C.

Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.

Cleaver Eldridge

God instructs the heart, not by ideas, but by pains and contradictions.


Let your conscience be your guide.

Clement Hal

Charity begins at home.

Cleyre Voltarine de

Everything is possible. Pass the word.

Clifton Fadiman

Si jeunesse savait, si vieillesse pouvait. [If youth but knew, if old age but could.]

Clopton R.

Haste makes waste.

Clough Arthur

Illusion is the first of all pleasures.

Cocteau Jean

The sky is blue so we know where to stop mowing.

Cocteau Jean

In dwelling, be close to the land. In meditation, delve deep into the heart. In dealing with others, be gentle and kind. In speech, be true. In work, be competent. In action, be careful of your timing.

Cohan George M.

The problem with any unwritten law is that you don't know where to go to erase it.

Cohan George M.

Intellect annuls Fate. So far as a man thinks, he is free.

Cohen Mickey

Every man thinks God is on his side. The rich and powerful know that he is.

Cohen Leonard

A violent man will die a violent death.

Cointment Joe

Some women should be beaten regularly, like gongs.

Coke Sir Edward

"Given the choice between accomplishing something and just lying around, I'd rather lie around. No contest."

Col Lew

(1) Avoid fried meats which angry up the blood. (2) If your stomach antagonizes you, pacify it with cool thoughts. (3) Keep the juices flowing by jangling around gently as you move. (4) Go very lightly on the vices, such as carrying on in society, as

Colby Frank Moore

Do not use that foreign word "ideals". We have that excellent native word "lies".

Colby F.M.

My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.


Let's remind ourselves that last year's fresh idea is today's cliche.

Colton C.C.

Do not seek death; death will find you. But seek the road which makes death a fulfillment.

Comics Green Lantern

All hope abandon, ye who enter here!


I'll turn over a new leaf.


The term "fire" brings up visions of violence and mayhem and the ugly scene of shooting employees who make mistakes. We will now refer to this process as "deleting" an employee (much as a file is deleted from a disk). The employee is simply there o


Truth never comes into the world but like a bastard, to the ignominy of him that brought her birth.


I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.


She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.


Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.


If a thing's worth having, it's worth cheating for.


It is through symbols that man consciously or unconsciously lives, works and has his being.


Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions


When a fellow says, "It ain't the money but the principle of the thing," it's the money.

Conrad Joseph

Optimism is the content of small men in high places.

Conrad Joseph

She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

Coo Alistair

The absurd is the essential concept and the first truth.

Cooke Alistair

It is only by risking our persons from one hour to another that we live at all. And often enough our faith beforehand in an uncertified result is the only thing that makes the result come true.

Cooke Alistair

Money doesn't talk, it swears.

Coolidge Calvin

It shall be unlawful for any suspicious person to be within the municipality.

Coolidge Calvin

An idea is an eye given by God for the seeing of God. Some of these eyes we cannot bear to look out of, we blind them as quickly as possible.

Coolidge Calvin

Then a man said: Speak to us of Expectations. He then said: If a man does not see or hear the waters of the Jordan, then he should not taste the pomegranate or ply his wares in an open market. If a man would not labour in the salt and rock quarri

Coolidge Calvin

If a man has a strong faith he can indulge in the luxury of skepticism.

Coolidge Calvin

Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it depends on what you put into it.

Coolidge Calvin

Some people say a front-engine car handles best. Some people say a rear-engine car handles best. I say a rented car handles best.

Coolidge Calvin

Two wrongs are only the beginning.

Cooper A.

Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.

Cooper Jeff

About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.

Corwin Prince of

A likely impossibility is always preferable to an unconvincing possibility.

Costello E.

By the middle 1880's, practically all the roads except those in the South, were of the present standard gauge. The southern roads were still five feet between rails. It was decided to change the gauge of all southern roads to standard, in one day

Costello Elvis

We all live in a state of ambitious poverty.

Costello Elvis

For if there is a sin against life, it consists perhaps not so much in despairing of life as in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable grandeur of this life.

Costello Elvis

The only reward of virtue is virtue.

Coult Alan

The Bible says that woman was the last thing God made. Evidently He made her on Saturday night. She reveals his fatigue.

Couple The Odd

"You can't survive by sucking the juice from a wet mitten."

Cousins Norman

The Worst Jury A murder trial at Manitoba in February 1978 was well advanced, when one juror revealed that he was completely deaf and did not have the remotest clue what was happening. The judge, Mr. Justice Solomon, asked him if he had heard any

Cousins Norman

Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement.

Coward Noel

One good turn asketh another.

Cowboy The

The truth is rarely pure, and never simple.

Crane Dr. Frank

Once there lived a village of creatures along the bottom of a great crystal river. Each creature in its own manner clung tightly to the twigs and rocks of the river bottom, for clinging was their way of life, and resisting the current what each had

Crane Frank

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

Crane Stephen

It was a female that drove me to drink and I didn't even have the kindness to thank her.

Crane Stephen

I have ways of making money that you know nothing of.

Credo The Webb Wilder

To add insult to injury.

Crisp Quentin

No evil can happen to a good man.

Crisp Quentin

Ninety percent of everything is crap.

Crisp Quentin

The life which is unexamined is not worth living.

Croll John

The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet.

Cromwell Oliver

"If a camel flies, no one laughs if it doesn't get very far."

Crosby Norm

Furious activity is no substitute for understanding.

Crowe Joe

A woman takes off her claim to respect along with her garments.

Crumb R.

The Worst Car Hire Service When David Schwartz left university in 1972, he set up Rent-a-wreck as a joke. Being a natural prankster, he acquired a fleet of beat-up shabby, wreckages waiting for the scrap heap in California. He put on a cap and lo

Cuomo Mario

Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.

Curtis Charles

Certainly the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you; if you don't bet, you can't win.

Cynic Diogenes the

That Xanthippe's husband should have become so great a philosopher is remarkable. Amid all the scolding, to be able to think! But he could not write: that was impossible. Socrates has not left us a single book.

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