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Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.

D Vine

"I'm dying," he croaked. "My experiment was a success," the chemist retorted . "You can't really train a beagle," he dogmatized. "That's no beagle, it's a mongrel," she muttered. "The fire is going out," he bellowed. "Bad marksmanship," the h

D'Hericault Charles

When a man assumes a public trust, he should consider himself as public property.

Dada Idi Amin

Everybody likes a kidder, but nobody lends him money.

Dada Idi Amin

Have the courage to take your own thoughts seriously, for they will shape you.

Dagny Taggart

Here's to women. Would that we could fall into her arms without falling into her hands.

Daley Mayor

Take what you can use and let the rest go by.

Daley Mayor

It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do.

Daley Richard

The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun.

Dali Salvador

We should have a great many fewer disputes in the world if only words were taken for what they are, the signs of our ideas only, and not for things themselves.

Dam Andries van

Eeny, Meeny, Jelly Beanie, the spirits are about to speak!

Dane Franklin K.

He played the king as if afraid someone else would play the ace.

Dangerfield Rodney

Those who have had no share in the good fortunes of the mighty Often have a share in their misfortunes.

Danton G.J.

We have reason to be afraid. This is a terrible place.

Darling Charles

Satire is tragedy plus time.

Darrow Clarence

From the cradle to the coffin underwear comes first.

Darrow Clarence

There is no fool to the old fool.

Darrow Clarence

The philosopher's treatment of a question is like the treatment of an illness.

Darrow Clarence

There's nothing remarkable about it. All one has to do is hit the right keys at the right time and the instrument plays itself.

Darrow Clarence

XLI: The more one produces, the less one gets. XLII: Simple systems are not feasible because they require infinite testing. XLIII: Hardware works best when it matters the least. XLIV: Aircraft flight in the 21st century will always be in a we

Darrow Clarence

Maternity pay? Now every Tom, Dick and Harry will get pregnant.

Darwin Charles

Something's rotten in the state of Denmark.

Darwin Porter

An aphorism is never exactly true; it is either a half-truth or one-and-a-half truths.

Dass Baba Ram

We have lingered long enough on the shores of the Cosmic Ocean.

Dass Baba Ram

Once he had one leg in the White House and the nation trembled under his roars. Now he is a tinpot pope in the Coca-Cola belt and a brother to the forlorn pastors who belabor halfwits in galvanized iron tabernacles behind the railroad yards."


If the church put in half the time on covetousness that it does on lust, this would be a better world.

Dave Barry

No matter whether th' constitution follows th' flag or not, th' supreme court follows th' iliction returns.

David Bodanis

Time goes, you say? Ah no! Time stays, *we* go.

David Niven

I went into a bar feeling a little depressed, the bartender said, "What'll you have, Bud"? I said," I don't know, surprise me". So he showed me a nude picture of my wife.

Davis Evan

A drama critic is a person who surprises a playwright by informing him what he meant.

Davis Evan

Being a miner, as soon as you're too old and tired and sick and stupid to do your job properly, you have to go, where the very opposite applies with the judges.

Davis Miles

In charity there is no excess.

Davisson Richard

"God gives burdens; also shoulders" Jimmy Carter cited this Jewish saying in his concession speech at the end of the 1980 election. At least he said it was a Jewish saying; I can't find it anywhere. I'm sure he's telling the truth though; why wo

Day Clarence

There are no answers, only cross-references.

DeBalzac Honore

If Jesus Christ were to come today, people would not even crucify him. They would ask him to dinner, and hear what he had to say, and make fun of it.

DeGaulle Charles

A committee takes root and grows, it flowers, wilts and dies, scattering the seed from which other committees will bloom.

Dead The Grateful

The sunlights differ, but there is only one darkness.

Dean James

... it still remains true that as a set of cognitive beliefs about the existence of God in any recognizable sense continuous with the great systems of the past, religious doctrines constitute a speculative hypothesis of an extremely low order of prob

Dekker Thomas

There are two kinds of fool. One says, "This is old, and therefore good." And one says, "This is new, and therefore better"


America has been discovered before, but it has always been hushed up.

Dennett Daniel

Interesting poll results reported in today's New York Post: people on the street in midtown Manhattan were asked whether they approved of the US invasion of Grenada. Fifty-three percent said yes; 39 percent said no; and 8 percent said "Gimme a quart

Derek Bok

The distinction between Freedom and Liberty is not accurately known; naturalists have been unable to find a living specimen of either.


Playing an unamplified electric guitar is like strumming on a picnic table.

Descartes Rene

I stick my neck out for nobody.

Dewar Lord Thomas

Certain passages in several laws have always defied interpretation and the most inexplicable must be a matter of opinion. A judge of the Court of Session of Scotland has sent the editors of this book his candidate which reads, "In the Nuts (unground

Dewar Lord Thomas

When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

Dewar Lord Thomas Rober

Most general statements are false, including this one.

Dewey John

The English instinctively admire any man who has no talent and is modest about it.

Dick Philip K.

I'm going to Vietnam at the request of the White House. President Johnson says a war isn't really a war without my jokes.

Dickens Charles

"I wonder", he said to himself, "what's in a book while it's closed. Oh, I know it's full of letters printed on paper, but all the same, something must be happening, because as soon as I open it, there's a whole story with people I don't know yet

Dickens Charles

"If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination."

Dickens Charles

Gone With The Wind LITE(tm)

Dickey James

Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration.

Dickson Paul

... indifference is a militant thing ... when it goes away it leaves smoking ruins, where lie citizens bayonetted through the throat. It is not a children's pastime like mere highway robbery.

Dictionary Webster's Unafraid

Power tends to corrupt, absolute power corrupts absolutely.

Dictum Schumacher's

If Karl, instead of writing a lot about Capital, had made a lot of Capital, it would have been much better.

Diefenbaker John

Great acts are made up of small deeds.

Dillinger John

Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest way of selling goods, particularly if the goods are worthless.


How apt the poor are to be proud.

Disney Walt

For certain people, after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex.

Disney Walt

Let the people think they govern and they will be governed.

Disra Benjamin

Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform.

Disrael Benjamin

We all declare for liberty, but in using the same word we do not all mean the same thing.

Disraeli Benjamin

Nonsense and beauty have close connections.

Disraeli Benjamin

If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.

Disraeli Benjamin

The reward of a thing well done is to have done it.

Disraeli Benjamin

It is better to live rich than to die rich.

Disraeli Benjamin

The plot was designed in a light vein that somehow became varicose.

Disraeli Benjamin

Real wealth can only increase.

Dobbs Waldo D.R.

It is by the fortune of God that, in this country, we have three benefits: freedom of speech, freedom of thought, and the wisdom never to use either.

Dobson Austin

Confucius say too much.

Doctor The

Practice yourself what you preach.

Dogtender The Mad

There are no physicists in the hottest parts of hell, because the existence of a "hottest part" implies a temperature difference, and any marginally competent physicist would immediately use this to run a heat engine and make some other part of hell

Dolph Sharp

The coast was clear.

Dolph Sharp

We have art that we do not die of the truth.

Donald N. Smith president

Somehow I reached excess without ever noticing when I was passing through satisfaction.

Donatus Aelius

Ain't no right way to do a wrong thing.

Donleavy J.P.

She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

Dooley Mr.

For years a secret shame destroyed my peace

Dooley Mr.

The farther you go, the less you know.

Dostoyevski F.

Tertullian was born in Carthage somewhere about 160 A.D. He was a pagan, and he abandoned himself to the lascivious life of his city until about his 35th year, when he became a Christian. [...] To him is ascribed the sublime confession: Credo quia

Doug Larson

Yevtushenko has... an ego that can crack crystal at a distance of twenty feet.

Douglas Lord Alfred

Live fast, die young, and leave a flat patch of fur on the highway!

Douglas Norman

Talkers are no good doers.

Douglas Adams

I'm always looking for a new idea that will be more productive than its cost.

Douglass Frederick

Have a place for everything and keep the thing somewhere else; this is not advice, it is merely custom.

Douglass Frederick

Veni, vidi, vici. [I came, I saw, I conquered].

Doyle Sir Arthur Conan

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.

Doyle Sir Arthur Conan

He that teaches himself has a fool for a master.

Doyle Sir Arthur Conan

Writing is turning one's worst moments into money.

Dr. Laurence J. Peter

If a man stay away from his wife for seven years, the law presumes the separation to have killed him; yet according to our daily experience, it might well prolong his life.

Dreshfield Jerry

Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made.

Droz Gustave

After his Ignoble Disgrace, Satan was being expelled from Heaven. As he passed through the Gates, he paused a moment in thought, and turned to God and said, "A new creature called Man, I hear, is soon to be created." "This is true," He replied.

Drucker Peter

No bird soars too high if he soars with his own wings.

Dudley Riggs

The Least Successful Executions History has furnished us with two executioners worthy of attention. The first performed in Sydney in Australia. In 1803 three attempts were made to hang a Mr. Joseph Samuels. On the first two of these the rope snap

Duggan B.

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forego their use.

Duke Raoul

Only those who leisurely approach that which the masses are busy about can be busy about that which the masses take leisurely.


Never buy from a rich salesman.

Dumas Alexander

There are three infallible ways of pleasing an author, and the three form a rising scale of compliment: 1, to tell him you have read one of his books; 2, to tell him you have read all of his books; 3, to ask him to let you read the manuscript of his

Dumas Alexandre

"I'd like to start a new religion. One that doesn't use a dead young man as its logo."

Dunne Finley Peter

It's the opinion of some that crops could be grown on the moon. Which raises the fear that it may not be long before we're paying somebody not to.

Durant Will

"Is it just me, or does anyone else read `bible humpers' every time someone writes `bible thumpers?'

Durocher Leo

The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.

Dwight Walter

Remembering is for those who have forgotten.

Dwight Van de Vate

The executioner is, I hear, very expert, and my neck is very slender.

Dye W.H. Auden

You have all the characteristics of a popular politician: a horrible voice, bad breeding, and a vulgar manner.


I dread success. To have succeeded is to have finished one's business on earth, like the male spider, who is killed by the female the moment he has succeeded in his courtship. I like a state of continual becoming, with a goal in front and not behin

Dyke Henry Van

It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair.


Fourteen years in the professor dodge has taught me that one can argue ingeniously on behalf of any theory, applied to any piece of literature. This is rarely harmful, because normally no-one reads such essays.

Dylan Bob

I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.

Dylan Bob

"Life is too important to take seriously."

Dylan Bob

It's hard to drive at the limit, but it's harder to know where the limits are.

Dyson Freeman

The 'A' is for content, the 'minus' is for not typing it. Don't ever do this to my eyes again.

de Dave Johnson on

Nothing matters very much, and few things matter at all.

distinctly and quite

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If I made peace with Russia today, I'd only attack her again tomorrow. I just couldn't help myself.
Hitler Adolf

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