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Chapter 1 The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

D Vine

If Presidents don't do it to their wives, they do it to the country.

D'Hericault Charles

You get what you pay for.

Dada Idi Amin

What an artist dies with me!

Dada Idi Amin

I do not believe in the creed professed by the Jewish Church, by the Roman Church, by the Greek Church, by the Turkish Church, by the Protestant Church, nor by any Church that I know of. My own mind is my own Church.

Dagny Taggart

TV is chewing gum for the eyes.

Daley Mayor

That government is best which governs least.

Daley Mayor

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

Daley Richard

It's not a sin not to be Irish, but it is a great shame.

Dali Salvador

It's a recession when your neighbour loses his job; it's a depression when you lose yours.

Dam Andries van

The Least Successful Equal Pay Advertisement In 1976 the European Economic Community pointed out to the Irish Government that it had not yet implemented the agreed sex equality legislation. The Dublin Government immediately advertised for an equal

Dane Franklin K.

The first sign of corruption in a society that is still alive is that the end justifies the means.

Dangerfield Rodney

The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet.

Danton G.J.

What a bonanza! An unknown beginner to be directed by Lubitsch, in a script by Wilder and Brackett, and to play with Paramount's two superstars, Gary Cooper and Claudette Colbert, and to be beaten up by both of them!

Darling Charles

Si Dieu n'existait pas, il faudrait l'inventer. [If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him.]

Darrow Clarence

Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women it is merely a good excuse not to play football.

Darrow Clarence

The intelligence of any discussion diminishes with the square of the number of participants.

Darrow Clarence

Sorry 'bout that sweat, honey. That's just holy water.

Darrow Clarence

Think lucky. If you fall in a pond, check your pockets for fish.

Darrow Clarence

It is by the fortune of God that, in this country, we have three benefits: freedom of speech, freedom of thought, and the wisdom never to use either.

Darrow Clarence

Democracy becomes a government of bullies, tempered by editors.

Darwin Charles

University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.

Darwin Porter

While there's life, there's hope.

Dass Baba Ram

Once a word has been allowed to escape, it cannot be recalled.

Dass Baba Ram

The USA is so enormous, and so numerous are its schools, colleges and religious seminaries, many devoted to special religious beliefs ranging from the unorthodox to the dotty, that we can hardly wonder at its yielding a more bounteous harvest of gobb


A full belly makes a dull brain.

Dave Barry

Progress might have been all right once, but it's gone on too long.

David Bodanis

Competence, like truth, beauty, and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder.

David Niven

All is well that ends well.

Davis Evan

The difference between a Miracle and a Fact is exactly the difference between a mermaid and a seal.

Davis Evan

When we are planning for posterity, we ought to remember that virtue is not hereditary.

Davis Miles

The Worst Musical Trio There are few bad musicians who have a chance to give a recital at a famous concert hall while still learning the rudiments of their instrument. This happened about thirty years ago to the son of a Rumanian gentleman who was

Davisson Richard

She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

Day Clarence

When a place gets crowded enough to require ID's, social collapse is not far away. It is time to go elsewhere. The best thing about space travel is that it made it possible to go elsewhere.

DeBalzac Honore

It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.

DeGaulle Charles

Learning without thought is labor lost; thought without learning is perilous.

Dead The Grateful

Divorce is a game played by lawyers.

Dean James

Waste not fresh tears over old griefs.

Dekker Thomas

Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel.


Nothing recedes like success.

Dennett Daniel

Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.

Derek Bok

The streets are safe in Philadelphia, it's only the people who make them unsafe.


In "King Henry VI, Part II," Shakespeare has Dick Butcher suggest to his fellow anti-establishment rabble-rousers, "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." That action may be extreme but a similar sentiment was expressed by Thomas K. Co

Descartes Rene

Destiny is a good thing to accept when it's going your way. When it isn't, don't call it destiny; call it injustice, treachery, or simple bad luck.

Dewar Lord Thomas

If it takes a bloodbath, lets get it over with. No more appeasement.

Dewar Lord Thomas

Forgive him, for he believes that the customs of his tribe are the laws of nature!

Dewar Lord Thomas Rober

Nullum magnum ingenium sine mixtura dementiae fuit. [There is no great genius without some touch of madness.]

Dewey John

Odets, where is thy sting?

Dick Philip K.

Concerning the war in Vietnam, Senator George Aiken of Vermount noted in January, 1966, "I'm not very keen for doves or hawks. I think we need more owls."

Dickens Charles

"Cable is not a luxury, since many areas have poor TV reception."

Dickens Charles

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

Dickens Charles

Ninety percent of everything is crap.

Dickey James

Don't go to bed with no price on your head.

Dickson Paul

There are ten or twenty basic truths, and life is the process of discovering them over and over and over.

Dictionary Webster's Unafraid

If two men agree on everything, you may be sure that one of them is doing the thinking.

Dictum Schumacher's

Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.

Diefenbaker John

The thought of being President frightens me and I do not think I want the job.

Dillinger John

Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions


Out of sight is out of mind.

Disney Walt

If there really was a Jewish conspiracy to run the world, my rabbi would have let me in on it by now. I contribute enough to the shule.

Disney Walt

Rembrandt is not to be compared in the painting of character with our extraordinarily gifted English artist, Mr. Rippingille.

Disra Benjamin

IV. The time required for an object to fall twenty stories is greater than or equal to the time it takes for whoever knocked it off the ledge to spiral down twenty flights to attempt to capture it unbroken. Such an object is inevitably price

Disrael Benjamin

Tallulah Bankhead barged down the Nile last night as Cleopatra and sank.

Disraeli Benjamin

If a man stay away from his wife for seven years, the law presumes the separation to have killed him; yet according to our daily experience, it might well prolong his life.

Disraeli Benjamin

Sic transit gloria mundi. [So passes away the glory of this world.]

Disraeli Benjamin

The more I want to get something done, the less I call it work.

Disraeli Benjamin

In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary patriotism is defined as the last resort of the scoundrel. With all due respect to an enlightened but inferior lexicographer I beg to submit that it is the first.

Disraeli Benjamin

Education is learning what you didn't even know you didn't know.

Disraeli Benjamin

Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.

Dobbs Waldo D.R.

Paradise is exactly like where you are right now ... only much, much better.

Dobson Austin

Academic politics is the most vicious and bitter form of politics, because the stakes are so low.

Doctor The

If I were a grave-digger or even a hangman, there are some people I could work for with a great deal of enjoyment.

Dogtender The Mad

What is good? Everything that heightens the feeling of power in man, the will to power, power itself. What is bad? Everything that is born of weakness. Not contentedness but more power; not peace but war; not virtue but fitness. The weak and the

Dolph Sharp

In every hierarchy the cream rises until it sours.

Dolph Sharp

We tried to close Ohio's borders and ran into a Constitutional problem. There's a provision in the Constitution that says you can't close your borders to interstate commerce, and garbage is a form of interstate commerce.

Donald N. Smith president

Just once I would like to persuade the audience not to wear any article of blue denim. If only they could see themselves in a pair of brown corduroys like mine instead of this awful, boring blue denim. I don't enjoy the sky or sea as much as I used

Donatus Aelius

[Sir Stafford Cripps] has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

Donleavy J.P.

One hundred women are not worth a single testicle.

Dooley Mr.

It is when I struggle to be brief that I become obscure.

Dooley Mr.

Our sires' age was worse that our grandsires'. We their sons are more worthless than they: so in our turn we shall give the world a progeny yet more corrupt.

Dostoyevski F.

It's all right letting yourself go as long as you can let yourself back.

Doug Larson

Cold is God's way of teling us to burn more Catholics.

Douglas Lord Alfred

If you think the United States has stood still, who built the largest shopping center in the world?

Douglas Norman

Naturally the common people don't want war... but after all it is the leaders of a country who determine the policy, and it is always a simple matter to drag the people along, whether it is a democracy, or a fascist dictatorship, or a parliament, or

Douglas Adams

Mundus vult decipi decipiatur ergo.

Douglass Frederick

One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say.

Douglass Frederick

Education is the process of casting false pearls before real swine.

Doyle Sir Arthur Conan

In America, any boy may become president and I suppose that's just one of the risks he takes.

Doyle Sir Arthur Conan

A good scapegoat is hard to find. A guilty conscience is the mother of invention.

Doyle Sir Arthur Conan

One man's Mede is another man's Persian.

Dr. Laurence J. Peter

The Crown is full of it!

Dreshfield Jerry

Harp not on that string.

Droz Gustave

Some performers on television appear to be horrible people, but when you finally get to know them in person, they turn out to be even worse.

Drucker Peter

Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs repainting.

Dudley Riggs

There is no act of treachery or mean-ness of which a political party is not capable; for in politics there is no honour.

Duggan B.

"When are you BUTTHEADS gonna learn that you can't oppose Gestapo tactics *with* Gestapo tactics?"

Duke Raoul

All the taxes paid over a lifetime by the average American are spent by the government in less than a second.


Let me assure you that to us here at First National, you're not just a number. Youre two numbers, a dash, three more numbers, another dash and another number.

Dumas Alexander

An honest politician is one who when he is bought will stay bought.

Dumas Alexandre

Well, here it is, 1983, so it won't be long before you start reading a lot of boring stories about people like Vance Hartke. Hartke is a governor or mayor or something from one of the flatter states, and the reason you'll be reading about him is tha

Dunne Finley Peter

When I reflect upon the number of disagreeable people who I know who have gone to a better world, I am moved to lead a different life.

Durant Will

Optimism is the content of small men in high places.

Durocher Leo

"Do you think there's a God?" "Well, ____SOMEbody's out to get me!"

Dwight Walter

Don't everyone thank me at once!

Dwight Van de Vate

Sometimes even to live is an act of courage.

Dye W.H. Auden

For a light heart lives long.


The man who runs may fight again.

Dyke Henry Van

The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose.


Grief can take care of itself; but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.

Dylan Bob

Living in LA is like not having a date on Saturday night.

Dylan Bob

Sometimes, too long is too long.

Dylan Bob

I have already given two cousins to the war and I stand ready to sacrifice my wife's brother.

Dyson Freeman

Fear is the greatest salesman.

de Dave Johnson on

I will make you shorter by the head.

distinctly and quite

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We may not be able to persuade Hindus that Jesus and not Vishnu should govern their spiritual horizon, nor Moslems that Lord Buddha is at the center of their spiritual universe, nor Hebrews that Mohammed is a major prohpet, nor Christians that Shinto
Cousins Norman

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