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For certain people, after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex.

Fadiman Clifton


Many of the characters are fools and they are always playing tricks on me and treating me badly.

Fadiman Clifton


A man gazing at the stars is proverbially at the mercy of the puddles in the road.

Fadiman Clifton


When I have one foot in the grave I will tell the truth about women. I shall tell it, jump into my coffin, pull the lid over me, and say, "Do what you like now."

Fadiman Clifton


New Jersey is not the armpit of the nation; it's the asshole of the universe.

Far Kilgore Trout


Having the fewest wants, I am nearest to the gods.

Faulkner William


You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it true. You may have to work for it, however.

Faulkner William


The price of success in philosophy is triviality.

Fawcett-Majors Farrah


No two persons ever read the same book.

Fee Elizabeth


Let your conscience be your guide.

Feibleman James


The true Southern watermelon is a boon apart, and not to be mentioned with commoner things. It is chief of the world's luxuries, king by the grace of God over all the fruits of the earth. When one has tasted it, he knows what the angels eat. It wa

Feiffer J.


To lead people, you must follow behind.

Feiffer J.


When the sun shineth, make hay.

Feirstein Bruce


"What's this? Trix? Aunt! Trix? You? You're after the prize! What is it?" He picked up the box and studied the back. "A glow-in-the-dark squid! Have you got it out of there yet?" He tilted the box, angling the little colored balls of cereal

Fenelon Francois


A man's house is his castle.

Feodor Dostoevsky


Things past redress and now with me past care.

Ferdinand Marechal Foch


France is a country where the money falls apart and you can't tear the toilet paper.

Fiebig Jim


Not to laugh, not to lament, not to curse, but to understand.

Fields W.C.


All the really good ideas I ever had came to me while I was milking a cow.

Fields W.C.


Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest way of selling goods, particularly if the goods are worthless.

Fields W.C.


Never buy from a rich salesman.

Fields W.C.


A morgue is a morgue is a morgue. They can paint the walls with aggressively cheerful primary colors and splashy bold graphics, but it's still a holding place for the dead until they can be parted out to organ banks. Not that I would have cared nor

Finley J.H.


A sad spectacle. If they be inhabited, what a scope for misery and folly. If they be not inhabited, what a waste of space.

Finley Peter Dunne


We know all about the habits of the ant, we know all about the habits of the bee, but we know nothing at all about the habits of the oyster. It seems almost certain that we have been choosing the wrong time for studying the oyster.

Fisher John


The pollution's at that awkward stage. Too thick to navigate and too thin to cultivate.

Fishhawk Prof. Cosmo


Everyone is in the best seat.

Fitch G.


The United States is like the guy at the party who gives cocaine to everybody and still nobody likes him.

Fitzgera F. Scott


What you don't know won't help you much either.

Fitzgera F. Scott


The streets were dark with something more than night.

Fitzgerald F. Scott


Arrakis teaches the attitude of the knife - chopping off what's incomplete and saying: "Now it's complete because it's ended here."

Flagg Reuben


You knew the job was dangerous when you took it, Fred.

Flaubert


I BET WHAT HAPPENED was they discovered fire and invented the wheel on the same day. Then that night, they burned the wheel.

Florio John


In charity there is no excess.

Floyd Mengot


I went into a bar feeling a little depressed, the bartender said, "What'll you have, Bud"? I said," I don't know, surprise me". So he showed me a nude picture of my wife.

Flynn Errol


VII. Certain bodies can pass through solid walls painted to resemble tunnel entrances; others cannot. This trompe l'oeil inconsistency has baffled generations, but at least it is known that whoever paints an entrance on a wall's surface to

Foote Samuel


A rolling stone gathers no moss.

Ford Henry


The universe is made of stories, not of atoms.

Foreman John


If men are not afraid to die, it is of no avail to threaten them with death. If men live in constant fear of dying, And if breaking the law means a man will be killed, Who will dare to break the law? There is always an official executioner. If

Forster E.M.


It has long been noticed that juries are pitiless for robbery and full of indulgence for infanticide. A question of interest, my dear Sir! The jury is afraid of being robbed and has passed the age when it could be a victim of infanticide.

Forward R.L.


IF I HAD A MINE SHAFT, I don't think I would just abandon it. There's got to be a better way.

Fosdick Harry Emerson


I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

Fowler Gene


If two people love each other, there can be no happy end to it.

Foxx Redd


If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.

Frampton Peter


A yawn is a silent shout.

Fran Lebowitz


Men's skin is different from women's skin. It is usually bigger, and it has more snakes tattooed on it. Also, if you examine a woman's skin very closely, inch by inch, starting at her shapely ankles, then gently tracing the slender curve of her cal

Fran Lebowitz


The Soviet Union, which has complained recently about alleged anti-Soviet themes in American advertising, lodged an official protest this week against the Ford Motor Company's new campaign: "Hey you stinking, fat Russian, get off my Ford Escort."

Fran Lebowitz


It has long been noticed that juries are pitiless for robbery and full of indulgence for infanticide. A question of interest, my dear Sir! The jury is afraid of being robbed and has passed the age when it could be a victim of infanticide.

France Anatole


Several years ago, some smart businessmen had an idea: Why not build a big store where a do-it-yourselfer could get everything he needed at reasonable prices? Then they decided, nah, the hell with that, let's build a home center. And before long ho

France Anatole


In spite of everything, I still believe that people are good at heart.

France Anatole


No man is an Iland, intire of it selfe; every man is a peece of the Continent, a part of the maine; if a Clod bee washed away by the Sea, Europe is the lesse, as well as if a Promontorie were, as well as if a Mannor of thy friends or of thine owne we

France Anatole


They have been at a great feast of languages, and stolen the scraps.

France Anatole


Briefly stated, the findings are that when presented with an array of data or a sequence of events in which they are instructed to discover an underlying order, subjects show strong tendencies to perceive order and causality in random arrays, to perc

France Anatole


per year.

France Anatole


The two most beautiful words in the English language are "Cheque Enclosed."

France Anatole


Everything is possible. Pass the word.

Franci KFOG San


Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm.

Francis Brendan


In "King Henry VI, Part II," Shakespeare has Dick Butcher suggest to his fellow anti-establishment rabble-rousers, "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." That action may be extreme but a similar sentiment was expressed by Thomas K. Co

Francis


A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.

Francis


Who does not trust enough will not be trusted.

Francisc Colin Bowles San


There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.

Frank Ann


Big book, big bore.

Frank Costello


Fourteen years in the professor dodge has taught me that one can argue ingeniously on behalf of any theory, applied to any piece of literature. This is rarely harmful, because normally no-one reads such essays.

Frank Costello


Where it is a duty to worship the sun it is pretty sure to be a crime to examine the laws of heat.

Frank Herbert


All of us should treasure his Oriental wisdom and his preaching of a Zen-like detachment, as exemplified by his constant reminder to clerks, tellers, or others who grew excited by his presence in their banks: "Just lie down on the floor and keep calm

Frank Herbert


Instead of loving your enemies, treat your friends a little better.

Frank Herbert


While there's life, there's hope.

Frank Herbert


The final delusion is the belief that one has lost all delusions.

Franklin B.


Time goes, you say? Ah no! Time stays, *we* go.

Franklin B.


Small is beautiful.

Franklin B.


Why be a man when you can be a success?

Franklin B.


It's not enough to be Hungarian; you must have talent too.

Franklin B.


If I had any humility I would be perfect.

Franklin B.


Bond reflected that good Americans were fine people and that most of them seemed to come from Texas.

Franklin Ben


Home is where the hurt is.

Franklin Ben


A woman who is unfaithful deserves to be shot.

Franklin Ben


If there really was a Jewish conspiracy to run the world, my rabbi would have let me in on it by now. I contribute enough to the shule.

Franklin Benjamin


With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law; and every time they make a law it's a joke.

Franklin Benjamin


Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune.

Franklin Benjamin


We have lingered long enough on the shores of the Cosmic Ocean.

Franklin Benjamin


The reward of a thing well done is to have done it.

Franklin Benjamin


As to the Adjective: when in doubt, strike it out.

Franklin Benjamin


The only cultural advantage LA has over NY is that you can make a right turn on a red light.

Franklin Benjamin


"No job too big; no fee too big!"

Franklin Benjamin


Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other.

Franklin Benjamin


San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was.

Franklin Benjamin


Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it depends on what you put into it.

Fratianno


With all the talent around, it's sort of amazing that a woman could be up here with us.

Fratianno


The Priest's grey nimbus in a niche where he dressed discreetly. I will not sleep here tonight. Home also I cannot go. A voice, sweetened and sustained, called to him from the sea. Turning the curve he waved his hand. A sleek brown head, a seal's,

Fratianno


Love the sea? I dote upon it

Fred Allen


Why am I so soft in the middle when the rest of my life is so hard?

Freud Sigmund


It is often the case that the man who can't tell a lie thinks he is the best judge of one.

Freud Sigmund


A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of.

Friedman Milton


There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.

Friendman Milton


Hollywood is where if you don't have happiness you send out for it.

Friendman Milton


He hath eaten me out of house and home.

Fright Nero Wolfe


Go ahead... make my day.

Fringe Beyond the


Never take a resume seriously. Resumes only make money for the people who write the resumes. No resume ever tells an employer how many times a job applicant has had the clap. Why, indeed, would anyone hire a person based on a resume written by a

Fringe Beyond the


General notions are generally wrong.

Fritzlar Herbert von


Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in.

Frog Kermit the


The best executive is one who has sense enough to pick good people to do what he wants done, and self-restraint enough to keep from meddling with them while they do it.

Fromme Squeaky


Dear Mister Language Person: What is the purpose of the apostrophe? Answer: The apostrophe is used mainly in hand-lettered small business signs to alert the reader than an "S" is coming up at the end of a word, as in: WE DO NOT EXCEPT PERSONAL CHEC

Frost Robert


If you would know the value of money, go try to borrow some.

Frost Robert


He jests at scars who never felt a wound.

Frost Robert


Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

Frost Robert


I owe the public nothing.

Frost Robert


Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration.

Frost Robert


Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.

Frost Robert


"Hey, Sam, how about a loan?" "Whattaya need?" "Oh, about $500." "Whattaya got for collateral?" "Whattaya need?" "How about an eye?"

Fry Christopher


"I'm in Pittsburgh. Why am I here?"

Fuldheim Dorothy


Fear is the greatest salesman.

Fuller Buckminster


Catharsis is something I associate with pornography and crossword puzzles.

Fuller Buckminster


Just close your eyes, tap your heels together three times, and think to yourself, `There's no place like home.'

Fuller R. Buckminster


In dwelling, be close to the land. In meditation, delve deep into the heart. In dealing with others, be gentle and kind. In speech, be true. In work, be competent. In action, be careful of your timing.

Fuller R. Buckminster


Would it help if I got out and pushed?

Fylstra Dan





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Some performers on television appear to be horrible people, but when you finally get to know them in person, they turn out to be even worse.
Avery

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