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Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

G Gen.

Crito, I owe a cock to Asclepius; will you remember to pay the debt?

G. Gordon Liddy's

With women, I've got a long bamboo pole with a leather loop on the end of it. I slip the loop around their necks so they can't get away or come too close. Like catching snakes.

G. Roy

Yes, I've now got this nice little apartment in New York, one of those L-shaped ones. Unfortunately, it's a lower case l.

G. Roy

I have a very strange feeling about this...

Galbraith J.K.

America, how can I write a holy litany in your silly mood?

Galbraith J.K.

The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance. He of all men should behave as though the law compelled him. But it is the universal weakness of mankind that what we are given to administer we presently imagine we own.

Galbraith John Kenneth

Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest r

Galbraith John Kenneth

What a bonanza! An unknown beginner to be directed by Lubitsch, in a script by Wilder and Brackett, and to play with Paramount's two superstars, Gary Cooper and Claudette Colbert, and to be beaten up by both of them!

Galbraith John Kenneth

The universe is made of stories, not of atoms.

Galilei Galileo

You mentioned your name as if I should recognize it, but beyond the obvious facts that you are a bachelor, a solicitor, a freemason, and an asthmatic, I know nothing whatever about you.


Joe Cool always spends the first two weeks at college sailing his frisbee.

Gallagher Eugene P.

The goys have proven the following theorem...

Gallaher M.

Whatever occurs from love is always beyond good and evil.

Gallaher M.

Fourteen years in the professor dodge has taught me that one can argue ingeniously on behalf of any theory, applied to any piece of literature. This is rarely harmful, because normally no-one reads such essays.

Galsworthy John

I think we're in trouble.


The chief cause of problems is solutions.


Every person, all the events in your life are there because you have drawn them there. What you choose to do with them is up to you.

Gandhi Indira

Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm.

Gandhi Indira

Whenever the literary German dives into a sentence, that is the last you are going to see of him until he emerges on the other side of his Atlantic with his verb in his mouth.

Gandhi Mahatma

The individual choice of garnishment of a burger can be an important point to the consumer in this day when individualism is an increasingly important thing to people.

Gandhi Mahatma

The meek shall inherit the earth, but *not* its mineral rights.

Gandhi Mahatma

Work Hard. Rock Hard. Eat Hard. Sleep Hard. Grow Big. Wear Glasses If You Need 'Em.

Gandhi Mahatma

In every hierarchy the cream rises until it sours.

Garbers J.

Bond reflected that good Americans were fine people and that most of them seemed to come from Texas.


Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.

Garrison William Lloyd

Whenever anyone says, "theoretically," they really mean, "not really."

Garrison Keillor

When the English language gets in my way, I walk over it.

Gary Gilmore

The plot was designed in a light vein that somehow became varicose.

Gary Trudeau

Seeing that death, a necessary end, Will come when it will come.

Gasset Jos'e Ortega Y

'Naomi, sex at noon taxes.' I moan. Never odd or even. A man, a plan, a canal, Panama. Madam, I'm Adam. Sit on a potato pan, Otis. Sit on Otis.

Gauguin Paul

I: The best way to make a silk purse from a sow's ear is to begin with a silk sow. The same is true of money. II: If today were half as good as tomorrow is supposed to be, it would probably be twice as good as yesterday was. III: There are

Gauguin Paul

If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it.

Gaulle Charles de

If a man has a strong faith he can indulge in the luxury of skepticism.

Gaulle Charles de

This is the sort of English up with which I will not put.

Gaultier Jules de

Lord, what fools these mortals be!


"What are you watching?" "I don't know." "Well, what's happening?" "I'm not sure... I think the guy in the hat did something terrible." "Why are you watching it?" "You're so analytical. Sometimes you just have to let art flow over you."

Gauvreay Emile Henry

Hating the Yankees is as American as pizza pie, unwed mothers and cheating on your income tax.

Gavin General James

Trifles make perfection, and perfection is no trifle.

Geis R.

Ben, why didn't you tell me?

Geis R.

It were not best that we should all think alike; it is difference of opinion that makes horse-races.

Geis R.

To generalize is to be an idiot.

Gene Kirkwood

Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.

Genter Quentin

For every bloke who makes his mark, there's half a dozen waiting to rub it out.


It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both incisive and probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper.

George F. Baer railroad

What we need in this country, instead of Daylight Savings Time, which nobody really understands anyway, is a new concept called Weekday Morning Time, whereby at 7 a.m. every weekday we go into a space-launch-style "hold" for two to three hours, durin

George Kennan

There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.

George Saunder

Yevtushenko has... an ego that can crack crystal at a distance of twenty feet.

George Seldes

The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

Gerald Weinberg

Call on God, but row away from the rocks.

Gerould Katharine Fullerton

The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because it isn't here.

Gerrold David

Let's remind ourselves that last year's fresh idea is today's cliche.

Gerrold David

Mandrell: "You know what I think?" Doctor: "Ah, ah that's a catch question. With a brain your size you don't think, right?"

Gess Bene

Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.

Getty J. Paul

A copy of the universe is not what is required of art; one of the damned things is ample.

Getty J.P.

In the first place, God made idiots; this was for practice; then he made school boards.

Giancana Sam

There is nothing new except what has been forgotten.

Giancana Sam e

Try not to have a good time ... This is supposed to be educational.

Gibbon Edward

This novel is not to be tossed lightly aside, but to be hurled with great force.

Gibbon Edward

Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

Gibbons Edward

A sad spectacle. If they be inhabited, what a scope for misery and folly. If they be not inhabited, what a waste of space.

Gibran Kahlil

My advice to you, my violent friend, is to seek out gold and sit on it.

Gibran Kahlil

You always introduce the younger person to the older person, using the wording: "Miss Brown, I'd like to introduce you to an older person" (unless her name is not "Miss Brown"). If you do not know a person's age, ask for a driver's license and a ma

Gibran Kahlil

The eye is a menace to clear sight, the ear is a menace to subtle hearing, the mind is a menace to wisdom, every organ of the senses is a menace to its own capacity. ... Fuss, the god of the Southern Ocean, and Fret, the god of the Northern Ocean, h

Gibson J.J.

The Almighty in His infinite wisdom did not see fit to create Frenchmen in the image of Englishmen.

Giddens Gary

Out of sight is out of mind.

Gilbert W.S.

That Xanthippe's husband should have become so great a philosopher is remarkable. Amid all the scolding, to be able to think! But he could not write: that was impossible. Socrates has not left us a single book.

Gillette George Francis

The only thing that experience teaches us is that experience teaches us nothing.

Gilliam E.A.

I dread success. To have succeeded is to have finished one's business on earth, like the male spider, who is killed by the female the moment he has succeeded in his courtship. I like a state of continual becoming, with a goal in front and not behin

Ginsberg Allen

Plots are like girdles. Hidden, they hold your interest; revealed, they're of no interest except to fetishists. Like girdles, they attempt to contain an uncontainable experience.

Ginsberg Allen

The primary cause of failure in electrical appliances is an expired warranty. Often, you can get an appliance running again simply by changing the warranty expiration date with a 15/64-inch felt-tipped marker.

Giraudoux Jean

Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.

Giraudoux Jean

The first Rotarian was the first man to call John the Baptist "Jack."

Glymour. C.

Arrakis teaches the attitude of the knife - chopping off what's incomplete and saying: "Now it's complete because it's ended here."

Gnaeus Pompeius

Think lucky. If you fall in a pond, check your pockets for fish.

Gobeil Madeleine

Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember, it didn't help the rabbit.

Godwin Gail

The only problem with seeing too much is that it makes you insane.

Goebbels Josef

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.

Goering Hermann

Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves.

Goering Hermann

Rascal, am I? Take THAT!


I am, in point of fact, a particularly haughty and exclusive person, of pre-Adamite ancestral descent. You will understand this when I tell you that I can trace my ancestry back to a protoplasmal primordial atomic globule. Consequently, my family p


A full belly makes a dull brain.


Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement.


There are two kinds of pedestrians... the quick and the dead.


The USA is so enormous, and so numerous are its schools, colleges and religious seminaries, many devoted to special religious beliefs ranging from the unorthodox to the dotty, that we can hardly wonder at its yielding a more bounteous harvest of gobb


Zounds! I was never so bethumped with words since I first called my brother's father dad.


"Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what *___can* you believe?!"

Goethe Johann Wolfgang von

The only "ism" Hollywood believes in is plagiarism.

Goethe Johann van

General notions are generally wrong.

Gold Vic

Tip the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles.

Gold Barry

Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths good theatre.


(1) Avoid fried meats which angry up the blood. (2) If your stomach antagonizes you, pacify it with cool thoughts. (3) Keep the juices flowing by jangling around gently as you move. (4) Go very lightly on the vices, such as carrying on in society, as

Goldfinger Auric

Any two philosophers can tell each other all they know in two hours.

Goldthwait Bobcat

"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!"

Goldwater Barry

Inglish Spocken Hier: some mangled translations Sign on a cathedral in Spain: It is forbidden to enter a woman, even a foreigner if dressed as a man. Above the enterance to a Cairo bar: Unaccompanied ladies not admitted unless with husb

Goldwater Barry

A lie is an abomination unto the Lord and a very present help in time of trouble.

Goldwater Sen. Barry

How should they answer?

Goldwater Senator Barry

There are many of us in this old world of ours who hold that things break about even for all of us. I have observed, for example, that we all get about the same amount of ice. The rich get it in the summer and the poor get it in the winter.

Goldwater Barry

Well, we'll really have a party, but we've gotta post a guard outside.

Goldwater Senator Barry

The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow; there is no humor in Heaven.

Goldwyn Samuel

Plus ,ca change, plus c'est la m^eme chose. [The more things change, the more they remain the same.]

Goldwyn Samuel

Knowledge is power.

Goldwyn Samuel

Nothing endures but change.

Gondorf Henry

The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.

Good Glynda the

... "fire" does not matter, "earth" and "air" and "water" do not matter. "I" do not matter. No word matters. But man forgets reality and remembers words. The more words he remembers, the cleverer do his fellows esteem him. He looks upon the great

Goodman Saul

It's not a sin not to be Irish, but it is a great shame.

Gordon Karen Elizabeth

Women of genius commonly have masculine faces, figures and manners. In transplanting brains to an alien soil God leaves a little of the original earth clinging to the roots.

Gordon George

You have to run as fast as you can just to stay where you are. If you want to get anywhere, you'll have to run much faster.

Gorin Amy

It has been said [by Anatole France], "it is not by amusing oneself that one learns," and, in reply: "it is *____only* by amusing oneself that one can learn."

Gorin Amy

If you know the answer to a question, don't ask.

Gould Jay

Use an accordion. Go to jail.

Gould Jay

Maybe ain't ain't so correct, but I notice that lots of folks who ain't using ain't ain't eatin' well.

Goulden Joseph C.

Reality is just a convenient measure of complexity.

Goulden Joseph C.

When eating an elephant take one bite at a time.

Goulden Joseph C.

The problem that we thought was a problem was, indeed, a problem, but not the problem we thought was the problem.

Grant Cary

There's no such thing as a free lunch.

Grant Cary

Would that my hand were as swift as my tongue.

Gravy Wavy

Snakes. Why did it have to be snakes?

Gregory Dick

No house should ever be on any hill or on anything. It should be of the hill, belonging to it.

Greville Fulke

Better tried by twelve than carried by six.

Grogan Emmett

Campus sidewalks never exist as the straightest line between two points.

Groucho Marx

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.


The only alliance I would make with the Women's Liberation Movement is in bed.

Guaspari David

I didn't do it! Nobody saw me do it! Can't prove anything!

Guido Mark

Someday, Weederman, we'll look back on all this and laugh... It will probably be one of those deep, eerie ones that slowly builds to a blood-curdling maniacal scream... but still it will be a laugh.


Once he had one leg in the White House and the nation trembled under his roars. Now he is a tinpot pope in the Coca-Cola belt and a brother to the forlorn pastors who belabor halfwits in galvanized iron tabernacles behind the railroad yards."


Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it depends on what you put into it.


We'll be recording at the Paradise Friday night. Live, on the Death label.


Life being what it is, one dreams of revenge.

Gusenberg Frank

If a thing's worth having, it's worth cheating for.

Guthrie Arlo

To every Ph.D. there is an equal and opposite Ph.D.

Guzik Jake

It seems to me that nearly every woman I know wants a man who knows how to love with authority. Women are simple souls who like simple things, and one of the simplest is one of the simplest to give. ... Our family airedale will come clear across t

Guzman Adolfo

A woman who is guided by the head and not by the heart is a social pestilence: she has all the defects of the passionate and affectionate woman, with none of her compensations; she is without pity, without love, without virtue, without sex.

Gween Actor Edmond

The trouble with the rat-race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

Gyles Brandreth

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Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.
Pope Alexander

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