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The early bird who catches the worm works for someone who comes in late and owns the worm farm.

H.G. Wells

When you are at Rome live in the Roman style; when you are elsewhere live as they live elsewhere.

Ha Nate

You may have heard that a dean is to faculty as a hydrant is to a dog.

Hagen Walter

I remember once being on a station platform in Cleveland at four in the morning. A black porter was carrying my bags, and as we were waiting for the train to come in, he said to me: "Excuse me, Mr. Cooke, I don't want to invade your privacy, but I h

Hague Frank

Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.

Hahn Tim

Once there lived a village of creatures along the bottom of a great crystal river. Each creature in its own manner clung tightly to the twigs and rocks of the river bottom, for clinging was their way of life, and resisting the current what each had

Haig Alexander

You can't run away forever, But there's nothing wrong with getting a good head start.

Haldeman H.R.

Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm.

Half-Constru Racter

If little else, the brain is an educational toy.

Hallock Addison H.

I often quote myself; it adds spice to my conversation.

Halsey Admiral William

Every man who has reached even his intellectual teens begins to suspect that life is no farce; that it is not genteel comedy even; that it flowers and fructifies on the contrary out of the profoundest tragic depths of the essential death in which its

Hamilton Alexander

If we could sell our experiences for what they cost us, we would all be millionaires.

Hamilton Alexander

To have died once is enough.

Hamilton Edith

But if you wish at once to do nothing and to be respectable nowdays, the best pretext is to be at work on some profound study.

Hamlet Dick

If little green men land in your back yard, hide any little green women you've got in the house.

Hammarskjold Dag

Facts are the enemy of truth.

Hampton Christopher

Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.

Handley Jack

The last vestiges of the old Republic have been swept away.


Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.

Hardin Salvor

Sometimes, too long is too long.

Harding Warren G.

Maryel brought her bat into Exit once and started whacking people on the dance floor. Now everyone's doing it. It's called grand slam dancing.

Harper Lucille S.

Life is the childhood of our immortality.

Harper Roy

We are governed not by armies and police but by ideas.

Harris Sidney

Pauca sed matura. [Few but excellent.]

Harris Sydney

Do not seek death; death will find you. But seek the road which makes death a fulfillment.

Harris Sydney J.

Don't go to bed with no price on your head.

Harris Sydney J.

If it doesn't smell yet, it's pretty fresh.

Harris Sydney J.

To every Ph.D. there is an equal and opposite Ph.D.

Harris Sydney J.

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?


I think... I think it's in my basement... Let me go upstairs and check.

Harrold Mark

The world is full of people who have never, since childhood, met an open doorway with an open mind.

Harry Dirty

[Maturity consists in the discovery that] there comes a critical moment where everything is reversed, after which the point becomes to understand more and more that there is something which cannot be understood.

Harry Dirty

Take what you can use and let the rest go by.

Hart Johnny

A wise person makes his own decisions, a weak one obeys public opinion.


Academic politics is the most vicious and bitter form of politics, because the stakes are so low.

Haskins Ernest

Mankind is poised midway between the gods and the beasts.

Hawes J.

It is up to us to produce better-quality movies.


Go ahead... make my day.

Hawley Cameron

All art is but imitation of nature.

Hayakawa S.I.

Nothing recedes like success.

Hazlitt William

Good salesmen and good repairmen will never go hungry.

Heidi Hartmann

Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.


The chief enemy of creativity is "good" sense

Heinlein R.A.

When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.

Heinlein Robert

IV. The time required for an object to fall twenty stories is greater than or equal to the time it takes for whoever knocked it off the ledge to spiral down twenty flights to attempt to capture it unbroken. Such an object is inevitably price

Heinlein Robert

Plato, by the way, wanted to banish all poets from his proposed Utopia because they were liars. The truth was that Plato knew philosophers couldn't compete successfully with poets.

Heller Joseph

I can't understand why a person will take a year or two to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.

Heller Robert

Practice yourself what you preach.

Heller Joseph

I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches.

Heller Joseph

Who's scruffy-looking?

Heller Joseph

The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.

Heller Joseph

Nasrudin returned to his village from the imperial capital, and the villagers gathered around to hear what had passed. "At this time," said Nasrudin, "I only want to say that the King spoke to me." All the villagers but the stupidest ran off to spr

Hellman Lillian

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

Hemingway Ernest

A likely impossibility is always preferable to an unconvincing possibility.

Hemingway Ernest

Some men are heterosexual, and some are bisexual, and some men don't think about sex at all... they become lawyers.

Hemingway Peter Applebome

Believe everything you hear about the world; nothing is too impossibly bad.

Hendrix Robert James Marshall

Time goes, you say? Ah no! Time stays, *we* go.

Henrik Ibsen

Hollywood is where if you don't have happiness you send out for it.

Henry Durant

If you want to know what god thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

Henry James

Porsche: there simply is no substitute.

Henry Robert

If a shameless woman expects to be defiled and then dies of her fierce love because you do not consent, will chastity also be homicide?

Hepbur Dorothy Parker

I'll turn over a new leaf.


I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men

Herbert A.P.

"I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path."

Herbert Frank

'Scuse me, while I kiss the sky!

Herbert Frank

Innovation is hard to schedule.

Herbert Hoover

"Hey, Sam, how about a loan?" "Whattaya need?" "Oh, about $500." "Whattaya got for collateral?" "Whattaya need?" "How about an eye?"


"I'm dying," he croaked. "My experiment was a success," the chemist retorted . "You can't really train a beagle," he dogmatized. "That's no beagle, it's a mongrel," she muttered. "The fire is going out," he bellowed. "Bad marksmanship," the h


American business long ago gave up on demanding that prospective employees be honest and hardworking. It has even stopped hoping for employees who are educated enough that they can tell the difference between the men's room and the women's room with


The Hollywood tradition I like best is called "sucking up to the stars."


Diary of a Young Girl LITE(tm)


If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive!

Heroi Stephen Pile

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Heroi Stephen Pile

Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem more afraid of life than death.

Heroi Stephen Pile

My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed.

Heroi Stephen Pile

Anything that is worth doing has been done frequently. Things hitherto undone should be given, I suspect, a wide berth.

Heroi Stephen Pile

Any two philosophers can tell each other all they know in two hours.

Heroi Stephen Pile

Like ya know? Rock 'N Roll is an esoteric language that unlocks the creativity chambers in people's brains, and like totally activates their essential hipness, which of course is like totally necessary for saving the earth, like because the first th

Heroi Stephen Pile

When the English language gets in my way, I walk over it.

Herold Don

An actor's a guy who if you ain't talkin' about him, ain't listening.

Heywood John

I used to be disgusted, now I find I'm just amused.

Heywood John

Would ye both eat your cake and have your cake?

Heywood John

The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly greater than that of any other animals. Some of their most esteemed inventions have no other apparent purpose, for example, the dinner party of more than two, the epic poem, and the

Heywood John

[District Attorneys] learn in District Attorney School that there are two sure-fire ways to get a lot of favorable publicity: (1) Go down and raid all the lockers in the local high school and confiscate 53 marijuana cigarettes and put them in a

Heywood John

What fools these mortals be.

Heywood John

Fortune's Guide to Freshman Notetaking: WHEN THE PROFESSOR SAYS: YOU WRITE: Probably the greatest quality of the poetry John Milton

Heywood John

I knew her before she was a virgin.

Heywood John

After his Ignoble Disgrace, Satan was being expelled from Heaven. As he passed through the Gates, he paused a moment in thought, and turned to God and said, "A new creature called Man, I hear, is soon to be created." "This is true," He replied.

Heywood John

It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is lightly greased.

Heywood John

Even the best of friends cannot attend each other's funeral.

Heywood John

The problem with any unwritten law is that you don't know where to go to erase it.

Heywood John

Fortune and love befriend the bold.

Heywood John

The chief cause of problems is solutions.

Heywood John

One good turn asketh another.

Heywood John

Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.

Heywood John

The salary of the chief executive of the large corporation is not a market award for achievement. It is frequently in the nature of a warm personal gesture by the individual to himself.

Hicks D.J.

I owe the public nothing.

Hickson W.E.

The means-and-ends moralists, or non-doers, always end up on their ends without any means.

Hightower Jim

The world wants to be deceived.

Hildebrand Joel

I was in this prematurely air conditioned supermarket and there were all these aisles and there were these bathing caps you could buy that had these kind of Fourth of July plumes on them that were red and yellow and blue and I wasn't tempted to buy

Hinckley John

Suffering alone exists, none who suffer; The deed there is, but no doer thereof; Nirvana is, but no one is seeking it; The Path there is, but none who travel it.

Hindu Code

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.

Hinojosa Daniel

The fact that it works is immaterial.


'Naomi, sex at noon taxes.' I moan. Never odd or even. A man, a plan, a canal, Panama. Madam, I'm Adam. Sit on a potato pan, Otis. Sit on Otis.

Hitler Adolf

If you live in New York, even if you're Catholic, you're Jewish.

Hitler Adolf

"You can't survive by sucking the juice from a wet mitten."

Hitler Adolf

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

Hitler Adolf

"I am not sure what this is, but an `F' would only dignify it."

Hitler Adolf

What we need in this country, instead of Daylight Savings Time, which nobody really understands anyway, is a new concept called Weekday Morning Time, whereby at 7 a.m. every weekday we go into a space-launch-style "hold" for two to three hours, durin

Hitler Adolf

Be regular and orderly in your life, so that you may be violent and original in your work.

Hitler Adolph

The reward of a thing well done is to have done it.

Hitler Adolph

The most delightful day after the one on which you buy a cottage in the country is the one on which you resell it.

Hitler Adolph

It is sweet to let the mind unbend on occasion.

Hobbs Calvin and

A full belly makes a dull brain.

Hodder-Williams Christopher

If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.

Hoest Bill

Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.

Hoffer Eric

Don't get mad, get even.

Hoffer Eric

Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.

Hoffman A.

Let sleeping dogs lie.

Hoffman Abbie

Fain would I climb, yet fear I to fall.

Holla Xaviera

There are no accidents whatsoever in the universe.

Holmes Oliver Wendell

There has been a little distress selling on the stock exchange.

Holmes Oliver Wendell

I didn't do it! Nobody saw me do it! Can't prove anything!

Holmes Sherlock

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.

Holmes Sherlock

Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.

Holyoke Edward

A fake fortuneteller can be tolerated. But an authentic soothsayer should be shot on sight. Cassandra did not get half the kicking around she deserved.

Holzer Jenny

What we cannot speak about we must pass over in silence.


If a man loses his reverence for any part of life, he will lose his reverence for all of life.


God was satisfied with his own work, and that is fatal.

Honda. Harpoon a

I recognize terror as the finest emotion and so I will try to terrorize the reader. But if I find that I cannot terrify, I will try to horrify, and if I find that I cannot horrify, I'll go for the gross-out.

Hook Sidney

Do you know the difference between education and experience? Education is what you get when you read the fine print; experience is what you get when you don't.

Hoover Herbert

The Bible says that woman was the last thing God made. Evidently He made her on Saturday night. She reveals his fatigue.

Hoover Herbert

No excellent soul is exempt from a mixture of madness.

Hoover J. Edgar

Immature artists imitate, mature artists steal.

Hoover J. Edgar

Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.

Hoover J. Edgar

"We're not talking about the same thing," he said. "For you the world is weird because if you're not bored with it you're at odds with it. For me the world is weird because it is stupendous, awesome, mysterious, unfathomable; my interest has been to

Hoover J. Edgar

The road to Hades is easy to travel.

Hope A.

My advice to you, my violent friend, is to seek out gold and sit on it.

Hope Bob

Have the courage to take your own thoughts seriously, for they will shape you.

Hope Bob

The most costly of all follies is to believe passionately in the palpably not true. It is the chief occupation of mankind.

Hoppe Art

The 'A' is for content, the 'minus' is for not typing it. Don't ever do this to my eyes again.

Hopper Grace Murray

A drama critic is a person who surprises a playwright by informing him what he meant.

Hopper Grace Murray

If happiness is in your destiny, you need not be in a hurry.


Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to speak it to?


Recently deceased blues guitarist Stevie Ray Vaughan "comes to" after his death. He sees Jimi Hendrix sitting next to him, tuning his guitar. "Holy cow," he thinks to himself, "this guy is my idol." Over at the microphone, about to sing, are Jim Mo


The absurd is the essential concept and the first truth.

Horner M.

Great acts are made up of small deeds.

Horning Jim

The two most beautiful words in the English language are "Cheque Enclosed."

Houghton Blair

Rotten wood cannot be carved.

Houseman A.E.

What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?

Howe E.W.

The term "fire" brings up visions of violence and mayhem and the ugly scene of shooting employees who make mistakes. We will now refer to this process as "deleting" an employee (much as a file is deleted from a disk). The employee is simply there o

Howe Edgar W.

One hundred women are not worth a single testicle.

Howe Irving

Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

Howe Nathaniel

There are two ways of disliking art. One is to dislike it. The other is to like it rationally.

Hubbard Elbert

"If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination."

Hubbard Elbert

You have all eternity to be cautious in when you're dead.

Hubbard Elbert

Reality is bad enough, why should I tell the truth?

Hubbard Elbert

The optimum committee has no members.

Hubbard Elbert

XXVI: If a sufficient number of management layers are superimposed on each other, it can be assured that disaster is not left to chance. XXVII: Rank does not intimidate hardware. Neither does the lack of rank. XXVIII: It is better to be the r

Hubbard Elbert

Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs repainting.

Hubbard F.M.

Treat your friend as if he might become an enemy.

Hubbard Frank

Well, you know, no matter where you go, there you are.

Hubbard Frank

If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.

Hubbard Kim

A good name lost is seldom regained. When character is gone, all is gone, and one of the richest jewels of life is lost forever.

Hubbard Kim

The more the merrier.

Hubbard Kim

Every man thinks God is on his side. The rich and powerful know that he is.

Hubbard Kin

Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.

Hubbard Kin

Moneyliness is next to Godliness.

Hubbard L. Ron

Prizes are for children.

Hubbard L. Ron

If there were a school for, say, sheet metal workers, that after three years left its graduates as unprepared for their careers as does law school, it would be closed down in a minute, and no doubt by lawyers.

Hudson Henry

Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there.

Hugo Victor

Satire is tragedy plus time.

Hugo Victor

Of all possible committee reactions to any given agenda item, the reaction that will occur is the one which will liberate the greatest amount of hot air.

Hugo Victor

I went into a bar feeling a little depressed, the bartender said, "What'll you have, Bud"? I said," I don't know, surprise me". So he showed me a nude picture of my wife.

Hugo Victor

Grig (the navigator): ... so you see, it's just the two of us against the entire space armada. Alex (the gunner): What?!? Grig: I've always wanted to fight a desperate battle against overwhelming odds. Alex: It'll be a slaughter! Grig: That'

Humphrey Hubert

Furious activity is no substitute for understanding.

Hunter S. Thompson

Someday, Weederman, we'll look back on all this and laugh... It will probably be one of those deep, eerie ones that slowly builds to a blood-curdling maniacal scream... but still it will be a laugh.

Huntingd Collis P.

A society in which women are taught anything but the management of a family, the care of men, and the creation of the future generation is a society which is on its way out.

Hurley Jack

It is Mr. Mellon's credo that $200,000,000 can do no wrong. Our offense consists in doubting it.

Huron Port

Why are you doing this to me? Because knowledge is torture, and there must be awareness before there is change.

Hutchins Robert M.

If you have to ask what jazz is, you'll never know.

Huxley Aldous

Briefly stated, the findings are that when presented with an array of data or a sequence of events in which they are instructed to discover an underlying order, subjects show strong tendencies to perceive order and causality in random arrays, to perc

Huxley Aldous

I: The best way to make a silk purse from a sow's ear is to begin with a silk sow. The same is true of money. II: If today were half as good as tomorrow is supposed to be, it would probably be twice as good as yesterday was. III: There are

hy it wasn't a hype. If you

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It is exactly because a man cannot do a thing that he is a proper judge of it.
Wilde Oscar

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