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There's nothing worse for your business than extra Santa Clauses smoking in the men's room.

H.G. Wells

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.

Ha Nate

It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is lightly greased.

Hagen Walter

Mum's the word.

Hague Frank

He that bringeth a present, findeth the door open.

Hahn Tim

Drop the vase and it will become a Ming of the past.

Haig Alexander

I went to a Grateful Dead Concert and they played for SEVEN hours. Great song.

Haldeman H.R.

The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet.

Half-Constru Racter

The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made.

Hallock Addison H.

A writer is congenitally unable to tell the truth and that is why we call what he writes fiction.

Halsey Admiral William

Please try to limit the amount of "this room doesn't have any bazingas" until you are told that those rooms are "punched out." Once punched out, we have a right to complain about atrocities, missing bazingas, and such.

Hamilton Alexander

You always introduce the younger person to the older person, using the wording: "Miss Brown, I'd like to introduce you to an older person" (unless her name is not "Miss Brown"). If you do not know a person's age, ask for a driver's license and a ma

Hamilton Alexander

... Our second completely true news item was sent to me by Mr. H. Boyce Connell Jr. of Atlanta, Ga., where he is involved in a law firm. One thing I like about the South is, folks there care about tradition. If somebody gets handed a name like "H.

Hamilton Edith

Forgive and forget.

Hamlet Dick

To know Edina is to reject it.

Hammarskjold Dag

Odets, where is thy sting?

Hampton Christopher

No house should ever be on any hill or on anything. It should be of the hill, belonging to it.

Handley Jack

Pauca sed matura. [Few but excellent.]


All I kin say is when you finds yo'self wanderin' in a peach orchard, ya don't go lookin' for rutabagas.

Hardin Salvor

There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.

Harding Warren G.

Nothing will dispel enthusiasm like a small admission fee.

Harper Lucille S.

Hard reality has a way of cramping your style.

Harper Roy

Nice guys finish last.

Harris Sidney

Darth Vader! Only you would be so bold!

Harris Sydney

"Benson, you are so free of the ravages of intelligence"

Harris Sydney J.

question = ( to ) ? be : ! be;

Harris Sydney J.

I am America's child, a spastic slogging on demented limbs drooling I'll trade my PhD for a telephone voice.

Harris Sydney J.

Like so many Americans, she was trying to construct a life that made sense from things she found in gift shops.

Harris Sydney J.

Whenever the literary German dives into a sentence, that is the last you are going to see of him until he emerges on the other side of his Atlantic with his verb in his mouth.


If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.

Harrold Mark

Charity begins at home.

Harry Dirty

Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness.

Harry Dirty

Delay not, Caesar. Read it instantly.

Hart Johnny

Time goes, you say? Ah no! Time stays, *we* go.


Don't go to bed with no price on your head.

Haskins Ernest

Catharsis is something I associate with pornography and crossword puzzles.

Hawes J.

We can embody the truth, but we cannot know it.


The world wants to be deceived.

Hawley Cameron

Fortune Documents the Great Legal Decisions: We think that we may take judicial notice of the fact that the term "bitch" may imply some feeling of endearment when applied to a female of the canine species but that it is seldom, if ever, so used whe

Hayakawa S.I.

It's easier to take it apart than to put it back together.

Hazlitt William

You cannot see the wood for the trees.

Heidi Hartmann

Burnt Sienna. That's the best thing that ever happened to Crayolas.


When you are about to die, a wombat is better than no company at all.

Heinlein R.A.

Water, taken in moderation cannot hurt anybody.

Heinlein Robert

...He who laughs does not believe in what he laughs at, but neither does he hate it. Therefore, laughing at evil means not preparing oneself to combat it, and laughing at good means denying the power through which good is self-propagating.

Heinlein Robert

Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there.

Heller Joseph

My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.

Heller Robert

Life is the childhood of our immortality.

Heller Joseph

Have you ever stopped to think what it would be like to have a woman President? "I can't deal with the Russians today. Not now. I've got my period."

Heller Joseph

The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly greater than that of any other animals. Some of their most esteemed inventions have no other apparent purpose, for example, the dinner party of more than two, the epic poem, and the

Heller Joseph

By the middle 1880's, practically all the roads except those in the South, were of the present standard gauge. The southern roads were still five feet between rails. It was decided to change the gauge of all southern roads to standard, in one day

Heller Joseph

"Plaese porrf raed."

Hellman Lillian

Some scholars are like donkeys, they merely carry a lot of books.

Hemingway Ernest

If I had a plantation in Georgia and a home in Hell, I'd sell the plantation and go home.

Hemingway Ernest

No small art is it to sleep: it is necessary for that purpose to keep awake all day.

Hemingway Peter Applebome

"Well," Brahma said, "even after ten thousand explanations, a fool is no wiser, but an intelligent man requires only two thousand five hundred."

Hendrix Robert James Marshall

"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!"

Henrik Ibsen

Just remember, wherever you go, there you are.

Henry Durant

The real purpose of books is to trap the mind into doing its own thinking.

Henry James

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

Henry Robert

Execute every act of thy life as though it were thy last.

Hepbur Dorothy Parker

No live organism can continue for long to exist sanely under conditions of absolute reality; even larks and katydids are supposed, by some, to dream. Hill House, not sane, stood by itself against its hills, holding darkness within; it had stood so fo


Live fast, die young, and leave a good looking corpse.

Herbert A.P.

If you catch a man, throw him back.

Herbert Frank

Perhaps no person can be a poet, or even enjoy poetry without a certain unsoundness of mind.

Herbert Frank

He that composes himself is wiser than he that composes a book.

Herbert Hoover

The most common given name in the world is Mohammad; the most common family name in the world is Chang. Can you imagine the enormous number of people in the world named Mohammad Chang?


I'll turn over a new leaf.


CF&C stole it, fair and square.


It is bad luck to be superstitious.


The United States is like the guy at the party who gives cocaine to everybody and still nobody likes him.


"You can't survive by sucking the juice from a wet mitten."

Heroi Stephen Pile

If you have to ask what jazz is, you'll never know.

Heroi Stephen Pile

It is something to be able to paint a particular picture, or to carve a statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more glorious to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through which we look, which morally we can do. T

Heroi Stephen Pile

Whatever is not nailed down is mine. Whatever I can pry up is not nailed down.

Heroi Stephen Pile

Adhere to your own act, and congratulate yourself if you have done something strange and extravagant, and broken the monotony of a decorous age.

Heroi Stephen Pile

Your manuscript is both good and original, but the part that is good is not original and the part that is original is not good.

Heroi Stephen Pile

I have defined the hundred per cent American as ninety-nine per cent an idiot.

Heroi Stephen Pile

America is a melting pot. You know, where those on the bottom get burned, and the scum rises to the top.

Herold Don

My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind.

Heywood John

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.

Heywood John

The bone-chilling scream split the warm summer night in two, the first half being before the scream when it was fairly balmy and calm and pleasant, the second half still balmy and quite pleasant for those who hadn't heard the scream at all, but not c

Heywood John

No man is an Iland, intire of it selfe; every man is a peece of the Continent, a part of the maine; if a Clod bee washed away by the Sea, Europe is the lesse, as well as if a Promontorie were, as well as if a Mannor of thy friends or of thine owne we

Heywood John

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.

Heywood John

Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.

Heywood John

Never promise more than you can perform.

Heywood John

For certain people, after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex.

Heywood John

Truth never comes into the world but like a bastard, to the ignominy of him that brought her birth.

Heywood John

All phone calls are obscene.

Heywood John

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

Heywood John

The only "ism" Hollywood believes in is plagiarism.

Heywood John

If a fool persists in his folly he shall become wise.

Heywood John

Whatever occurs from love is always beyond good and evil.

Heywood John

Everything is possible. Pass the word.

Heywood John

Knowledge is power.

Heywood John

October 12, the Discovery. It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it.

Hicks D.J.

Furious activity is no substitute for understanding.

Hickson W.E.

Inglish Spocken Hier: some mangled translations Various signs in Poland: Right turn toward immediate outside. Go soothingly in the snow, as there lurk the ski demons. Five o'clock tea at all hours. In a men's washroom in Sidney:

Hightower Jim

If a thing's worth having, it's worth cheating for.

Hildebrand Joel

I've touch'd the highest point of all my greatness; And from that full meridian of my glory I haste now to my setting. I shall fall, Like a bright exhalation in the evening And no man see me more.

Hinckley John

When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

Hindu Code

We're fantastically incredibly sorry for all these extremely unreasonable things we did. I can only plead that my simple, barely-sentient friend and myself are underprivileged, deprived and also college students.

Hinojosa Daniel

They have been at a great feast of languages, and stolen the scraps.


San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was.

Hitler Adolf

Fourteen years in the professor dodge has taught me that one can argue ingeniously on behalf of any theory, applied to any piece of literature. This is rarely harmful, because normally no-one reads such essays.

Hitler Adolf

The Public is merely a multiplied "me."

Hitler Adolf

Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.

Hitler Adolf

Anything is possible on paper.

Hitler Adolf

Many hands make light work.

Hitler Adolf

Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.

Hitler Adolph

Littering is dumb.

Hitler Adolph

Given a choice between grief and nothing, I'd choose grief.

Hitler Adolph

What passes for optimism is most often the effect of an intellectual error.

Hobbs Calvin and

When I reflect upon the number of disagreeable people who I know who have gone to a better world, I am moved to lead a different life.

Hodder-Williams Christopher

You can never do just one thing.

Hoest Bill

Unprovided with original learning, unformed in the habits of thinking, unskilled in the arts of composition, I resolved to write a book.

Hoffer Eric

A morgue is a morgue is a morgue. They can paint the walls with aggressively cheerful primary colors and splashy bold graphics, but it's still a holding place for the dead until they can be parted out to organ banks. Not that I would have cared nor

Hoffer Eric

So so is good, very good, very excellent good: and yet it is not; it is but so so.

Hoffman A.

There's no such thing as a free lunch.

Hoffman Abbie

If you live in New York, even if you're Catholic, you're Jewish.

Holla Xaviera

This is the first age that's paid much attention to the future, which is a little ironic since we may not have one.

Holmes Oliver Wendell

Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it's hard to get it back in.

Holmes Oliver Wendell

My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed.

Holmes Sherlock

For thee the wonder-working earth puts forth sweet flowers.

Holmes Sherlock

If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it.

Holyoke Edward

The 'A' is for content, the 'minus' is for not typing it. Don't ever do this to my eyes again.

Holzer Jenny

There is no comfort without pain; thus we define salvation through suffering.


Another day, another dollar.


We're only in it for the volume.

Honda. Harpoon a

I used to be disgusted, now I find I'm just amused.

Hook Sidney

Then a man said: Speak to us of Expectations. He then said: If a man does not see or hear the waters of the Jordan, then he should not taste the pomegranate or ply his wares in an open market. If a man would not labour in the salt and rock quarri

Hoover Herbert

In dwelling, be close to the land. In meditation, delve deep into the heart. In dealing with others, be gentle and kind. In speech, be true. In work, be competent. In action, be careful of your timing.

Hoover Herbert

Optimism is the content of small men in high places.

Hoover J. Edgar

Zero Mostel: That's it baby! When you got it, flaunt it! Flaunt it!

Hoover J. Edgar

A man gazing at the stars is proverbially at the mercy of the puddles in the road.

Hoover J. Edgar

Hoover J. Edgar

Nothing succeeds like the appearance of success.

Hope A.

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.

Hope Bob

I understand why you're confused. You're thinking too much.

Hope Bob

Producers seem to be so prejudiced against actors who've had no training. And there's no reason for it. So what if I didn't attend the Royal Academy for twelve years? I'm still a professional trying to be the best actress I can. Why doesn't anyone

Hoppe Art

Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know.

Hopper Grace Murray

In a hierarchy every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence ... in time every post tends to be occupied by an employee who is incompetent to carry out its duties ... Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their

Hopper Grace Murray

As well look for a needle in a bottle of hay.


A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.


Show business is just like high school, except you get paid.


... a thing called Ethics, whose nature was confusing but if you had it you were a High-Class Realtor and if you hadn't you were a shyster, a piker and a fly-by-night. These virtues awakened Confidence and enabled you to handle Bigger Propositions.

Horner M.

If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.

Horning Jim

"You would do well not to imagine profundity," he said. "Anything that seems of momentous occasion should be dwelt upon as though it were of slight note. Conversely, trivialities must be attended to with the greatest of care. Because death is moment

Houghton Blair

Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.

Houseman A.E.

Too much of everything is just enough.

Howe E.W.

Someday we'll look back on this moment and plow into a parked car.

Howe Edgar W.

Conscience doth make cowards of us all.

Howe Irving

America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a chair.

Howe Nathaniel

You knew the job was dangerous when you took it, Fred.

Hubbard Elbert

Plus ,ca change, plus c'est la m^eme chose. [The more things change, the more they remain the same.]

Hubbard Elbert

If happiness is in your destiny, you need not be in a hurry.

Hubbard Elbert

Men are superior to women.

Hubbard Elbert

He jests at scars who never felt a wound.

Hubbard Elbert

Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the men are strong, the women are pretty, and the children are above-average.

Hubbard Elbert

He that breaks a thing to find out what it is has left the path of wisdom.

Hubbard F.M.

Necessity has no law.

Hubbard Frank

A good reputation is more valuable than money.

Hubbard Frank

All of us should treasure his Oriental wisdom and his preaching of a Zen-like detachment, as exemplified by his constant reminder to clerks, tellers, or others who grew excited by his presence in their banks: "Just lie down on the floor and keep calm

Hubbard Kim

It's all right letting yourself go as long as you can let yourself back.

Hubbard Kim

He who laughs has not yet heard the bad news.

Hubbard Kim

Many a writer seems to think he is never profound except when he can't understand his own meaning.

Hubbard Kin

Every person, all the events in your life are there because you have drawn them there. What you choose to do with them is up to you.

Hubbard Kin

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, scratch where it itches.

Hubbard L. Ron

You never have to change anything you got up in the middle of the night to write.

Hubbard L. Ron

The philosopher's treatment of a question is like the treatment of an illness.

Hudson Henry

An idea is an eye given by God for the seeing of God. Some of these eyes we cannot bear to look out of, we blind them as quickly as possible.

Hugo Victor

Perhaps, after all, America never has been discovered. I myself would say that it had merely been detected.

Hugo Victor

Just because you like my stuff doesn't mean I owe you anything.

Hugo Victor

One good turn asketh another.

Hugo Victor

In breeding cattle you need one bull for every twenty-five cows, unless the cows are known sluts.

Humphrey Hubert

If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.

Hunter S. Thompson

There are no answers, only cross-references.

Huntingd Collis P.

Where it is a duty to worship the sun it is pretty sure to be a crime to examine the laws of heat.

Hurley Jack

Texas is Hell on woman and horses.

Huron Port

Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem more afraid of life than death.

Hutchins Robert M.

If a man has a strong faith he can indulge in the luxury of skepticism.

Huxley Aldous

If you want divine justice, die.

Huxley Aldous

Men's skin is different from women's skin. It is usually bigger, and it has more snakes tattooed on it. Also, if you examine a woman's skin very closely, inch by inch, starting at her shapely ankles, then gently tracing the slender curve of her cal

hy it wasn't a hype. If you

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Sometimes, too long is too long.
Crowe Joe

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