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Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm.

H.G. Wells

A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election.

Ha Nate

Fourteen years in the professor dodge has taught me that one can argue ingeniously on behalf of any theory, applied to any piece of literature. This is rarely harmful, because normally no-one reads such essays.

Hagen Walter

You get what you pay for.

Hague Frank

Every cloud engenders not a storm.

Hahn Tim

Many a bum show has been saved by the flag.

Haig Alexander

It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.

Haldeman H.R.

A Galileo could no more be elected president of the United States than he could be elected Pope of Rome. Both high posts are reserved for men favored by God with an extraordinary genius for swathing the bitter facts of life in bandages of self-illus

Half-Constru Racter

Men freely believe that what they wish to desire.

Hallock Addison H.

The only happiness lies in reason; all the rest of the world is dismal. The highest reason, however, I see in the work of the artist, and he may experience it as such. Happiness lies in the swiftness of feeling and thinking: all the rest of the worl

Halsey Admiral William

There are two kinds of fool. One says, "This is old, and therefore good." And one says, "This is new, and therefore better"

Hamilton Alexander

A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

Hamilton Alexander

Every young man should have a hobby: learning how to handle money is the best one.

Hamilton Edith

Once harm has been done, even a fool understands it.

Hamlet Dick

Haste makes waste.

Hammarskjold Dag

Delay not, Caesar. Read it instantly.

Hampton Christopher

I never made a mistake in my life. I thought I did once, but I was wrong.

Handley Jack

You guys have been practicing discrimination for years. Now it's our turn.


Man proposes, God disposes.

Hardin Salvor

Indiana is a state dedicated to basketball. Basketball, soybeans, hogs and basketball. Berkeley, needless to say, is not nearly as athletic. Berkeley is dedicated to coffee, angst, potholes and coffee.

Harding Warren G.

Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river.

Harper Lucille S.

You buy a judge by weight, like iron in a junk yard. A justice of the peace or a magistrate can be had for a five-dollar bill. In the municipal courts, he will cost you ten. In the circuit or superior courts, he wants fifteen. The state appellate

Harper Roy

You see, I consider that a man's brain originally is like a little empty attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose. A fool takes in all the lumber of every sort he comes across, so that the knowledge which might be useful to

Harris Sidney

We Americans, we're a simple people... but piss us off, and we'll bomb your cities.

Harris Sydney

Never take a resume seriously. Resumes only make money for the people who write the resumes. No resume ever tells an employer how many times a job applicant has had the clap. Why, indeed, would anyone hire a person based on a resume written by a

Harris Sydney J.

If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.

Harris Sydney J.

When you make your mark in the world, watch out for guys with erasers.

Harris Sydney J.

Serfs up!

Harris Sydney J.

Where it is a duty to worship the sun it is pretty sure to be a crime to examine the laws of heat.


If you hype something and it succeeds, you're a genius

Harrold Mark

[Americans] are a race of convicts and ought to be thankful for anything we allow them short of hanging.

Harry Dirty

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

Harry Dirty

He didn't run for reelection. "Politics brings you into contact with all the people you'd give anything to avoid," he said. "I'm staying home."

Hart Johnny

What an artist dies with me!


"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."

Haskins Ernest

The Poems, all three hundred of them, may be summed up in one of their phrases: "Let our thoughts be correct".

Hawes J.

I don't mind what Congress does, as long as they don't do it in the streets and frighten the horses.


Prizes are for children.

Hawley Cameron

Money is truthful. If a man speaks of his honor, make him pay cash.

Hayakawa S.I.

It's hard to drive at the limit, but it's harder to know where the limits are.

Hazlitt William

There are people who find it odd to eat four or five Chinese meals in a row; in China, I often remind them, there are a billion or so people who find nothing odd about it.

Heidi Hartmann

If one inquires why the American tradition is so strong against any connection of State and Church, why it dreads even the rudiments of religious teaching in state-maintained schools, the immediate and superficial answer is not far to seek. ... The


Many a long dispute between divines may thus be abridged: It is so. It is not so. It is so. It is not so.

Heinlein R.A.

Our sires' age was worse that our grandsires'. We their sons are more worthless than they: so in our turn we shall give the world a progeny yet more corrupt.

Heinlein Robert

If a nation values anything more than freedom, it will lose its freedom; and the irony of it is that if it is comfort or money it values more, it will lose that, too.

Heinlein Robert

Work is the crab grass in the lawn of life.

Heller Joseph

I know on which side my bread is buttered.

Heller Robert

Once is happenstance, Twice is coincidence, Three times is enemy action.

Heller Joseph

God was satisfied with his own work, and that is fatal.

Heller Joseph

A highly intelligent man should take a primitive woman. Imagine if on top of everything else, I had a woman who interfered with my work.

Heller Joseph

I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.

Heller Joseph

"And Bezel saideth unto Sham: `Sham,' he saideth, `Thou shalt goest unto the town of Begorrah, and there thou shalt fetcheth unto thine bosom 35 talents, and also shalt thou fetcheth a like number of cubits, provideth that they are nice and fresh.'"

Hellman Lillian

God shows his contempt for wealth by the kind of person he selects to receive it.

Hemingway Ernest

Things past redress and now with me past care.

Hemingway Ernest

Illusion is the first of all pleasures.

Hemingway Peter Applebome

I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark.

Hendrix Robert James Marshall

Doctors and lawyers must go to school for years and years, often with little sleep and with great sacrifice to their first wives.

Henrik Ibsen

A good question is never answered. It is not a bolt to be tightened into place but a seed to be planted and to bear more seed toward the hope of greening the landscape of idea.

Henry Durant

Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them.

Henry James

Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you.

Henry Robert

As long as war is regarded as wicked, it will always have its fascination. When it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be popular.

Hepbur Dorothy Parker

"It's a summons." "What's a summons?" "It means summon's in trouble."


He thinks the Gettysburg Address is where Lincoln lived.

Herbert A.P.

Very few things happen at the right time, and the rest do not happen at all. The conscientious historian will correct these defects.

Herbert Frank

If a man stay away from his wife for seven years, the law presumes the separation to have killed him; yet according to our daily experience, it might well prolong his life.

Herbert Frank

The question is, why are politicians so eager to be president? What is it about the job that makes it worth revealing, on national television, that you have the ethical standards of a slime-coated piece of industrial waste?

Herbert Hoover

Sometimes even to live is an act of courage.


"Not only is God dead, but just try to find a plumber on weekends."


Texas is Hell on woman and horses.


The most costly of all follies is to believe passionately in the palpably not true. It is the chief occupation of mankind.


It's all right letting yourself go as long as you can let yourself back.


There but for the grace of God, goes God.

Heroi Stephen Pile

For courage mounteth with occasion.

Heroi Stephen Pile

The reward of a thing well done is to have done it.

Heroi Stephen Pile

Just close your eyes, tap your heels together three times, and think to yourself, `There's no place like home.'

Heroi Stephen Pile

Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.

Heroi Stephen Pile

If we can ever make red tape nutritional, we can feed the world.

Heroi Stephen Pile

A diplomat's life consists of three things: protocol, Geritol, and alcohol.

Heroi Stephen Pile

People in general do not willingly read if they have anything else to amuse them.

Herold Don

Uppers are no longer stylish, methedrine is almost as rare as pure acid or DMT. "Consciousness Expansion" went out with LBJ and it is worth noting, historically, that downers came in with Nixon.

Heywood John

Snakes. Why did it have to be snakes?

Heywood John

A free society is one where it is safe to be unpopular.

Heywood John

The fact that an opinion has been widely held is no evidence that it is not utterly absurd; indeed, in view of the silliness of the majority of mankind, a widespread belief is more often likely to be foolish than sensible.

Heywood John

"Spare no expense to save money on this one."

Heywood John

There is always one thing to remember: writers are always selling somebody out.

Heywood John

There are three reasons for becoming a writer: the first is that you need the money; the second that you have something to say that you think the world should know; the third is that you can't think what to do with the long winter evenings.

Heywood John

Never appeal to a man's "better nature." He may not have one. Invoking his self-interest gives you more leverage.

Heywood John

There is always something new out of Africa.

Heywood John

You will remember, Watson, how the dreadful business of the Abernetty family was first brought to my notice by the depth which the parsley had sunk into the butter upon a hot day.

Heywood John

What excuses stand in your way? How can you eliminate them?

Heywood John

It'll be just like Beggars' Canyon back home.

Heywood John

The man-hating woman, like the cold woman, is largely imaginary. She is simply a woman who has done her best to snare a man and has failed.

Heywood John

What I tell you three times is true.

Heywood John

I need another lawyer like I need another hole in my head.

Heywood John

That Xanthippe's husband should have become so great a philosopher is remarkable. Amid all the scolding, to be able to think! But he could not write: that was impossible. Socrates has not left us a single book.

Heywood John

Americans' greatest fear is that America will turn out to have been a phenomenon, not a civilization.

Hicks D.J.

Diplomacy is the art of letting the other party have things your way.

Hickson W.E.

When you die, you lose a very important part of your life.

Hightower Jim

If God lived on Earth, people would knock out all His windows.

Hildebrand Joel

Termiter's argument that God is His own grandmother generated a surprising amount of controversy among Church leaders, who on the one hand considered the argument unsupported by scripture but on the other hand were unwilling to risk offending God's g

Hinckley John

Prediction is very difficult, especially of the future.

Hindu Code

How apt the poor are to be proud.

Hinojosa Daniel

Christianity has not been tried and found wanting; it has been found difficult and not tried.


The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug.

Hitler Adolf

It is Mr. Mellon's credo that $200,000,000 can do no wrong. Our offense consists in doubting it.

Hitler Adolf

We cannot put the face of a person on a stamp unless said person is deceased. My suggestion, therefore, is that you drop dead.

Hitler Adolf

If you live in a country run by committee, be on the committee.

Hitler Adolf

There's nothing in the middle of the road but yellow stripes and dead armadillos.

Hitler Adolf

Sometimes, too long is too long.

Hitler Adolf

A light wife doth make a heavy husband.

Hitler Adolph

"There was an interesting development in the CBS-Westmoreland trial: both sides agreed that after the trial, Andy Rooney would be allowed to talk to the jury for three minutes about little things that annoyed him during the trial."

Hitler Adolph

Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.

Hitler Adolph

Diplomacy is about surviving until the next century. Politics is about surviving until Friday afternoon.

Hobbs Calvin and

If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.

Hodder-Williams Christopher

I'm glad I was not born before tea.

Hoest Bill

If the ends don't justify the means, then what does?

Hoffer Eric

War spares not the brave, but the cowardly.

Hoffer Eric

Money doesn't talk, it swears.

Hoffman A.

Tip O'Neill is just like Congress; old, fat and out of control.

Hoffman Abbie

If you laid all of our laws end to end, there would be no end.

Holla Xaviera

Never promise more than you can perform.

Holmes Oliver Wendell

He draweth out the thread of his verbosity finer than the staple of his argument.

Holmes Oliver Wendell

When more and more people are thrown out of work, unemployment results.

Holmes Sherlock

We know next to nothing about virtually everything. It is not necessary to know the origin of the universe; it is necessary to want to know. Civilization depends not on any particular knowledge, but on the disposition to crave knowledge.

Holmes Sherlock

I knew her before she was a virgin.

Holyoke Edward

A rolling stone gathers no moss.

Holzer Jenny

Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.


No house should ever be on any hill or on anything. It should be of the hill, belonging to it.


"...The name of the song is called 'Haddocks' Eyes'!" "Oh, that's the name of the song, is it?" Alice said, trying to feel interested. "No, you don't understand," the Knight said, looking a little vexed. "That's what the name is called. The nam

Honda. Harpoon a

The optimist thinks that this is the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist knows it.

Hook Sidney

The old complaint that mass culture is designed for eleven-year-olds is of course a shameful canard. The key age has traditionally been more like fourteen.

Hoover Herbert

The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner.

Hoover Herbert

Darth Vader! Only you would be so bold!

Hoover J. Edgar

I appreciate the fact that this draft was done in haste, but some of the sentences that you are sending out in the world to do your work for you are loitering in taverns or asleep beside the highway.

Hoover J. Edgar

If you're like most homeowners, you're afraid that many repairs around your home are too difficult to tackle. So, when your furnace explodes, you call in a so-called professional to fix it. The "professional" arrives in a truck with lettering on t

Hoover J. Edgar

The two oldest professions in the world have been ruined by amateurs.

Hoover J. Edgar

Life sucks, but death doesn't put out at all.

Hope A.

If a guru falls in the forest with no one to hear him, was he really a guru at all?

Hope Bob

I played lead guitar in a band called The Federal Duck, which is the kind of name that was popular in the '60s as a result of controlled substances being in widespread use. Back then, there were no restrictions, in terms of talent, on who could make

Hope Bob

The cart has no place where a fifth wheel could be used.

Hoppe Art

The control of the production of wealth is the control of human life itself.

Hopper Grace Murray

Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages.

Hopper Grace Murray

Extremism in the defense of liberty is no vice... moderation in the pursuit of justice is no virtue.


It is right that he too should have his little chronicle, his memories, his reason, and be able to recognize the good in the bad, the bad in the worst, and so grow gently old all down the unchanging days and die one day like any other day, only short


The problem that we thought was a problem was, indeed, a problem, but not the problem we thought was the problem.


It is so stupid of modern civilisation to have given up believing in the devil when he is the only explanation of it.

Horner M.

Learning French is trivial: the word for horse is cheval, and everything else follows in the same way.

Horning Jim

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.

Houghton Blair

It is up to us to produce better-quality movies.

Houseman A.E.

The Worst Prison Guards The largest number of convicts ever to escape simultaneously from a maximum security prison is 124. This record is held by Alcoente Prison, near Lisbon in Portugal. During the weeks leading up to the escape in July 1978 th

Howe E.W.

Where it is a duty to worship the sun it is pretty sure to be a crime to examine the laws of heat.

Howe Edgar W.

We should keep the Panama Canal. After all, we stole it fair and square.

Howe Irving

Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

Howe Nathaniel

There's nothing remarkable about it. All one has to do is hit the right keys at the right time and the instrument plays itself.

Hubbard Elbert

Mike: "The Fourth Dimension is a shambles?" Bernie: "Nobody ever empties the ashtrays. People are SO inconsiderate."

Hubbard Elbert

You have all eternity to be cautious in when you're dead.

Hubbard Elbert

Before he became a hermit, Zarathud was a young Priest, and took great delight in making fools of his opponents in front of his followers. One day Zarathud took his students to a pleasant pasture and there he confronted The Sacred Chao while She

Hubbard Elbert

I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.

Hubbard Elbert

It pays in England to be a revolutionary and a bible-smacker most of one's life and then come round.

Hubbard Elbert

I accept chaos. I am not sure whether it accepts me. I know some people are terrified of the bomb. But then some people are terrified to be seen carrying a modern screen magazine. Experience teaches us that silence terrifies people the most.

Hubbard F.M.

All the taxes paid over a lifetime by the average American are spent by the government in less than a second.

Hubbard Frank

A great empire, like a great cake, is most easily diminished at the edges.

Hubbard Frank

A woman occasionally is quite a serviceable substitute for masturbation. It takes an abundance of imagination, to be sure.

Hubbard Kim

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

Hubbard Kim

Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.

Hubbard Kim

We are all worms. But I do believe I am a glowworm.

Hubbard Kin

Canada Post doesn't really charge 32 cents for a stamp. It's 2 cents for postage and 30 cents for storage.

Hubbard Kin

There is no comfort without pain; thus we define salvation through suffering.

Hubbard L. Ron

A dead man cannot bite.

Hubbard L. Ron

Death is a spirit leaving a body, sort of like a shell leaving the nut behind.

Hudson Henry

Nobody shot me.

Hugo Victor

"I wonder", he said to himself, "what's in a book while it's closed. Oh, I know it's full of letters printed on paper, but all the same, something must be happening, because as soon as I open it, there's a whole story with people I don't know yet

Hugo Victor

"Cable is not a luxury, since many areas have poor TV reception."

Hugo Victor

Audacity, and again, audacity, and always audacity.

Hugo Victor

The good Christian should beware of mathematicians and all those who make empty prophecies. The danger already exists that mathematicians have made a covenant with the devil to darken the spirit and confine man in the bonds of Hell.

Humphrey Hubert

Art is either plagiarism or revolution.

Hunter S. Thompson

What a strange game. The only winning move is not to play.

Huntingd Collis P.

I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.

Hurley Jack

Generally speaking, the Way of the warrior is resolute acceptance of death.

Huron Port

When the English language gets in my way, I walk over it.

Hutchins Robert M.

Imagine what we can imagine!

Huxley Aldous

Fear and loathing, my man, fear and loathing.

Huxley Aldous

Whatever it is, I fear Greeks even when they bring gifts.

hy it wasn't a hype. If you

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With her body, woman is more sincere than man; but with her mind she lies. And when she lies, she does not believe herself.

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