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What fools these mortals be.

Jack Handley


Out of sight is out of mind.

Jackson Glenda


"If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination."

Jackson Justice Robert H.


The superfluous is very necessary.

Jackson Justice Robert H.


By protracting life, we do not deduct one jot from the duration of death.

Jackson Justice Robert H.


One man's brain plus one other will produce one half as many ideas as one man would have produced alone. These two plus two more will produce half again as many ideas. These four plus four more begin to represent a creative meeting, and the ratio c

Jackson Andrew


Haste makes waste.

Jagger Mick


Never tell people how to do things. Tell them WHAT to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity.

James Clive


We are not a loved organization, but we are a respected one.

James William


The sky is blue so we know where to stop mowing.

James William


The day advanced as if to light some work of mine; it was morning, and lo! now it is evening, and nothing memorable is accomplished.

James Agate


The final delusion is the belief that one has lost all delusions.

Jane Wagner


XLI: The more one produces, the less one gets. XLII: Simple systems are not feasible because they require infinite testing. XLIII: Hardware works best when it matters the least. XLIV: Aircraft flight in the 21st century will always be in a we

Jarry Alfred


God gave man two ears and one tongue so that we listen twice as much as we speak.

Jean Giraudoux


Sic transit gloria mundi. [So passes away the glory of this world.]

Jefferson Thomas


"Cogito ergo I'm right and you're wrong."

Jefferson Thomas


It is the quality rather than the quantity that matters.

Jefferson Thomas


Objectivity is to a newspaper what virtue is to a woman.

Jefferson Thomas


If ever the pleasure of one has to be bought by the pain of the other, there better be no trade. A trade by which one gains and the other loses is a fraud.

Jefferson Thomas


The whole world is a scab. The point is to pick it constructively.

Jefferson Thomas


What one believes to be true either is true or becomes true.

Jefferson Thomas


Drop the vase and it will become a Ming of the past.

Jefferson Thomas


Reality is bad enough, why should I tell the truth?

Jefferson Thomas


Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.

Jefferson Thomas


As well look for a needle in a bottle of hay.

Jerome Jerome K.


A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

Jerome Jerome Klapka


I just need enough to tide me over until I need more.

Jerome Saint


The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.

Jerrold Douglas


If you would know the value of money, go try to borrow some.

Jessel Sir George


Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must be first overcome.

Jessica Salmonson


The problem with any unwritten law is that you don't know where to go to erase it.

Jesus


When the speaker and he to whom he is speaks do not understand, that is metaphysics.

Jim Strange de


A man said to the Universe: "Sir, I exist!" "However," replied the Universe, "the fact has not created in me a sense of obligation."

Jim Strange de


A sinking ship gathers no moss.

Jim Strange de


The Worst Jury A murder trial at Manitoba in February 1978 was well advanced, when one juror revealed that he was completely deaf and did not have the remotest clue what was happening. The judge, Mr. Justice Solomon, asked him if he had heard any

Jim Starlin


Plumbing is one of the easier of do-it-yourself activities, requiring only a few simple tools and a willingness to stick your arm into a clogged toilet. In fact, you can solve many home plumbing problems, such as annoying faucet drip, merely by tur

Jim Starlin


Mankind is poised midway between the gods and the beasts.

Jim Steinman


The truth is what is; what should be is a dirty lie.

Jimmy Crazy


In spite of everything, I still believe that people are good at heart.

Jitterbu Tom Robbins


Try not to have a good time ... This is supposed to be educational.

Joan Didion


The great question that has never been answered and which I have not yet been able to answer despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul is: WHAT DOES A WOMAN WANT?

Joan Didion


The meek shall inherit the earth, but *not* its mineral rights.

Joel Chandler Harris


Nonsense and beauty have close connections.

Joel M. Snyder


You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it true. You may have to work for it, however.

Joey


The primary cause of failure in electrical appliances is an expired warranty. Often, you can get an appliance running again simply by changing the warranty expiration date with a 15/64-inch felt-tipped marker.

Joh Lyndon B.


Whenever anyone says, "theoretically," they really mean, "not really."

John Ball


Think sideways!

John Barrymore


If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.

John Denver


Superstition, idolatry, and hypocrisy have ample wages, but truth goes a-begging.

John Dewey


The price one pays for pursuing any profession, or calling, is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side.

John Donne


America, I'm putting my queer shoulder to the wheel.

John Gardner


The first myth of management is that it exists. The second myth of management is that success equals skill.

John Hunt British


The proof of the pudding is in the eating.

John Kennedy


We have nowhere else to go... this is all we have.

John Kenneth Galbraith


No excellent soul is exempt from a mixture of madness.

John LeCarre


Music in the soul can be heard by the universe.

John Lightfoot


The avocation of assessing the failures of better men can be turned into a comfortable livelihood, providing you back it up with a Ph.D.

John The Dragon to Grendel in


Aim for the moon. If you miss, you may hit a star.

Johnson Dave


In case of fire, stand in the hall and shout "Fire!"

Johnson Dr.


The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

Johnson Dr.


XXI: It's easy to get a loan unless you need it. XXII: If stock market experts were so expert, they would be buying stock, not selling advice. XXIII: Any task can be completed in only one-third more time than is currently estimated. XXIV:

Johnson Lyndon Baines


I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly dreaming I am a man.

Johnson S.


A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.

Johnson Samuel


We're fantastically incredibly sorry for all these extremely unreasonable things we did. I can only plead that my simple, barely-sentient friend and myself are underprivileged, deprived and also college students.

Johnson Samuel


There is no better way of exercising the imagination than the study of law. No poet ever interpreted nature as freely as a lawyer interprets truth.

Johnson Samuel


An aphorism is never exactly true; it is either a half-truth or one-and-a-half truths.

Johnson Samuel


Nothing endures but change.

Johnson Samuel


Every person, all the events in your life are there because you have drawn them there. What you choose to do with them is up to you.

Johnson Samuel


She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

Johnson Samuel


Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness.

Johnson


You have all eternity to be cautious in when you're dead.

Johnson Lyndon


I'm always looking for a new idea that will be more productive than its cost.

Johnston M. M.


We're living in a golden age. All you need is gold.

Joke The Killing


Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

Jones Carolyn


The trouble with opportunity is that it always comes disguised as hard work.

Jones Franklin P.


"If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination."

Jones Franklin P.


We rarely find anyone who can say he has lived a happy life, and who, content with his life, can retire from the world like a satisfied guest.

Jones Franklin P.


"Whom are you?" said he, for he had been to night school.

Jones Franklin P.


The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made.

Jones Thomas


There's no justice in this world.

Jones] Chuck


Several years ago, some smart businessmen had an idea: Why not build a big store where a do-it-yourselfer could get everything he needed at reasonable prices? Then they decided, nah, the hell with that, let's build a home center. And before long ho

Joost van den Vondel


Since everything in life is but an experience perfect in being what it is, having nothing to do with good or bad, acceptance or rejection, one may well burst out in laughter.

Joplin Janis


Well, we'll really have a party, but we've gotta post a guard outside.

Jorge Luis Borges


If a thing's worth having, it's worth cheating for.

Joseph Gallo


Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

Joubert Joseph


This is the sort of English up with which I will not put.

Journal Albuquerque


A lot of people I know believe in positive thinking, and so do I. I believe everything positively stinks.

Journal The Wall Street


A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car.

Joyce James


Getting kicked out of the American Bar Association is liked getting kicked out of the Book-of-the-Month Club.

Joyce James


What one fool can do, another can.

Juan Don


It is when I struggle to be brief that I become obscure.

Judith Martin


No is no negative in a woman's mouth.

Judy Garland


Let sleeping dogs lie.

Juliana Queen


Love may laugh at locksmiths, but he has a profound respect for money bags.

Julius Caesar


Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.

Jun Esquire


VI: A hungry dog hunts best. A hungrier dog hunts even better. VII: Decreased business base increases overhead. So does increased business base. VIII: The most unsuccessful four years in the education of a cost-estimator is fifth grade ari

Jung Carl


There is no doubt that my lawyer is honest. For example, when he filed his income tax return last year, he declared half of his salary as 'unearned income.'

Jung C.G.


Look ere ye leap.

Juvenalis Decimus Junius


The world is full of people who have never, since childhood, met an open doorway with an open mind.

Juvenalis Decimus Junius





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Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.
Bruce Lenny

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