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Very few things happen at the right time, and the rest do not happen at all. The conscientious historian will correct these defects.

Jack Handley

The [Ford Foundation] is a large body of money completely surrounded by people who want some.

Jackson Glenda

[The members of the Chamberlain government] are decided only to be undecided, resolved to be irresolute, adamant for drift, all-powerful for impotency.

Jackson Justice Robert H.

Sometimes, too long is too long.

Jackson Justice Robert H.

If you laid all of our laws end to end, there would be no end.

Jackson Justice Robert H.

As failures go, attempting to recall the past is like trying to grasp the meaning of existence. Both make one feel like a baby clutching at a basketball: one's palms keep sliding off.

Jackson Andrew

He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man.

Jagger Mick

Learning without thought is labor lost; thought without learning is perilous.

James Clive

... Our second completely true news item was sent to me by Mr. H. Boyce Connell Jr. of Atlanta, Ga., where he is involved in a law firm. One thing I like about the South is, folks there care about tradition. If somebody gets handed a name like "H.

James William

God helps them that help themselves.

James William

We were young and our happiness dazzled us with its strength. But there was also a terrible betrayal that lay within me like a Merle Haggard song at a French restaurant. [...] I could not tell the girl about the woman of the tollway, of her milk w

James Agate

"No job too big; no fee too big!"

Jane Wagner

I have never understood this liking for war. It panders to instincts already catered for within the scope of any respectable domestic establishment.

Jarry Alfred

Steady movement is more important than speed, much of the time. So long as there is a regular progression of stimuli to get your mental hooks into, there is room for lateral movement. Once this begins, its rate is a matter of discretion.

Jean Giraudoux

What, after all, is a halo? It's only one more thing to keep clean.

Jefferson Thomas

"I'm in Pittsburgh. Why am I here?"

Jefferson Thomas

No excellent soul is exempt from a mixture of madness.

Jefferson Thomas

He who knows, does not speak. He who speaks, does not know.

Jefferson Thomas

United Nations, New York, December 25. The peace and joy of the Christmas season was marred by a proclamation of a general strike of all the military forces of the world. Panic reigns in the hearts of all the patriots of every persuasion. Meanwhil

Jefferson Thomas

Don't talk to me about naval tradition. It's nothing but rum, sodomy and the lash.

Jefferson Thomas

The ratio of literacy to illiteracy is a constant, but nowadays the illiterates can read.

Jefferson Thomas

The meek shall inherit the earth, but *not* its mineral rights.

Jefferson Thomas

If the church put in half the time on covetousness that it does on lust, this would be a better world.

Jefferson Thomas

I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.

Jefferson Thomas

Democracy is good. I say this because other systems are worse.

Jerome Jerome K.

I have a very strange feeling about this...

Jerome Jerome Klapka

"... an experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite often picturesque liar."

Jerome Saint

Doctors and lawyers must go to school for years and years, often with little sleep and with great sacrifice to their first wives.

Jerrold Douglas

"Why are we importing all these highbrow plays like `Amadeus'? I could have told you Mozart was a jerk for nothing."

Jessel Sir George

Time is the most valuable thing a man can spend.

Jessica Salmonson

Yield to Temptation ... it may not pass your way again.


It's not Camelot, but it's not Cleveland, either.

Jim Strange de

Cutting the space budget really restores my faith in humanity. It eliminates dreams, goals, and ideals and lets us get straight to the business of hate, debauchery, and self-annihilation."

Jim Strange de

Two wrongs are only the beginning.

Jim Strange de

There are no answers, only cross-references.

Jim Starlin

Dying is easy. Comedy is difficult.

Jim Starlin

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.

Jim Steinman

It's a recession when your neighbour loses his job; it's a depression when you lose yours.

Jimmy Crazy

It is up to us to produce better-quality movies.

Jitterbu Tom Robbins

What fools these mortals be.

Joan Didion

Nothing is more admirable than the fortitude with which millionaires tolerate the disadvantages of their wealth.

Joan Didion

Our sires' age was worse that our grandsires'. We their sons are more worthless than they: so in our turn we shall give the world a progeny yet more corrupt.

Joel Chandler Harris

When I hear a man applauded by the mob I always feel a pang of pity for him. All he has to do to be hissed is to live long enough.

Joel M. Snyder

In "King Henry VI, Part II," Shakespeare has Dick Butcher suggest to his fellow anti-establishment rabble-rousers, "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." That action may be extreme but a similar sentiment was expressed by Thomas K. Co


So she went into the garden to cut a cabbage leaf to make an apple pie; and at the same time a great she-bear, coming up the street pops its head into the shop. "What! no soap?" So he died, and she very imprudently married the barber; and there were

Joh Lyndon B.

Academic politics is the most vicious and bitter form of politics, because the stakes are so low.

John Ball

At twenty-six, Kate, though not promiscuous, had slept with most of the decent men in public life.

John Barrymore

Art is a jealous mistress.

John Denver

"I'm dying," he croaked. "My experiment was a success," the chemist retorted . "You can't really train a beagle," he dogmatized. "That's no beagle, it's a mongrel," she muttered. "The fire is going out," he bellowed. "Bad marksmanship," the h

John Dewey

Anyone who has had a bull by the tail knows five or six more things than someone who hasn't.

John Donne

The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made.

John Gardner

Just once I would like to persuade the audience not to wear any article of blue denim. If only they could see themselves in a pair of brown corduroys like mine instead of this awful, boring blue denim. I don't enjoy the sky or sea as much as I used

John Hunt British

Aim for the moon. If you miss, you may hit a star.

John Kennedy

When the English language gets in my way, I walk over it.

John Kenneth Galbraith

So little time, so little to do.

John LeCarre

Life sucks, but death doesn't put out at all.

John Lightfoot

It is easier to be a "humanitarian" than to render your own country its proper due; it is easier to be a "patriot" than to make your community a better place to live in; it is easier to be a "civic leader" than to treat your own family with loving un

John The Dragon to Grendel in

Just close your eyes, tap your heels together three times, and think to yourself, `There's no place like home.'

Johnson Dave

After his Ignoble Disgrace, Satan was being expelled from Heaven. As he passed through the Gates, he paused a moment in thought, and turned to God and said, "A new creature called Man, I hear, is soon to be created." "This is true," He replied.

Johnson Dr.

A Christian is a man who feels repentance on Sunday for what he did on Saturday and is going to do on Monday.

Johnson Dr.

An older student came to Otis and said, "I have been to see a great number of teachers and I have given up a great number of pleasures. I have fasted, been celibate and stayed awake nights seeking enlightenment. I have given up everything I was aske

Johnson Lyndon Baines

Every why hath a wherefore.

Johnson S.

Fortune Documents the Great Legal Decisions: We think that we may take judicial notice of the fact that the term "bitch" may imply some feeling of endearment when applied to a female of the canine species but that it is seldom, if ever, so used whe

Johnson Samuel

Execute every act of thy life as though it were thy last.

Johnson Samuel

Si Dieu n'existait pas, il faudrait l'inventer. [If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him.]

Johnson Samuel

Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half of the time.

Johnson Samuel

Have a place for everything and keep the thing somewhere else; this is not advice, it is merely custom.

Johnson Samuel

Well, you know, no matter where you go, there you are.

Johnson Samuel

Ah, but a man's grasp should exceed his reach, Or what's a heaven for ?

Johnson Samuel

To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.


It is through symbols that man consciously or unconsciously lives, works and has his being.

Johnson Lyndon

There but for the grace of God, goes God.

Johnston M. M.

The faster we go, the rounder we get.

Joke The Killing

You couldn't even prove the White House staff sane beyond a reasonable doubt.

Jones Carolyn

"Is it just me, or does anyone else read `bible humpers' every time someone writes `bible thumpers?'

Jones Franklin P.

"Hey, Sam, how about a loan?" "Whattaya need?" "Oh, about $500." "Whattaya got for collateral?" "Whattaya need?" "How about an eye?"

Jones Franklin P.

Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.

Jones Franklin P.

"I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path."

Jones Franklin P.

Life is a concentration camp. You're stuck here and there's no way out and you can only rage impotently against your persecutors.

Jones Thomas

As Gen. de Gaulle occassionally acknowledges America to be the daughter of Europe, so I am pleased to come to Yale, the daughter of Harvard.

Jones] Chuck

"It's kind of fun to do the impossible."

Joost van den Vondel

Dignity is like a flag. It flaps in a storm.

Joplin Janis

Education is what survives when what has been learnt has been forgotten.

Jorge Luis Borges

A free society is one where it is safe to be unpopular.

Joseph Gallo

Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.

Joubert Joseph

Whoever has lived long enough to find out what life is, knows how deep a debt of gratitude we owe to Adam, the first great benefactor of our race. He brought death into the world.

Journal Albuquerque

A sad spectacle. If they be inhabited, what a scope for misery and folly. If they be not inhabited, what a waste of space.

Journal The Wall Street

Look, we trade every day out there with hustlers, deal-makers, shysters, con-men. That's the way businesses get started. That's the way this country was built.

Joyce James

Men are superior to women.

Joyce James

During almost fifteen centuries the legal establishment of Christianity has been upon trial. What has been its fruits? More or less, in all places, pride and indolence in the clergy; ignorance and servility in the laity,; in both, superstition, bigo

Juan Don

If you live in a country run by committee, be on the committee.

Judith Martin

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

Judy Garland

She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

Juliana Queen

Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.

Julius Caesar

If the Nazis had television with satellite technology, we'd all be goose-stepping. Americans are just as suggestible.

Jun Esquire

Perhaps the remembrance of these things will prove a source of future pleasure.

Jung Carl

America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a chair.

Jung C.G.

It has long been noticed that juries are pitiless for robbery and full of indulgence for infanticide. A question of interest, my dear Sir! The jury is afraid of being robbed and has passed the age when it could be a victim of infanticide.

Juvenalis Decimus Junius

You can't depend on the man who made the mess to clean it up.

Juvenalis Decimus Junius

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Solo Han

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