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One hundred women are not worth a single testicle.

Jack Handley


There is no sin but ignorance.

Jackson Glenda


A full belly makes a dull brain.

Jackson Justice Robert H.


A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back the when it begins to rain.

Jackson Justice Robert H.


The sooner you make your first 5000 mistakes, the sooner you will be able to correct them.

Jackson Justice Robert H.


A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.

Jackson Andrew


Since everything in life is but an experience perfect in being what it is, having nothing to do with good or bad, acceptance or rejection, one may well burst out in laughter.

Jagger Mick


Do not use that foreign word "ideals". We have that excellent native word "lies".

James Clive


If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

James William


In case of fire, stand in the hall and shout "Fire!"

James William


When you die, you lose a very important part of your life.

James Agate


If we don't survive, we don't do anything else.

Jane Wagner


As well look for a needle in a bottle of hay.

Jarry Alfred


You can never do just one thing.

Jean Giraudoux


A woman's a woman until the day she dies, but a man's only a man as long as he can.

Jefferson Thomas


A little inaccuracy saves a world of explanation.

Jefferson Thomas


God gave man two ears and one tongue so that we listen twice as much as we speak.

Jefferson Thomas


Trust in Allah, but tie your camel.

Jefferson Thomas


In the long run we are all dead.

Jefferson Thomas


Would ye both eat your cake and have your cake?

Jefferson Thomas


I know on which side my bread is buttered.

Jefferson Thomas


Like, if I'm not for me, then fer shure, like who will be? And if, y'know, if I'm not like fer anyone else, then hey, I mean, what am I? And if not now, like I dunno, maybe like when? And if not Who, then I dunno, maybe like the Rolling Stones?

Jefferson Thomas


Of all possible committee reactions to any given agenda item, the reaction that will occur is the one which will liberate the greatest amount of hot air.

Jefferson Thomas


XI: If the Earth could be made to rotate twice as fast, managers would get twice as much done. If the Earth could be made to rotate twenty times as fast, everyone else would get twice as much done since all the managers would fly off. XII: I

Jefferson Thomas


All is well that ends well.

Jerome Jerome K.


Nothing will dispel enthusiasm like a small admission fee.

Jerome Jerome Klapka


Men freely believe that what they wish to desire.

Jerome Saint


A furore Normanorum libera nos, O Domine! [From the fury of the norsemen deliver us, O Lord!]

Jerrold Douglas


Progress might have been all right once, but it's gone on too long.

Jessel Sir George


You cannot see the wood for the trees.

Jessica Salmonson


May you live in uninteresting times.

Jesus


I just asked myself... what would John DeLorean do?

Jim Strange de


To every Ph.D. there is an equal and opposite Ph.D.

Jim Strange de


Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes, and not rather a new wearer of clothes.

Jim Strange de


It is not enough that I should succeed. Others must fail.

Jim Starlin


In spite of everything, I still believe that people are good at heart.

Jim Starlin


One of your most ancient writers, a historian named Herodotus, tells of a thief who was to be executed. As he was taken away he made a bargain with the king: in one year he would teach the king's favorite horse to sing hymns. The other prisoners wa

Jim Steinman


The Poems, all three hundred of them, may be summed up in one of their phrases: "Let our thoughts be correct".

Jimmy Crazy


A wise person makes his own decisions, a weak one obeys public opinion.

Jitterbu Tom Robbins


No evil can happen to a good man.

Joan Didion


All phone calls are obscene.

Joan Didion


"Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet. As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney. Do you have a car or a job? Do you ever

Joel Chandler Harris


"World conquerors sometimes become fools, but fools never become world conquerors."

Joel M. Snyder


You can observe a lot just by watching.

Joey


The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture, finished, and put inside boxes.

Joh Lyndon B.


The proof of the pudding is in the eating.

John Ball


It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is lightly greased.

John Barrymore


Life is too short to be taken seriously.

John Denver


Never take a resume seriously. Resumes only make money for the people who write the resumes. No resume ever tells an employer how many times a job applicant has had the clap. Why, indeed, would anyone hire a person based on a resume written by a

John Dewey


Man is the measure of all things.

John Donne


By protracting life, we do not deduct one jot from the duration of death.

John Gardner


All the really good ideas I ever had came to me while I was milking a cow.

John Hunt British


Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it depends on what you put into it.

John Kennedy


A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

John Kenneth Galbraith


Don't go to bed with no price on your head.

John LeCarre


You can fool all the people all of the time if the advertising is right and the budget is big enough.

John Lightfoot


"You can't survive by sucking the juice from a wet mitten."

John The Dragon to Grendel in


There are no accidents whatsoever in the universe.

Johnson Dave


Littering is dumb.

Johnson Dr.


Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.

Johnson Dr.


It is so stupid of modern civilisation to have given up believing in the devil when he is the only explanation of it.

Johnson Lyndon Baines


The coast was clear.

Johnson S.


No bird soars too high if he soars with his own wings.

Johnson Samuel


Luck, that's when preparation and opportunity meet.

Johnson Samuel


What we need in this country, instead of Daylight Savings Time, which nobody really understands anyway, is a new concept called Weekday Morning Time, whereby at 7 a.m. every weekday we go into a space-launch-style "hold" for two to three hours, durin

Johnson Samuel


But the greatest Electrical Pioneer of them all was Thomas Edison, who was a brilliant inventor despite the fact that he had little formal education and lived in New Jersey. Edison's first major invention in 1877, was the phonograph, which could soo

Johnson Samuel


Our business in life is not to succeed but to continue to fail in high spirits.

Johnson Samuel


My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed.

Johnson Samuel


Turn the other cheek.

Johnson Samuel


A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car.

Johnson


Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

Johnson Lyndon


Mundus vult decipi decipiatur ergo.

Johnston M. M.


If you're like most homeowners, you're afraid that many repairs around your home are too difficult to tackle. So, when your furnace explodes, you call in a so-called professional to fix it. The "professional" arrives in a truck with lettering on t

Joke The Killing


Words have a longer life than deeds.

Jones Carolyn


Who goeth a-borrowing goeth a-sorrowing.

Jones Franklin P.


The superior man understands what is right; the inferior man understands what will sell.

Jones Franklin P.


per year.

Jones Franklin P.


The tree in which the sap is stagnant remains fruitless.

Jones Franklin P.


Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.

Jones Thomas


To add insult to injury.

Jones] Chuck


The fact that it works is immaterial.

Joost van den Vondel


If a thing's worth doing, it is worth doing badly.

Joplin Janis


For thee the wonder-working earth puts forth sweet flowers.

Jorge Luis Borges


What fools these mortals be.

Joseph Gallo


Ask not for whom the Bell tolls, and you will pay only the station-to-station rate.

Joubert Joseph


My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.

Journal Albuquerque


The man-hating woman, like the cold woman, is largely imaginary. She is simply a woman who has done her best to snare a man and has failed.

Journal The Wall Street


Here's to women. Would that we could fall into her arms without falling into her hands.

Joyce James


The flush toilet is the basis of Western civilization.

Joyce James


It is ridiculous to call this an industry. This is not. This is rat eat rat, dog eat dog. I'll kill 'em, and I'm going to kill 'em before they kill me. You're talking about the American way of survival of the fittest.

Juan Don


"There was an interesting development in the CBS-Westmoreland trial: both sides agreed that after the trial, Andy Rooney would be allowed to talk to the jury for three minutes about little things that annoyed him during the trial."

Judith Martin


I never cheated an honest man, only rascals. They wanted something for nothing. I gave them nothing for something.

Judy Garland


No man is an Iland, intire of it selfe; every man is a peece of the Continent, a part of the maine; if a Clod bee washed away by the Sea, Europe is the lesse, as well as if a Promontorie were, as well as if a Mannor of thy friends or of thine owne we

Juliana Queen


Work Hard. Rock Hard. Eat Hard. Sleep Hard. Grow Big. Wear Glasses If You Need 'Em.

Julius Caesar


The executioner is, I hear, very expert, and my neck is very slender.

Jun Esquire


At ebb tide I wrote a line upon the sand, and gave it all my heart and all my soul. At flood tide I returned to read what I had inscribed and found my ignorance upon the shore.

Jung Carl


Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.

Jung C.G.


Set the cart before the horse.

Juvenalis Decimus Junius


The first rule of all intelligent tinkering is to keep all the parts.

Juvenalis Decimus Junius





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With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law; and every time they make a law it's a joke.
Rogers Will

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