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It is only the great men who are truly obscene. If they had not dared to be obscene, they could never have dared to be great.

La Rouchefoucauld

April 1 This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.

Lady Whiteadder

"God gives burdens; also shoulders" Jimmy Carter cited this Jewish saying in his concession speech at the end of the 1980 election. At least he said it was a Jewish saying; I can't find it anywhere. I'm sure he's telling the truth though; why wo

Lafferty R. A.

The dirty work at political conventions is almost always done in the grim hours between midnight and dawn. Hangmen and politicians work best when the human spirit is at its lowest ebb.

Lai Chou En

If any man wishes to be humbled and mortified, let him become president of Harvard.

Lampoon The Harvard

Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing.

Landers Ann

Those who profess to favor freedom, and yet deprecate agitation, are men who want rain without thunder and lightning. They want the ocean without the roar of its many waters.

Lang Andrew

Tart words make no friends; a spoonful of honey will catch more flies than a gallon of vinegar.

Langan L.M.

Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river.

Lao Tsu

Thank God I've always avoided persecuting my enemies.

Lara Michael

We're all in this alone.

Lara Michael

NAPOLEON: What shall we do with this soldier, Giuseppe? Everything he says is wrong. GIUSEPPE: Make him a general, Excellency, and then everything he says will be right.

Lardner David

If there were a school for, say, sheet metal workers, that after three years left its graduates as unprepared for their careers as does law school, it would be closed down in a minute, and no doubt by lawyers.

Lardner Ring

Justice is incidental to law and order.

Lardner Ring

I can't understand it. I can't even understand the people who can understand it.

Larry Niven

We are upping our standards ... so up yours.

Larsen Dalglish

Many enraged psychiatrists are inciting a weary butcher. The butcher is weary and tired because he has cut meat and steak and lamb for hours and weeks. He does not desire to chant about anything with raving psychiatrists, but he sings about his gin

Larson Erik

Gratitude and treachery are merely the two extremities of the same procession. You have seen all of it that is worth staying for when the band and the gaudy officials have gone by.

Lascl Christopher

If a man has talent and cannot use it, he has failed.


L'hazard ne favorise que l'esprit prepare.


All of us should treasure his Oriental wisdom and his preaching of a Zen-like detachment, as exemplified by his constant reminder to clerks, tellers, or others who grew excited by his presence in their banks: "Just lie down on the floor and keep calm

Lazarus Long

There is a limit to the admiration we may hold for a man who spends his waking hours poking the contents of chickens with a stick.

LeBoutillier J.

Ours is a world of nuclear giants and ethical infants.

LeGuin Ursula K.

And they mainly want to teach them not to question, not to imagine, but to be obedient and behave well so that they can hold them forever as children to their bosom as the second millennium lurches toward its panicky close.

Lear King

Concerning the war in Vietnam, Senator George Aiken of Vermount noted in January, 1966, "I'm not very keen for doves or hawks. I think we need more owls."

Leary Tim

An old Jewish man reads about Einstein's theory of relativity in the newspaper and asks his scientist grandson to explain it to him. "Well, zayda, it's sort of like this. Einstein says that if you're having your teeth drilled without Novocain, a mi

Lebowitz Fran

The worst sin towards our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them; that's the essence of inhumanity.

Lebowitz Fran

Inglish Spocken Hier: some mangled translations Sign on a cabin door of a Soviet Black Sea cruise liner: Helpsavering apparata in emergings behold many whistles! Associate the stringing apparata about the bosums and meet behind, flee then t

Lebowitz Fran

The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.

Lebowitz Fran

The polite thing to do has always been to address people as they wish to be addressed, to treat them in a way they think dignified. But it is equally important to accept and tolerate different standards of courtesy, not expecting everyone else to ad

Leghorn Foghorn

"Quite frankly, I don't like you humans. After what you all have done, I find being 'inhuman' a compliment."

Leghorn Foghorn

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. My advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

Leghorn Foghorn

People in general do not willingly read if they have anything else to amuse them.

Lehman John

Lying is an indispensable part of making life tolerable.

Lehrer Tom

"Queensboro president Donald Mannis, charged with receiving bribes in exchange for city contracts, resigned on Tuesday. Mannis feels he must devote more time to impending litigation, some of which might emanate from a recent statement he made compar

Lehrer Tom

If I love you, what business is it of yours?

Lehrer Tom

of our air pollution stems from hydrocarbons released by vegetation, so let's not go overboard in setting and enforcing tough emissions standards from man-made sources."

Lem Stanislaw

Your wig steers the gig.

Lem Stanislaw

What we wish, that we readily believe.

Len Cool

Why does a hearse horse snicker, hauling a lawyer away?

Lenin Vladimir Il'ich

Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.


The truth about a man lies first and foremost in what he hides.

Lennon John

Persistence in one opinion has never been considered a merit in political leaders.

Lennon John

Reality is bad enough, why should I tell the truth?

Leo Rosten

As to the Adjective: when in doubt, strike it out.

LeoGrande William

The more the merrier.

Leonard Ohio Lt. Governor Paul

Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a mistake when you make it again.

Leopardi Giacomo

Kiss me, Kate, we will be married o' Sunday.

Lerner Max

I can give you my word, but I know what it's worth and you don't.

Leslie Stephen

We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail.

Leslie Stephen

Let us not look back in anger or forward in fear, but around us in awareness.

Lester Julius

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.

Letterman David

Zounds! I was never so bethumped with words since I first called my brother's father dad.

Letterman David

In "King Henry VI, Part II," Shakespeare has Dick Butcher suggest to his fellow anti-establishment rabble-rousers, "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." That action may be extreme but a similar sentiment was expressed by Thomas K. Co

Letterman David

If you can't say anything good about someone, sit right here by me.

Letterman David

Whoever has lived long enough to find out what life is, knows how deep a debt of gratitude we owe to Adam, the first great benefactor of our race. He brought death into the world.

Letterman David

A rolling stone gathers no moss.

Letterman David

Historians have now definitely established that Juan Cabrillo, discoverer of California, was not looking for Kansas, thus setting a precedent that continues to this day.

Letterman David

Never have so many understood so little about so much.

Letterman David

Chapter 1 The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

Levant Oscar

With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law; and every time they make a law it's a joke.

Levant Oscar

People seem to enjoy things more when they know a lot of other people have been left out on the pleasure.

Levin Bernard

We have lingered long enough on the shores of the Cosmic Ocean.

Levine Joseph E.

Anything is possible on paper.

Levinson Leonard

A memorandum is written not to inform the reader, but to protect the writer.

Lew Sinclair

They have been at a great feast of languages, and stolen the scraps.

Lewin Ralph

"Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him."

Lewis C.S.

Let us never negotiate out of fear, but let us never fear to negotiate.

Lewis C.S.

There is an innocence in admiration; it is found in those to whom it has not yet occurred that they, too, might be admired some day.

Lewis Joe E.

I'd just as soon kiss a Wookie.

Lewis Joe E.

I would much rather have men ask why I have no statue, than why I have one.

Lewis Richard

The proof of the pudding is in the eating.

Lewis Sinclair

Have no friends not equal to yourself.

Lewis Thomas

Charity begins at home.

Li Woman's

To teach is to learn twice.

Li Mark Twain

I have nothing but utter contempt for the courts of this land.

Lie Trygve

She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

Liebling A.J.

"One Saturday afternoon, during the campaign to decide whether or not there should be a Coastal Commission, I took a helicopter ride from Los Angeles to San Diego. We passed several state beaches, some crowded and some virtually empty. They had the

Liebling A.J.

Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

Liepmann Hans

Success is the sole earthly judge of right and wrong.

Lieutenant Kermit Tyler

Nice guys finish last, but we get to sleep in.

Lilly John

You know very well that whether you are on page one or page thirty depends on whether [the press] fear you. It is just as simple as that.

Lincoln A.

Men freely believe that what they wish to desire.

Lincoln Abraham

I believe that the moment is near when by a procedure of active paranoiac thought, it will be possible to systematize confusion and contribute to the total discrediting of the world of reality.

Lincoln Abraham

The final delusion is the belief that one has lost all delusions.

Lincoln Abraham

The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.

Lincoln Abraham

Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met.

Lincoln Abraham

Many hands make light work.

Lincoln Abraham

Being a woman is a terribly difficult trade, since it consists principally of dealings with men.

Lincoln Abraham

A morgue is a morgue is a morgue. They can paint the walls with aggressively cheerful primary colors and splashy bold graphics, but it's still a holding place for the dead until they can be parted out to organ banks. Not that I would have cared nor

Lincoln Abraham

You see things; and you say "Why?" But I dream things that never were; and I say "Why not?"

Lindbergh Charles

"I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter."

Ling James J.

Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune.

Lippmann Walter

Some men are heterosexual, and some are bisexual, and some men don't think about sex at all... they become lawyers.

Lippmann Walter

Visits always give pleasure: if not on arrival, then on the departure.

Little Mary Wilson

Tallulah Bankhead barged down the Nile last night as Cleopatra and sank.

Little Rich

Home is where the hurt is.

Lloyd Kaufman

When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Lo graffito in

The most recent attempt to revive the moribund campus left, a national conference held at Rutgers University February 5-7, ended when the participants decided that they were too racist to found a new national organization. The stated goal of the c

Locke John

I went into a bar feeling a little depressed, the bartender said, "What'll you have, Bud"? I said," I don't know, surprise me". So he showed me a nude picture of my wife.

Lockridge Ross

All bad precedents began as justifiable measures.

Long Lazarus

Before he became a hermit, Zarathud was a young Priest, and took great delight in making fools of his opponents in front of his followers. One day Zarathud took his students to a pleasant pasture and there he confronted The Sacred Chao while She

Long Lazarus

An aphorism is never exactly true; it is either a half-truth or one-and-a-half truths.

Long Lazarus

Ye've also got to remember that ... respectable people do the most astonishin' things to preserve their respectability. Thank God I'm not respectable.

Long Lazarus

Fortune's Guide to Freshman Notetaking: WHEN THE PROFESSOR SAYS: YOU WRITE: Probably the greatest quality of the poetry John Milton

Long Lazarus

While there's life, there's hope.

Long Lazarus

A writer is congenitally unable to tell the truth and that is why we call what he writes fiction.

Long Lazarus

University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.

Long Lazarus

"Not only is God dead, but just try to find a plumber on weekends."

Long Lazarus

Swerve me? The path to my fixed purpose is laid with iron rails, whereon my soul is grooved to run. Over unsounded gorges, through the rifled hearts of mountains, under torrents' beds, unerringly I rush!

Long Lazarus

It's amazing how nice people are to you when they know you're going away.

Long Russell

The use of money is all the advantage there is to having money.

Longfellow H.W.

Indiana is a state dedicated to basketball. Basketball, soybeans, hogs and basketball. Berkeley, needless to say, is not nearly as athletic. Berkeley is dedicated to coffee, angst, potholes and coffee.

Longworth A. R.

Do not use that foreign word "ideals". We have that excellent native word "lies".

Longworth Alice Roosevelt

... Let me tell you who the actual "front-runners" are. On one side, you have George Bush, who is currently going through a sort of fraternity hazing wherein he has to perform a series of humiliating stunts to win the approval of the Republican Righ

Longworth Alice Roosevelt

Leave no stone unturned.

Longworth Alice Roosevelt

Immigration is the sincerest form of flattery.

Loo Lewis Carroll

There is always something new out of Africa.

Louder P.G

Old age is the harbor of all ills.

Louder P.G.

When I came back to Dublin I was courtmartialed in my absence and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence.

Louder P.G. Wodehouse

Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.

Louisi Edwin Edwards

Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

Lowell James Russell

Naturally the common people don't want war... but after all it is the leaders of a country who determine the policy, and it is always a simple matter to drag the people along, whether it is a democracy, or a fascist dictatorship, or a parliament, or

Lowell Robert

I never trust a man unless I've got his pecker in my pocket.

Lowell James Russell

This is an especially good time for you vacationers who plan to fly, because the Reagan administration, as part of the same policy under which it recently sold Yellowstone National Park to Wayne Newton, has "deregulated" the airline industry. What t

Lubbock John

Man is the only animal that laughs and weeps; for he is the only animal that is struck with the difference between what things are and what they ought to be.

Luce C.B.

Best Mistakes In Films In his "Filmgoer's Companion", Mr. Leslie Halliwell helpfully lists four of the cinema's greatest moments which you should get to see if at all possible. In "Carmen Jones", the camera tracks with Dorothy Dandridge down a st

Luce Clare Booth

"Here's the holiday schedule for Monday's observation of Martin Luther King Jr.'s birthday, when the following will be closed: * Governmental offices * Post offices * Libraries * Schools * Banks * Parts of Palm Beach and the mind of Se

Lucinda Childs

All this wheeling and dealing around, why, it isn't for money, it's for fun. Money's just the way we keep score.

Lula Pace Ripley

Experience teaches you that the man who looks you straight in the eye, particularly if he adds a firm handshake, is hiding something.

Lumsden Marshall

If you live in New York, even if you're Catholic, you're Jewish.

Lur Terry Pratchett

A lie is an abomination unto the Lord and a very present help in time of trouble.

Lustbader Eric Van

A man said to the Universe: "Sir, I exist!" "However," replied the Universe, "the fact has not created in me a sense of obligation."

Luten Daniel B.

For if there is a sin against life, it consists perhaps not so much in despairing of life as in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable grandeur of this life.

Luten Daniel B.

A man's house is his castle.

Luther Martin

Learning without thought is labor lost; thought without learning is perilous.

Luther Martin

It's the opinion of some that crops could be grown on the moon. Which raises the fear that it may not be long before we're paying somebody not to.

Luther Martin

Audacity, and again, audacity, and always audacity.

Lyly John

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.


It is convenient that there be gods, and, as it is convenient, let us believe there are.

lose. until you

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My band career ended late in my senior year when John Cooper and I threw my amplifier out the dormitory window. We did not act in haste. First we checked to make sure the amplifier would fit through the frame, using the belt from my bathrobe to meas
Barry Dave

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