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This night methinks is but the daylight sick.

M Hawkeye

It has been said [by Anatole France], "it is not by amusing oneself that one learns," and, in reply: "it is *____only* by amusing oneself that one can learn."

Mabbitt Ronald

He hath eaten me out of house and home.

Mabley Moms

How can you prove whether at this moment we are sleeping, and all our thoughts are a dream; or whether we are awake, and talking to one another in the waking state?

MacDonald Dwight

There is no character, howsoever good and fine, but it can be destroyed by ridicule, howsoever poor and witless. Observe the ass, for instance: his character is about perfect, he is the choicest spirit among all the humbler animals, yet see what rid

MacDonald Ross

The optimist thinks that this is the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist knows it.

Macaulay Thomas

He that bringeth a present, findeth the door open.

Macdonald Ronald

What we do not understand we do not possess.


Eggheads unite! You have nothing to lose but your yolks.

Machiavelli Niccolo

"And Bezel saideth unto Sham: `Sham,' he saideth, `Thou shalt goest unto the town of Begorrah, and there thou shalt fetcheth unto thine bosom 35 talents, and also shalt thou fetcheth a like number of cubits, provideth that they are nice and fresh.'"

Machineri R. Bradbury

If a man has a strong faith he can indulge in the luxury of skepticism.

Madariaga Salvador De

You can bring men from other parts of the world who are sane. And you know what happens? At the very moment they cross those mountains... they go mad. Instantaneously and automatically, at the very moment they cross the mountains into California,

Madison James

Of all men's miseries, the bitterest is this: to know so much and have control over nothing.


VII. Certain bodies can pass through solid walls painted to resemble tunnel entrances; others cannot. This trompe l'oeil inconsistency has baffled generations, but at least it is known that whoever paints an entrance on a wall's surface to

Mahabharata The

Progress might have been all right once, but it's gone on too long.

Mahabharata. The

Carol's head ached as she trailed behind the unsmiling Calibrees along the block of booths. She chirruped at Kennicott, "Let's be wild! Let's ride on the merry-go-round and grab a gold ring!" Kennicott considered it, and mumbled to Calibree, "Thin


There is no proverb that is not true.

Maher Bill

If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.

Mailer Norman

Every man who has reached even his intellectual teens begins to suspect that life is no farce; that it is not genteel comedy even; that it flowers and fructifies on the contrary out of the profoundest tragic depths of the essential death in which its

Maistre Joseph De

If God lived on Earth, people would knock out all His windows.


Nothing endures but change.

Malraux Andre

I can't understand why a person will take a year or two to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.

Mamet David

Doctors and lawyers must go to school for years and years, often with little sleep and with great sacrifice to their first wives.

Man Little Big

The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.

Manners Miss

America is a melting pot. You know, where those on the bottom get burned, and the scum rises to the top.

Manson Charles

It has long been noticed that juries are pitiless for robbery and full of indulgence for infanticide. A question of interest, my dear Sir! The jury is afraid of being robbed and has passed the age when it could be a victim of infanticide.

Manson Charles

Someday, Weederman, we'll look back on all this and laugh... It will probably be one of those deep, eerie ones that slowly builds to a blood-curdling maniacal scream... but still it will be a laugh.

Manua Princess Irulan

One good turn deserves another.

Manville Tommy

Why does a hearse horse snicker, hauling a lawyer away?

Manville Tommy

Standards are different for all things, so the standard set by man is by no means the only 'certain' standard. If you mistake what is relative for something certain, you have strayed far from the ultimate truth.

Manville Tommy

Suspicion always haunts the guilty mind.

Marcus Tullius Cicero

The most costly of all follies is to believe passionately in the palpably not true. It is the chief occupation of mankind.

Margaret Mitchell

The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance. He of all men should behave as though the law compelled him. But it is the universal weakness of mankind that what we are given to administer we presently imagine we own.

Mari Clive James on

It is a lesson which all history teaches wise men, to put trust in ideas, and not in circumstances.

Mark Twain

Two heads are better than one.

Mark Twain

If any man wishes to be humbled and mortified, let him become president of Harvard.

Mark Twain

Neckties strangle clear thinking.

Mark Twain

The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.

Mark Twain

Rascal, am I? Take THAT!

Mark Twain

The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose.

Mark Twain

Why am I so soft in the middle when the rest of my life is so hard?

Mark Twain

If a man stay away from his wife for seven years, the law presumes the separation to have killed him; yet according to our daily experience, it might well prolong his life.

Mark Twain

If you laid all of our laws end to end, there would be no end.

Mark Twain

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment.

Marlon Brando

If two people love each other, there can be no happy end to it.

Marlowe Christopher

I knew her before she was a virgin.

Marlowe Christopher

He that composes himself is wiser than he that composes a book.

Marlowe Christopher

The Worst Jury A murder trial at Manitoba in February 1978 was well advanced, when one juror revealed that he was completely deaf and did not have the remotest clue what was happening. The judge, Mr. Justice Solomon, asked him if he had heard any

Marlowe Christopher

Now, you might ask, "How do I get one of those complete home tool sets for under $4?" An excellent question. Go to one of those really cheap discount stores where they sell plastic furniture in colors visible from the planet Neptune and where they

Marquis Don

Comparing information and knowledge is like asking whether the fatness of a pig is more or less green than the designated hitter rule."

Marquis Don

Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.

Marquis Don

He is now rising from affluence to poverty.

Marquis Don

Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem more afraid of life than death.

Marr Bill

A woman occasionally is quite a serviceable substitute for masturbation. It takes an abundance of imagination, to be sure.

Marshall Brickman

If there really was a Jewish conspiracy to run the world, my rabbi would have let me in on it by now. I contribute enough to the shule.

Marshall Thurgood

Where it is a duty to worship the sun it is pretty sure to be a crime to examine the laws of heat.

Martin Steve

When you die, you lose a very important part of your life.

Martin Thomas L.

We are not a loved organization, but we are a respected one.


Baseball is a skilled game. It's America's game - it, and high taxes.


Once there lived a village of creatures along the bottom of a great crystal river. Each creature in its own manner clung tightly to the twigs and rocks of the river bottom, for clinging was their way of life, and resisting the current what each had


The typewriting machine, when played with expression, is no more annoying than the piano when played by a sister or near relation.

Martin Steve

Never buy what you do not want because it is cheap; it will be dear to you.

Martin Steve

If you live long enough, you'll see that every victory turns into a defeat.

Martin Susanna

... before I could come to any conclusion it occurred to me that my speech or my silence, indeed any action of mine, would be a mere futility. What did it matter what anyone knew or ignored? What did it matter who was manager? One gets sometimes s

Martin' Kin Hubbard

Hating the Yankees is as American as pizza pie, unwed mothers and cheating on your income tax.

Marx Groucho

Women of genius commonly have masculine faces, figures and manners. In transplanting brains to an alien soil God leaves a little of the original earth clinging to the roots.

Marx Groucho

Show business is just like high school, except you get paid.


The superfluous is very necessary.

Masterson Bat

After the game the king and the pawn go in the same box.

Mathis Andrew W.

When the sun shineth, make hay.

Mau W. Somerset

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

Maugh W. Somerset

Don't guess

Maugham Somerset

What!? Me worry?

Maugham Somerset

Educational television should be absolutely forbidden. It can only lead to unreasonable disappointment when your child discovers that the letters of the alphabet do not leap up out of books and dance around with royal-blue chickens.

Maugham W. Somerset

Eeny, Meeny, Jelly Beanie, the spirits are about to speak!

Maugham W. Somerset

A good scapegoat is hard to find. A guilty conscience is the mother of invention.

Maugham W.S.

For courage mounteth with occasion.

Maugham W. Somerset

What fools these mortals be.

Max Beerbohm

Just close your eyes, tap your heels together three times, and think to yourself, `There's no place like home.'

Mayfield E.J.

There are no accidents whatsoever in the universe.

Mayonnaise Hellman's

Zounds! I was never so bethumped with words since I first called my brother's father dad.

Mayor Kevin White

The only problem with seeing too much is that it makes you insane.

McAfee Ron

Either I'm dead or my watch has stopped.

McCabe Charles

The executioner is, I hear, very expert, and my neck is very slender.

McCall Cash

The sooner you make your first 5000 mistakes, the sooner you will be able to correct them.

McCarthy Charlie

I always had a repulsive need to be something more than human.

McCarthy Charlie

What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?

McCarthy Eugene

No one born with a mouth and a need is "innocent".

McCarthy Eugene

A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition, and art into pedantry. Hence University education.

McCorkle Julia Norton

Mankind is poised midway between the gods and the beasts.

McDaniel Hattie

God was satisfied with his own work, and that is fatal.

McEvoy J. P.

Eighteen goddess-like daughters are not equal to one son with a hump.

McGee Travis

It is sweet to let the mind unbend on occasion.

McGovern George

History is nothing but a collection of fables and useless trifles, cluttered up with a mass of unnecessary figures and proper names.

McGuire Al

It is Mr. Mellon's credo that $200,000,000 can do no wrong. Our offense consists in doubting it.

McIntire Carl

The surest protection against temptation is cowardice.

McLeod Thom

Ignorance is the Mother of Devotion.

McLuhan. Marshall

Men's skin is different from women's skin. It is usually bigger, and it has more snakes tattooed on it. Also, if you examine a woman's skin very closely, inch by inch, starting at her shapely ankles, then gently tracing the slender curve of her cal

McShane Michael

Doctors and lawyers must go to school for years and years, often with little sleep and with great sacrifice to their first wives.

Mead Margaret

The true Southern watermelon is a boon apart, and not to be mentioned with commoner things. It is chief of the world's luxuries, king by the grace of God over all the fruits of the earth. When one has tasted it, he knows what the angels eat. It wa

Medawar Sir Peter

You have to run as fast as you can just to stay where you are. If you want to get anywhere, you'll have to run much faster.

Meese Ed

Si jeunesse savait, si vieillesse pouvait. [If youth but knew, if old age but could.]

Meir Golda

Tallulah Bankhead barged down the Nile last night as Cleopatra and sank.

Melvin Belli

Perhaps, after all, America never has been discovered. I myself would say that it had merely been detected.


Small things make base men proud.


Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. My advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.


I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future. The Spirits of all Three shall strive within me. I will not shut out the lessons that they teach. Oh, tell me that I may s

Mencken H. L.

The 'A' is for content, the 'minus' is for not typing it. Don't ever do this to my eyes again.

Mencken H. L.

If the path be beautiful, let us not ask where it leads.

Mencken H. L.

"Well," Brahma said, "even after ten thousand explanations, a fool is no wiser, but an intelligent man requires only two thousand five hundred."

Mencken H. L.

The human animal differs from the lesser primates in his passion for lists of "Ten Best".

Mencken H. L.

"I don't know whether God exists or not, but it makes no difference to me." "It's not like He's passing out free money or anything."

Mencken H. L.

Public use of any portable music system is a virtually guaranteed indicator of sociopathic tendencies.

Mencken H. L.

"You little (such a one who, while wearing a copper nose ring, stands in a footbath atop Mount Raruaruaha during a heavy thunderstorm and shouts that Alohura, Goddess of Lightning, has the facial features of a diseased uloruaha root)!"

Mencken H. L.

With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law; and every time they make a law it's a joke.

Mencken H.L.

When a shepherd goes to kill a wolf, and takes his dog along to see the sport, he should take care to avoid mistakes. The dog has certain relationships to the wolf the shepherd may have forgotten.

Mencken H.L.

Ninety percent of the time things turn out worse than you thought they would. The other ten percent of the time you had no right to expect that much.

Mencken H.L.

Turn the other cheek.

Mencken H.L.

From the cradle to the coffin underwear comes first.

Mencken H.L.

My tears stuck in their little ducts, refusing to be jerked.

Mencken H.L.

Necessity has no law.

Mencken H.L.

Best Mistakes In Films In his "Filmgoer's Companion", Mr. Leslie Halliwell helpfully lists four of the cinema's greatest moments which you should get to see if at all possible. In "Carmen Jones", the camera tracks with Dorothy Dandridge down a st

Mencken H.L.

I need another lawyer like I need another hole in my head.

Mencken H.L.

An office party is not, as is sometimes supposed the Managing Director's chance to kiss the tea-girl. It is the tea-girl's chance to kiss the Managing Director (however bizarre an ambition this may seem to anyone who has seen the Managing Director f

Mencken H.L.

Prosperity makes friends, adversity tries them.

Mencken H.L.

Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the men are strong, the women are pretty, and the children are above-average.

Mencken H.L.

Ben, why didn't you tell me?

Mencken H.L.

Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest r

Mencken H.L.

Don't everyone thank me at once!

Mencken H.L.

A sad spectacle. If they be inhabited, what a scope for misery and folly. If they be not inhabited, what a waste of space.

Mencken H.L.

Mum's the word.

Mencken H.L.

Would it help if I got out and pushed?

Mencken H.L.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm in my right mind. Then it passes off and I'm as intelligent as ever.

Mengot Roy

... "fire" does not matter, "earth" and "air" and "water" do not matter. "I" do not matter. No word matters. But man forgets reality and remembers words. The more words he remembers, the cleverer do his fellows esteem him. He looks upon the great

Meredith George

For myself, I can only say that I am astonished and somewhat terrified at the results of this evening's experiments. Astonished at the wonderful power you have developed, and terrified at the thought that so much hideous and bad music may be put on

Meredith Owen

When eating an elephant take one bite at a time.

Metrop Fran Lebowitz

Maryel brought her bat into Exit once and started whacking people on the dance floor. Now everyone's doing it. It's called grand slam dancing.

Mex Jack Handley

XXI: It's easy to get a loan unless you need it. XXII: If stock market experts were so expert, they would be buying stock, not selling advice. XXIII: Any task can be completed in only one-third more time than is currently estimated. XXIV:

Mex Jack Handley The New

I didn't believe in reincarnation in any of my other lives. I don't see why I should have to believe in it in this one.

Mex Jack Handley The New

"I'm in Pittsburgh. Why am I here?"

Meyrowitz N.

Tempt not a desperate man.

Michael Levin

"You boys lookin' for trouble?" "Sure. Whaddya got?"

Michael Levin

It's not a sin not to be Irish, but it is a great shame.

Michael Winner British

A place for everything and everything in its place.


Littering is dumb.

Michener James A.

The shortest distance between two points is under construction.

Midler Bette

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?

Mike Harding

Someday we'll look back on this moment and plow into a parked car.

Mike Harding

Art is Nature speeded up and God slowed down.

Mill John Stuart

A good question is never answered. It is not a bolt to be tightened into place but a seed to be planted and to bear more seed toward the hope of greening the landscape of idea.

Mill Dennis

I am a man: nothing human is alien to me.


(1) Avoid fried meats which angry up the blood. (2) If your stomach antagonizes you, pacify it with cool thoughts. (3) Keep the juices flowing by jangling around gently as you move. (4) Go very lightly on the vices, such as carrying on in society, as

Miller Arthur

Go away, I'm all right.

Miller Arthur R.

Great acts are made up of small deeds.

Miller Dennis

In charity there is no excess.

Miller Dennis

Many a long dispute between divines may thus be abridged: It is so. It is not so. It is so. It is not so.

Miller Dennis

Man must shape his tools lest they shape him.

Miller Dennis

If Christianity was morality, Socrates would be the Saviour.

Miller. Olin

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.

Millman Dave

In the plot, people came to the land; the land loved them; they worked and struggled and had lots of children. There was a Frenchman who talked funny and a greenhorn from England who was a fancy-pants but when it came to the crunch he was all courag


I think we're in trouble.


It is not doing the thing we like to do, but liking the thing we have to do, that makes life blessed.

Milton John

Life is like a 10 speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use.

Milton John

There's small choice in rotten apples.

Milton John

Pauca sed matura. [Few but excellent.]

Mitchell Gener

Exxon's 'Universe of Energy' tends to the peculiar rather than the humorous ... After [an incomprehensible film montage about wind and sun and rain and strip mines and] two or three minutes of mechanical confusion, the seats locomote through a short


Consider well the proportions of things. It is better to be a young June-bug than an old bird of paradise.

Mizner Wilson

A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours.

Mizner Wilson

No small art is it to sleep: it is necessary for that purpose to keep awake all day.

Mizner Wilson

Watch your mouth, kid, or you'll find yourself floating home.

Mizner Wilson

Were there no women, men might live like gods.

Moffitt James

Any stone in your boot always migrates against the pressure gradient to exactly the point of most pressure.


The Bible is not my Book and Christianity is not my religion. I could never give assent to the long complicated statements of Christian dogma.

Montagu Lady M.W.

If a shameless woman expects to be defiled and then dies of her fierce love because you do not consent, will chastity also be homicide?

Montague Charles Edward

Think sideways!

Montaigne Michel Eyquem de

The great question that has never been answered and which I have not yet been able to answer despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul is: WHAT DOES A WOMAN WANT?

Montaigne Michel de

"All snakes who wish to remain in Ireland will please raise their right hands."

Montaigne Michel de

As well look for a needle in a bottle of hay.


Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them.


The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made.


IV. The time required for an object to fall twenty stories is greater than or equal to the time it takes for whoever knocked it off the ledge to spiral down twenty flights to attempt to capture it unbroken. Such an object is inevitably price

Moore Steven

... Our second completely true news item was sent to me by Mr. H. Boyce Connell Jr. of Atlanta, Ga., where he is involved in a law firm. One thing I like about the South is, folks there care about tradition. If somebody gets handed a name like "H.

Moose Bullwinkle

Or you or I must yield up his life to Ahrimanes. I would rather it were you. I should have no hesitation in sacrificing my own life to spare yours, but we take stock next week, and it would not be fair on the company.

Moravia Alberto

"What's the use of a good quotation if you can't change it?"

More Sir Thomas

Swerve me? The path to my fixed purpose is laid with iron rails, whereon my soul is grooved to run. Over unsounded gorges, through the rifled hearts of mountains, under torrents' beds, unerringly I rush!

Morgan J.P.

One of my favorite jokes, a telling commentary on Jewish mothers' capacity to lay on guilt, involves the mother who gave her son two neckties on Chanuka. The boy hurried into his bedroom, ripped off the tie he was wearing, put on one of the ties his

Morgan J.P.

The only "ism" Hollywood believes in is plagiarism.

Morgan J.P.

Roumanian-Yiddish cooking has killed more Jews than Hitler.

Morley Christopher

God gave man two ears and one tongue so that we listen twice as much as we speak.

Morley Christopher

I've got a very bad feeling about this.

Morley Christopher

Honesty's the best policy.

Morley Christopher

I respect faith, but doubt is what gives you an education.

Morley John Viscount

We were so poor we couldn't afford a watchdog. If we heard a noise at night, we'd bark ourselves.

Morris William

Doubt isn't the opposite of faith; it is an element of faith.


If a thing's worth having, it's worth cheating for.

Moses Robert

TO THOSE OF YOU WHO DESIRE IT, I GRANT YOU MADRAK'S BLESSING: Insofar as I may be heard by anything, which may or may not care what I say, I ask, if it matters, that you be forgiven for anything you may have done or failed to do which requires for

Moses Robert

When I came back to Dublin I was courtmartialed in my absence and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence.

Moss Stirling

Already the spirit of our schooling is permeated with the feeling that every subject, every topic, every fact, every professed truth must be submitted to a certain publicity and impartiality. All proffered samples of learning must go to the same ass

Mostel Zero

You can fool all the people all of the time if the advertising is right and the budget is big enough.

Mother Karl Marx's

Ninety percent of everything is crap.


In Marseilles they make half the toilet soap we consume in America, but the Marseillaise only have a vague theoretical idea of its use, which they have obtained from books of travel.


By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.

Muggeridge Malcolm

Things are not always what they seem.

Mull Martin

TV is chewing gum for the eyes.

Munr H.H.

If a man stay away from his wife for seven years, the law presumes the separation to have killed him; yet according to our daily experience, it might well prolong his life.

Munro H.H.

No evil can happen to a good man.

Murray Bill

Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration.

Muscha Jerry

Its name is Public Opinion. It is held in reverence. It settles everything. Some think it is the voice of God.

Muskie Senator Edmund

I went into a bar feeling a little depressed, the bartender said, "What'll you have, Bud"? I said," I don't know, surprise me". So he showed me a nude picture of my wife.

Musselman Bill

Plots are like girdles. Hidden, they hold your interest; revealed, they're of no interest except to fetishists. Like girdles, they attempt to contain an uncontainable experience.

Musset Alfred De

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Many a sober Christian would rather admit that a wafer is God than that God is a cruel and capricious tyrant.
Gibbon Edward

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