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God gave man two ears and one tongue so that we listen twice as much as we speak.

M Hawkeye

One man's Mede is another man's Persian.

Mabbitt Ronald

Ninety percent of the time things turn out worse than you thought they would. The other ten percent of the time you had no right to expect that much.

Mabley Moms

Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.

MacDonald Dwight

I might have gone to West Point, but I was too proud to speak to a congressman.

MacDonald Ross

Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can read.

Macaulay Thomas

Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs repainting.

Macdonald Ronald

To err is human, to repent, divine, to persist, devilish.


A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours.

Machiavelli Niccolo

Peace cannot be kept by force; it can only be achieved by understanding.

Machineri R. Bradbury

Would ye both eat your cake and have your cake?

Madariaga Salvador De

A likely impossibility is always preferable to an unconvincing possibility.

Madison James

Somehow I reached excess without ever noticing when I was passing through satisfaction.


Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.

Mahabharata The

No house should ever be on any hill or on anything. It should be of the hill, belonging to it.

Mahabharata. The

To be patriotic, hate all nations but your own; to be religious, all sects but your own; to be moral, all pretenses but your own.


While there's life, there's hope.

Maher Bill

So so is good, very good, very excellent good: and yet it is not; it is but so so.

Mailer Norman

To have died once is enough.

Maistre Joseph De

The man with the best job in the country is the Vice President. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, "How's the President?"


Let your conscience be your guide.

Malraux Andre

I would like to electrocute everyone who uses the word 'fair' in connection with income tax policies.

Mamet David

The trouble with this country is that there are too many politicians who believe, with a conviction based on experience, that you can fool all of the people all of the time.

Man Little Big

Kindness is the beginning of cruelty.

Manners Miss

The only reward of virtue is virtue.

Manson Charles

Nothing recedes like success.

Manson Charles

We are giving instruction to FBI agents in the various Chinese dialects ... to handle present and likely future contingencies.

Manua Princess Irulan

It's not Camelot, but it's not Cleveland, either.

Manville Tommy

I've got a very bad feeling about this.

Manville Tommy

The smallest worm will turn being trodden on.

Manville Tommy

Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of government, therefore,

Marcus Tullius Cicero

Joe Cool always spends the first two weeks at college sailing his frisbee.

Margaret Mitchell

The time was the 19th of May, 1780. The place was Hartford, Connecticut. The day has gone down in New England history as a terrible foretaste of Judgement Day. For at noon the skies turned from blue to grey and by mid-afternoon had blackened over s

Mari Clive James on

The shortest distance between two points is under construction.

Mark Twain

The naked truth of it is, I have no shirt.

Mark Twain

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, scratch where it itches.

Mark Twain

Politics are almost as exciting as war, and quite as dangerous. In war, you can only be killed once.

Mark Twain

Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made.

Mark Twain

It is often the case that the man who can't tell a lie thinks he is the best judge of one.

Mark Twain

Ours is a world of nuclear giants and ethical infants.

Mark Twain

It is a wise father that knows his own child.

Mark Twain

Show business is just like high school, except you get paid.

Mark Twain

I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.

Mark Twain

You always introduce the younger person to the older person, using the wording: "Miss Brown, I'd like to introduce you to an older person" (unless her name is not "Miss Brown"). If you do not know a person's age, ask for a driver's license and a ma

Marlon Brando

Immature artists imitate, mature artists steal.

Marlowe Christopher

I like to believe that people in the long run are going to do more to promote peace than our governments. Indeed, I think that people want peace so much that one of these days governments had better get out of the way and let them have it.

Marlowe Christopher

Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know.

Marlowe Christopher

HR 3128. Omnibus Budget Reconciliation, Fiscal 1986. Martin, R-Ill., motion that the House recede from its disagreement to the Senate amendment making changes in the bill to reduce fiscal 1986 deficits. The Senate amendment was an amendment to the

Marlowe Christopher

Just because you like my stuff doesn't mean I owe you anything.

Marquis Don

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.

Marquis Don

Practice is the best of all instructors.

Marquis Don

A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.

Marquis Don

No one born with a mouth and a need is "innocent".

Marr Bill

To every Ph.D. there is an equal and opposite Ph.D.

Marshall Brickman

The world is your exercise-book, the pages on which you do your sums. It is not reality, although you can express reality there if you wish. You are also free to write nonsense, or lies, or to tear the pages.

Marshall Thurgood

For a light heart lives long.

Martin Steve

Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.

Martin Thomas L.

Before you ask more questions, think about whether you really want to know the answers.


Ignorance is never out of style. It was in fashion yesterday, it is the rage today, and it will set the pace tomorrow.


If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.


Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

Martin Steve

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

Martin Steve

How apt the poor are to be proud.

Martin Susanna

The Worst Prison Guards The largest number of convicts ever to escape simultaneously from a maximum security prison is 124. This record is held by Alcoente Prison, near Lisbon in Portugal. During the weeks leading up to the escape in July 1978 th

Martin' Kin Hubbard

The more laws and order are made prominent, the more thieves and robbers there will be.

Marx Groucho

A highly intelligent man should take a primitive woman. Imagine if on top of everything else, I had a woman who interfered with my work.

Marx Groucho

In dwelling, be close to the land. In meditation, delve deep into the heart. In dealing with others, be gentle and kind. In speech, be true. In work, be competent. In action, be careful of your timing.


There is nothing new except what has been forgotten.

Masterson Bat

"... all the modern inconveniences ..."

Mathis Andrew W.

Haste makes waste.

Mau W. Somerset

I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.

Maugh W. Somerset

The use of money is all the advantage there is to having money.

Maugham Somerset

A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.

Maugham Somerset

When asked by an anthropologist what the Indians called America before the white men came, an Indian said simply "Ours."

Maugham W. Somerset

"I'm in Pittsburgh. Why am I here?"

Maugham W. Somerset

Nothing in life is so exhilarating as to be shot at without result.

Maugham W.S.

One of your most ancient writers, a historian named Herodotus, tells of a thief who was to be executed. As he was taken away he made a bargain with the king: in one year he would teach the king's favorite horse to sing hymns. The other prisoners wa

Maugham W. Somerset

Bullwinkle: You just leave that to my pal. He's the brains of the outfit. General: What does that make YOU? Bullwinkle: What else? An executive.

Max Beerbohm

We all declare for liberty, but in using the same word we do not all mean the same thing.

Mayfield E.J.

Fraud is the homage that force pays to reason.

Mayonnaise Hellman's

In India, "cold weather" is merely a conventional phrase and has come into use through the necessity of having some way to distinguish between weather which will melt a brass door-knob and weather which will only make it mushy.

Mayor Kevin White

Recently deceased blues guitarist Stevie Ray Vaughan "comes to" after his death. He sees Jimi Hendrix sitting next to him, tuning his guitar. "Holy cow," he thinks to himself, "this guy is my idol." Over at the microphone, about to sing, are Jim Mo

McAfee Ron

The superfluous is very necessary.

McCabe Charles

Death is a spirit leaving a body, sort of like a shell leaving the nut behind.

McCall Cash

Goals... Plans... they're fantasies, they're part of a dream world...

McCarthy Charlie

So she went into the garden to cut a cabbage leaf to make an apple pie; and at the same time a great she-bear, coming up the street pops its head into the shop. "What! no soap?" So he died, and she very imprudently married the barber; and there were

McCarthy Charlie

The whole world is a scab. The point is to pick it constructively.

McCarthy Eugene

An ounce of mother is worth a ton of priest.

McCarthy Eugene

Politicians speak for their parties, and parties never are, never have been, and never will be wrong.

McCorkle Julia Norton

It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both incisive and probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper.

McDaniel Hattie

Indeed, the first noble truth of Buddhism, usually translated as `all life is suffering,' is more accurately rendered `life is filled with a sense of pervasive unsatisfactoriness.'

McEvoy J. P.

He knows not how to know who knows not also how to unknow.

McGee Travis

A society in which women are taught anything but the management of a family, the care of men, and the creation of the future generation is a society which is on its way out.

McGovern George

Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration.

McGuire Al

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know.

McIntire Carl

When in doubt, use brute force.

McLeod Thom

Fain would I climb, yet fear I to fall.

McLuhan. Marshall

Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.

McShane Michael

Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.

Mead Margaret

'Scuse me, while I kiss the sky!

Medawar Sir Peter

If a fool persists in his folly he shall become wise.

Meese Ed

I always had a repulsive need to be something more than human.

Meir Golda

Coincidences are spiritual puns.

Melvin Belli

Only that in you which is me can hear what I'm saying.


Go to the Scriptures... the joyful promises it contains will be a balsam to all your troubles.


For the fashion of Minas Tirith was such that it was built on seven levels, each delved into a hill, and about each was set a wall, and in each wall was a gate.


Plumbing is one of the easier of do-it-yourself activities, requiring only a few simple tools and a willingness to stick your arm into a clogged toilet. In fact, you can solve many home plumbing problems, such as annoying faucet drip, merely by tur

Mencken H. L.

If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.

Mencken H. L.

Who's scruffy-looking?

Mencken H. L.

I believe that the moment is near when by a procedure of active paranoiac thought, it will be possible to systematize confusion and contribute to the total discrediting of the world of reality.

Mencken H. L.

The flush toilet is the basis of Western civilization.

Mencken H. L.

"No job too big; no fee too big!"

Mencken H. L.

Playing an unamplified electric guitar is like strumming on a picnic table.

Mencken H. L.

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. My advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

Mencken H. L.

Patch griefs with proverbs.

Mencken H.L.

The Israelis are the Doberman pinschers of the Middle East. They treat the Arabs like postmen.

Mencken H.L.

Power tends to corrupt, absolute power corrupts absolutely.

Mencken H.L.

Nothing succeeds like the appearance of success.

Mencken H.L.

Take what you can use and let the rest go by.

Mencken H.L.

October. This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks in. The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August, and February.

Mencken H.L.

Already the spirit of our schooling is permeated with the feeling that every subject, every topic, every fact, every professed truth must be submitted to a certain publicity and impartiality. All proffered samples of learning must go to the same ass

Mencken H.L.

Long were the days of pain I have spent within its walls, and long were the nights of aloneness; and who can depart from his pain and his aloneness without regret?

Mencken H.L.

It is a profitable thing, if one is wise, to seem foolish.

Mencken H.L.

The so-called lessons of history are for the most part the rationalizations of the victors. History is written by the survivors.

Mencken H.L.

Too much is just enough.

Mencken H.L.

Just as most issues are seldom black or white, so are most good solutions seldom black or white. Beware of the solution that requires one side to be totally the loser and the other side to be totally the winner. The reason there are two sides to be

Mencken H.L.

IF I HAD A MINE SHAFT, I don't think I would just abandon it. There's got to be a better way.

Mencken H.L.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Mencken H.L.

Chance is perhaps the work of God when He did not want to sign.

Mencken H.L.

If I had a formula for bypassing trouble, I would not pass it around. Trouble creates a capacity to handle it. I don't say embrace trouble; that's as bad as treating it as an enemy. But I do say meet it as a friend, for you'll see a lot of it and y

Mencken H.L.

Of all men's miseries, the bitterest is this: to know so much and have control over nothing.

Mencken H.L.

In defeat, unbeatable; in victory, unbearable.

Mencken H.L.

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.

Mengot Roy

To be or not to be.

Meredith George

Never trust an automatic pistol or a D.A.'s deal.

Meredith Owen

There are a lot of lies going around.... and half of them are true.

Metrop Fran Lebowitz

Carol's head ached as she trailed behind the unsmiling Calibrees along the block of booths. She chirruped at Kennicott, "Let's be wild! Let's ride on the merry-go-round and grab a gold ring!" Kennicott considered it, and mumbled to Calibree, "Thin

Mex Jack Handley

Force has no place where there is need of skill.

Mex Jack Handley The New

The more I want to get something done, the less I call it work.

Mex Jack Handley The New

It is said an Eastern monarch once charged his wise men to invent him a sentence to be ever in view, and which should be true and appropriate in all times and situations. They presented him the words: "And this, too, shall pass away."

Meyrowitz N.

You can have peace. Or you can have freedom. Don't ever count on having both at once.

Michael Levin

Immigration is the sincerest form of flattery.

Michael Levin

Never tell people how to do things. Tell them WHAT to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity.

Michael Winner British

[District Attorneys] learn in District Attorney School that there are two sure-fire ways to get a lot of favorable publicity: (1) Go down and raid all the lockers in the local high school and confiscate 53 marijuana cigarettes and put them in a


Sensible and responsible women do not want to vote.

Michener James A.

... it still remains true that as a set of cognitive beliefs about the existence of God in any recognizable sense continuous with the great systems of the past, religious doctrines constitute a speculative hypothesis of an extremely low order of prob

Midler Bette

It is like saying that for the cause of peace, God and the Devil will have a high-level meeting.

Mike Harding

What kind of sordid business are you on now? I mean, man, whither goest thou? Whither goest thou, America, in thy shiny car in the night?

Mike Harding

My experience with government is when things are non-controversial, beautifully co-ordinated and all the rest, it must be that not much is going on.

Mill John Stuart

Necessity has no law.

Mill Dennis

If a man has a strong faith he can indulge in the luxury of skepticism.


In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

Miller Arthur

Forgive and forget.

Miller Arthur R.

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.

Miller Dennis

Maryel brought her bat into Exit once and started whacking people on the dance floor. Now everyone's doing it. It's called grand slam dancing.

Miller Dennis

The Soviet pre-eminence in chess can be traced to the average Russian's readiness to brood obsessively over anything, even the arrangement of some pieces of wood. Indeed, the Russians' predisposition for quiet reflection followed by sudden preventi

Miller Dennis

When a place gets crowded enough to require ID's, social collapse is not far away. It is time to go elsewhere. The best thing about space travel is that it made it possible to go elsewhere.

Miller Dennis

Mate, this parrot wouldn't VOOM if you put four million volts through it!

Miller. Olin

I have a very strange feeling about this...

Millman Dave

Eeny, Meeny, Jelly Beanie, the spirits are about to speak!


In America, any boy may become president and I suppose that's just one of the risks he takes.


Art is Nature speeded up and God slowed down.

Milton John

Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.

Milton John

Waste not fresh tears over old griefs.

Milton John

Scrubbing floors and emptying bedpans has as much dignity as the Presidency.

Mitchell Gener

Think lucky. If you fall in a pond, check your pockets for fish.


... difference of opinion is advantagious in religion. The several sects perform the office of a common censor morum over each other. Is uniformity attainable? Millions of innocent men, women, and children, since the introduction of Christianity,

Mizner Wilson

"The Lord gave us farmers two strong hands so we could grab as much as we could with both of them."

Mizner Wilson

American business long ago gave up on demanding that prospective employees be honest and hardworking. It has even stopped hoping for employees who are educated enough that they can tell the difference between the men's room and the women's room with

Mizner Wilson

... but as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women were convicted of witch

Mizner Wilson

If you don't strike oil in twenty minutes, stop boring.

Moffitt James

... A solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.


In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary patriotism is defined as the last resort of the scoundrel. With all due respect to an enlightened but inferior lexicographer I beg to submit that it is the first.

Montagu Lady M.W.

The first Rotarian was the first man to call John the Baptist "Jack."

Montague Charles Edward

(1) Avoid fried meats which angry up the blood. (2) If your stomach antagonizes you, pacify it with cool thoughts. (3) Keep the juices flowing by jangling around gently as you move. (4) Go very lightly on the vices, such as carrying on in society, as

Montaigne Michel Eyquem de

Any priest or shaman must be presumed guilty until proved innocent.

Montaigne Michel de

Usually, when a lot of men get together, it's called a war.

Montaigne Michel de

Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny.


My advice to you, my violent friend, is to seek out gold and sit on it.


Politics, like religion, hold up the torches of matrydom to the reformers of error.


A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow.

Moore Steven

About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.

Moose Bullwinkle

Who goeth a-borrowing goeth a-sorrowing.

Moravia Alberto

Pereant, inquit, qui ante nos nostra dixerunt. [Confound those who have said our remarks before us.] or [May they perish who have expressed our bright ideas before us.]

More Sir Thomas

That government is best which governs least.

Morgan J.P.

One, with God, is always a majority, but many a martyr has been burned at the stake while the votes were being counted.

Morgan J.P.

The Least Successful Executions History has furnished us with two executioners worthy of attention. The first performed in Sydney in Australia. In 1803 three attempts were made to hang a Mr. Joseph Samuels. On the first two of these the rope snap

Morgan J.P.

Not all who own a harp are harpers.

Morley Christopher

The Public is merely a multiplied "me."

Morley Christopher

If you took all of the grains of sand in the world, and lined them up end to end in a row, you'd be working for the government!

Morley Christopher

Suffering alone exists, none who suffer; The deed there is, but no doer thereof; Nirvana is, but no one is seeking it; The Path there is, but none who travel it.

Morley Christopher

I used to be a rebel in my youth. This cause... that cause... (chuckle) I backed 'em ALL! But I learned. Rebellion is simply a device used by the immature to hide from his own problems. So I lost interest in politics. Now when I feel aroused by

Morley John Viscount

Events are not affected, they develop.

Morris William

When eating an elephant take one bite at a time.


Every cloud engenders not a storm.

Moses Robert

We may not be able to persuade Hindus that Jesus and not Vishnu should govern their spiritual horizon, nor Moslems that Lord Buddha is at the center of their spiritual universe, nor Hebrews that Mohammed is a major prohpet, nor Christians that Shinto

Moses Robert


Moss Stirling

When we are planning for posterity, we ought to remember that virtue is not hereditary.

Mostel Zero

Lo! Men have become the tool of their tools.

Mother Karl Marx's

"If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination."


Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich.


Arrakis teaches the attitude of the knife - chopping off what's incomplete and saying: "Now it's complete because it's ended here."

Muggeridge Malcolm

When you are about to die, a wombat is better than no company at all.

Mull Martin

Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level.

Munr H.H.

Serfs up!

Munro H.H.

"She said, `I know you ... you cannot sing'. I said, `That's nothing, you should hear me play piano.'"

Murray Bill

Money can't buy happiness, but it can make you awfully comfortable while you're being miserable.

Muscha Jerry

"... an experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite often picturesque liar."

Muskie Senator Edmund

By protracting life, we do not deduct one jot from the duration of death.

Musselman Bill

Real wealth can only increase.

Musset Alfred De

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Sagan Carl

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