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Baseball is a skilled game. It's America's game - it, and high taxes.

M Hawkeye

"I am not sure what this is, but an `F' would only dignify it."

Mabbitt Ronald

When in doubt, mumble; when in trouble, delegate; when in charge, ponder.

Mabley Moms

Any road followed to its end leads precisely nowhere. Climb the mountain just a little to test it's a mountain. From the top of the mountain, you cannot see the mountain.

MacDonald Dwight

Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.

MacDonald Ross

If you have to ask what jazz is, you'll never know.

Macaulay Thomas

For certain people, after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex.

Macdonald Ronald

A woman employs sincerity only when every other form of deception has failed.


If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it.

Machiavelli Niccolo

"You mean, if you allow the master to be uncivil, to treat you any old way he likes, and to insult your dignity, then he may deem you fit to hear his view of things?" "Quite the contrary. You must defend your integrity, assuming you have integrit

Machineri R. Bradbury

It is your concern when your neighbor's wall is on fire.

Madariaga Salvador De

"What was the worst thing you've ever done?" "I won't tell you that, but I'll tell you the worst thing that ever happened to me... the most dreadful thing."

Madison James

The man who has never been flogged has never been taught.


There has been a little distress selling on the stock exchange.

Mahabharata The

If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.

Mahabharata. The

Ben, why didn't you tell me?


We were so poor we couldn't afford a watchdog. If we heard a noise at night, we'd bark ourselves.

Maher Bill

Plus ,ca change, plus c'est la m^eme chose. [The more things change, the more they remain the same.]

Mailer Norman

A man is known by the company he organizes.

Maistre Joseph De

Things are not always what they seem.


God is really only another artist. He invented the giraffe, the elephant and the cat. He has no real style, He just goes on trying other things.

Malraux Andre

When properly administered, vacations do not diminish productivity: for every week you're away and get nothing done, there's another when your boss is away and you get twice as much done.

Mamet David

From the cradle to the coffin underwear comes first.

Man Little Big

Who goeth a-borrowing goeth a-sorrowing.

Manners Miss

If someone had told me I would be Pope one day, I would have studied harder.

Manson Charles

Brahma said: Well, after hearing ten thousand explanations, a fool is no wiser. But an intelligent man needs only two thousand five hundred.

Manson Charles

Better tried by twelve than carried by six.

Manua Princess Irulan

Yevtushenko has... an ego that can crack crystal at a distance of twenty feet.

Manville Tommy

All of us should treasure his Oriental wisdom and his preaching of a Zen-like detachment, as exemplified by his constant reminder to clerks, tellers, or others who grew excited by his presence in their banks: "Just lie down on the floor and keep calm

Manville Tommy

The most delightful day after the one on which you buy a cottage in the country is the one on which you resell it.

Manville Tommy

The college graduate is presented with a sheepskin to cover his intellectual nakedness.

Marcus Tullius Cicero

Nothing endures but change.

Margaret Mitchell

A man's house is his castle.

Mari Clive James on

You don't move to Edina, you achieve Edina.

Mark Twain

Language is a virus from another planet.

Mark Twain

One of your most ancient writers, a historian named Herodotus, tells of a thief who was to be executed. As he was taken away he made a bargain with the king: in one year he would teach the king's favorite horse to sing hymns. The other prisoners wa

Mark Twain

The only thing that experience teaches us is that experience teaches us nothing.

Mark Twain

Many of the characters are fools and they are always playing tricks on me and treating me badly.

Mark Twain

Fortune Documents the Great Legal Decisions: We think that we may take judicial notice of the fact that the term "bitch" may imply some feeling of endearment when applied to a female of the canine species but that it is seldom, if ever, so used whe

Mark Twain

I have had my television aerials removed. It's the moral equivalent of a prostate operation.

Mark Twain

It is the quality rather than the quantity that matters.

Mark Twain

Why be a man when you can be a success?

Mark Twain

Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore.

Mark Twain

I don't have any solution but I certainly admire the problem.

Marlon Brando

What does not destroy me, makes me stronger.

Marlowe Christopher

Authors (and perhaps columnists) eventually rise to the top of whatever depths they were once able to plumb.

Marlowe Christopher

I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches.

Marlowe Christopher

I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark.

Marlowe Christopher

"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!"

Marquis Don

VII. Certain bodies can pass through solid walls painted to resemble tunnel entrances; others cannot. This trompe l'oeil inconsistency has baffled generations, but at least it is known that whoever paints an entrance on a wall's surface to

Marquis Don

Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

Marquis Don

Divorce is a game played by lawyers.

Marquis Don

There is no fool to the old fool.

Marr Bill

I consider a new device or technology to have been culturally accepted when it has been used to commit a murder.

Marshall Brickman

It is through symbols that man consciously or unconsciously lives, works and has his being.

Marshall Thurgood

Optimism is the content of small men in high places.

Martin Steve

Nobody can be exactly like me. Sometimes even I have trouble doing it.

Martin Thomas L.

There is no proverb that is not true.


Those who educate children well are more to be honored than parents, for these only gave life, those the art of living well.


That Xanthippe's husband should have become so great a philosopher is remarkable. Amid all the scolding, to be able to think! But he could not write: that was impossible. Socrates has not left us a single book.


Comparing information and knowledge is like asking whether the fatness of a pig is more or less green than the designated hitter rule."

Martin Steve

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back the when it begins to rain.

Martin Steve

We Americans, we're a simple people... but piss us off, and we'll bomb your cities.

Martin Susanna

What does education often do? It makes a straight cut ditch of a free meandering brook.

Martin' Kin Hubbard

No man is an Iland, intire of it selfe; every man is a peece of the Continent, a part of the maine; if a Clod bee washed away by the Sea, Europe is the lesse, as well as if a Promontorie were, as well as if a Mannor of thy friends or of thine owne we

Marx Groucho

Like, if I'm not for me, then fer shure, like who will be? And if, y'know, if I'm not like fer anyone else, then hey, I mean, what am I? And if not now, like I dunno, maybe like when? And if not Who, then I dunno, maybe like the Rolling Stones?

Marx Groucho

I used to be disgusted, now I find I'm just amused.


My band career ended late in my senior year when John Cooper and I threw my amplifier out the dormitory window. We did not act in haste. First we checked to make sure the amplifier would fit through the frame, using the belt from my bathrobe to meas

Masterson Bat

When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

Mathis Andrew W.

[District Attorneys] learn in District Attorney School that there are two sure-fire ways to get a lot of favorable publicity: (1) Go down and raid all the lockers in the local high school and confiscate 53 marijuana cigarettes and put them in a

Mau W. Somerset

An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest.

Maugh W. Somerset

There are two ways of disliking art. One is to dislike it. The other is to like it rationally.

Maugham Somerset

One big pile is better than two little piles.

Maugham Somerset

The price one pays for pursuing any profession, or calling, is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side.

Maugham W. Somerset

[He] took me into his library and showed me his books, of which he had a complete set.

Maugham W. Somerset

Who dat who say "who dat" when I say "who dat"?

Maugham W.S.

The possession of a book becomes a substitute for reading it.

Maugham W. Somerset

Competitive fury is not always anger. It is the true missionary's courage and zeal in facing the possibility that one's best may not be enough.

Max Beerbohm

A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours.

Mayfield E.J.

Go ahead... make my day.

Mayonnaise Hellman's

Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes, and not rather a new wearer of clothes.

Mayor Kevin White

Education is what survives when what has been learnt has been forgotten.

McAfee Ron

If men are not afraid to die, it is of no avail to threaten them with death. If men live in constant fear of dying, And if breaking the law means a man will be killed, Who will dare to break the law? There is always an official executioner. If

McCabe Charles

The first requisite for immortality is death.

McCall Cash

The ideal voice for radio may be defined as showing no substance, no sex, no owner, and a message of importance for every housewife.

McCarthy Charlie

You can bring men from other parts of the world who are sane. And you know what happens? At the very moment they cross those mountains... they go mad. Instantaneously and automatically, at the very moment they cross the mountains into California,

McCarthy Charlie

Well begun is half done.

McCarthy Eugene

What we wish, that we readily believe.

McCarthy Eugene

The whole world is a scab. The point is to pick it constructively.

McCorkle Julia Norton

The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and to watch someone else doing it wrong, without commenting.

McDaniel Hattie

[Maturity consists in the discovery that] there comes a critical moment where everything is reversed, after which the point becomes to understand more and more that there is something which cannot be understood.

McEvoy J. P.

Any two philosophers can tell each other all they know in two hours.

McGee Travis

America is a melting pot. You know, where those on the bottom get burned, and the scum rises to the top.

McGovern George

I went into the business for the money, and the art grew out of it. If people are disillusioned by that remark, I can't help it. It's the truth.

McGuire Al

Hotels are tired of getting ripped off. I checked into a hotel and they had towels from my house.

McIntire Carl

The ultimate game show will be the one where somebody gets killed at the end.

McLeod Thom

The two most beautiful words in the English language are "Cheque Enclosed."

McLuhan. Marshall

Work Hard. Rock Hard. Eat Hard. Sleep Hard. Grow Big. Wear Glasses If You Need 'Em.

McShane Michael

A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

Mead Margaret

Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember, it didn't help the rabbit.

Medawar Sir Peter

You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake.

Meese Ed

"If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination."

Meir Golda

Life is the living you do, Death is the living you don't do.

Melvin Belli

No excellent soul is exempt from a mixture of madness.


"Well," Brahma said, "even after ten thousand explanations, a fool is no wiser, but an intelligent man requires only two thousand five hundred."


Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.


It's always darkest just before the lights go out.

Mencken H. L.

Between 1950 and 1952, a bored weatherman, stationed north of Hudson Bay, left a monument that neither government nor time can eradicate. Using a bulldozer abandoned by the Air Force, he spent two years and great effort pushing boulders into a single

Mencken H. L.

There's nothing to writing. All you do is sit at a typewriter and open a vein.

Mencken H. L.

Fourteen years in the professor dodge has taught me that one can argue ingeniously on behalf of any theory, applied to any piece of literature. This is rarely harmful, because normally no-one reads such essays.

Mencken H. L.

Objectivity is to a newspaper what virtue is to a woman.

Mencken H. L.

Better late than never.

Mencken H. L.

Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

Mencken H. L.

In Hollywood, if you don't have happiness, you send out for it.

Mencken H. L.

A committee takes root and grows, it flowers, wilts and dies, scattering the seed from which other committees will bloom.

Mencken H.L.

A place for everything and everything in its place.

Mencken H.L.

The life which is unexamined is not worth living.

Mencken H.L.

I owe the public nothing.

Mencken H.L.

Not all who own a harp are harpers.

Mencken H.L.

Be regular and orderly in your life, so that you may be violent and original in your work.

Mencken H.L.

She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

Mencken H.L.

The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

Mencken H.L.

There are three reasons for becoming a writer: the first is that you need the money; the second that you have something to say that you think the world should know; the third is that you can't think what to do with the long winter evenings.

Mencken H.L.

True to our past we work with an inherited, observed, and accepted vision of personal futility, and of the beauty of the world.

Mencken H.L.

Eggheads unite! You have nothing to lose but your yolks.

Mencken H.L.

It is Mr. Mellon's credo that $200,000,000 can do no wrong. Our offense consists in doubting it.

Mencken H.L.

My father was a creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, it seems, begins where yours left off.

Mencken H.L.

Never have so many understood so little about so much.

Mencken H.L.

Nasrudin returned to his village from the imperial capital, and the villagers gathered around to hear what had passed. "At this time," said Nasrudin, "I only want to say that the King spoke to me." All the villagers but the stupidest ran off to spr

Mencken H.L.

Show business is just like high school, except you get paid.

Mencken H.L.

With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law; and every time they make a law it's a joke.

Mencken H.L.

An office party is not, as is sometimes supposed the Managing Director's chance to kiss the tea-girl. It is the tea-girl's chance to kiss the Managing Director (however bizarre an ambition this may seem to anyone who has seen the Managing Director f

Mencken H.L.

A critic is a bundle of biases held loosely together by a sense of taste.

Mengot Roy

You can get much further with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

Meredith George

Ever get the feeling that the world's on tape and one of the reels is missing?

Meredith Owen

... a thing called Ethics, whose nature was confusing but if you had it you were a High-Class Realtor and if you hadn't you were a shyster, a piker and a fly-by-night. These virtues awakened Confidence and enabled you to handle Bigger Propositions.

Metrop Fran Lebowitz

A beginning is the time for taking the most delicate care that balances are correct.

Mex Jack Handley

[District Attorneys] learn in District Attorney School that there are two sure-fire ways to get a lot of favorable publicity: (1) Go down and raid all the lockers in the local high school and confiscate 53 marijuana cigarettes and put them in a

Mex Jack Handley The New

You can fool all the people all of the time if the advertising is right and the budget is big enough.

Mex Jack Handley The New

The Least Successful Equal Pay Advertisement In 1976 the European Economic Community pointed out to the Irish Government that it had not yet implemented the agreed sex equality legislation. The Dublin Government immediately advertised for an equal

Meyrowitz N.

Satire is tragedy plus time.

Michael Levin


Michael Levin

Darth Vader! Only you would be so bold!

Michael Winner British

The sunlights differ, but there is only one darkness.


I just need enough to tide me over until I need more.

Michener James A.

The United States is like the guy at the party who gives cocaine to everybody and still nobody likes him.

Midler Bette

If you hype something and it succeeds, you're a genius

Mike Harding

I stick my neck out for nobody.

Mike Harding

When the English language gets in my way, I walk over it.

Mill John Stuart

If I were a grave-digger or even a hangman, there are some people I could work for with a great deal of enjoyment.

Mill Dennis

"I'm in Pittsburgh. Why am I here?"


CF&C stole it, fair and square.

Miller Arthur

Let sleeping dogs lie.

Miller Arthur R.

If I cannot bend Heaven, I shall move Hell.

Miller Dennis

Tallulah Bankhead barged down the Nile last night as Cleopatra and sank.

Miller Dennis

We have nowhere else to go... this is all we have.

Miller Dennis

It is not doing the thing we like to do, but liking the thing we have to do, that makes life blessed.

Miller Dennis

Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made.

Miller. Olin

A game can by God repent or we'll punish it. That's how they did it in Salem in the seventeenth century, and that's how we'll do it now.

Millman Dave

Our business in life is not to succeed but to continue to fail in high spirits.



"Well, it's garish, ugly, and derelicts have used it for a toilet. The rides are dilapidated to the point of being lethal, and could easily maim or kill innocent little children." "Oh, so you don't like it?" "Don't like it? I'm CRAZY for it."

Milton John

If there is a sin against life, it consists perhaps not so much in despairing of life as in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable grandeur of this life.

Milton John

There seems no plan because it is all plan.

Milton John

We should realize that a city is better off with bad laws, so long as they remain fixed, then with good laws that are constantly being altered, that the lack of learning combined with sound common sense is more helpful than the kind of cleverness th

Mitchell Gener

An atom-blaster is a good weapon, but it can point both ways.


Bingo, gas station, hamburger with a side order of airplane noise, and you'll be Gary, Indiana.

Mizner Wilson

There are two ways of disliking poetry; one way is to dislike it, the other is to read Pope.

Mizner Wilson

Star Wars is adolescent nonsense; Close Encounters is obscurantist drivel; Star Trek can turn your brains to puree of bat guano; and the greatest science fiction series of all time is Doctor Who! And I'll take you all on, one-by-one or all in a bunc

Mizner Wilson

Art is either plagiarism or revolution.

Mizner Wilson

Don't guess

Moffitt James

Perfection is reached, not when there is no longer anything to add, but when there is no longer anything to take away.


Neckties strangle clear thinking.

Montagu Lady M.W.

A highly intelligent man should take a primitive woman. Imagine if on top of everything else, I had a woman who interfered with my work.

Montague Charles Edward

All of the true things I am about to tell you are shameless lies.

Montaigne Michel Eyquem de

The only alliance I would make with the Women's Liberation Movement is in bed.

Montaigne Michel de

Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.

Montaigne Michel de

Use what talents you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best.


Woman is generally so bad that the difference between a good and a bad woman scarcely exists.


Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.


The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.

Moore Steven

What you want, what you're hanging around in the world waiting for, is for something to occur to you.

Moose Bullwinkle

A society in which women are taught anything but the management of a family, the care of men, and the creation of the future generation is a society which is on its way out.

Moravia Alberto

Rome was not built in one day.

More Sir Thomas

The proof of the pudding is in the eating.

Morgan J.P.

... "fire" does not matter, "earth" and "air" and "water" do not matter. "I" do not matter. No word matters. But man forgets reality and remembers words. The more words he remembers, the cleverer do his fellows esteem him. He looks upon the great

Morgan J.P.

How do you explain school to a higher intelligence?

Morgan J.P.

Campus sidewalks never exist as the straightest line between two points.

Morley Christopher

The more I want to get something done, the less I call it work.

Morley Christopher

Art is a lie which makes us realize the truth.

Morley Christopher

The future is a race between education and catastrophe.

Morley Christopher

Life is the childhood of our immortality.

Morley John Viscount

Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamp-post how it feels about dogs.

Morris William

Living in New York City gives people real incentives to want things that nobody else wants.


"You've got to have a gimmick if your band sucks."

Moses Robert

Now, you might ask, "How do I get one of those complete home tool sets for under $4?" An excellent question. Go to one of those really cheap discount stores where they sell plastic furniture in colors visible from the planet Neptune and where they

Moses Robert

Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune.

Moss Stirling

In "King Henry VI, Part II," Shakespeare has Dick Butcher suggest to his fellow anti-establishment rabble-rousers, "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." That action may be extreme but a similar sentiment was expressed by Thomas K. Co

Mostel Zero

It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is lightly greased.

Mother Karl Marx's

Certain passages in several laws have always defied interpretation and the most inexplicable must be a matter of opinion. A judge of the Court of Session of Scotland has sent the editors of this book his candidate which reads, "In the Nuts (unground


They can't stop us... we're on a mission from God!


Flame on!

Muggeridge Malcolm

A woman who is guided by the head and not by the heart is a social pestilence: she has all the defects of the passionate and affectionate woman, with none of her compensations; she is without pity, without love, without virtue, without sex.

Mull Martin

She applies her lipstick in spite of its contents: "greasy rouge, containing crushed and dried insect corpses for coloring, beeswax for stiffness, and olive oil to help it flow - the latter having the unfortunate tendency to go rancid several hours a

Munr H.H.

The trouble with superheros is what to do between phone booths.

Munro H.H.

If the colleges were better, if they really had it, you would need to get the police at the gates to keep order in the inrushing multitude. See in college how we thwart the natural love of learning by leaving the natural method of teaching what each

Murray Bill

Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem more afraid of life than death.

Muscha Jerry

Public use of any portable music system is a virtually guaranteed indicator of sociopathic tendencies.

Muskie Senator Edmund

Whatever occurs from love is always beyond good and evil.

Musselman Bill

A snake lurks in the grass.

Musset Alfred De

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Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice. In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it "Christmas" and went to
Barry Dave

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