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The Public is merely a multiplied "me."

M Hawkeye

And they mainly want to teach them not to question, not to imagine, but to be obedient and behave well so that they can hold them forever as children to their bosom as the second millennium lurches toward its panicky close.

Mabbitt Ronald

He who has the courage to laugh is almost as much a master of the world as he who is ready to die.

Mabley Moms

Bond reflected that good Americans were fine people and that most of them seemed to come from Texas.

MacDonald Dwight

The surest protection against temptation is cowardice.

MacDonald Ross

I have a very strange feeling about this...

Macaulay Thomas

Then a man said: Speak to us of Expectations. He then said: If a man does not see or hear the waters of the Jordan, then he should not taste the pomegranate or ply his wares in an open market. If a man would not labour in the salt and rock quarri

Macdonald Ronald

If there were a school for, say, sheet metal workers, that after three years left its graduates as unprepared for their careers as does law school, it would be closed down in a minute, and no doubt by lawyers.


In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours.

Machiavelli Niccolo

People who develop the habit of thinking of themselves as world citizens are fulfilling the first requirement of sanity in our time.

Machineri R. Bradbury

Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.

Madariaga Salvador De

Practical politics consists in ignoring facts.

Madison James

History shows that the human mind, fed by constant accessions of knowledge, periodically grows too large for its theoretical coverings, and bursts them asunder to appear in new habiliments, as the feeding and growing grub, at intervals, casts its too


How do you explain school to a higher intelligence?

Mahabharata The

When you are about to die, a wombat is better than no company at all.

Mahabharata. The

An atom-blaster is a good weapon, but it can point both ways.


Alas, I am dying beyond my means.

Maher Bill

Fear and loathing, my man, fear and loathing.

Mailer Norman

Man must shape his tools lest they shape him.

Maistre Joseph De

Certain passages in several laws have always defied interpretation and the most inexplicable must be a matter of opinion. A judge of the Court of Session of Scotland has sent the editors of this book his candidate which reads, "In the Nuts (unground


Good-bye. I am leaving because I am bored.

Malraux Andre

If you think the United States has stood still, who built the largest shopping center in the world?

Mamet David

In the olden days in England, you could be hung for stealing a sheep or a loaf of bread. However, if a sheep stole a loaf of bread and gave it to you, you would only be tried for receiving, a crime punishable by forty lashes with the cat or the dog,

Man Little Big

Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.

Manners Miss

Recently deceased blues guitarist Stevie Ray Vaughan "comes to" after his death. He sees Jimi Hendrix sitting next to him, tuning his guitar. "Holy cow," he thinks to himself, "this guy is my idol." Over at the microphone, about to sing, are Jim Mo

Manson Charles

War spares not the brave, but the cowardly.

Manson Charles

Ignorance is the Mother of Devotion.

Manua Princess Irulan

Catholicism has changed tremendously in the recent years. Now when Communion is served there is also a salad bar.

Manville Tommy

Remember folks. Street lights timed for 35 mph are also timed for 70 mph.

Manville Tommy

Show business is just like high school, except you get paid.

Manville Tommy

Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice. In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it "Christmas" and went to

Marcus Tullius Cicero

What you don't know won't help you much either.

Margaret Mitchell

I am a man: nothing human is alien to me.

Mari Clive James on

Politics, as a practice, whatever its professions, has always been the systematic organisation of hatreds.

Mark Twain

In Marseilles they make half the toilet soap we consume in America, but the Marseillaise only have a vague theoretical idea of its use, which they have obtained from books of travel.

Mark Twain

You can always pick up your needle and move to another groove.

Mark Twain

I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.

Mark Twain

Once he had one leg in the White House and the nation trembled under his roars. Now he is a tinpot pope in the Coca-Cola belt and a brother to the forlorn pastors who belabor halfwits in galvanized iron tabernacles behind the railroad yards."

Mark Twain

Its name is Public Opinion. It is held in reverence. It settles everything. Some think it is the voice of God.

Mark Twain

I have gained this by philosophy: that I do without being commanded what others do only from fear of the law.

Mark Twain

... "fire" does not matter, "earth" and "air" and "water" do not matter. "I" do not matter. No word matters. But man forgets reality and remembers words. The more words he remembers, the cleverer do his fellows esteem him. He looks upon the great

Mark Twain

Every why hath a wherefore.

Mark Twain

The root of all superstition is that men observe when a thing hits, but not when it misses.

Mark Twain

He that breaks a thing to find out what it is has left the path of wisdom.

Marlon Brando

Every man thinks God is on his side. The rich and powerful know that he is.

Marlowe Christopher

Anyone who has had a bull by the tail knows five or six more things than someone who hasn't.

Marlowe Christopher

Let him choose out of my files, his projects to accomplish.

Marlowe Christopher

All other things being equal, a bald man cannot be elected President of the United States.

Marlowe Christopher

A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature replaces it with.

Marquis Don

Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it depends on what you put into it.

Marquis Don

"Taxes should hurt. I just mailed my own tax return last night and I am prepared to say `ouch!' as loud as anyone."

Marquis Don

The distinction between Freedom and Liberty is not accurately known; naturalists have been unable to find a living specimen of either.

Marquis Don

"The chain which can be yanked is not the eternal chain."

Marr Bill

You never have to change anything you got up in the middle of the night to write.

Marshall Brickman

He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.

Marshall Thurgood

Poverty must have its satisfactions, else there would not be so many poor people.

Martin Steve

TO THOSE OF YOU WHO DESIRE IT, I GRANT YOU MADRAK'S BLESSING: Insofar as I may be heard by anything, which may or may not care what I say, I ask, if it matters, that you be forgiven for anything you may have done or failed to do which requires for

Martin Thomas L.

The danger is not that a particular class is unfit to govern. Every class is unfit to govern.


I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There's a knob called "brightness", but it doesn't seem to work.


At ebb tide I wrote a line upon the sand, and gave it all my heart and all my soul. At flood tide I returned to read what I had inscribed and found my ignorance upon the shore.


Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.

Martin Steve

I always wake up at the crack of ice.

Martin Steve

Money doesn't talk, it swears.

Martin Susanna

To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.

Martin' Kin Hubbard

Our sires' age was worse that our grandsires'. We their sons are more worthless than they: so in our turn we shall give the world a progeny yet more corrupt.

Marx Groucho

Has the great art and mystery of politics no apparent utility? Does it appear to be unqualifiedly ratty, raffish, sordid, obscene and low down, and its salient virtuosi a gang of umitigated scoundrels? Then let us not forget its high capacity to soo

Marx Groucho

Maryel brought her bat into Exit once and started whacking people on the dance floor. Now everyone's doing it. It's called grand slam dancing.


The mind is its own place, and in itself Can make a Heav'n of Hell, a Hell of Heav'n.

Masterson Bat

The most costly of all follies is to believe passionately in the palpably not true. It is the chief occupation of mankind.

Mathis Andrew W.

"You mean, if you allow the master to be uncivil, to treat you any old way he likes, and to insult your dignity, then he may deem you fit to hear his view of things?" "Quite the contrary. You must defend your integrity, assuming you have integrit

Mau W. Somerset

"Necessity is the mother of invention" is a silly proverb. "Necessity is the mother of futile dodges" is much nearer the truth.

Maugh W. Somerset

They will only cause the lower classes to move about needlessly.

Maugham Somerset

Art is a jealous mistress.

Maugham Somerset

Doctors and lawyers must go to school for years and years, often with little sleep and with great sacrifice to their first wives.

Maugham W. Somerset

The only promotion rules I can think of are that a sense of shame is to be avoided at all costs and there is never any reason for a hustler to be less cunning than more virtuous men. Oh yes ... whenever you think you've got something really great, a

Maugham W. Somerset

Isn't it nice that people who prefer Los Angeles to San Francisco live there?

Maugham W.S.

The primary theme of SoupCon is communication. The acronym "LEO" represents the secondary theme: Law Enforcement Officials The overall theme of SoupCon shall be: Avoiding Communication with Law Enforcement Officials

Maugham W. Somerset

If you do not think about the future, you cannot have one.

Max Beerbohm

You or I must yield up his life to Ahrimanes. I would rather it were you. I should have no hesitation in sacrificing my own life to spare yours, but we take stock next week, and it would not be fair on the company.

Mayfield E.J.

"Here's the holiday schedule for Monday's observation of Martin Luther King Jr.'s birthday, when the following will be closed: * Governmental offices * Post offices * Libraries * Schools * Banks * Parts of Palm Beach and the mind of Se

Mayonnaise Hellman's

Pauca sed matura. [Few but excellent.]

Mayor Kevin White

If you aren't rich you should always look useful.

McAfee Ron

Crito, I owe a cock to Asclepius; will you remember to pay the debt?

McCabe Charles

When a fellow says, "It ain't the money but the principle of the thing," it's the money.

McCall Cash

A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.

McCarthy Charlie

An efficient and a successful administration manifests itself equally in small as in great matters.

McCarthy Charlie

He has not acquired a fortune; the fortune has acquired him.

McCarthy Eugene

I like to believe that people in the long run are going to do more to promote peace than our governments. Indeed, I think that people want peace so much that one of these days governments had better get out of the way and let them have it.

McCarthy Eugene

Such evil deeds could religion prompt.

McCorkle Julia Norton

You can never do just one thing.

McDaniel Hattie

During almost fifteen centuries the legal establishment of Christianity has been upon trial. What has been its fruits? More or less, in all places, pride and indolence in the clergy; ignorance and servility in the laity,; in both, superstition, bigo

McEvoy J. P.

Inglish Spocken Hier: some mangled translations Various signs in Poland: Right turn toward immediate outside. Go soothingly in the snow, as there lurk the ski demons. Five o'clock tea at all hours. In a men's washroom in Sidney:

McGee Travis

The universe is made of stories, not of atoms.

McGovern George

"Life is too important to take seriously."

McGuire Al

The man who runs may fight again.

McIntire Carl

The divinity of Jesus is made a convenient cover for absurdity. Nowhere in the Gospels do we find a precept for Creeds, Confessions, Oaths, Doctrines, and whole carloads of other foolish trumpery that we find in Christianity.

McLeod Thom

The only alliance I would make with the Women's Liberation Movement is in bed.

McLuhan. Marshall

"It says he made us all to be just like him. So if we're dumb, then god is dumb, and maybe even a little ugly on the side."

McShane Michael

The Bible is not my Book and Christianity is not my religion. I could never give assent to the long complicated statements of Christian dogma.

Mead Margaret

Lookie, lookie, here comes cookie...

Medawar Sir Peter

Those who profess to favor freedom, and yet deprecate agitation, are men who want rain without thunder and lightning. They want the ocean without the roar of its many waters.

Meese Ed

"I don't care who does the electing as long as I get to do the nominating."

Meir Golda

None love the bearer of bad news.

Melvin Belli

Generally speaking, the Way of the warrior is resolute acceptance of death.


The control of the production of wealth is the control of human life itself.


Democrats buy most of the books that have been banned somewhere. Republicans form censorship committees and read them as a group. Republicans consume three-fourths of the rutabaga produced in the USA. The remainder is thrown out. Republicans usu


There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

Mencken H. L.

Tax reform means "Don't tax you, don't tax me, tax that fellow behind the tree."

Mencken H. L.

It's from Casablanca. I've been waiting all my life to use that line.

Mencken H. L.

Adde parvum parvo manus acervus erit. [Add little to little and there will be a big pile.]

Mencken H. L.

If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average.

Mencken H. L.

Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

Mencken H. L.

If people say that here and there someone has been taken away and maltreated, I can only reply: You can't make an omelette without breaking eggs.

Mencken H. L.

Si Dieu n'existait pas, il faudrait l'inventer. [If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him.]

Mencken H. L.

Living in New York City gives people real incentives to want things that nobody else wants.

Mencken H.L.

An older student came to Otis and said, "I have been to see a great number of teachers and I have given up a great number of pleasures. I have fasted, been celibate and stayed awake nights seeking enlightenment. I have given up everything I was aske

Mencken H.L.

No live organism can continue for long to exist sanely under conditions of absolute reality; even larks and katydids are supposed, by some, to dream. Hill House, not sane, stood by itself against its hills, holding darkness within; it had stood so fo

Mencken H.L.


Mencken H.L.

"Not only is God dead, but just try to find a plumber on weekends."

Mencken H.L.

For certain people, after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex.

Mencken H.L.

Objectivity is to a newspaper what virtue is to a woman.

Mencken H.L.

"Benson, you are so free of the ravages of intelligence"

Mencken H.L.

Don't guess

Mencken H.L.

The only happiness lies in reason; all the rest of the world is dismal. The highest reason, however, I see in the work of the artist, and he may experience it as such. Happiness lies in the swiftness of feeling and thinking: all the rest of the worl

Mencken H.L.

The reasons that each of these countries has had to renege on its financial committments were all somewhat different: Argentina because of a war, Poland because of its vast misguided overinvestment in heavy industry, Honduras because the coffee price

Mencken H.L.

Authors (and perhaps columnists) eventually rise to the top of whatever depths they were once able to plumb.

Mencken H.L.

Walking on water wasn't built in a day.

Mencken H.L.

Yes, I've now got this nice little apartment in New York, one of those L-shaped ones. Unfortunately, it's a lower case l.

Mencken H.L.

Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.

Mencken H.L.

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

Mencken H.L.

So she went into the garden to cut a cabbage leaf to make an apple pie; and at the same time a great she-bear, coming up the street pops its head into the shop. "What! no soap?" So he died, and she very imprudently married the barber; and there were

Mencken H.L.

All men know the utility of useful things; but they do not know the utility of futility.

Mencken H.L.

The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

Mengot Roy

Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain't that a big enough majority in any town?

Meredith George

When you're in command, command.

Meredith Owen

A woman who is unfaithful deserves to be shot.

Metrop Fran Lebowitz

Big book, big bore.

Mex Jack Handley

Nothing succeeds like the appearance of success.

Mex Jack Handley The New

"Is it just me, or does anyone else read `bible humpers' every time someone writes `bible thumpers?'

Mex Jack Handley The New

Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed down-stairs a step at a time.

Meyrowitz N.

I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.

Michael Levin

What a bonanza! An unknown beginner to be directed by Lubitsch, in a script by Wilder and Brackett, and to play with Paramount's two superstars, Gary Cooper and Claudette Colbert, and to be beaten up by both of them!

Michael Levin

You can tell the ideals of a nation by its advertisements.

Michael Winner British

Once I belonged to a group that really had THE WORD. I fought like hell for them. But another group came along and exposed the word of my group as shallow and degenerate. They had a better word. So I quit the first group and lost all the friends


Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of government, therefore,

Michener James A.

All generalizations are false, including this one.

Midler Bette

When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.

Mike Harding

Zounds! I was never so bethumped with words since I first called my brother's father dad.

Mike Harding

Luke, I'm yer father, eh. Come over to the dark side, you hoser.

Mill John Stuart

If you took all of the grains of sand in the world, and lined them up end to end in a row, you'd be working for the government!

Mill Dennis

A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.


For courage mounteth with occasion.

Miller Arthur

Something's rotten in the state of Denmark.

Miller Arthur R.

I do not patronize poor, ill educated, or disenfranchised people by exempting them from the same critical examination I feel free to direct toward the rest of society, however much I might champion the same minority or disadvantaged group in the foru

Miller Dennis

"Rembrandt's first name was Beauregard, which is why he never used it."

Miller Dennis

Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it's hard to get it back in.

Miller Dennis

Wagner's music is better than it sounds.

Miller Dennis

He hath eaten me out of house and home.

Miller. Olin

The optimist thinks that this is the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist knows it.

Millman Dave

Without adventure, civilization is in full decay.


If a man stay away from his wife for seven years, the law presumes the separation to have killed him; yet according to our daily experience, it might well prolong his life.


Well, he thought, since neither Aristotelian Logic nor the disciplines of Science seemed to offer much hope, it's time to go beyond them... Drawing a few deep even breaths, he entered a mental state practiced only by Masters of the Universal Way of

Milton John

Never buy from a rich salesman.

Milton John

America, how can I write a holy litany in your silly mood?

Milton John

"MacDonald has the gift on compressing the largest amount of words into the smallest amount of thoughts."

Mitchell Gener

If two men agree on everything, you may be sure that one of them is doing the thinking.


Russia has abolished God, but so far God has been more tolerant.

Mizner Wilson

Set the cart before the horse.

Mizner Wilson

Have you ever stopped to think what it would be like to have a woman President? "I can't deal with the Russians today. Not now. I've got my period."

Mizner Wilson

The Least Successful Equal Pay Advertisement In 1976 the European Economic Community pointed out to the Irish Government that it had not yet implemented the agreed sex equality legislation. The Dublin Government immediately advertised for an equal

Mizner Wilson

Nothing is so firmly believed as that which we least know.

Moffitt James

Very few people do anything creative after the age of thirty-five. The reason is that very few people do anything creative before the age of thirty-five.


Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is really quite as satisfying as an income tax refund.

Montagu Lady M.W.

XXVI: If a sufficient number of management layers are superimposed on each other, it can be assured that disaster is not left to chance. XXVII: Rank does not intimidate hardware. Neither does the lack of rank. XXVIII: It is better to be the r

Montague Charles Edward

Concerning the war in Vietnam, Senator George Aiken of Vermount noted in January, 1966, "I'm not very keen for doves or hawks. I think we need more owls."

Montaigne Michel Eyquem de

Baseball is a skilled game. It's America's game - it, and high taxes.

Montaigne Michel de

Ain't no right way to do a wrong thing.

Montaigne Michel de

The scum also rises.


Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.


There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.


It's odd, and a little unsettling, to reflect upon the fact that English is the only major language in which "I" is capitalized; in many other languages "You" is capitalized and the "i" is lower case.

Moore Steven

Freedom is nothing else but the chance to do better.

Moose Bullwinkle

When you are at Rome live in the Roman style; when you are elsewhere live as they live elsewhere.

Moravia Alberto

Doubt isn't the opposite of faith; it is an element of faith.

More Sir Thomas

When I first arrived in this country I had only fifteen cents in my pocket and a willingness to compromise.

Morgan J.P.

Many enraged psychiatrists are inciting a weary butcher. The butcher is weary and tired because he has cut meat and steak and lamb for hours and weeks. He does not desire to chant about anything with raving psychiatrists, but he sings about his gin

Morgan J.P.

Gratitude and treachery are merely the two extremities of the same procession. You have seen all of it that is worth staying for when the band and the gaudy officials have gone by.

Morgan J.P.

We cannot do everything at once, but we can do something at once.

Morley Christopher

I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.

Morley Christopher

It's a recession when your neighbour loses his job; it's a depression when you lose yours.

Morley Christopher

Money can't buy happiness, but it can make you awfully comfortable while you're being miserable.

Morley Christopher

If the church put in half the time on covetousness that it does on lust, this would be a better world.

Morley John Viscount

I've never been hurt by anything I didn't say.

Morris William

Age before beauty; and pearls before swine.


From a certain point onward there is no longer any turning back. That is the point that must be reached.

Moses Robert

An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest.

Moses Robert

What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?

Moss Stirling

Any priest or shaman must be presumed guilty until proved innocent.

Mostel Zero

"I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path."

Mother Karl Marx's

Campus sidewalks never exist as the straightest line between two points.


The Least Successful Executions History has furnished us with two executioners worthy of attention. The first performed in Sydney in Australia. In 1803 three attempts were made to hang a Mr. Joseph Samuels. On the first two of these the rope snap


I found Rome a city of bricks and left it a city of marble.

Muggeridge Malcolm

Long ago I proposed that unsuccessful candidates for the Presidency be quietly hanged, as a matter of public sanitation and decorum. The sight of their grief must have a very evil effect upon the young.

Mull Martin

Moneyliness is next to Godliness.

Munr H.H.

One, with God, is always a majority, but many a martyr has been burned at the stake while the votes were being counted.

Munro H.H.

There are two kinds of pedestrians... the quick and the dead.

Murray Bill

Seize the day, put no trust in the morrow!

Muscha Jerry

Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other.

Muskie Senator Edmund

My band career ended late in my senior year when John Cooper and I threw my amplifier out the dormitory window. We did not act in haste. First we checked to make sure the amplifier would fit through the frame, using the belt from my bathrobe to meas

Musselman Bill

Mankind is poised midway between the gods and the beasts.

Musset Alfred De

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If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.
Wicker Tom

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