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In case of fire, stand in the hall and shout "Fire!"

M Hawkeye

You or I must yield up his life to Ahrimanes. I would rather it were you. I should have no hesitation in sacrificing my own life to spare yours, but we take stock next week, and it would not be fair on the company.

Mabbitt Ronald

One hundred women are not worth a single testicle.

Mabley Moms

Getting kicked out of the American Bar Association is liked getting kicked out of the Book-of-the-Month Club.

MacDonald Dwight

It is a profitable thing, if one is wise, to seem foolish.

MacDonald Ross

Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it depends on what you put into it.

Macaulay Thomas

General notions are generally wrong.

Macdonald Ronald

Then a man said: Speak to us of Expectations. He then said: If a man does not see or hear the waters of the Jordan, then he should not taste the pomegranate or ply his wares in an open market. If a man would not labour in the salt and rock quarri


I didn't do it! Nobody saw me do it! Can't prove anything!

Machiavelli Niccolo

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

Machineri R. Bradbury

The truth is rarely pure, and never simple.

Madariaga Salvador De

Don't everyone thank me at once!

Madison James

If I had done everything I'm credited with, I'd be speaking to you from a laboratory jar at Harvard.


There's no such thing as a free lunch.

Mahabharata The

The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

Mahabharata. The

Like ya know? Rock 'N Roll is an esoteric language that unlocks the creativity chambers in people's brains, and like totally activates their essential hipness, which of course is like totally necessary for saving the earth, like because the first th


Brahma said: Well, after hearing ten thousand explanations, a fool is no wiser. But an intelligent man needs only two thousand five hundred.

Maher Bill

If there were a school for, say, sheet metal workers, that after three years left its graduates as unprepared for their careers as does law school, it would be closed down in a minute, and no doubt by lawyers.

Mailer Norman

You can observe a lot just by watching.

Maistre Joseph De

In childhood a woman must be subject to her father; in youth to her husband; when her husband is dead, to her sons. A woman must never be free of subjugation.


"Consequences, Schmonsequences, as long as I'm rich."

Malraux Andre

Beauty is one of the rare things which does not lead to doubt of God.

Mamet David

Do not despair of life. You have no doubt force enough to overcome your obstacles. Think of the fox prowling through wood and field in a winter night for something to satisfy his hunger. Notwithstanding cold and hounds and traps, his race survives

Man Little Big

He knows not how to know who knows not also how to unknow.

Manners Miss

The greatest productive force is human selfishness.

Manson Charles

A rolling stone gathers no moss.

Manson Charles

Remember that there is an outside world to see and enjoy.

Manua Princess Irulan

Education is the process of casting false pearls before real swine.

Manville Tommy

"Necessity is the mother of invention" is a silly proverb. "Necessity is the mother of futile dodges" is much nearer the truth.

Manville Tommy

Nice guys finish last.

Manville Tommy

I believe that the moment is near when by a procedure of active paranoiac thought, it will be possible to systematize confusion and contribute to the total discrediting of the world of reality.

Marcus Tullius Cicero

Competitive fury is not always anger. It is the true missionary's courage and zeal in facing the possibility that one's best may not be enough.

Margaret Mitchell

Money is truthful. If a man speaks of his honor, make him pay cash.

Mari Clive James on

God is Dead.

Mark Twain

I will make you shorter by the head.

Mark Twain

Some women should be beaten regularly, like gongs.

Mark Twain

An atom-blaster is a good weapon, but it can point both ways.

Mark Twain

Best Mistakes In Films In his "Filmgoer's Companion", Mr. Leslie Halliwell helpfully lists four of the cinema's greatest moments which you should get to see if at all possible. In "Carmen Jones", the camera tracks with Dorothy Dandridge down a st

Mark Twain

A man said to the Universe: "Sir, I exist!" "However," replied the Universe, "the fact has not created in me a sense of obligation."

Mark Twain

If you sell diamonds, you cannot expect to have many customers. But a diamond is a diamond even if there are no customers.

Mark Twain

A full belly makes a dull brain.

Mark Twain

All of us should treasure his Oriental wisdom and his preaching of a Zen-like detachment, as exemplified by his constant reminder to clerks, tellers, or others who grew excited by his presence in their banks: "Just lie down on the floor and keep calm

Mark Twain

Whom the mad would destroy, first they make Gods.

Mark Twain

The only "ism" Hollywood believes in is plagiarism.

Marlon Brando

A highly intelligent man should take a primitive woman. Imagine if on top of everything else, I had a woman who interfered with my work.

Marlowe Christopher

per year.

Marlowe Christopher

Pauca sed matura. [Few but excellent.]

Marlowe Christopher

The philosopher's treatment of a question is like the treatment of an illness.

Marlowe Christopher

In the long run we are all dead.

Marquis Don

A commune is where people join together to share their lack of wealth.

Marquis Don

It is imperative when flying coach that you restrain any tendency toward the vividly imaginative. For although it may momentarily appear to be the case, it is not at all likely that the cabin is entirely inhabited by crying babies smoking inexpensiv

Marquis Don

Illusion is the first of all pleasures.

Marquis Don

A sinking ship gathers no moss.

Marr Bill

Just once I would like to persuade the audience not to wear any article of blue denim. If only they could see themselves in a pair of brown corduroys like mine instead of this awful, boring blue denim. I don't enjoy the sky or sea as much as I used

Marshall Brickman

From the cradle to the coffin underwear comes first.

Marshall Thurgood

When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.

Martin Steve

What we do not understand we do not possess.

Martin Thomas L.

Art is a lie which makes us realize the truth.


Use an accordion. Go to jail.


Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed.


Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.

Martin Steve

Doctors and lawyers must go to school for years and years, often with little sleep and with great sacrifice to their first wives.

Martin Steve

The seven deadly sins ... Food, clothing, firing, rent, taxes, respectability and children. Nothing can lift those seven milestones from man's neck but money; and the spirit cannot soar until the milestones are lifted.

Martin Susanna

A team effort is a lot of people doing what I say.

Martin' Kin Hubbard

When you make your mark in the world, watch out for guys with erasers.

Marx Groucho

The eye is a menace to clear sight, the ear is a menace to subtle hearing, the mind is a menace to wisdom, every organ of the senses is a menace to its own capacity. ... Fuss, the god of the Southern Ocean, and Fret, the god of the Northern Ocean, h

Marx Groucho

Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.


Have the courage to take your own thoughts seriously, for they will shape you.

Masterson Bat

The only problem with seeing too much is that it makes you insane.

Mathis Andrew W.

... [concerning quotation marks] even if we *___did* quote anybody in this business, it probably would be gibberish.

Mau W. Somerset

The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.

Maugh W. Somerset

Odets, where is thy sting?

Maugham Somerset

VI: A hungry dog hunts best. A hungrier dog hunts even better. VII: Decreased business base increases overhead. So does increased business base. VIII: The most unsuccessful four years in the education of a cost-estimator is fifth grade ari

Maugham Somerset

One picture is worth more than ten thousand words.

Maugham W. Somerset

If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.

Maugham W. Somerset

Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.

Maugham W.S.

If the colleges were better, if they really had it, you would need to get the police at the gates to keep order in the inrushing multitude. See in college how we thwart the natural love of learning by leaving the natural method of teaching what each

Maugham W. Somerset

For every bloke who makes his mark, there's half a dozen waiting to rub it out.

Max Beerbohm

A critic is a bundle of biases held loosely together by a sense of taste.

Mayfield E.J.

Some scholars are like donkeys, they merely carry a lot of books.

Mayonnaise Hellman's

Why are you doing this to me? Because knowledge is torture, and there must be awareness before there is change.

Mayor Kevin White

Work is of two kinds: first, altering the position of matter at or near the earth's surface relative to other matter; second, telling other people to do so.

McAfee Ron

Just remember, wherever you go, there you are.

McCabe Charles

The idea there was that consumers would bring their broken electronic devices, such as television sets and VCR's, to the destruction centers, where trained personnel would whack them (the devices) with sledgehammers. With their devices thus permanent

McCall Cash

Eighteen goddess-like daughters are not equal to one son with a hump.

McCarthy Charlie

It looks like it's up to me to save our skins. Get into that garbage chute, flyboy!

McCarthy Charlie

If you do not think about the future, you cannot have one.

McCarthy Eugene

And tomorrow will be like today, only more so.

McCarthy Eugene

The great question that has never been answered and which I have not yet been able to answer despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul is: WHAT DOES A WOMAN WANT?

McCorkle Julia Norton

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.

McDaniel Hattie

To err is human, to repent, divine, to persist, devilish.

McEvoy J. P.

The Worst Car Hire Service When David Schwartz left university in 1972, he set up Rent-a-wreck as a joke. Being a natural prankster, he acquired a fleet of beat-up shabby, wreckages waiting for the scrap heap in California. He put on a cap and lo

McGee Travis

With women, I've got a long bamboo pole with a leather loop on the end of it. I slip the loop around their necks so they can't get away or come too close. Like catching snakes.

McGovern George

The whole earth is in jail and we're plotting this incredible jailbreak.

McGuire Al

Ninety percent of the time things turn out worse than you thought they would. The other ten percent of the time you had no right to expect that much.

McIntire Carl

Adde parvum parvo manus acervus erit. [Add little to little and there will be a big pile.]

McLeod Thom

A furore Normanorum libera nos, O Domine! [From the fury of the norsemen deliver us, O Lord!]

McLuhan. Marshall

To accuse others for one's own misfortunes is a sign of want of education. To accuse oneself shows that one's education has begun. To accuse neither oneself nor others shows that one's education is complete.

McShane Michael

A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.

Mead Margaret

There has been a little distress selling on the stock exchange.

Medawar Sir Peter

No house should ever be on any hill or on anything. It should be of the hill, belonging to it.

Meese Ed

The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet.

Meir Golda

To restore a sense of reality, I think Walt Disney should have a Hardluckland.

Melvin Belli

If I love you, what business is it of yours?


The tree in which the sap is stagnant remains fruitless.


Those who educate children well are more to be honored than parents, for these only gave life, those the art of living well.


It's hard to drive at the limit, but it's harder to know where the limits are.

Mencken H. L.

Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.

Mencken H. L.

Fain would I climb, yet fear I to fall.

Mencken H. L.

This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it.

Mencken H. L.

What does education often do? It makes a straight cut ditch of a free meandering brook.

Mencken H. L.

"No job too big; no fee too big!"

Mencken H. L.

Things are not always what they seem.

Mencken H. L.

The first Rotarian was the first man to call John the Baptist "Jack."

Mencken H. L.

Men freely believe that what they wish to desire.

Mencken H.L.

It doesn't matter whether you win or lose

Mencken H.L.

If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.

Mencken H.L.

The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance. He of all men should behave as though the law compelled him. But it is the universal weakness of mankind that what we are given to administer we presently imagine we own.

Mencken H.L.

We should realize that a city is better off with bad laws, so long as they remain fixed, then with good laws that are constantly being altered, that the lack of learning combined with sound common sense is more helpful than the kind of cleverness th

Mencken H.L.

... but as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women were convicted of witch

Mencken H.L.

The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves.

Mencken H.L.

Once he had one leg in the White House and the nation trembled under his roars. Now he is a tinpot pope in the Coca-Cola belt and a brother to the forlorn pastors who belabor halfwits in galvanized iron tabernacles behind the railroad yards."

Mencken H.L.

An idea is an eye given by God for the seeing of God. Some of these eyes we cannot bear to look out of, we blind them as quickly as possible.

Mencken H.L.

Time as he grows old teaches all things.

Mencken H.L.

No excellent soul is exempt from a mixture of madness.

Mencken H.L.

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car.

Mencken H.L.

When the speaker and he to whom he is speaks do not understand, that is metaphysics.

Mencken H.L.

Home is where the hurt is.

Mencken H.L.

A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

Mencken H.L.

I have had my television aerials removed. It's the moral equivalent of a prostate operation.

Mencken H.L.

[He] took me into his library and showed me his books, of which he had a complete set.

Mencken H.L.

If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.

Mencken H.L.

Learning without thought is labor lost; thought without learning is perilous.

Mengot Roy

Dying is easy. Comedy is difficult.

Meredith George

Life is too short to be taken seriously.

Meredith Owen

Certain passages in several laws have always defied interpretation and the most inexplicable must be a matter of opinion. A judge of the Court of Session of Scotland has sent the editors of this book his candidate which reads, "In the Nuts (unground

Metrop Fran Lebowitz

Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

Mex Jack Handley

As Gen. de Gaulle occassionally acknowledges America to be the daughter of Europe, so I am pleased to come to Yale, the daughter of Harvard.

Mex Jack Handley The New

I go on working for the same reason a hen goes on laying eggs.

Mex Jack Handley The New

Arrakis teaches the attitude of the knife - chopping off what's incomplete and saying: "Now it's complete because it's ended here."

Meyrowitz N.

The use of money is all the advantage there is to having money.

Michael Levin

The real purpose of books is to trap the mind into doing its own thinking.

Michael Levin

Whenever anyone says, "theoretically," they really mean, "not really."

Michael Winner British



Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs there.

Michener James A.

A writer is congenitally unable to tell the truth and that is why we call what he writes fiction.

Midler Bette

Be regular and orderly in your life, so that you may be violent and original in your work.

Mike Harding

The 'A' is for content, the 'minus' is for not typing it. Don't ever do this to my eyes again.

Mike Harding

It is better to live rich than to die rich.

Mill John Stuart

I heard a definition of an intellectual, that I thought was very interesting: a man who takes more words than are necessary to tell more than he knows.

Mill Dennis

... "fire" does not matter, "earth" and "air" and "water" do not matter. "I" do not matter. No word matters. But man forgets reality and remembers words. The more words he remembers, the cleverer do his fellows esteem him. He looks upon the great


"Earth is a great, big funhouse without the fun."

Miller Arthur

The chief cause of problems is solutions.

Miller Arthur R.

I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.

Miller Dennis

When a fellow says, "It ain't the money but the principle of the thing," it's the money.

Miller Dennis

Do not seek death; death will find you. But seek the road which makes death a fulfillment.

Miller Dennis

Nothing endures but change.

Miller Dennis

Plus ,ca change, plus c'est la m^eme chose. [The more things change, the more they remain the same.]

Miller. Olin

Hotels are tired of getting ripped off. I checked into a hotel and they had towels from my house.

Millman Dave

I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men


XLI: The more one produces, the less one gets. XLII: Simple systems are not feasible because they require infinite testing. XLIII: Hardware works best when it matters the least. XLIV: Aircraft flight in the 21st century will always be in a we


Nothing succeeds like success.

Milton John

"I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment."

Milton John

Doubt isn't the opposite of faith; it is an element of faith.

Milton John

The pollution's at that awkward stage. Too thick to navigate and too thin to cultivate.

Mitchell Gener

The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.


XI: If the Earth could be made to rotate twice as fast, managers would get twice as much done. If the Earth could be made to rotate twenty times as fast, everyone else would get twice as much done since all the managers would fly off. XII: I

Mizner Wilson

She ran the gamut of emotions from 'A' to 'B'.

Mizner Wilson

Fortune and love befriend the bold.

Mizner Wilson

Praise the sea; on shore remain.

Mizner Wilson

Being a miner, as soon as you're too old and tired and sick and stupid to do your job properly, you have to go, where the very opposite applies with the judges.

Moffitt James

Satire is tragedy plus time.


Take what you can use and let the rest go by.

Montagu Lady M.W.

The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.

Montague Charles Edward

Where it is a duty to worship the sun it is pretty sure to be a crime to examine the laws of heat.

Montaigne Michel Eyquem de

Nasrudin returned to his village from the imperial capital, and the villagers gathered around to hear what had passed. "At this time," said Nasrudin, "I only want to say that the King spoke to me." All the villagers but the stupidest ran off to spr

Montaigne Michel de

Diary of a Young Girl LITE(tm)

Montaigne Michel de

Why am I so soft in the middle when the rest of my life is so hard?


Having the fewest wants, I am nearest to the gods.


Man must shape his tools lest they shape him.


He thought of Musashi, the Sword Saint, standing in his garden more than three hundred years ago. "What is the 'Body of a rock'?" he was asked. In answer, Musashi summoned a pupil of his and bid him kill himself by slashing his abdomen with a knife.

Moore Steven

You may have heard that a dean is to faculty as a hydrant is to a dog.

Moose Bullwinkle

The meek shall inherit the earth, but *not* its mineral rights.

Moravia Alberto

If you're like most homeowners, you're afraid that many repairs around your home are too difficult to tackle. So, when your furnace explodes, you call in a so-called professional to fix it. The "professional" arrives in a truck with lettering on t

More Sir Thomas

A journey of a thousand miles starts under one's feet.

Morgan J.P.

The early bird who catches the worm works for someone who comes in late and owns the worm farm.

Morgan J.P.

I need another lawyer like I need another hole in my head.

Morgan J.P.

No two persons ever read the same book.

Morley Christopher

Rascal, am I? Take THAT!

Morley Christopher

The world has many unintentionally cruel mechanisms that are not designed for people who walk on their hands.

Morley Christopher

And ever has it been known that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.

Morley Christopher

Treat your friend as if he might become an enemy.

Morley John Viscount

Intellect annuls Fate. So far as a man thinks, he is free.

Morris William

Remembering is for those who have forgotten.


Death is a spirit leaving a body, sort of like a shell leaving the nut behind.

Moses Robert

The means-and-ends moralists, or non-doers, always end up on their ends without any means.

Moses Robert

Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.

Moss Stirling

Ten years of rejection slips is nature's way of telling you to stop writing.

Mostel Zero

A woman who is unfaithful deserves to be shot.

Mother Karl Marx's

Everybody likes a kidder, but nobody lends him money.


To have died once is enough.


Crito, I owe a cock to Asclepius; will you remember to pay the debt?

Muggeridge Malcolm

All this wheeling and dealing around, why, it isn't for money, it's for fun. Money's just the way we keep score.

Mull Martin

The sunlights differ, but there is only one darkness.

Munr H.H.

Playing an unamplified electric guitar is like strumming on a picnic table.

Munro H.H.

Execute every act of thy life as though it were thy last.

Murray Bill

He that composes himself is wiser than he that composes a book.

Muscha Jerry

If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.

Muskie Senator Edmund

Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

Musselman Bill

Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made.

Musset Alfred De

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Unknown person(s) stole the American flag from its pole in Etra Park sometime between 3pm Jan 17 and 11:30 am Jan 20. The flag is described as red, white and blue, having 50 stars and was valued at $40.

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