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There is no character, howsoever good and fine, but it can be destroyed by ridicule, howsoever poor and witless. Observe the ass, for instance: his character is about perfect, he is the choicest spirit among all the humbler animals, yet see what rid

P Harry Thurston

More are taken in by hope than by cunning.

Pa Long Chen

To do two things at once is to do neither.

Pa Jessie

New Jersey is not the armpit of the nation; it's the asshole of the universe.

Paar Jack

A decade after Vietnam, we still cannot understand why "their" Salvadorans fight better than "our" Salvadorans. It is not a matter of their training or their equipment. It has to do with the quality of the society we are asking them to risk death d

Paar Jack

He knows not how to know who knows not also how to unknow.

Paine Thomas

Don't tell me how hard you work. Tell me how much you get done.

Paine Thomas

A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election.

Palindromist The Mad

Gauls! We have nothing to fear; except perhaps that the sky may fall on our heads tomorrow. But as we all know, tomorrow never comes!!

Parker Dorothy

Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs there.

Parker Dorothy

This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it.

Parker Dorothy

True to our past we work with an inherited, observed, and accepted vision of personal futility, and of the beauty of the world.

Parker Dorothy

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment.

Parker Dorothy

A man gazing at the stars is proverbially at the mercy of the puddles in the road.

Parker Dorothy

Man has made his bedlam; let him lie in it.

Parker Dorthy

One of the pleasures of reading old letters is the knowledge that they need no answer.

Parker Robert

Leave no stone unturned.


REPORTER: Senator, are you for or against the MX missile system? SENATOR: Bob, the MX missile system reminds me of an old saying that the country folk in my state like to say. It goes like this: "You can carry a pig for six miles, but if you set i

Parkinson C.N.

In the highest society, as well as in the lowest, woman is merely an instrument of pleasure.

Parkinson C.N.

Those who have had no share in the good fortunes of the mighty Often have a share in their misfortunes.

Parnas Dave

I wish a robot would get elected president. That way, when he came to town, we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad.

Pascal Blaise

The human instinct to censor thrives, as it always will, living in irrepressible conflict with the human instinct to speak. Outrage, self-righteousness, and paranoia feed the maw of censorship. Squelching speech, however, never reduces society's net

Pascal Blaise

Democracy is a form of government that substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few.

Pascal Blaise

You may have heard that a dean is to faculty as a hydrant is to a dog.

Pasteur L.

"It's kind of fun to do the impossible."

Pat Cadigan

If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.

Pat Cadigan

"You have been in Afghanistan, I perceive."

Patricia O Tuama

[He] took me into his library and showed me his books, of which he had a complete set.

Patrick Saint

'Naomi, sex at noon taxes.' I moan. Never odd or even. A man, a plan, a canal, Panama. Madam, I'm Adam. Sit on a potato pan, Otis. Sit on Otis.


We seldom repent talking too little, but very often talking too much.

Paul Erdman

It is Mr. Mellon's credo that $200,000,000 can do no wrong. Our offense consists in doubting it.

Paul Tillich German

If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive!

Pelt Lucy Van

All art is but imitation of nature.

Penn Jillette

Dustin Farnum: Why, yesterday, I had the audience glued to their seats! Oliver Herford: Wonderful! Wonderful! Clever of you to think of it!

Penn William

You should never wear your best trousers when you go out to fight for freedom and liberty.

Perce Chief Joseph

... [concerning quotation marks] even if we *___did* quote anybody in this business, it probably would be gibberish.

Perelman S.J.

question = ( to ) ? be : ! be;


Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.

Perlis Alan J.

It is necessary for the welfare of society that genius should be privileged to utter sedition, to blaspheme, to outrage good taste, to corrupt the youthful mind, and generally to scandalize one's uncles.

Peter Dr. Laurence J.

From a certain point onward there is no longer any turning back. That is the point that must be reached.

Peter Dr. Laurence J.

We have nowhere else to go... this is all we have.

Peter Irene

The first rule of all intelligent tinkering is to keep all the parts.

Peter Laurence

The degree of civilization in a society can be judged by entering its prisons.

Peter Laurence J.

I never cheated an honest man, only rascals. They wanted something for nothing. I gave them nothing for something.

Peter Laurence J.

Education is the process of casting false pearls before real swine.

Peter Stack

The man who raises a fist has run out of ideas.

Peter Straub

Personifiers of the world, unite! You have nothing to lose but Mr. Dignity!

Petronius Gaius

The profession of book writing makes horse racing seem like a solid, stable business.


There is an old time toast which is golden for its beauty. "When you ascend the hill of prosperity may you not meet a friend."


Most general statements are false, including this one.


My own life has been spent chronicling the rise and fall of human systems, and I am convinced that we are terribly vulnerable. ... We should be reluctant to turn back upon the frontier of this epoch. Space is indifferent to what we do; it has no fe

Philip Hale Boston

Scratch the average female and you'll find a purring bundle... at the ready to love and honor, bake a torte and still produce quintuplets.

Philips Emo

Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you.

Phillips Emo

The world is full of people who have never, since childhood, met an open doorway with an open mind.

Phillips Utah

If while you are in school, there is a shortage of qualified personnel in a particular field, then by the time you graduate with the necessary qualifications, that field's employment market is glutted.

Physicist John von Neumann

A definition of teaching: casting fake pearls before real swine.


'Scuse me, while I kiss the sky!


I don't have any use for bodyguards, but I do have a specific use for two highly trained certified public accountants.

Picasso Pablo

One thing I have no worry about is whether God exists. But it has occurred to me that God has Alzheimer's and has forgotten we exist.

Pike Bishop James

The `loner' may be respected, but he is always resented by his colleagues, for he seems to be passing a critical judgment on them, when he may be simply making a limiting statement about himself.

Pile Stephen

The Priest's grey nimbus in a niche where he dressed discreetly. I will not sleep here tonight. Home also I cannot go. A voice, sweetened and sustained, called to him from the sea. Turning the curve he waved his hand. A sleek brown head, a seal's,

Pile Stephen

Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration.

Pile Stephen

Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.

Pile Stephen

In Marseilles they make half the toilet soap we consume in America, but the Marseillaise only have a vague theoretical idea of its use, which they have obtained from books of travel.

Pile Stephen

The world is your exercise-book, the pages on which you do your sums. It is not reality, although you can express reality there if you wish. You are also free to write nonsense, or lies, or to tear the pages.


That must be wonderful: I don't understand it at all.


Money is truthful. If a man speaks of his honor, make him pay cash.

Pinero Sir Arthur Wing

As failures go, attempting to recall the past is like trying to grasp the meaning of existence. Both make one feel like a baby clutching at a basketball: one's palms keep sliding off.

Pintauro Joseph

Goose pimples rose all over me, my hair stood on end, my eyes filled with tears of love and gratitude for this greatest of all conquerers of human misery and shame, and my breath came in little gasps. If I had not known that the Leader would have sc

Pirsig Robert

Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.

Platford Lois

Educational television should be absolutely forbidden. It can only lead to unreasonable disappointment when your child discovers that the letters of the alphabet do not leap up out of books and dance around with royal-blue chickens.


Only that in you which is me can hear what I'm saying.


Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made.


Man is a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason.


Youth is a blunder, manhood a struggle, old age a regret.


You buy a judge by weight, like iron in a junk yard. A justice of the peace or a magistrate can be had for a five-dollar bill. In the municipal courts, he will cost you ten. In the circuit or superior courts, he wants fifteen. The state appellate


Something's rotten in the state of Denmark.

Plautus Titus Maccius

The Golden Rule is of no use to you whatever unless you realize it is your move.

Plautus Titus Maccius

We should have a Vollyballocracy. We elect a six-pack of presidents. Each one serves until they screw up, at which point they rotate.

Plautus Titus Maccius

... it still remains true that as a set of cognitive beliefs about the existence of God in any recognizable sense continuous with the great systems of the past, religious doctrines constitute a speculative hypothesis of an extremely low order of prob

Player Willis

God instructs the heart, not by ideas, but by pains and contradictions.


What I tell you three times is true.

Plummer Christopher

Would ye both eat your cake and have your cake?


Briefly stated, the findings are that when presented with an array of data or a sequence of events in which they are instructed to discover an underlying order, subjects show strong tendencies to perceive order and causality in random arrays, to perc

Pollard John G.

Be careful of reading health books, you might die of a misprint.


The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.


The Least Perceptive Literary Critic The most important critic in our field of study is Lord Halifax. A most individual judge of poetry, he once invited Alexander Pope round to give a public reading of his latest poem. Pope, the leading poet of h

Pope Alexander

She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

Pope Alexander

Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them.

Pope John Paul

October. This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks in. The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August, and February.

Pope St. Gregory

A sinking ship gathers no moss.

Poppins Mary

A group of politicians deciding to dump a President because his morals are bad is like the Mafia getting together to bump off the Godfather for not going to church on Sunday.

Postmas James

Men of lofty genius when they are doing the least work are most active.

Pournelle Niven and

God is really only another artist. He invented the giraffe, the elephant and the cat. He has no real style, He just goes on trying other things.

Powers Richard

We are all born mad. Some remain so.

Prabhupada Swami

Politics and the fate of mankind are formed by men without ideals and without greatness. Those who have greatness within them do not go in for politics.

Prentice George D.

Democracy is a device that insures we shall be governed no better than we deserve.

President Pat Paulsen for

A racially integrated community is a chronological term timed from the entrance of the first black family to the exit of the last white family.

Presley Elvis

I am not now and never have been a girl friend of Henry Kissinger.

Presley Elvis

Even God cannot change the past.

Price Don

... but as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women were convicted of witch

Prochnow Herbert

There's no such thing as an original sin.

Prochnow Herbert V.

"Earth is a great, big funhouse without the fun."

Professor English

You k'n hide de fier, but w'at you gwine do wid de smoke?

Prosser D. Winkel and F.

The difference between a misfortune and a calamity? If Gladstone fell into the Thames, it would be a misfortune. But if someone dragged him out again, it would be a calamity.


The angry man always thinks he can do more than he can.

Proust M.

My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.

Proverb A Yippie

I've touch'd the highest point of all my greatness; And from that full meridian of my glory I haste now to my setting. I shall fall, Like a bright exhalation in the evening And no man see me more.

Proverb Ancient Simian

Nothing in life is so exhilarating as to be shot at without result.

Proverb Chinese

Well, don't worry about it... It's nothing.

Proverb Chinese

The day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus, by the Supreme Being as his Father, in the womb of a virgin will be classified with the fable of the generation of Minerva in the brain of Jupiter. But we may hope that the dawn of reason and

Proverb Recent Chinese

It's always darkest just before the lights go out.

Pryne Hester

When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life.


Plumbing is one of the easier of do-it-yourself activities, requiring only a few simple tools and a willingness to stick your arm into a clogged toilet. In fact, you can solve many home plumbing problems, such as annoying faucet drip, merely by tur


My tears stuck in their little ducts, refusing to be jerked.

Publius Ovidius Naso

The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.

Publius Terentius Afer

I understand why you're confused. You're thinking too much.

Publius Terentius Afer

Democracy is good. I say this because other systems are worse.

Publius Terentius Afer

Young men are fitter to invent than to judge; fitter for execution than for counsel; and fitter for new projects than for settled business. For the experience of age, in things that fall within the compass of it, directeth them; but in new things, a

Publius Terentius Afer

He that breaks a thing to find out what it is has left the path of wisdom.

Publius Vergilius Maro

If you want to know what god thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

Publius Vergilius Maro

Virtue would go far if vanity did not keep it company.

Publius Vergilius Maro

Silence is the element in which great things fashion themselves.

Publius Vergilius Maro

A committee takes root and grows, it flowers, wilts and dies, scattering the seed from which other committees will bloom.

Pudd'nhead Wilson's

If you don't count some of Jehovah's injunctions, there are no humorists in the Bible.

Pulitzer Joseph

The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug.

Pusey Nathan

I reverently believe that the maker who made us all makes everything in New England, but the weather. I don't know who makes that, but I think it must be raw apprentices in the weather-clerks factory who experiment and learn how, in New England, fo


No one becomes depraved in a moment.

Python Monty

The more the merrier.

prayer Medieval

By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.

proverb Arab

The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself.

proverb Arabian

Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other.

proverb Chinese

"Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him."

proverb Chinese

Since we have to speak well of the dead, let's knock them while they're alive.

proverb Chinese

If a fool persists in his folly he shall become wise.

proverb Chinese

It is easier to be a "humanitarian" than to render your own country its proper due; it is easier to be a "patriot" than to make your community a better place to live in; it is easier to be a "civic leader" than to treat your own family with loving un

proverb Chinese

Nasrudin returned to his village from the imperial capital, and the villagers gathered around to hear what had passed. "At this time," said Nasrudin, "I only want to say that the King spoke to me." All the villagers but the stupidest ran off to spr

proverb Chinese

"We maintain that the very foundation of our way of life is what we call free enterprise," said Cash McCall, "but when one of our citizens show enough free enterprise to pile up a little of that profit, we do our best to make him feel that he ought t

proverb Chinese

Beggars should be no choosers.

proverb Indian

Dear Ann Landers: My husband watches the TV preachers every Sunday. He claims one minister said there are 350 different sins. My husband wants to know if you can get the list. He thinks he is missing something.

proverb Italian

A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

proverb Polish

More people are flattered into virtue than bullied out of vice.

proverb Spanish

The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet.

proverb Turkish

The term "fire" brings up visions of violence and mayhem and the ugly scene of shooting employees who make mistakes. We will now refer to this process as "deleting" an employee (much as a file is deleted from a disk). The employee is simply there o

proverb. Scottish

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Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other.
Landers Ann

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