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Everybody likes a kidder, but nobody lends him money.

P Harry Thurston

If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.

Pa Long Chen

An aphorism is never exactly true; it is either a half-truth or one-and-a-half truths.

Pa Jessie

Money is truthful. If a man speaks of his honor, make him pay cash.

Paar Jack

"What are you watching?" "I don't know." "Well, what's happening?" "I'm not sure... I think the guy in the hat did something terrible." "Why are you watching it?" "You're so analytical. Sometimes you just have to let art flow over you."

Paar Jack

Three o'clock in the afternoon is always just a little too late or a little too early for anything you want to do.

Paine Thomas

For certain people, after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex.

Paine Thomas

My tears stuck in their little ducts, refusing to be jerked.

Palindromist The Mad

No bird soars too high if he soars with his own wings.

Parker Dorothy

If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it.

Parker Dorothy

The college graduate is presented with a sheepskin to cover his intellectual nakedness.

Parker Dorothy

I didn't do it! Nobody saw me do it! Can't prove anything!

Parker Dorothy

A dream will always triumph over reality, once it is given the chance.

Parker Dorothy

The sooner you make your first 5000 mistakes, the sooner you will be able to correct them.

Parker Dorothy

In a hierarchy every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence ... in time every post tends to be occupied by an employee who is incompetent to carry out its duties ... Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their

Parker Dorthy

I BET WHAT HAPPENED was they discovered fire and invented the wheel on the same day. Then that night, they burned the wheel.

Parker Robert

I stick my neck out for nobody.


If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.

Parkinson C.N.

Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.

Parkinson C.N.

There's nothing remarkable about it. All one has to do is hit the right keys at the right time and the instrument plays itself.

Parnas Dave

From a certain point onward there is no longer any turning back. That is the point that must be reached.

Pascal Blaise

The only alliance I would make with the Women's Liberation Movement is in bed.

Pascal Blaise

The most delightful day after the one on which you buy a cottage in the country is the one on which you resell it.

Pascal Blaise

The more laws and order are made prominent, the more thieves and robbers there will be.

Pasteur L.

The life which is unexamined is not worth living.

Pat Cadigan

I have a very strange feeling about this...

Pat Cadigan

Men of lofty genius when they are doing the least work are most active.

Patricia O Tuama

A woman who is unfaithful deserves to be shot.

Patrick Saint

Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny.


Sometimes even to live is an act of courage.

Paul Erdman

Don't tell me how hard you work. Tell me how much you get done.

Paul Tillich German

Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it.

Pelt Lucy Van

The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.

Penn Jillette

Three minutes' thought would suffice to find this out; but thought is irksome and three minutes is a long time.

Penn William

"There is no Father Christmas. It's just a marketing ploy to make low income parents' lives a misery." "... I want you to picture the trusting face of a child, streaked with tears because of what you just said." "I want you to picture the face of

Perce Chief Joseph

It is so stupid of modern civilisation to have given up believing in the devil when he is the only explanation of it.

Perelman S.J.

You can fool all the people all of the time if the advertising is right and the budget is big enough.


It's pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.

Perlis Alan J.

The 'A' is for content, the 'minus' is for not typing it. Don't ever do this to my eyes again.

Peter Dr. Laurence J.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

Peter Dr. Laurence J.

Knowledge is power.

Peter Irene

The two most beautiful words in the English language are "Cheque Enclosed."

Peter Laurence

The shortest distance between two points is under construction.

Peter Laurence J.

Once harm has been done, even a fool understands it.

Peter Laurence J.

Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there.

Peter Stack

Only those who leisurely approach that which the masses are busy about can be busy about that which the masses take leisurely.

Peter Straub

While there's life, there's hope.

Petronius Gaius

Lay off the muses, it's a very tough dollar.


It is better to live rich than to die rich.


Real wealth can only increase.


The trouble with opportunity is that it always comes disguised as hard work.

Philip Hale Boston

I'm always looking for a new idea that will be more productive than its cost.

Philips Emo

A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of.

Phillips Emo

Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it's hard to get it back in.

Phillips Utah

I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.

Physicist John von Neumann

But the greatest Electrical Pioneer of them all was Thomas Edison, who was a brilliant inventor despite the fact that he had little formal education and lived in New Jersey. Edison's first major invention in 1877, was the phonograph, which could soo


The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance. He of all men should behave as though the law compelled him. But it is the universal weakness of mankind that what we are given to administer we presently imagine we own.


To generalize is to be an idiot.

Picasso Pablo

God is really only another artist. He invented the giraffe, the elephant and the cat. He has no real style, He just goes on trying other things.

Pike Bishop James

The executioner is, I hear, very expert, and my neck is very slender.

Pile Stephen

Arrakis teaches the attitude of the knife - chopping off what's incomplete and saying: "Now it's complete because it's ended here."

Pile Stephen

... why should you waste a single moment of *your* life seeming to be something you don't want to be? Lord, that's so simple. If you hate your job, quit it. If your friends are tedious, go out and find new friends. You are queer, you lucky fool, a

Pile Stephen

Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem more afraid of life than death.

Pile Stephen

God gave man two ears and one tongue so that we listen twice as much as we speak.

Pile Stephen

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?


A copy of the universe is not what is required of art; one of the damned things is ample.


With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law; and every time they make a law it's a joke.

Pinero Sir Arthur Wing

were found to be wearing neckwear that was tighter than their neck circumference. The visual discrimination of the 22 subjects was evaluated using a critical flicker frequency (CFF) test. Results of the CFF test indicated that tight neckwear signifi

Pintauro Joseph

Just close your eyes, tap your heels together three times, and think to yourself, `There's no place like home.'

Pirsig Robert

By protracting life, we do not deduct one jot from the duration of death.

Platford Lois

What you don't know won't help you much either.


If I could reach, I'd never leave the house.


I: The best way to make a silk purse from a sow's ear is to begin with a silk sow. The same is true of money. II: If today were half as good as tomorrow is supposed to be, it would probably be twice as good as yesterday was. III: There are


No two persons ever read the same book.


The cart has no place where a fifth wheel could be used.


Live fast, die young, and leave a flat patch of fur on the highway!


Someday we'll look back on this moment and plow into a parked car.

Plautus Titus Maccius

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

Plautus Titus Maccius

My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.

Plautus Titus Maccius

If it doesn't smell yet, it's pretty fresh.

Player Willis

Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.


The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly greater than that of any other animals. Some of their most esteemed inventions have no other apparent purpose, for example, the dinner party of more than two, the epic poem, and the

Plummer Christopher

Sweet April showers do spring May flowers.


Seize the day, put no trust in the morrow!

Pollard John G.

Whom the mad would destroy, first they make Gods.


Set the cart before the horse.


Nothing endures but change.

Pope Alexander

There are no answers, only cross-references.

Pope Alexander

Some men are heterosexual, and some are bisexual, and some men don't think about sex at all... they become lawyers.

Pope John Paul

Long were the days of pain I have spent within its walls, and long were the nights of aloneness; and who can depart from his pain and his aloneness without regret?

Pope St. Gregory

I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches.

Poppins Mary

I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men

Postmas James

In every hierarchy the cream rises until it sours.

Pournelle Niven and

Treat your friend as if he might become an enemy.

Powers Richard

No man is an Iland, intire of it selfe; every man is a peece of the Continent, a part of the maine; if a Clod bee washed away by the Sea, Europe is the lesse, as well as if a Promontorie were, as well as if a Mannor of thy friends or of thine owne we

Prabhupada Swami

Academic politics is the most vicious and bitter form of politics, because the stakes are so low.

Prentice George D.

After his Ignoble Disgrace, Satan was being expelled from Heaven. As he passed through the Gates, he paused a moment in thought, and turned to God and said, "A new creature called Man, I hear, is soon to be created." "This is true," He replied.

President Pat Paulsen for

Chapter 1 The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

Presley Elvis

"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away".

Presley Elvis

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.

Price Don

Mundus vult decipi decipiatur ergo.

Prochnow Herbert

Nitwit ideas are for emergencies. You use them when you've got nothing else to try. If they work, they go in the Book. Otherwise you follow the Book, which is largely a collection of nitwit ideas that worked.

Prochnow Herbert V.

I went to a Grateful Dead Concert and they played for SEVEN hours. Great song.

Professor English

Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level.

Prosser D. Winkel and F.

The faster I go, the behinder I get.


The confusion of a staff member is measured by the length of his memos.

Proust M.

The only "ism" Hollywood believes in is plagiarism.

Proverb A Yippie

A violent man will die a violent death.

Proverb Ancient Simian

The Hollywood tradition I like best is called "sucking up to the stars."

Proverb Chinese

The superior man understands what is right; the inferior man understands what will sell.

Proverb Chinese

The seven deadly sins ... Food, clothing, firing, rent, taxes, respectability and children. Nothing can lift those seven milestones from man's neck but money; and the spirit cannot soar until the milestones are lifted.

Proverb Recent Chinese

Exxon's 'Universe of Energy' tends to the peculiar rather than the humorous ... After [an incomprehensible film montage about wind and sun and rain and strip mines and] two or three minutes of mechanical confusion, the seats locomote through a short

Pryne Hester

It is sweet to let the mind unbend on occasion.


Modern art is what happens when painters stop looking at girls and persuade themselves that they have a better idea.


When you make your mark in the world, watch out for guys with erasers.

Publius Ovidius Naso

If a thing's worth doing, it is worth doing badly.

Publius Terentius Afer

It is something to be able to paint a particular picture, or to carve a statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more glorious to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through which we look, which morally we can do. T

Publius Terentius Afer

I've got a very bad feeling about this.

Publius Terentius Afer

It is wise to keep in mind that neither success nor failure is ever final.

Publius Terentius Afer

Star Wars is adolescent nonsense; Close Encounters is obscurantist drivel; Star Trek can turn your brains to puree of bat guano; and the greatest science fiction series of all time is Doctor Who! And I'll take you all on, one-by-one or all in a bunc

Publius Vergilius Maro

Let us not look back in anger or forward in fear, but around us in awareness.

Publius Vergilius Maro

Lookie, lookie, here comes cookie...

Publius Vergilius Maro

"If a camel flies, no one laughs if it doesn't get very far."

Publius Vergilius Maro

An older student came to Otis and said, "I have been to see a great number of teachers and I have given up a great number of pleasures. I have fasted, been celibate and stayed awake nights seeking enlightenment. I have given up everything I was aske

Pudd'nhead Wilson's

As well look for a needle in a bottle of hay.

Pulitzer Joseph

A commune is where people join together to share their lack of wealth.

Pusey Nathan

Someday, Weederman, we'll look back on all this and laugh... It will probably be one of those deep, eerie ones that slowly builds to a blood-curdling maniacal scream... but still it will be a laugh.


It is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end.

Python Monty

If your happiness depends on what somebody else does, I guess you do have a problem.

prayer Medieval

"Necessity is the mother of invention" is a silly proverb. "Necessity is the mother of futile dodges" is much nearer the truth.

proverb Arab

"You would do well not to imagine profundity," he said. "Anything that seems of momentous occasion should be dwelt upon as though it were of slight note. Conversely, trivialities must be attended to with the greatest of care. Because death is moment

proverb Arabian

Even the best of friends cannot attend each other's funeral.

proverb Chinese

The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.

proverb Chinese

Eighteen goddess-like daughters are not equal to one son with a hump.

proverb Chinese

People in general do not willingly read if they have anything else to amuse them.

proverb Chinese

The great question that has never been answered and which I have not yet been able to answer despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul is: WHAT DOES A WOMAN WANT?

proverb Chinese

If you would know the value of money, go try to borrow some.

proverb Chinese

The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because it isn't here.

proverb Chinese

You must be the change you wish to see in the world.

proverb Indian

Some women should be beaten regularly, like gongs.

proverb Italian

The greatest productive force is human selfishness.

proverb Polish

And tomorrow will be like today, only more so.

proverb Spanish

Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.

proverb Turkish

The sunlights differ, but there is only one darkness.

proverb. Scottish

Random Quote

"You and I as individuals can, by borrowing, live beyond our means, but only for a limited period of time. Why should we think that collectively, as a nation, we are not bound by that same limitation?"
Reagan Ronald

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