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If I had any humility I would be perfect.

T.S. Eliot


The streets were dark with something more than night.

Tacitus


Language is a virus from another planet.

Tacitus


I was in this prematurely air conditioned supermarket and there were all these aisles and there were these bathing caps you could buy that had these kind of Fourth of July plumes on them that were red and yellow and blue and I wasn't tempted to buy

Talleyrand Charles-Maurice De


Time as he grows old teaches all things.

Tao Te Ching


[He] took me into his library and showed me his books, of which he had a complete set.

Tarkin Governor


Education and religion are two things not regulated by supply and demand. The less of either the people have, the less they want.

Tarkington Booth


It's not easy, being green.

Tarsus Paul of


Exxon's 'Universe of Energy' tends to the peculiar rather than the humorous ... After [an incomprehensible film montage about wind and sun and rain and strip mines and] two or three minutes of mechanical confusion, the seats locomote through a short

Taylor Elizabeth


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Technology Aviation Week and Space


Nothing succeeds like excess.

Temple Shirley


From a certain point onward there is no longer any turning back. That is the point that must be reached.

Tennant Harry


XXI: It's easy to get a loan unless you need it. XXII: If stock market experts were so expert, they would be buying stock, not selling advice. XXIII: Any task can be completed in only one-third more time than is currently estimated. XXIV:

Terry Pratchett


If there were a school for, say, sheet metal workers, that after three years left its graduates as unprepared for their careers as does law school, it would be closed down in a minute, and no doubt by lawyers.

Terry Pratchett


Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket.

Texa J. Frank Dobie


It's all right letting yourself go as long as you can let yourself back.

Thatcher Margaret


Of all possible committee reactions to any given agenda item, the reaction that will occur is the one which will liberate the greatest amount of hot air.

The Outer Limits


You can bring men from other parts of the world who are sane. And you know what happens? At the very moment they cross those mountains... they go mad. Instantaneously and automatically, at the very moment they cross the mountains into California,

The Squirrels


None love the bearer of bad news.

Theophrastus


When in doubt, tell the truth.

Thomas Dylan


There is more to life than increasing its speed.

Thomas Dylan


Education is the process of casting false pearls before real swine.

Thomas J. Parnell


If I were a grave-digger or even a hangman, there are some people I could work for with a great deal of enjoyment.

Thomas Marlo


Art is Nature speeded up and God slowed down.

Thomas Marlo


Briefly stated, the findings are that when presented with an array of data or a sequence of events in which they are instructed to discover an underlying order, subjects show strong tendencies to perceive order and causality in random arrays, to perc

Thomas Norman


Star Wars is adolescent nonsense; Close Encounters is obscurantist drivel; Star Trek can turn your brains to puree of bat guano; and the greatest science fiction series of all time is Doctor Who! And I'll take you all on, one-by-one or all in a bunc

Thomas Carlyle


Ah, but a man's grasp should exceed his reach, Or what's a heaven for ?

Thomas Dave


Beauty is one of the rare things which does not lead to doubt of God.

Thomas De Quincey


Historians have now definitely established that Juan Cabrillo, discoverer of California, was not looking for Kansas, thus setting a precedent that continues to this day.

Thomas De Quincey


The mome rath isn't born that could outgrabe me.

Thomas De Quincey


Nothing will dispel enthusiasm like a small admission fee.

Thomas Jefferson


The last vestiges of the old Republic have been swept away.

Thomas King


This novel is not to be tossed lightly aside, but to be hurled with great force.

Thomas Macaulay


Not to laugh, not to lament, not to curse, but to understand.

Thomas W. Lamont


Where it is a duty to worship the sun it is pretty sure to be a crime to examine the laws of heat.

Thompson Dr. Hunter S.


"I am not sure what this is, but an `F' would only dignify it."

Thompson Dr. Hunter S.


By protracting life, we do not deduct one jot from the duration of death.

Thompson H.S.


I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

Thompson Hunter S.


It is when I struggle to be brief that I become obscure.

Thompson Hunter S.


Take what you can use and let the rest go by.

Thompson Ken


The man who has never been flogged has never been taught.

Thore Henry David


Whatever is not nailed down is mine. Whatever I can pry up is not nailed down.

Thoreau


HR 3128. Omnibus Budget Reconciliation, Fiscal 1986. Martin, R-Ill., motion that the House recede from its disagreement to the Senate amendment making changes in the bill to reduce fiscal 1986 deficits. The Senate amendment was an amendment to the

Thoreau H.D.


Authors (and perhaps columnists) eventually rise to the top of whatever depths they were once able to plumb.

Thoreau Henry David


Love may laugh at locksmiths, but he has a profound respect for money bags.

Thoreau Henry David


Nullum magnum ingenium sine mixtura dementiae fuit. [There is no great genius without some touch of madness.]

Thoreau Henry David


Well, the handwriting is on the floor.

Thoreau Henry David


You have to run as fast as you can just to stay where you are. If you want to get anywhere, you'll have to run much faster.

Thoreau Henry David


Boston State House is the hub of the Solar System. You couldn't pry that out of a Boston man if you had the tire of all creation straightened out for a crowbar.

Thoreau Henry David


Ignorance is never out of style. It was in fashion yesterday, it is the rage today, and it will set the pace tomorrow.

Thoreau Henry David


Any two philosophers can tell each other all they know in two hours.

Thoreau Henry David


Watch your mouth, kid, or you'll find yourself floating home.

Thoreau David Henry


What you don't know won't help you much either.

Thurber James


By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.

Thurber James


The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture, finished, and put inside boxes.

Thurber James


Art is anything you can get away with.

Thurber James


Remembering is for those who have forgotten.

Ti Chuck Shepherd


Necessity has no law.

Tikkanen Henrik


He that breaks a thing to find out what it is has left the path of wisdom.

Tiselius Arne


She ran the gamut of emotions from 'A' to 'B'.

Titus Livius


The mind is its own place, and in itself Can make a Heav'n of Hell, a Hell of Heav'n.

Tobaben


A little inaccuracy saves a world of explanation.

Tocqueville Alexis de


No small art is it to sleep: it is necessary for that purpose to keep awake all day.

Todd Ruthven Campbell


Education is what survives when what has been learnt has been forgotten.

Tokugawa Shogun


One of your most ancient writers, a historian named Herodotus, tells of a thief who was to be executed. As he was taken away he made a bargain with the king: in one year he would teach the king's favorite horse to sing hymns. The other prisoners wa

Tolkien J. R. R.


In India, "cold weather" is merely a conventional phrase and has come into use through the necessity of having some way to distinguish between weather which will melt a brass door-knob and weather which will only make it mushy.

Tolkien J. R. R.


It's easier to take it apart than to put it back together.

Tolkien J. R. R.


A little bit of rape is good for a man's soul.

Tolkien J. R. R.


The ripest fruit falls first.

Tolkien J.R.R.


If you have to ask what jazz is, you'll never know.

Tolkien J.R.R.


I understand why you're confused. You're thinking too much.

Tolkien J.R.R.


Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.

Tolkien J.R.R.


The day advanced as if to light some work of mine; it was morning, and lo! now it is evening, and nothing memorable is accomplished.

Tolstoy


Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

Tolstoy


A violent man will die a violent death.

Tolstoy


Very few people do anything creative after the age of thirty-five. The reason is that very few people do anything creative before the age of thirty-five.

Tolstoy


The whole world is a scab. The point is to pick it constructively.

Tolstoy Leo


... but as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women were convicted of witch

Tomash Erwin


I think we're in trouble.

Tomlin Lily


A Tale of Two Cities LITE(tm)

Tomlin Lily


Out of sight is out of mind.

Tomlin Lily


We are what we pretend to be.

Tomlin Lily


If the colleges were better, if they really had it, you would need to get the police at the gates to keep order in the inrushing multitude. See in college how we thwart the natural love of learning by leaving the natural method of teaching what each

Tomlin Lily


"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away".

Tomlin Lily


The first requisite for immortality is death.

Tomlin Lily


If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.

Tourbillon


Alas, I am dying beyond my means.

Toynbee Arnold Joseph


A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

Tr Leon


There is an old time toast which is golden for its beauty. "When you ascend the hill of prosperity may you not meet a friend."

Trend Motor


The Least Successful Collector Betsy Baker played a central role in the history of collecting. She was employed as a servant in the house of John Warburton (1682-1759) who had amassed a fine collection of 58 first edition plays, including most of t

Trend Motor


I don't have any use for bodyguards, but I do have a specific use for two highly trained certified public accountants.

Trend Motor


God is Dead.

Trillin Calvin


Our policy is, when in doubt, do the right thing.

Trilling Lionel


In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours.

Trotsky


I used to be disgusted, now I find I'm just amused.

Trudeau P.E.


Brahma said: Well, after hearing ten thousand explanations, a fool is no wiser. But an intelligent man needs only two thousand five hundred.

Truman Harry


Plastic... Aluminum... These are the inheritors of the Universe! Flesh and Blood have had their day... and that day is past!

Truman Harry


Reality is just a convenient measure of complexity.

Truman Harry S.


The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow; there is no humor in Heaven.

Truman Harry S.


Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain't that a big enough majority in any town?

Truman Harry S.


What fools these mortals be.

Truman Harry S.


Patch griefs with proverbs.

Truman President Harry S.


Suffering alone exists, none who suffer; The deed there is, but no doer thereof; Nirvana is, but no one is seeking it; The Path there is, but none who travel it.

Tsu Lao


It is the business of the future to be dangerous.

Tsu Lao


All generalizations are false, including this one.

Tsu Lao


A society in which women are taught anything but the management of a family, the care of men, and the creation of the future generation is a society which is on its way out.

Tsu Lao


The future is a race between education and catastrophe.

Tsu Lao


If there were a school for, say, sheet metal workers, that after three years left its graduates as unprepared for their careers as does law school, it would be closed down in a minute, and no doubt by lawyers.

Tsu Lao


There's such a thing as too much point on a pencil.

Tsu Lao


Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.

Tsu Lao


Once he had one leg in the White House and the nation trembled under his roars. Now he is a tinpot pope in the Coca-Cola belt and a brother to the forlorn pastors who belabor halfwits in galvanized iron tabernacles behind the railroad yards."

Tsu Lao


Waste not fresh tears over old griefs.

Tsu Lao


He is now rising from affluence to poverty.

Tsu Lao


per year.

Tsu Lao


Somehow I reached excess without ever noticing when I was passing through satisfaction.

Tsu Lao


Educational television should be absolutely forbidden. It can only lead to unreasonable disappointment when your child discovers that the letters of the alphabet do not leap up out of books and dance around with royal-blue chickens.

Tsu Lao


Go not to the elves for counsel, for they will say both yes and no.

Tuc The mayor of


"If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination."

Turgenev


Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can read.

Turner Ted


Mother is far too clever to understand anything she does not like.

Turner Ted


You or I must yield up his life to Ahrimanes. I would rather it were you. I should have no hesitation in sacrificing my own life to spare yours, but we take stock next week, and it would not be fair on the company.

Tusser Thomas


Absolutum obsoletum. (If it works, it's out of date.)

Tusser Thomas


... before I could come to any conclusion it occurred to me that my speech or my silence, indeed any action of mine, would be a mere futility. What did it matter what anyone knew or ignored? What did it matter who was manager? One gets sometimes s

Twain Mark


When you make your mark in the world, watch out for guys with erasers.

Twain Mark


The real purpose of books is to trap the mind into doing its own thinking.

Twain Mark


The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.

Twain Mark


The human animal differs from the lesser primates in his passion for lists of "Ten Best".

Twain Mark


The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.

Twain Mark


We know next to nothing about virtually everything. It is not necessary to know the origin of the universe; it is necessary to want to know. Civilization depends not on any particular knowledge, but on the disposition to crave knowledge.

Twain Mark


I was part of that strange race of people aptly described as spending their lives doing things they detest to make money they don't want to buy things they don't need to impress people they dislike.

Twain Mark


Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.

Twain Mark


I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.

Twain Mark


Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the men are strong, the women are pretty, and the children are above-average.

Twain Mark


It is up to us to produce better-quality movies.

Twain Mark


The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.

Twain Mark


The ultimate game show will be the one where somebody gets killed at the end.

Twain Mark


There seems no plan because it is all plan.

Twain Mark


Anyone who has had a bull by the tail knows five or six more things than someone who hasn't.

Twain Mark


Men will fuck mud.

Twain Mark


If God is One, what is bad?

Twain Mark


If a thing's worth doing, it is worth doing badly.

Twain Mark


I can't understand why a person will take a year or two to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.

Twain Mark


If you want to get rich from writing, write the sort of thing that's read by persons who move their lips when the're reading to themselves.

Twain Mark


Texas is Hell on woman and horses.

Twain Mark


"World conquerors sometimes become fools, but fools never become world conquerors."

Twain Mark


The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

Twain Mark


The goys have proven the following theorem...

Twain Mark


A critic is a bundle of biases held loosely together by a sense of taste.

Twain Mark


Never laugh at live dragons.

Twain Mark


To add insult to injury.

Twain Mark


It is ridiculous to call this an industry. This is not. This is rat eat rat, dog eat dog. I'll kill 'em, and I'm going to kill 'em before they kill me. You're talking about the American way of survival of the fittest.

Twain Mark


Try not to have a good time ... This is supposed to be educational.

Twain Mark


[District Attorneys] learn in District Attorney School that there are two sure-fire ways to get a lot of favorable publicity: (1) Go down and raid all the lockers in the local high school and confiscate 53 marijuana cigarettes and put them in a

Twain Mark


You see, I consider that a man's brain originally is like a little empty attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose. A fool takes in all the lumber of every sort he comes across, so that the knowledge which might be useful to

Twain Mark


All I kin say is when you finds yo'self wanderin' in a peach orchard, ya don't go lookin' for rutabagas.

Twain Mark


Five bicycles make a volkswagen, seven make a truck.

Twain Mark


No good deed goes unpunished.

Twain Mark


The sunlights differ, but there is only one darkness.

Twain Mark


So you think that money is the root of all evil. Have you ever asked what is the root of money?

Twain Mark


"Every morning, I get up and look through the 'Forbes' list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work"

Twain Mark


There is no cure for birth and death other than to enjoy the interval.

Twain Mark


When you die, you lose a very important part of your life.

Twain Mark


Every why hath a wherefore.

Twain Mark


Academic politics is the most vicious and bitter form of politics, because the stakes are so low.

Twain Mark


In Hollywood, if you don't have happiness, you send out for it.

Twain Mark


There is no character, howsoever good and fine, but it can be destroyed by ridicule, howsoever poor and witless. Observe the ass, for instance: his character is about perfect, he is the choicest spirit among all the humbler animals, yet see what rid

Twain Mark


It is not doing the thing we like to do, but liking the thing we have to do, that makes life blessed.

Twain Mark


The man-hating woman, like the cold woman, is largely imaginary. She is simply a woman who has done her best to snare a man and has failed.

Twain Mark


Some men are heterosexual, and some are bisexual, and some men don't think about sex at all... they become lawyers.

Twain Mark


There are two ways of disliking poetry; one way is to dislike it, the other is to read Pope.

Twain Mark


If a fool persists in his folly he shall become wise.

Twain Mark


Long were the days of pain I have spent within its walls, and long were the nights of aloneness; and who can depart from his pain and his aloneness without regret?

Twain Mark


Coincidences are spiritual puns.

Twain Mark


It is something to be able to paint a particular picture, or to carve a statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more glorious to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through which we look, which morally we can do. T

Twain Mark


America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a chair.

Twain Mark


What one believes to be true either is true or becomes true.

Twain Mark


Perhaps no person can be a poet, or even enjoy poetry without a certain unsoundness of mind.

Twain Mark


If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

Twain Mark


Only that in you which is me can hear what I'm saying.

Twain Mark


I go on working for the same reason a hen goes on laying eggs.

Twain Mark


It's odd, and a little unsettling, to reflect upon the fact that English is the only major language in which "I" is capitalized; in many other languages "You" is capitalized and the "i" is lower case.

Twain Mark


The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

Twain Mark


What we need in this country, instead of Daylight Savings Time, which nobody really understands anyway, is a new concept called Weekday Morning Time, whereby at 7 a.m. every weekday we go into a space-launch-style "hold" for two to three hours, durin

Twain Mark


XI: If the Earth could be made to rotate twice as fast, managers would get twice as much done. If the Earth could be made to rotate twenty times as fast, everyone else would get twice as much done since all the managers would fly off. XII: I

Twain Mark


Let me assure you that to us here at First National, you're not just a number. Youre two numbers, a dash, three more numbers, another dash and another number.

Twain Mark


Exceptions prove the rule, and wreck the budget.

Twain Mark


Man is the measure of all things.

Twain Mark


Life sucks, but death doesn't put out at all.

Twain Mark


Many a writer seems to think he is never profound except when he can't understand his own meaning.

Twain Mark


If you're like most homeowners, you're afraid that many repairs around your home are too difficult to tackle. So, when your furnace explodes, you call in a so-called professional to fix it. The "professional" arrives in a truck with lettering on t

Twain Mark


Illusion is the first of all pleasures.

Twain Mark


Wait for that wisest of all counselors, Time.

Twain Mark


Governor Tarkin. I should have expected to find you holding Vader's leash. I thought I recognized your foul stench when I was brought on board.

Twain Mark


The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.

Twain Mark


I knew her before she was a virgin.

Twain Mark


If two people love each other, there can be no happy end to it.

Twain Mark


I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.

Twain Mark


Faith is under the left nipple.

Twain Mark


Imagine what we can imagine!

Twain Mark


To do two things at once is to do neither.

Twain Mark


Any road followed to its end leads precisely nowhere. Climb the mountain just a little to test it's a mountain. From the top of the mountain, you cannot see the mountain.

Twain Mark


So she went into the garden to cut a cabbage leaf to make an apple pie; and at the same time a great she-bear, coming up the street pops its head into the shop. "What! no soap?" So he died, and she very imprudently married the barber; and there were

Twain Mark


Certain passages in several laws have always defied interpretation and the most inexplicable must be a matter of opinion. A judge of the Court of Session of Scotland has sent the editors of this book his candidate which reads, "In the Nuts (unground

Twain Mark


Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.

Twain Mark


Moneyliness is next to Godliness.

Twain Mark


If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.

Tweed Boss


You k'n hide de fier, but w'at you gwine do wid de smoke?

Tyger Frank


Remark of Dr. Baldwin's concerning upstarts: We don't care to eat toadstools that think they are truffles.

Tyroon Henry


The truth is rarely pure, and never simple.

Tzu Chuang


"Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet. As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney. Do you have a car or a job? Do you ever

Tzu Chuang


For some reason a glaze passes over people's faces when you say "Canada". Maybe we should invade South Dakota or something.

them! it only encourages


If you know the answer to a question, don't ask.

they' and he points an imaginary gun to this head and pulls the trigger. The old man goes home and his wife says "So aaaaaaaaaaaaaa





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It is often easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission.
Hopper Grace Murray

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