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Television is now so desperately hungry for material that it is scraping the top of the barrel.

T.S. Eliot


Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs there.

Tacitus


By the middle 1880's, practically all the roads except those in the South, were of the present standard gauge. The southern roads were still five feet between rails. It was decided to change the gauge of all southern roads to standard, in one day

Tacitus


Many enraged psychiatrists are inciting a weary butcher. The butcher is weary and tired because he has cut meat and steak and lamb for hours and weeks. He does not desire to chant about anything with raving psychiatrists, but he sings about his gin

Talleyrand Charles-Maurice De


There is a secret person undamaged within every individual.

Tao Te Ching


There is an old time toast which is golden for its beauty. "When you ascend the hill of prosperity may you not meet a friend."

Tarkin Governor


Some men are heterosexual, and some are bisexual, and some men don't think about sex at all... they become lawyers.

Tarkington Booth


Forgive and forget.

Tarsus Paul of


Beauty is one of the rare things which does not lead to doubt of God.

Taylor Elizabeth


American business long ago gave up on demanding that prospective employees be honest and hardworking. It has even stopped hoping for employees who are educated enough that they can tell the difference between the men's room and the women's room with

Technology Aviation Week and Space


No house should ever be on any hill or on anything. It should be of the hill, belonging to it.

Temple Shirley


Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made.

Tennant Harry


Never appeal to a man's "better nature." He may not have one. Invoking his self-interest gives you more leverage.

Terry Pratchett


Any stone in your boot always migrates against the pressure gradient to exactly the point of most pressure.

Terry Pratchett


There's nothing to writing. All you do is sit at a typewriter and open a vein.

Texa J. Frank Dobie


An actor's a guy who if you ain't talkin' about him, ain't listening.

Thatcher Margaret


She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

The Outer Limits


The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions.

The Squirrels


Long were the days of pain I have spent within its walls, and long were the nights of aloneness; and who can depart from his pain and his aloneness without regret?

Theophrastus


Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.

Thomas Dylan


I'd just as soon kiss a Wookie.

Thomas Dylan


She applies her lipstick in spite of its contents: "greasy rouge, containing crushed and dried insect corpses for coloring, beeswax for stiffness, and olive oil to help it flow - the latter having the unfortunate tendency to go rancid several hours a

Thomas J. Parnell


In "King Henry VI, Part II," Shakespeare has Dick Butcher suggest to his fellow anti-establishment rabble-rousers, "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." That action may be extreme but a similar sentiment was expressed by Thomas K. Co

Thomas Marlo


Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.

Thomas Marlo


What!? Me worry?

Thomas Norman


Unless hours were cups of sack, and minutes capons, and clocks the tongues of bawds, and dials the signs of leaping houses, and the blessed sun himself a fair, hot wench in flame-colored taffeta, I see no reason why thou shouldst be so superfluous to

Thomas Carlyle


"You mean, if you allow the master to be uncivil, to treat you any old way he likes, and to insult your dignity, then he may deem you fit to hear his view of things?" "Quite the contrary. You must defend your integrity, assuming you have integrit

Thomas Dave


The rights and interests of the laboring man will be protected and cared for not by our labor agitators, but by the Christian men to whom God in his infinite wisdom has given control of property interests of the country, and upon the successful manag

Thomas De Quincey


I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.

Thomas De Quincey


The superfluous is very necessary.

Thomas De Quincey


Nullum magnum ingenium sine mixtura dementiae fuit. [There is no great genius without some touch of madness.]

Thomas Jefferson


There are two kinds of pedestrians... the quick and the dead.

Thomas King


Never have so many understood so little about so much.

Thomas Macaulay


Nice guys finish last.

Thomas W. Lamont


Very few people do anything creative after the age of thirty-five. The reason is that very few people do anything creative before the age of thirty-five.

Thompson Dr. Hunter S.


A word to the wise is enough.

Thompson Dr. Hunter S.


For thee the wonder-working earth puts forth sweet flowers.

Thompson H.S.


When properly administered, vacations do not diminish productivity: for every week you're away and get nothing done, there's another when your boss is away and you get twice as much done.

Thompson Hunter S.


Well, you know, no matter where you go, there you are.

Thompson Hunter S.


In the long run we are all dead.

Thompson Ken


Of all possible committee reactions to any given agenda item, the reaction that will occur is the one which will liberate the greatest amount of hot air.

Thore Henry David


Historians have now definitely established that Juan Cabrillo, discoverer of California, was not looking for Kansas, thus setting a precedent that continues to this day.

Thoreau


I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

Thoreau H.D.


If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.

Thoreau Henry David


Plumbing is one of the easier of do-it-yourself activities, requiring only a few simple tools and a willingness to stick your arm into a clogged toilet. In fact, you can solve many home plumbing problems, such as annoying faucet drip, merely by tur

Thoreau Henry David


Why does a hearse horse snicker, hauling a lawyer away?

Thoreau Henry David


I went into the business for the money, and the art grew out of it. If people are disillusioned by that remark, I can't help it. It's the truth.

Thoreau Henry David


Mind! I don't mean to say that I know, of my own knowledge, what there is particularly dead about a door-nail. I might have been inclined, myself, to regard a coffin-nail as the deadest piece of ironmongery in the trade. But the wisdom of our ances

Thoreau Henry David


Nitwit ideas are for emergencies. You use them when you've got nothing else to try. If they work, they go in the Book. Otherwise you follow the Book, which is largely a collection of nitwit ideas that worked.

Thoreau Henry David


The mome rath isn't born that could outgrabe me.

Thoreau Henry David


Do not seek death; death will find you. But seek the road which makes death a fulfillment.

Thoreau Henry David


If there really was a Jewish conspiracy to run the world, my rabbi would have let me in on it by now. I contribute enough to the shule.

Thoreau David Henry


Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in.

Thurber James


You always introduce the younger person to the older person, using the wording: "Miss Brown, I'd like to introduce you to an older person" (unless her name is not "Miss Brown"). If you do not know a person's age, ask for a driver's license and a ma

Thurber James


"Rembrandt's first name was Beauregard, which is why he never used it."

Thurber James


God made everything out of nothing, but the nothingness shows through.

Thurber James


In the first place, God made idiots; this was for practice; then he made school boards.

Ti Chuck Shepherd


If I had any humility I would be perfect.

Tikkanen Henrik


The Worst Jury A murder trial at Manitoba in February 1978 was well advanced, when one juror revealed that he was completely deaf and did not have the remotest clue what was happening. The judge, Mr. Justice Solomon, asked him if he had heard any

Tiselius Arne


Any road followed to its end leads precisely nowhere. Climb the mountain just a little to test it's a mountain. From the top of the mountain, you cannot see the mountain.

Titus Livius


Sweet April showers do spring May flowers.

Tobaben


Another day, another dollar.

Tocqueville Alexis de


He knows not how to know who knows not also how to unknow.

Todd Ruthven Campbell


[District Attorneys] learn in District Attorney School that there are two sure-fire ways to get a lot of favorable publicity: (1) Go down and raid all the lockers in the local high school and confiscate 53 marijuana cigarettes and put them in a

Tokugawa Shogun


One man's brain plus one other will produce one half as many ideas as one man would have produced alone. These two plus two more will produce half again as many ideas. These four plus four more begin to represent a creative meeting, and the ratio c

Tolkien J. R. R.


The United States is like the guy at the party who gives cocaine to everybody and still nobody likes him.

Tolkien J. R. R.


Someone did a study of the three most-often-heard phrases in New York City. One is "Hey, taxi." Two is, "What train do I take to get to Bloomingdale's?" And three is, "Don't worry. It's just a flesh wound."

Tolkien J. R. R.


Roumanian-Yiddish cooking has killed more Jews than Hitler.

Tolkien J. R. R.


VI: A hungry dog hunts best. A hungrier dog hunts even better. VII: Decreased business base increases overhead. So does increased business base. VIII: The most unsuccessful four years in the education of a cost-estimator is fifth grade ari

Tolkien J.R.R.


Some performers on television appear to be horrible people, but when you finally get to know them in person, they turn out to be even worse.

Tolkien J.R.R.


A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

Tolkien J.R.R.


According to my best recollection, I don't remember.

Tolkien J.R.R.


One picture is worth more than ten thousand words.

Tolstoy


Nothing is so firmly believed as that which we least know.

Tolstoy


Events are not affected, they develop.

Tolstoy


Nothing matters very much, and few things matter at all.

Tolstoy


Every man thinks God is on his side. The rich and powerful know that he is.

Tolstoy Leo


"MOKE DAT YIGARETTE"

Tomash Erwin


Reality is bad enough, why should I tell the truth?

Tomlin Lily


It is the quality rather than the quantity that matters.

Tomlin Lily


I stick my neck out for nobody.

Tomlin Lily


Skill without imagination is craftsmanship and gives us many useful objects such as wickerwork picnic baskets. Imagination without skill gives us modern art.

Tomlin Lily


The Priest's grey nimbus in a niche where he dressed discreetly. I will not sleep here tonight. Home also I cannot go. A voice, sweetened and sustained, called to him from the sea. Turning the curve he waved his hand. A sleek brown head, a seal's,

Tomlin Lily


The smallest worm will turn being trodden on.

Tomlin Lily


If a fool persists in his folly he shall become wise.

Tomlin Lily


Plastic... Aluminum... These are the inheritors of the Universe! Flesh and Blood have had their day... and that day is past!

Tourbillon


The meek shall inherit the earth, but *not* its mineral rights.

Toynbee Arnold Joseph


When you are about to die, a wombat is better than no company at all.

Tr Leon


I have a very strange feeling about this...

Trend Motor


I don't have any use for bodyguards, but I do have a specific use for two highly trained certified public accountants.

Trend Motor


A man who cannot seduce men cannot save them either.

Trend Motor


When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.

Trillin Calvin


If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.

Trilling Lionel


Fill what's empty, empty what's full, scratch where it itches.

Trotsky


What I tell you three times is true.

Trudeau P.E.


Between 1950 and 1952, a bored weatherman, stationed north of Hudson Bay, left a monument that neither government nor time can eradicate. Using a bulldozer abandoned by the Air Force, he spent two years and great effort pushing boulders into a single

Truman Harry


Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

Truman Harry


Whom the mad would destroy, first they make Gods.

Truman Harry S.


Everyone is in the best seat.

Truman Harry S.


Not to laugh, not to lament, not to curse, but to understand.

Truman Harry S.


Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.

Truman Harry S.


I know not how I came into this, shall I call it a dying life or a living death?

Truman President Harry S.


Ben, why didn't you tell me?

Tsu Lao


Moneyliness is next to Godliness.

Tsu Lao


All art is but imitation of nature.

Tsu Lao


Men will fuck mud.

Tsu Lao


I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men

Tsu Lao


Never laugh at live dragons.

Tsu Lao


You can tell the ideals of a nation by its advertisements.

Tsu Lao


Two can Live as Cheaply as One for Half as Long.

Tsu Lao


He has not acquired a fortune; the fortune has acquired him.

Tsu Lao


I shot an arrow in to the air, and it stuck.

Tsu Lao


Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket.

Tsu Lao


He who knows, does not speak. He who speaks, does not know.

Tsu Lao


The confusion of a staff member is measured by the length of his memos.

Tsu Lao


For myself, I can only say that I am astonished and somewhat terrified at the results of this evening's experiments. Astonished at the wonderful power you have developed, and terrified at the thought that so much hideous and bad music may be put on

Tsu Lao


Several years ago, some smart businessmen had an idea: Why not build a big store where a do-it-yourselfer could get everything he needed at reasonable prices? Then they decided, nah, the hell with that, let's build a home center. And before long ho

Tuc The mayor of


Things past redress and now with me past care.

Turgenev


A sequel is an admission that you've been reduced to imitating yourself.

Turner Ted


Littering is dumb.

Turner Ted


I was in this prematurely air conditioned supermarket and there were all these aisles and there were these bathing caps you could buy that had these kind of Fourth of July plumes on them that were red and yellow and blue and I wasn't tempted to buy

Tusser Thomas


Human resources are human first, and resources second.

Tusser Thomas


He who fears the unknown may one day flee from his own backside.

Twain Mark


The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.

Twain Mark


I'll turn over a new leaf.

Twain Mark


"I'm in Pittsburgh. Why am I here?"

Twain Mark


There are ten or twenty basic truths, and life is the process of discovering them over and over and over.

Twain Mark


Star Wars is adolescent nonsense; Close Encounters is obscurantist drivel; Star Trek can turn your brains to puree of bat guano; and the greatest science fiction series of all time is Doctor Who! And I'll take you all on, one-by-one or all in a bunc

Twain Mark


Treat your friend as if he might become an enemy.

Twain Mark


Men of lofty genius when they are doing the least work are most active.

Twain Mark


The Almighty in His infinite wisdom did not see fit to create Frenchmen in the image of Englishmen.

Twain Mark


... but as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women were convicted of witch

Twain Mark


A game can by God repent or we'll punish it. That's how they did it in Salem in the seventeenth century, and that's how we'll do it now.

Twain Mark


Some scholars are like donkeys, they merely carry a lot of books.

Twain Mark


Who dat who say "who dat" when I say "who dat"?

Twain Mark


It is easy to find fault, if one has that disposition. There was once a man who, not being able to find any other fault with his coal, complained that there were too many prehistoric toads in it.

Twain Mark


Women of genius commonly have masculine faces, figures and manners. In transplanting brains to an alien soil God leaves a little of the original earth clinging to the roots.

Twain Mark


Absolutum obsoletum. (If it works, it's out of date.)

Twain Mark


It'll be just like Beggars' Canyon back home.

Twain Mark


You have to run as fast as you can just to stay where you are. If you want to get anywhere, you'll have to run much faster.

Twain Mark


This night methinks is but the daylight sick.

Twain Mark


The `loner' may be respected, but he is always resented by his colleagues, for he seems to be passing a critical judgment on them, when he may be simply making a limiting statement about himself.

Twain Mark


For every bloke who makes his mark, there's half a dozen waiting to rub it out.

Twain Mark


Necessity hath no law.

Twain Mark


Modern art is what happens when painters stop looking at girls and persuade themselves that they have a better idea.

Twain Mark


There has been a little distress selling on the stock exchange.

Twain Mark


The most common given name in the world is Mohammad; the most common family name in the world is Chang. Can you imagine the enormous number of people in the world named Mohammad Chang?

Twain Mark


We are governed not by armies and police but by ideas.

Twain Mark


Wishing without work is like fishing without bait.

Twain Mark


The problem that we thought was a problem was, indeed, a problem, but not the problem we thought was the problem.

Twain Mark


With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law; and every time they make a law it's a joke.

Twain Mark


Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. My advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

Twain Mark


You can't run away forever, But there's nothing wrong with getting a good head start.

Twain Mark


... a thing called Ethics, whose nature was confusing but if you had it you were a High-Class Realtor and if you hadn't you were a shyster, a piker and a fly-by-night. These virtues awakened Confidence and enabled you to handle Bigger Propositions.

Twain Mark


If it doesn't smell yet, it's pretty fresh.

Twain Mark


(1) Avoid fried meats which angry up the blood. (2) If your stomach antagonizes you, pacify it with cool thoughts. (3) Keep the juices flowing by jangling around gently as you move. (4) Go very lightly on the vices, such as carrying on in society, as

Twain Mark


She ran the gamut of emotions from 'A' to 'B'.

Twain Mark


It is your concern when your neighbor's wall is on fire.

Twain Mark


With women, I've got a long bamboo pole with a leather loop on the end of it. I slip the loop around their necks so they can't get away or come too close. Like catching snakes.

Twain Mark


Don't go to bed with no price on your head.

Twain Mark


Yes, I've now got this nice little apartment in New York, one of those L-shaped ones. Unfortunately, it's a lower case l.

Twain Mark


Out of sight is out of mind.

Twain Mark


The cable TV sex channels don't expand our horizons, don't make us better people, and don't come in clearly enough.

Twain Mark


The mind is its own place, and in itself Can make a Heav'n of Hell, a Hell of Heav'n.

Twain Mark


Before he became a hermit, Zarathud was a young Priest, and took great delight in making fools of his opponents in front of his followers. One day Zarathud took his students to a pleasant pasture and there he confronted The Sacred Chao while She

Twain Mark


The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.

Twain Mark


Your manuscript is both good and original, but the part that is good is not original and the part that is original is not good.

Twain Mark


Texas is Hell on woman and horses.

Twain Mark


The 'A' is for content, the 'minus' is for not typing it. Don't ever do this to my eyes again.

Twain Mark


You may have heard that a dean is to faculty as a hydrant is to a dog.

Twain Mark


"I have to convince you, or at least snow you ..."

Twain Mark


The faster I go, the behinder I get.

Twain Mark


Progress might have been all right once, but it's gone on too long.

Twain Mark


We know next to nothing about virtually everything. It is not necessary to know the origin of the universe; it is necessary to want to know. Civilization depends not on any particular knowledge, but on the disposition to crave knowledge.

Twain Mark


There is no better way of exercising the imagination than the study of law. No poet ever interpreted nature as freely as a lawyer interprets truth.

Twain Mark


I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men

Twain Mark


There's small choice in rotten apples.

Twain Mark


The universe is made of stories, not of atoms.

Twain Mark


We're all in this alone.

Twain Mark


We all live in a state of ambitious poverty.

Twain Mark


Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.

Twain Mark


Nothing is more admirable than the fortitude with which millionaires tolerate the disadvantages of their wealth.

Twain Mark


When one burns one's bridges, what a very nice fire it makes.

Twain Mark


It is something to be able to paint a particular picture, or to carve a statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more glorious to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through which we look, which morally we can do. T

Twain Mark


Confucius say too much.

Twain Mark


Turn the other cheek.

Twain Mark


Perfection is reached, not when there is no longer anything to add, but when there is no longer anything to take away.

Twain Mark


Reality is just a convenient measure of complexity.

Twain Mark


When in doubt, have a man come through the door with a gun in his hand.

Twain Mark


Examinations are formidable even to the best prepared, for even the greatest fool may ask more the the wisest man can answer.

Twain Mark


The road to Hades is easy to travel.

Twain Mark


I remember once being on a station platform in Cleveland at four in the morning. A black porter was carrying my bags, and as we were waiting for the train to come in, he said to me: "Excuse me, Mr. Cooke, I don't want to invade your privacy, but I h

Twain Mark


My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind.

Twain Mark


"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!"

Twain Mark


To be or not to be.

Twain Mark


Most general statements are false, including this one.

Twain Mark


Well begun is half done.

Twain Mark


"You would do well not to imagine profundity," he said. "Anything that seems of momentous occasion should be dwelt upon as though it were of slight note. Conversely, trivialities must be attended to with the greatest of care. Because death is moment

Twain Mark


Dying is easy. Comedy is difficult.

Twain Mark


You can observe a lot just by watching.

Twain Mark


Have you ever stopped to think what it would be like to have a woman President? "I can't deal with the Russians today. Not now. I've got my period."

Twain Mark


Catharsis is something I associate with pornography and crossword puzzles.

Twain Mark


The only problem with seeing too much is that it makes you insane.

Twain Mark


I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.

Twain Mark


Never tell people how to do things. Tell them WHAT to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity.

Twain Mark


"Well, it's garish, ugly, and derelicts have used it for a toilet. The rides are dilapidated to the point of being lethal, and could easily maim or kill innocent little children." "Oh, so you don't like it?" "Don't like it? I'm CRAZY for it."

Tweed Boss


I didn't believe in reincarnation in any of my other lives. I don't see why I should have to believe in it in this one.

Tyger Frank


Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.

Tyroon Henry


What we do not understand we do not possess.

Tzu Chuang


Scratch the average female and you'll find a purring bundle... at the ready to love and honor, bake a torte and still produce quintuplets.

Tzu Chuang


The error of youth is to believe that intelligence is a substitute for experience, while the error of age is to believe experience is a substitute for intelligence.

them! it only encourages


Don't steal; thou'lt never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat.

they' and he points an imaginary gun to this head and pulls the trigger. The old man goes home and his wife says "So aaaaaaaaaaaaaa





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Once, I read that a man be never stronger than when he truly realizes how weak he is.
Jim Starlin

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