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People love high ideals, but they got to be about 33-percent plausible.

W Smile

Well begun is half done.

W. Leo Rosten on

Laughter is the closest distance between two people.

Wa Cleon Thucydides

There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behaviour.

Wa Wanda

Eighteen goddess-like daughters are not equal to one son with a hump.

Wade Harry V.

Life is a series of rude awakenings.

Wagner Jane

If Jesus Christ came to this town, people would say, great guy; terrible carpenter.

Wagner Lichty &

It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be coming up it.

Wagner Michael J.

May you live in uninteresting times.

Walinsky Adam

I trust the first lion he meets will do his duty.

Walker Stanley

I went into the business for the money, and the art grew out of it. If people are disillusioned by that remark, I can't help it. It's the truth.

Wallace George

Optimism is the content of small men in high places.

Wallace George

Practice yourself what you preach.

Wallach. Carole

You can bear anything if it isn't your own fault.


An elderly man stands in line for hours at a Warsaw meat store (meat is severely rationed). When the butcher comes out at the end of the day and announces that there is no meat left, the man flies into a rage. "What is this?" he shouts. "I fought

War Oliver

Fay: The British police force used to be run by men of integrity. Truscott: That is a mistake which has been rectified.

Ward A.

A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.

Ward Artemus

I consider a new device or technology to have been culturally accepted when it has been used to commit a murder.

Ward Jay

Don't steal; thou'lt never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat.

Warhol Andy

When the sun shineth, make hay.

Warhol Andy

It is sweet to let the mind unbend on occasion.

Warhol Andy

Politicians speak for their parties, and parties never are, never have been, and never will be wrong.

Warner Jack

If there is no wind, row.

Washington Booker T.

More are taken in by hope than by cunning.

Washington George

A non-vegetarian anti-abortionist is a contradiction in terms.


The pollution's at that awkward stage. Too thick to navigate and too thin to cultivate.

Watts Alan

As long as war is regarded as wicked, it will always have its fascination. When it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be popular.

Wau Evelyn

Prediction is very difficult, especially of the future.

Way Glaser and

I never trust a man unless I've got his pecker in my pocket.


Wagner's music is better than it sounds.

Weaver Ken

Rotten wood cannot be carved.

Webber Dean

Serfs up!

Webster Daniel

An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest.

Weil Joseph

I never deny, I never contradict. I sometimes forget.

Weiler A.H.

Once there lived a village of creatures along the bottom of a great crystal river. Each creature in its own manner clung tightly to the twigs and rocks of the river bottom, for clinging was their way of life, and resisting the current what each had

Weinberg Darrin

If you live in a country run by committee, be on the committee.


When one burns one's bridges, what a very nice fire it makes.

Wellington The Duke of

It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both incisive and probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper.

Wellington Duke

Sometimes, at the end of the day, when I'm smiling and shaking their hands, I want to kick them.

Wells Carolyn

The Bible says that woman was the last thing God made. Evidently He made her on Saturday night. She reveals his fatigue.

Wells H.G.

Just because I turn down a contract on a guy doesn't mean he isn't going to get hit.

Wells H.G.

Most Texans think Hanukkah is some sort of duck call.

Wells H.G.

So so is good, very good, very excellent good: and yet it is not; it is but so so.

Wells H.G.

Perhaps, after all, America never has been discovered. I myself would say that it had merely been detected.

Wells H.G.

Adde parvum parvo manus acervus erit. [Add little to little and there will be a big pile.]

Wells J. Wellington

I shall give a propagandist reason for starting the war, no matter whether it is plausible or not. The victor will not be asked afterwards whether he told the truth or not. When starting and waging war it is not right that matters, but victory.

Wells J. Wellington

So far as we are human, what we do must be either evil or good: so far as we do evil or good, we are human: and it is better, in a paradoxical way, to do evil than to do nothing: at least we exist.

Wells H.G.

Tempt not a desperate man.

West Mae

Before you ask more questions, think about whether you really want to know the answers.

West Mae

We have lingered long enough on the shores of the Cosmic Ocean.

West Rebecca

We tried to close Ohio's borders and ran into a Constitutional problem. There's a provision in the Constitution that says you can't close your borders to interstate commerce, and garbage is a form of interstate commerce.

Whalen Philip

All I know is what the words know, and dead things, and that makes a handsome little sum, with a beginning and a middle and an end, as in the well-built phrase and the long sonata of the dead.

Wheeler Harvey

Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation.

White E. B.

Maternity pay? Now every Tom, Dick and Harry will get pregnant.

White E.B.

Nothing is illegal if one hundred businessmen decide to do it.

White E.B.

In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours.

White Paul

Why am I so soft in the middle when the rest of my life is so hard?

White T.H.

The Worst Musical Trio There are few bad musicians who have a chance to give a recital at a famous concert hall while still learning the rudiments of their instrument. This happened about thirty years ago to the son of a Rumanian gentleman who was

White T.H.

Diplomacy is about surviving until the next century. Politics is about surviving until Friday afternoon.

White William Allen

An Englishman never enjoys himself, except for a noble purpose.

White William Allen

When properly administered, vacations do not diminish productivity: for every week you're away and get nothing done, there's another when your boss is away and you get twice as much done.

White Katherine

Every man thinks God is on his side. The rich and powerful know that he is.

Whitehead A.N.

Liberals are the first to dump you if you con them or get into trouble. Conservatives are better. They never run out on you.

Whitehead Alfred North

Optimism is the content of small men in high places.

Whitehead Alfred North

The clergy successfully preached the doctrines of patience and pusillanimity; the active virtues of society were discouraged; and the last remains of a military spirit were buried in the cloister: a large portion of public and private wealth was cons

Whitehorn Katharine

You can't erase a dream, you can only wake me up.

Who Dr.

Recently deceased blues guitarist Stevie Ray Vaughan "comes to" after his death. He sees Jimi Hendrix sitting next to him, tuning his guitar. "Holy cow," he thinks to himself, "this guy is my idol." Over at the microphone, about to sing, are Jim Mo

Whorfin Lord John

There is nothing so easy but that it becomes difficult when you do it reluctantly.

Wicker Tom

Good-bye. I am leaving because I am bored.

Wicker Tom

The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because it isn't here.

Wicker Tom

I can hire one half of the working class to kill the other half.

Wier Bob

Coincidences are spiritual puns.

Wiggam Alfred E.

One would like to stroke and caress human beings, but one dares not do so, because they bite.

Wilde Oscar

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Wilde Oscar

Calvin Coolidge was the greatest man who ever came out of Plymouth Corner, Vermont.

Wilde Oscar

I have a very strange feeling about this...

Wilde Oscar

The Worst Jury A murder trial at Manitoba in February 1978 was well advanced, when one juror revealed that he was completely deaf and did not have the remotest clue what was happening. The judge, Mr. Justice Solomon, asked him if he had heard any

Wilde Oscar

In the space of one hundred and seventy-six years the Mississippi has shortened itself two hundred and forty-two miles. Therefore ... in the Old Silurian Period the Mississippi River was upward of one million three hundred thousand miles long ... se

Wilde Oscar

If you're like most homeowners, you're afraid that many repairs around your home are too difficult to tackle. So, when your furnace explodes, you call in a so-called professional to fix it. The "professional" arrives in a truck with lettering on t

Wilde Oscar

Things past redress and now with me past care.

Wilde Oscar

I'm going to Vietnam at the request of the White House. President Johnson says a war isn't really a war without my jokes.

Wilde Oscar

Educational television should be absolutely forbidden. It can only lead to unreasonable disappointment when your child discovers that the letters of the alphabet do not leap up out of books and dance around with royal-blue chickens.

Wilde Oscar

As well look for a needle in a bottle of hay.

Wilde Oscar

It is always the best policy to tell the truth, unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar.

Wilde Oscar

There is no proverb that is not true.

Wilde Oscar

Many a bum show has been saved by the flag.

Wilde Oscar

He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man.

Wilde Oscar

Swerve me? The path to my fixed purpose is laid with iron rails, whereon my soul is grooved to run. Over unsounded gorges, through the rifled hearts of mountains, under torrents' beds, unerringly I rush!

Wilde Oscar

Money doesn't talk, it swears.

Wilde Oscar

The American system of ours, call it Americanism, call it Capitalism, call it what you like, gives each and every one of us a great opportunity if we only seize it with both hands and make the most of it.

Wilde Oscar

One is not superior merely because one sees the world as odious.

Wilde Oscar

If fifty million people say a foolish thing, it's still a foolish thing.

Wilde Oscar

The two party system ... is a triumph of the dialectic. It showed that two could be one and one could be two and had probably been fabricated by Hegel for the American market on a subcontract from General Dynamics.

Wilde Oscar

Our policy is, when in doubt, do the right thing.

Wilde Oscar

Put a rogue in the limelight and he will act like an honest man.

Wilde Oscar

In the future, there will be fewer but better Russians.

Wilde Oscar

Let me take you a button-hole lower.

Wilde Oscar

Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition.

Wilde Oscar

Never buy from a rich salesman.

Wilde Oscar

I need another lawyer like I need another hole in my head.

Wilde Oscar

The worst sin towards our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them; that's the essence of inhumanity.

Wilde Oscar

One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.

Wilde Oscar

Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level.

Wilde Oscar

Life would be tolerable but for its amusements.

Wilde Oscar

Whoever has lived long enough to find out what life is, knows how deep a debt of gratitude we owe to Adam, the first great benefactor of our race. He brought death into the world.

Wilde Oscar

The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

Wilde Oscar

For myself, I can only say that I am astonished and somewhat terrified at the results of this evening's experiments. Astonished at the wonderful power you have developed, and terrified at the thought that so much hideous and bad music may be put on

Wilde Oscar

"Plaese porrf raed."

Wilde Oscar

The propriety of some persons seems to consist in having improper thoughts about their neighbours.

Wilde Oscar

Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot. By Order of the Author

Wilder Billy

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. My advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

Wilder Billy

I am a deeply superficial person.

Will George

We are anthill men upon an anthill world.

Will George

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.

Willard F. Libby

A commune is where people join together to share their lack of wealth.


... [after the announcement of Vanguard] ... Secretary of Defense Charles Wilson (the same "Engine Charlie" who once told the Senate, "[F]or years I've thought that what was good for our country was good for General Motors, and vice versa," probably

William Gibson

All the big corporations depreciate their possessions, and you can, too, provided you use them for business purposes. For example, if you subscribe to the Wall Street Journal, a business-related newspaper, you can deduct the cost of your house, beca

William S. Paley

You can destroy your now by worrying about tomorrow.

William Shakespeare

Life is the living you do, Death is the living you don't do.

William Shakespeare

Living in LA is like not having a date on Saturday night.

William Shakespeare

The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a little longer.

William Shakespeare

Yield to Temptation ... it may not pass your way again.

William Shakespeare

Usually, when a lot of men get together, it's called a war.

Williams H.H.

CF&C stole it, fair and square.

Williams Robin

Naked children have never played in _o_u_r fountains, and I.M. Pei will never be happy on Route 66.

Williams Tennessee

The great secret in life ... [is] not to open your letters for a fortnight. At the expiration of that period you will find that nearly all of them have answered themselves.

Williams Robin

A highly intelligent man should take a primitive woman. Imagine if on top of everything else, I had a woman who interfered with my work.

Williamson Ren'e de Visme

Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to speak it to?

Williamson Nicol

Please try to limit the amount of "this room doesn't have any bazingas" until you are told that those rooms are "punched out." Once punched out, we have a right to complain about atrocities, missing bazingas, and such.

Williamson Dr. Paul

Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet.

Willie Sutton

There seems no plan because it is all plan.

Wills Derek

It was a female that drove me to drink and I didn't even have the kindness to thank her.

Wilson Earl

We know next to nothing about virtually everything. It is not necessary to know the origin of the universe; it is necessary to want to know. Civilization depends not on any particular knowledge, but on the disposition to crave knowledge.

Wilson Earl

Russia has abolished God, but so far God has been more tolerant.

Wilson Edmund

"Hey, Sam, how about a loan?" "Whattaya need?" "Oh, about $500." "Whattaya got for collateral?" "Whattaya need?" "How about an eye?"

Wilson Woodrow

The only happiness lies in reason; all the rest of the world is dismal. The highest reason, however, I see in the work of the artist, and he may experience it as such. Happiness lies in the swiftness of feeling and thinking: all the rest of the worl

Wilson Robert

Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest way of selling goods, particularly if the goods are worthless.

Win Sir

Nothing succeeds like excess.

Winch Marty

Saints should always be judged guilty until they are proved innocent.

Winchell Walter

It is a profitable thing, if one is wise, to seem foolish.


The road to Hades is easy to travel.

Winkle R.V.

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.


Man is the measure of all things.


The mark of the immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while the mark of a mature man is that he wants to live humbly for one.

Winters George

Big book, big bore.

Winters Shelley

What!? Me worry?


When the ax entered the forest, the trees said, "The handle is one of us!"


He thinks the Gettysburg Address is where Lincoln lived.


The world is full of people who have never, since childhood, met an open doorway with an open mind.

Wo Sir Henry

I always had a repulsive need to be something more than human.

Wodehouse Sean O'Casey on P.G.

[Maturity consists in the discovery that] there comes a critical moment where everything is reversed, after which the point becomes to understand more and more that there is something which cannot be understood.

Wolfe Nero

Who's scruffy-looking?

Wolfe Nero

The angry man always thinks he can do more than he can.

Wolfe Thomas

Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must be first overcome.

Wolfe Gene

The world's great men have not commonly been great scholars, nor its great scholars great men.

Wolfe Nero

... we must not judge the society of the future by considering whether or not we should like to live in it; the question is whether those who have grown up in it will be happier than those who have grown up in our society or those of the past.

Wood Grant

A hundred years from now it is very likely that [of Twain's works] "The Jumping Frog" alone will be remembered.

Woody Allen

All this wheeling and dealing around, why, it isn't for money, it's for fun. Money's just the way we keep score.

Woody Allen

A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students.

Woody Allen

"... all the modern inconveniences ..."


According to my best recollection, I don't remember.

Wright Frank Lloyd

Success is the sole earthly judge of right and wrong.

Wright Frank Lloyd

It is not enough to have great qualities, we should also have the management of them.

Wright Frank Lloyd

If the American dream is for Americans only, it will remain our dream and never be our destiny.

Wurster Hall

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Law enforcement officers should use only the minimum force necessary in dealing with disorders when they arise.
Nixon Richard M.

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